Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband converted to Islam and married another

Can Muslim-Christian marriages work? Can Muslim-Christian marriages work?

I come in peace..

My husband and I married in a Catholic Church and we have lived for 24 years. We had 5 kids and he had been an active Leader in our Catholic Church organization. But this year, he told me many lies. He kept on saying he is working till midnight but the fact is that he is cheating on me.After several weeks, he shocked me with the news that he is converting to Islam. I had no clue what's over and so I was devastated to hear it. I asked God what made him change and it is really what he wanted, then I would respect it. But then God showed me the real score. He already married a sister of your religion. I felt betrayed because I respected his decision to convert but not with the intention of having another wife. Personally I admire Muslims in your worshipping of the Lord but I have you tolerate this kind of cheating just because I am not a Muslim? Does his marriage to me and my children became nothing just because he said he converted? I believe that your Allah is a just God and so I would like to be enlightened in this matter. I am his wife for many years but now, he treats me and children as a mistress. He has no time to be with us anymore. Is this really what every non-Muslim be treated? He wants me to be converted also but I asked him how would I be a believer of your faith if this is how you gave me. Do I have to be converted just to receive just and fair treatment? These are just questions that I can't seem to ask any Muslims...

even though I am non Muslim..I hope you would answer me with full and total honesty as to what I believe your Quoran commands.. I have high respect for all of you. Thank you very much in advance.


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7 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    Ok so the questions you have for your husband are very Very very valid and question the fact whether he became a muslim for the wrong reasons. He needs to be able to answer you! What is islam?

    Also i do believe that your marrige is null and void if he is now a muslim.
    At the same time muslims are allowed to marry people of the book!
    Are you really people of the book if the true bible doesnt exist anymore?
    If you believe jesus to be god or son of god or any part of god than you are not of the book!
    But if you believe for him to be a prophet of god than you are indeed on the right track and your marriage might be valid.
    I do not have too much knowlege, but for you this would be a good place to start.

  2. Dear sister RA

    It appears to me that your husband has "converted" to Islaam for all the wrong reasons. Mistreating ones wife is Not permissible in Islaam and the Prophet saws has made it clear that the Best Muslim is he that treats his wife the best. Far as I'm aware there's no rule forcing divorce on a non-muslim wife. However we're not allowed to marry a Mushrik (one who sets up other Gods with Allaah swt) as that is the only Unforgivable sin, should one die on that belief.

  3. I've heard about this situation a couple of times and the majority of the advice is the same, that the marriage is no longer valid. However, it didnt make much sense because I don't think that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) would want for women and children to become displaced as a result of the husband's conversion. But Allah knows best, and whatever mistake I make in giving you advice is from me, and whatever is right and helpful is from Allah. I found this on quora and it satisfied me a little, until I ask a proper authority.

    "Situation for converts in non-muslim countries

    For a converted woman who lives in a non muslim country one should take into account her situation and maybe look at some not that popular fatwas about the matter we can find that Sheikh al-Qaradawy quotes that ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziya counted 9 different opinions here just 3 of them revealed in the article:

    We can find that 'Omar ibn al Khatab (May Allah be pleased with him) as quoted by ibn al-Qayyim that he gave a former christian woman, which converted but didn't leave her non muslim husband (and homeland?) the choice between leaving her husband or staying beside him, Sheikh al-Qaradawy interprets the narration as even they will stay together as husband in wife with all meanings of the matter (including intercourse!).
    An other Narration mentioned by ibn al-Qayyim from 'Ali ibn Abi Talib (May Allah be pleased with him) said that she could stay with him and wait for him to convert but she shouldn't let him make possession of her (having intercourse) this was the favorite opinion of ibn al-Qayyim and ibn Tayymiya.
    A 3rd Narration quoted by ibn al-Qayyim from Imam az-Zuhari (May Allah be pleased with him) says that they could stay together until a court ( i guess he by this means: an Islamic court) or a higher authority separates them!
    These 3 Opinions are valid as in (60:10) the converted woman left their non-Muslim husbands and came to Medina (ard al-Islam) to a Muslim community/country! So if the wife and leaves her husband to a Muslim country the situation will change and the former fatwas should be applied!

    A point which is stated by Abu al 'ala' al Mawdodi is: That if the Marriage itself is regarded as invalid in Islam they would be divorced automatically: For example a woman who married a mahram.

    Abu al 'ala' al Mawdodi added that in any case the woman should reject having intercourse with her (non-Muslim) Husband and after the waiting period she could choose still to wait for him or to leave him. As from a shari'a point of view her marriage is still valid but considered as made temporary inactive! And he -in case she wants to separate- advises to do a legal divorce!

    These statements are based on an article which reports some discussion in the European Council For Fatwa and Research.

    And Allah knows best!"

  4. With that being said, I doubt the way your husband is treating you has anything to do with Islam. He's using the faith to justify his own ill intentions. It shows in the fact that he carried on a relationship with a woman enough to want to marry her, while he was not a Muslim and was already married. This is not from Islam.

    As far as you converting, he cannot force you but he also shouldn't be the standard you hold for Muslims. He deceived you and isn't treating you fairly, when in Islam the wife and the mother is put on a pedestal and the best of men are those who treat their wives [well]. Whether or not you convert, I don't think you should stay married to this man,

    InshaAllah khair, sister.

  5. Dear sister,

    What a strong woman you are!
    You seem to be a very wise and righteous woman.
    I don't know your husbands intentions but he didn't treat you how Muslim men should treat their wives.

    If you are a true believer of God and God only, your marriage is still valid.
    A Muslim man is allowed to be married to a woman who is a believer of the book. It means, he can be married to a Christian or a Jew. But if you believe in, let me say, Hinduism, it is not valid to be married with you.

    I would like to point out your husband didn't do Islam any good for be so dishonest and unfair to you and your children.
    In Islam the wife and mother has a special status. She earns a lot of respect and must be treated right.

    Your husband is allowed to marry more than one wife but he must treat them all the same.
    For instance, if he gives one wife a present, he should give the other a present as well. If he spends some hours with the first wife, he should spend equal hours with the other... and so on.
    It is a great responsibility for the husband and that's why Allah says:
    (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”

    [al-Nisa’ 4:3]

    The main verse in the holy Quran that discusses marriage of believers with non-believers says:

    “Do not marry idolatresses until they embrace faith. A faithful slave girl is better than an idolatress, though she should impress you. And do not marry [your daughters] to idolaters until they embrace faith. A faithful slave is better than an idolater, though he should impress you. Those invite [others] to the Fire, but Allah invites to paradise and pardon, by His will, and He clarifies His signs for the people so that they may take admonition” (2:221)

    Therefore in Islam, as described in the other Abrahamic religions , it is prohibited to marry a man or a woman who does not believe in God. In another verse Allah says: “Today all the good things have been made lawful to you—the food of those who were given the Book is lawful to you, and your food is lawful to them—and the chaste ones from among faithful women, and chaste women of those who were given the Book before you, when you have given them their dowries, in wedlock, not in license, nor taking paramours…” (5:5)

    Therefore, from the above verses, beside other verses and narrations, Muslim jurists have concluded the following rules for interfaith marriages:

    Rules of marriage for Muslim men

    A Muslim man is not allowed to marry, neither permanently nor temporarily, a non-Muslim woman who is not among the followers of the books (Ahlul kitab); Christians and Jews.

    A Muslim man is allowed to marry a Christian or Jewish woman. However, based on precaution, it is obligatory to refrain from marrying a non-Muslim woman in permanent marriage. The reason behind it is that Muslims do not deny the preceding Abrahamic religions, but they know Islam as the most complete and the last divine religion.

    I have converted to Islam twenty years ago and I am happy that I did.
    If you want to talk to me or if you want to ask me some questions, feel free to contact me.

    Read about Islam and listen to the Quran. It will set your mind at ease.
    Know that muslims are just humans and they make mistakes, just like anyone else. So don't judge Islam by the behavior of muslims but read about Islam so you will understand.

    Take care sister, I wish you all the best.

    Best regards,


  6. Hello,
    First off,I'm sorry to hear what you've been through. It must've been quite shocking and painful 🙁

    Second thing, let me tell you how much I love your heart and your respect. You are a beautiful soul <3

    I am a muslim, and let me tell you that he MUSNT be treating you like this no matter what you believe in, especially that you're his wife for many many years. One of the conditions of a muslim man marrying a second wife is for him to ASK for PERMISSION from his FIRST wife. And, another condition he skipped is: he MUST be 100% fair with both of them. Literally. Emotionally, physically, etc. Whatever he gives one, he must give the other. This is mentioned in the Quran. Something along the lines of "if he FEARS unjustice hes not allowed to get married to more than one. Take notice how God says "fear". Means, by having the fear alone of being injustice, he's not allowed to get married to another.

    I really have a strong feeling your husband only converted because he wanted to marry another one so he thought "oh... Islam allows marriage multiple time so I will justify my cheating with tthat!" Which is pathetic to say the least. If he had converted out of actually knowing things about Islam (true meaning behind it and true values) he wouldn't have done all that and he would be respectful.

    And, when you mentioned him telling you to convert, I litterally said to myself the same thing you wrote "How will she want to convert if this is what you showed her and if this is how you treat her!!!!!"

    Once again, no woman should be treated like that and Islam DOES NOT order men to marry another woman freely. There are conditions to it, the first wife's agreement is one of them. If your first wife doesnt agree, then you arent being justice and you are hurting her. Which isnt okay.

    In Islam,just like other religions, you aren't allowed to hurt others. So do you think God will actually allow that? Nope, he wont.

    Again, I am so sorry for what you went through, and I am really sorry for this bad image you might've taken about Islam. And I hate it so much when so-called muslims do these kind of things without thinking.
    I really hope my answer helped in any way possible and I really hope you stay strong, beautiful and amazing <3

    Dania. xx

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