IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

October 27, 2008

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of. IslamicAnswers.com Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

I truely hope you can answer my question as I need advice asap. I married a man I am in love with but after marriege may life was a living hell. My husband is an alcoholic he does not trust me and he accused me of not being a virgin which is absolutly not true as I am a strict Muslim. After our marriage my husband was very controlling. I had no freedom and was always questioned with distrust upon the slightest. I could not visit my family freely. He hit me constantly especially when he was drunk. I have a daughter who now is a year and a half. About a year ago the beating got so bad he almost killed me. He choked me and used a knife to cut my hands... he was drunk. That is when I went to my family for help.

My parents are divorced. My mom wanted me to get a divorce but my dad thought that we should wait as my husband totally regretted what happened and was begging me daily to return to him. I went to live with my dad. Now after 6 months I'm back and still married but living with my dad. My husband wants me to return. I still don't feel safe and don't truly believe that he's changed as he claims. I just want to make sure I'm not taking the wrong decision in asking for divorce. I'm scared of life after divorce and what will happen to my daughter. I still think its a risk if I go back to him, he might not have truly changed, although he claims he trusts me now and that he will do anything to win me back...

- Sister S.

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Sister S., As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

You should absolutely NOT return to this man. You should divorce him and do not even consider going back to him. He may say he has changed, but in reality he will not change without giving up the alcohol, and extensive therapy to address the causes of his rage and suspicion. It's very unlikely that he has changed. Why would he suddenly begin to trust you now? This is a dangerous environment for you and your child. This time he has beat you, choked you and cut you; next time he could kill you.

Divorce this man and move on with your life. Ask Allah to guide you and help to find a better future. Insha'Allah one day you will find a real Muslim man who will treat you with love and kindness.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

"(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray."

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
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