My husband considers my niece a true Muslim but says I am not
I am 30 years old, living Africa.
20 years back, I met a man who is now my husband, I told him everything he needs to know about me, he is well aware of my family as we have both Muslims and Christian. Within no time we got married and since then have no issue and still believing in God that one day He will give me.
I decided to bring my niece, since then she have been living with me, we are not rich people but not doing bad either so, I am doing all my house chore myself. He loves my niece very much which makes me happy, later on he don't want me to talk to her whenever she did or doing something wrong, he don't want her working and she don't listen to whatever I said to her, what I and don't want does not matters at all.
This girl is now 12 years old, she needs to know what is good and what is bad and since I can't do it, I have to take a drastic decision on sending her back to her parents before it becomes too late. I have to wait for him to travelled before I did that. He is now back, he asked me where is she and told him. He says "you have to go and bring her back" I said no. He says "if don't bring her back, I am not interested in this marriage again" I become confused, did I heard him right? and he says it again. I said to him is OK, let the marriage end. The next thing he says was that " you hate this girl, you hated her because she is a Muslim, your hatred for this girl has been long and simply because she is a Muslim. This girl is the only Muslim in your family and you always have problems her"
Those statement shakes my entire system, I do not believed he is the one I got married to. I Asked myself who is he talking to? Which girl is he talking about? What hatred? Why is she a true Muslim and I am not? It is her destiny but do I not make it possible? Why is so hard for some Muslims to accept somebody who converted to Islam? Is Islam a religion that one must be born into? Don't someone has the right to become a Muslim? He really gave me many reason to agree with my father that says "no matter how sincere you are as long as you are not from them they will never accept you as Muslim" I recalled that whenever he is talking about religion he will says to me "my religion says..." I was wondering why not saying Allah S.W.A says... Tell me what to do. Bissalam
Reeda
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Assalaamualaykum Reeda,
You write:
"Why is so hard for some Muslims to accept somebody who converted to Islam? Is Islam a religion that one must be born into? Don't someone has the right to become a Muslim? He really gave me many reason to agree with my father that says "no matter how sincere you are as long as you are not from them they will never accept you as Muslim"
Everyone is born Muslim. Allah knows everyone's heart. I am so sorry to hear that your husband is being divisive in conversation when talking about family members, as his aim should be to bring people together rather than divide them by bringing up differences. From what you describe, it sounds like he is confusing your attempts at disciplining or teaching your niece with your regard for her as a person.
This issue is worth resolving. I would try to have a conversation with him in which you give some examples of your attempts to teach her, and have him know that this had nothing to do with her religion but discipline alone. Keep trying and Inshallah he will understand. If he doesn't, please know that most importantly, it is how you are seen by Allah that counts.
Blessings,
Nor
Salam,
He's gaslighting, it has nothing to do with you and your religion. You submitted to God and believe in the Quran and accepted the messengers. Even those that are born Muslims don't necessarily believe.
He is too attached to that girl. My worry is that she is non mahram to him. Why was she with you for so long? She should be with her father now that she is past or close to passing puberty. It doesn't make sense to keep her with him and have her wear a hijab at home. Does he treat her like a daughter or does he show romantic interest in her? I guess regardless of the answer there needs to be a very good reason for her to be with you instead of her dad.
As for you, if you believe the same then yes I would consider you a muslim. Before the prophet (pbuh) people were not born into muslim households, but we hold all the Sahaba in high regard. It is the strength of your faith, your character, and your deeds that determine how good of a Muslim you are.
This saying is false for those that believe, but true for those that are Muslims and see it as a nationality:
"no matter how sincere you are as long as you are not from them they will never accept you as Muslim"
Salam
Sister, I am sorry to say your husband is illogically and un-naturally attached to that child. Please dont bring her back. If you do, you might risk creating problems for the poor innocent child and for yourself.
Dont pay attention or stress over the idiotic comments about Islam from your husband, he is just saying those because he is angry and pissed off at you for sending the child away. Ignore his idiotic and pathetic tantrums and choose to do what is right.