Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Husband Beat Me, Choked Me and Cut Me, But Now He Says He Has Changed

October 27, 2008

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of. Marriage Advice, and Muslim Matrimonial Service.


Dear Bilqis,

I truely hope you can answer my question as I need advice asap. I married a man I am in love with but after marriege may life was a living hell. My husband is an alcoholic he does not trust me and he accused me of not being a virgin which is absolutly not true as I am a strict Muslim. After our marriage my husband was very controlling. I had no freedom and was always questioned with distrust upon the slightest. I could not visit my family freely. He hit me constantly especially when he was drunk. I have a daughter who now is a year and a half. About a year ago the beating got so bad he almost killed me. He choked me and used a knife to cut my hands... he was drunk. That is when I went to my family for help.

My parents are divorced. My mom wanted me to get a divorce but my dad thought that we should wait as my husband totally regretted what happened and was begging me daily to return to him. I went to live with my dad. Now after 6 months I'm back and still married but living with my dad. My husband wants me to return. I still don't feel safe and don't truly believe that he's changed as he claims. I just want to make sure I'm not taking the wrong decision in asking for divorce. I'm scared of life after divorce and what will happen to my daughter. I still think its a risk if I go back to him, he might not have truly changed, although he claims he trusts me now and that he will do anything to win me back...

- Sister S.


Dear Sister S., As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

You should absolutely NOT return to this man. You should divorce him and do not even consider going back to him. He may say he has changed, but in reality he will not change without giving up the alcohol, and extensive therapy to address the causes of his rage and suspicion. It's very unlikely that he has changed. Why would he suddenly begin to trust you now? This is a dangerous environment for you and your child. This time he has beat you, choked you and cut you; next time he could kill you.

Divorce this man and move on with your life. Ask Allah to guide you and help to find a better future. Insha'Allah one day you will find a real Muslim man who will treat you with love and kindness.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

"(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray."

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!

3 Responses »

  1. My husband beats me every time hes guilty. We are muslim. One time he met another woman for "coffee" I caught him and he beat me so badly. Soemtimes he beats me if I find him doing bad things online. He's a nice guy but when he feels guilty and I confront him he beats me so badly, he broke my thumb he bruises me, beats my head chokes me, I am in love but the beatings are killing me, maybe one day he will kill me.

  2. As I told the previous sister, you must leave this man right away. He is unfaithful to you, he beats you, and you are in love with this? You need to recognize that your feelings are not healthy. Love is supposed to be based on mutual respect, support, and trust. Get out of this situation, and then get yourself some therapy so you don't fall in love with another abusive man.

  3. leave these men, n one that loves you hits you, chokes you and beats you p, that is not love, that is CONTROL.A REAL man will never hit his woman, he dotes on her and respects her.He loves and admires her, he doesn't want his wife to be bruised up and beaten,especially in front of people.if you have children(one of you said you have a daughter)would you like her to get beat by her partner? it will happen ,she will look for those kind of men because that is what she sees in the home.LEAVE and never turn back!That IS NOT LOVE!

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