Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband does not find me attractive

Salam aleikum,

I am married for 2 years and expecting our first baby soon. My husband is a very good man, he always treats me in the best way. But he doesn.´t want to have sex with me. When I want I always must do my best seducing him. He says he doesn.´t need it and he enjoys everything just in his phantasy. I don.´t know what to do, it decreses my self confidence when I must do so much to have at least sometimes sex. Other men find me attractive but my husband is like a stone in this. I feel sexually frustrated and it makes me angry about him.

Sister E., Europe

47 Responses »

  1. asalamu alaikum,

    thank you for your question. in islam the husband has a responsibilty to satisfy his wife if he still does not listen you divorce him.

    ma salama

  2. i will be totaly honest

    if a guy is getting sex at home and rejecting it this can also mean he is gettting it from else where and he is satisfied by this other place!

    you honestly need to speaak to him about this and ask him why he is not sexually active with you. but if he give no explantion tht seems reasonable to you then confront him gently about the issue of being satified by another place. if he is not cheating he might be offended and hurt by that confrontation

    have patience! and ask him why he is not interested in having sex with you unless you put large effort in to seducing him!

    what ever his reason the truth will surely com out soon wether he is cheating or not

    • What if husband says he doesnt find you attractive and only has sex with you because he has no choice and only for sake of marriage

  3. Maybe she is not fulfilling his sexual desires and is only staying married to preserve it

  4. Yes i agree, when a husband is not wantin sex from you, hes probably gettin it from sombdy else, everybody knows it.

  5. i really feel bad about it ,rejection is very hurting and u feel that u are unaccepted.this is my story also.married for 5yrs now,but my husband has no interest in me and in babies.i feel so bad and hollow from inside.suffering from inside each day but no help from any one.If your life partner does not bother to understand ur needs ,then what should a woman do? he says that i am always hyper and angry.does he not realise that i fel so depressed from inside,unwanted ,used.we wer married to take care of each others needs and to love each other .Does he realise that ever ?

  6. Salaam sister.

    I am also going through the same thing. My husband is a loving human being, kind at heart and I know he loves me. However he does not find me attractive and neither does he want sex with me. I waited all my life to get married and lose my virginity to my destined husband and now that I have - he has no interest in me. Whats worse is my husband believes I have no sex appeal. This truth broke my heart and breaks it over and over and over again every time I think about it.

    I feel rejected, hurt and my confidence is at an all time low. I have never been the most confident of women, but how to recover from this I have no idea. I fight back tears everyday and especially when I look at the mirror, at my figure at myself. Funny how other people call me beautiful and the one I want to call me beautiful just doesnt.

    I don't know what to do. I am a newly wed and maybe trapped in my marriage, I could never leave him as I love him and want his happiness.

    Is there any guidance/advice I can get? I have started going to the gym for him, but I am no Katrina Kaif or Aishwariya Rai. (far from it). I just want to please my husband, keep him happy. But how do I do that if he doesnt find me attractive.

    Please do du'a for me people. I need strength.

    • Assalamualaikum sis,

      try not to focus on yourself think bout him too, maybe he is the same feeling like you but feel shy or have depression as you both in new wed.. some couple will have wedding depression as a new life in their life at the beginning. Give if some time don't give up, make dua and refocus try not to think about that by makes busy yourself and be a loving wife for him just think positive way.. I know how you feel.

      Hug to you sis

    • Wa alaikumsalam,
      Sis did your husband tell you you had no sex appeal or is that just how you are feeling? If he said that he should not have married you and should have let another man who would have appreciated your beauty marry you so that he could keep you satisfied.
      If he didn't say that exactly then I agree with the newly wed blues/depression possibility. I feel this way sometimes too with my husband but I've come to realise it's just that we need to settle in to our roles (and find some alone time which NO ONE wants to give you when you are newlyweds *grr*
      For both questioners look at some nice lingere with your husband if he will, or surprise him with something you think he may like. Make a huge effort to dress up, etc. Try to eliminate pressure. The more I pressure my husband for sex the less likely he is to give in to me. Instead try saying something like- to feel satisfied I need sex --- times per week so please try to keep up.
      InshaAllah it helps.

  7. Asalaam Alikum,

    Sis, I too am in the same situation. I have been married for 21 months, I can honestly say that I have cried almost every night since the wedding night. Like you, I have people constantly telling me that I'm 'beautiful' and 'how lucky my husband is', however they do not know the truth!
    I have tried to take my husband to the doctors - but he refuses treatment. Before the wedding he used to say how attractive I was - now he won't as much look at my face! I have sacrificed my career, my loved ones for him - yet nothing. He doesn't provide for me financially, emotionally or lovingly. I have tried everything - I've changed the way I dress, I've learnt to cook gorgeous food (which he enjoys but doesn't say anything) I've tried to take an interest in the things he enjoys - football and cricket (which I used to hate! Lol) I've wrote him letters, which he threw in the bin. I'm upset because as he is worried about this problem coming to light - he has started to turn everyone against me. He has told his parents that I swear at them, that I steal, yet I carry on - making myself believe that one day he may wake up and notice me.
    There is no one to help, his family have taken his word and I am fighting a losing battle. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I wish I had spoken out in the first month of the marriage, instead of keeping his izzat safe - now my izzat is being played with.

  8. @ Rejected...reading ur msg felt as if I have written it...its exactly my problem too so atleast we are not alone in this..

    Ive been married since past 6 yrs am 27 yrs old and im told by everyone that extremly good looking,,even my husband used to say so,,,in the start things were good but gradually he lost interest in sex totally,,,everytime i would initiate he makes excuses,,,i do everything to please him,,,cook,not complain for anything,but he doesn't ever ask me to have sex,,i infact have to beg him,,hez either tired,or not in mood,,,medically things are fine but its his mood,,,hez NEVER in it and never attracted towards me and does it like a duty,,,,otherwise hez very caring and loving but sex is an integral part of marriage,,,,,now i have a 7 month old son and m already stressed thoughout the day and emotionally so depressed u have no idea...have tried to talk to him so many times he thinks its normal and now he has the perfect excuse,THE BABY...just tell me one thing,,,,women don't have needs?Its only men?whenever they want we will go to bed with them but if they don't then even if weeks or months passby it doesn't matter???i feel trapped...sometimes guilty...have givenup:(

  9. Salaams ladies,
    Wow reading all that has proven that I'm not the only one each and every ones post makes me feel like I am writing my thoughts down.
    I know how it feels to be sexually rejected, I have been married 4 years now and yup same thing ask for sex eevn beg for it and have been rejected. Are we just there as duty? Even when I do get its like ahhh let's just get over with it. I feel no emotional connection that I have given up on it. I don't ask for it and I don't ask for his love. I used to cry that my husband doesn't find me attractive coz he has said it himself, and at times I still do. I dress and be as he wants me to be. At times I tell myself ahhh I don't wanna do anything for him. But then I remind myself, if he doesn't appreciate it, I know allah will be happy at me trying and someday he will show me the path either of leaving him or him appreciating me. I have stopped having feelings for my husbands and he knows I have given up yet sad as my life his he doesn't try to make any changes. So is it me... is my being a woman with less beauty an issue? Is me trying to be better of no use. Why are men so egoistic.

  10. Ladies
    There are only a few reasons why a man will stay away from sex:
    1. Medical issues- he isnt able to perform or something similar
    2. Sex outside the marriage-- he has someone else with whom he has sex and hence does not need intimacy with the wife.
    3. Previous relationship - any kind of emotional baggage such as an ex girlfriend, marrying under pressure, feelings for someone else etc will affect the man's way of thinking and even though men are physical creatures, quite a few of them need the connection to get the desire to sleep with a woman. If this is not met for any of the reasons mentioned above the man may avoid sex.
    4. Lack of physical appeal towards spouse- if he does not find you physically attractive and is not turned on by you he may resort to porn or an extramarital relationship to satisy his cravings.

    All of you need to figure out the missing link which may be one of the above reasons or something similar and address that before your husbands have normal healthy sex lives with you

    • You missed important reasons saba , that is if the man has depression for any reason , this can significantly decrease his sex drive . Also some men from their child birth have a low sex drive .

      All men are not sex maniacs ! . Keep that in mind .

  11. I was reading an article in the newspaper recently stating that one of the chief causes of marital problems is sex and it's the idea that as men start to grow older, once they hit 27-28 their sexual appetitie decreases and the woman's increases. So a man's appaetitie is highest at around the age of 18-22 (which is why parents need to help them keep their chasisty by getting them married at that age) and a woman's is in her late 30s just before they stop the monthly bleeding.

    I don't know the ages of the sisters in this thread, but if the ages of them is in their 30s and their husbands then it's quite normal for a woman to have a higher urge for sex.

    If you are young and your husband is ie.still in your 20s, then yes there is something abnormal and it must be addressed.

    One of the very first things I was tought and I know my brothers and uncles and cousins were too, is that on the very first night, whatever you think of your wife, you MUST tell her how beautiful she looks and say it like you mean it. Apparently she will feel so much happiness that it will stay with her for life. I will make damn sure I do that. I wonder why these men were not advised this and how they can be so heartless as to tell a woman she's not attractive?

    It would be an honest estimate if I said only 10% of the world's population are physically attractive, where as the rest are either not attractive or medium. Are men programmed to only be attracted to that 10% I hope not. I also wonder how these men will feel if they happen to have a daughter in the 90% who has a husband who says the same thing to their daughter as they do to their wives. He would probably beat him up or take his daughter back.

    Sister try your hardest and in fact let your emotions out in front of him. My mother once cried about my dad being so routine and boring and not showing signs of love, my dad the next week did all he could to fix that missing spark. Ordered a new kitchen, took her to the park 3 evenings in a row, something he hadn't done since he was 25 I believe.

    So who knows maybe your tears will melt your husband's heart (as SisterZ said to me in previous posts about my wife to be).

    Lastly I would like to say, for your patience in this extremely difficult time emotionally and physically. Allah will reward you. May Allah reward you and help yoru marriages. Ameen.

  12. As'salaam malaikum.

    and masha'allah.
    i agree with john.
    i am a 21 yo muslim man that finds my wife un actractive. im not cheating. so no other person or thing etc. no female friends to talk to, no porn, no other female i rather be with. i think I'm better off with my wife.

    i do wish she was muslim. i ask allah she may become muslim but as a Christian she sometimes go to juhmah with me in hijab. atleast use to. gives me space when performing salaat.

    i think i feel unattractive to her cause pregnancies, fights and arguments. and cause i feel we have nothing at all in common. opposites do not attract most of the time. they just drive you nuts.

    but after reading this, im sorry.
    its bad my wife thinks im cheating and im not. i just cant tell her how i feel. amd after reading this i doubt i ever will. i dont want things to be worst. but ill make duah for you sisters. but keep us men or me in mind during yours. hopefully my efforts to show her she not alone ill find her attractive again.

    may allah bless us and thank you for showing me what my wife keeps saying she is going through.

  13. i want to know... reading all these sisters with sexless marraige issues... are these marraiges valid.. wat is the point of living with a man who cannot fullfill your requirements.. unless is has a valid issue.. just beacuse he does not feel like it he shud not have gotten married in the first place... Is this islamically accepted?

  14. Salam and thank you all for your comments. Just reading this has been a source of comfort; knowing that I am not alone.

    I pray that what I am writing will be beneficial for everyone, including myself. Well, here is my confusing dilemma: First, some background. For every minute of my life until I got married at the age of 27 I had never had a girlfriend, never kissed. I grew up religious and from a conservative upbringing and there was no way I would allow myself (by Allah's mercy) to fornicate.

    This was difficult enough to accomplish growing up in a Western country, but for me it was much more difficult because, well, and I'm not saying this to boast but so you all understand my reality-- I have been blessed with good looks. I mean very good looks. Again, I am the last person to say such things, but I have to so you understand what is going on. I mean, throughout my life I had constantly shied away from or rejected the advances of all the most beautiful women. I always held true and dreamed of the day I would find my beautiful, chaste, and pious wife.

    I had it hammered into my head by a few scholars that I would never find a sister with everything- beauty, piety, intelligence, etc. So, I said OK, I definitely want piety and intelligence. She doesn't have to be beautiful. As long as I am attracted to her, that's all I need. So, I meet my (soon-to-be) wife and the first time I sit down to talk to her, I am turned on. And she is intelligent, pious, knowledgeable, good family--we click and two months later we are married.

    At the wedding, the first time I see her without her hijab and wearing something revealing, a little voice goes off in my head saying "ummm I don't there's any attraction here." This voice is subconsciously suppressed as I go into an automatic state of denial. There wasn't even any cognition in this process. It just happened in my head. Then, every time I saw her soon thereafter, I realized a little bit more that she is really not good looking at ALL. But, again, I stayed in a state of denial. We spent so much emotions, money, and family investment into getting married, that I just kept denying reality. And I grew up with the concept of divorce being unthinkable. I kept trying to force myself to be attracted to her and she is such a good sister, very impressive in her intellect and accomplishments.

    Months then years go by. Now there is a child. During all that time, my denial fades and gives way to the reality that I refused any sexual experience before getting married and now that I am married I may never (in this life) have a real sexual experience. Instead, I married someone I find physically repulsive. I cringe at the thought of Intercourse with her.

    Lesson: It's easy for people to say: it is your Islamic marital duty to sexually satisfy your wife, even if you are not attracted to her. Easier said than done. Let me put it this way: intercourse with my wife is so repulsive to me that I feel almost as if I am having sex with my sister.

    So now you are wondering why I didn't realize this before getting married and how was I initially attracted when I first met her?

    Well, one lesson I have learned is that women (and men?) can look totally different when dressed conservatively and with loose clothing. With some women, you can tell for sure whether they are beautiful or not even if well-covered. But my wife is one of those whose defining physical characteristic is that she looks like a good-looking girl when well-covered but the more she uncovers, the more you realize she is just really unattractive.

    This has led to a vicious cycle, whereby I am unattracted to her and do not love her. I never told her this, but she (like most women) can sense this. In turn, she is increasingly frustrated and unhappy and we are both sexually deprived.

    I have turned to several scholars. The answer from all but one was that I screwed up and I have to tough it out and suffer with my mistakes. That's what it means "to be a man". The one other scholar told me that all these attraction/love things don't matter if you reach a high maqaam and come to love Allah.

    I can accept these conclusions and just wait and pray for the rewards of Jannah. My problem is that the more I learn about Seerah and the Sahabah, the more I have doubts. For example, I was always taught that in Islam we should not completely deny our nafs; we satisfy it in a halal and good way. But for me we are talking about total lifelong denial of the sexual aspect of my nafs. I never heard of anything like this being advocated in our Deen.

    If I didn't have a child I would now get divorced. Now that I do, I couldn't bring myself to let my child grow up in a broken family. I know Allah has a plan for everyone, including myself. I'm just struggling to understand what all this means and what decisions I should make. Even if I think this all means a certain thing, how do I know that is really what Allah is trying to teach me or do for me?

    Perhaps the answer is that I should just trust in Allah and somehow He will lead me to something greater. The thing that disturbs me is that what if He asks me at Judgment: I permitted you to divorce and I permitted you to marry a second wife, so why didn't you do what I permitted? You let a bad situation get worse and instead of being honest and putting an end to it, you just let it get worse.

    • Are you muslim by any chance ? If no, may the father of understanding guide you.

    • Salam Brother,
      I think no woman is stuck to be unattractive forever. The advantage with being a woman is: There are ways to be attractive? If weight is an issue, suggest to do sports together (in a nice way, as if you wish to spend more time with her), you can also give her nice garments that she would wear for you in the secret of your house, there is make-up, and so many other ways to make a woman attractive. It is not lost, unless you decide to let things stay this way. It is true you can not always have everything in one woman, but you can reveal other things from her. There must be something you like about her physical appearance so help her work on the rest. Hopefully you get to enjoy your married life 🙂

      • Wa alaykum assalam.

        Thank you "Beggingforforgiveness" for your thoughtful reply.

        The few people I have talked to about my situation start by giving me the same advice. For example, "find the thing about her that is attractive to you and focus on it."

        But I'm sorry, you're just not "getting it". My wife is totally unattractive from head to toe. --to put it lightly. And no amount of weight loss is going to change that. She has tried all of those things, makeup, etc., but it's not possible for such things to work in my case. Let me put it this way: if the food tastes just OK, you can get it to taste good by adding some spice. But if it tastes awful, then it doesn't matter how much you spice it up; it's never going to taste good.

        I honestly don't know if this applies to women vis-a-vis men, but men in general men are very "physical" and almost animal-like. If a woman is "hot" and she turns him on, it is what it is. If he finds her ugly, she is ugly to him.

        I do believe that attraction can be influenced by non-physical characteristics. For example, if a woman carries herself in a certain way, it increases her attractiveness. However, again, this can only go so far.

        • Reading your situation shattered my heart. I truly pray you can find some peace and enjoy your marital life in a way or another. It also makes me reevaluate getting married. All the questions are popping in my head. What if my husband does not find me attractive? But this is not about me.
          Coming back to your post, I was raised in a different culture, and most people enter marriages having a premarital relationship and marriages don't last as long as they used to. In your case, it is different and I have to say I admire your faithfulness and your patience. Staying with her for the sake of the child is very noble. However, I am worried for the kid; if each of you become so frustrated, the harmony is thrown out of the window and the kid may be raised in a unhealthy household. On the other side, in some years, sex will not matter for any of you two. I was told that at a certain age, the reason you stay with someone is the character, the wit, and the personality.
          Ps: when the food is awful, you can thrown it in the garbage but I always cringe at the idea of throwing food away. I'd rather cook it again or force myself to eat it. Maybe try to take showers together, give both of you massages, do things that make you enjoy her company, not just "the act", little things that would make both of you enjoy each other and remember why you first marry her.

          • Mine is the opposite way marsallah, I m not the one that doesn't want to do anything with my husband on less he goes in vacation far away and come home, we love each other alot is just I'm never in the mood for it. I don't know is not normal for your husband to act this way because you guys are married. Insallah sister everything work out.

    • @stateofshak Idont understand do you mean without her loose clothing you were not attracted to her..did u realise she was fat?? Doesnt make sense to me

  15. Brother 'state of shak', stop frustrating your self, you have the option of polygamy. You could go for a second wife .
    You said your wife is a good woman, so i think divorcing her is not an option.

    • Brother "Mohd",

      Yes, I often think about this. After all, we are clearly permitted to do so. But I just do not see how it can possibly be successful in a Western country. I mean it is physically possible and I know two men who have done it, but I fear the social and other implications.

      Even more, I fear how it would affect my children and their upbringing. I think they would be fine if it were a relatively symbiotic relationship between the wives, but I know that it would result in a protracted awful response from my current wife.

      • Brother StateOfShak

        I just wonder. Could this be shaitan playing in your thoughts here? You said shortly after marriage you had this automatic thought in your head that your wife is not beautiful after all, and that impression then stayed with you till now.

        Don't you think shaitan has put that thought in your head, and instead of ridding yourself of that whisper, you have entertained it and kept it with you?

        Shaitan makes wrong deeds look beautiful (this is what Allah SWT tells us in the Quran), for example he makes relationships outside wedlock so thrilling and enjoyable that people go for these, and he whispers to you and makes what is lawful feel so dull and unenjoyable. So, as Allah SWT says in the Quran, do not follow in his footsteps, in other words, when he whispers to you, quickly get rid of such thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts. I like the comment by brother John about complimenting one's wife on the first wedding night. That's a very positive way of starting a halal relationship. When you say a thought out loud, I believe it affirms itself better in your heart and mind.

        Just somethings for us all to ponder. And my heart goes all out for both of you. Allah says, sometimes you think something / someone is bad for you but indeed it is good for you, and sometimes you think something / someone is good for you, but indeed it is not. Allah knows and you know not. Above all, always be wary of our real enemy, about whom Allah SWT reminds us so many times in the Quran, and you know who that is - the hidden whisperer.

    • @mohd so who will sexually fullfill his wife's needs if he just marries again...so cruel not to care for HER needs

  16. Hi All,

    I thought I was the only one facing this issue but clearly not. I have been married 1 and a half years, I married a guy of my choice who was my best friend and I went against my whole family to marry him. It was a heart breaking situation. Anyway I thought he was attracted to me I mean I am a pretty girl with good height, features and slim and I attract attention but my husband wont sleep with me. I remained a virgin as I believe that is something you should only share with your husband and well I am still a virign. He always makes excuses and I find it hard to talk to him about this, so I have written him letters, sent him texts, tried to talk to him about it and he says he will change but he does not. I even said to him I want a baby so that he will sleep with me as he says he wants kids but no nothing. I have sent him to the doctors and nothing changes. I feel so angry and frustrated that its come to a point that i have stopped talking to him, I am 28 and his 33 I feel like i am wasting my time with him. I am getting older and I have always wanted a family but it looks like I am going to grow old without kids or affection. I dont feel loved or wanted and I do not want to seek attention from else where neither do I ever want to divorce but I have come to a point that maybe divorce is the only option. I forgot to mention that he has been married twice before they were arrange marriages and did not work yet I am his choice and this is my first marriage, he has been depressed before he met me and says his always stressed and stuff, I just think its an excuse now. Any advice would be most appreciative.

  17. Reading all your comments has really put me off marriage

    • Sorry. 🙁 Just make sure you look at the success stories, as opposed to ours. Perhaps seeing both sides would help you steer clear of bad choices. And, as always, beg for Allah's guidance.

  18. Very much appreciated.

    Exactly. That's what worries me--the effect on the whole family. Alhamdulillah, by staying positive and having a good relationship with my child, he is super-happy.

    I also think you are right about the physical impulses fading. I think I should just wait it out until I die and work on self-purification in the meantime. I pray that might become my ticket to Paradise.

    • It could be your ticket to Paradise indeed: Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “Whatever befalls a Muslim of exhaustion, illness, worry, grief, nuisance or trouble, even though it may be no more than a prick of a thorn, earns him forgiveness by Allah of some of his sins.” [Sahīh al-Bukhārī] .

  19. Salaams to all,

    May Allah help and guide us all, these stories are heart-breaking. I definitely agree that the shaytaan is at work in these situations. However, us human beings are the most ungrateful of all creation.

    The breakdown of relations between man and wife is so commonplace today. The evils of society play a large part in this and the age of the ego is in full effect. Men and women are lusting after artificially enhanced. airbrushed and unrealistic looking creatures. We are constantly bombarded with these images and notions. This generates discontentment and dissatisfaction in what one already has which may lead to depression or even involvement in substance abuse. Of course adultery is heavily promoted in TV and film and homosexuality is rife. Some men and women a lot more nowadays, are consumed with their own ego and feel the need to share themselves with as many people as possible apart from their spouse.

    We often think it's just us women who are riddled with insecurities but men are too. The shaytaan comes in many guises and sometimes it can be someone's social circle who sows the seed of discord. The way disbelievers openly discuss their spouses, the same practise is now done by Muslims, then they reject them.

    To the sisters, remember that it is not good for others to deem you attractive as a woman's beauty should be kept under wraps. This is difficult with the pressures of modern evils especially as one just wants acknowledgement that they are attractive but there are other aspects we are measured by.

    I personally don't think it is good for women to initiate intimate relations as I don't think men like that. It is their job to do so. Maybe I'm wrong. I think you should conduct your wifely duties as you are and behave non-chalently about the matter and perhaps the husband will soon approach. Maybe I have an old fashioned view or generalising but men find needy or clingy women a turn off.

    To the sisters who are attractive, yet whose husbands turn away from them;

    Abu Huraira reported Allah's Messenger (may peace and blessing be upon him) as saying: "Verily Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and to your deeds." (Sahih Muslim : Book 32, Number 6221)

    It is better if we keep our faith strong and devote our thoughts and energy in the remembrance of Allah SWT. There's only so much a person can do and if it's to no avail, put the issue to one side. Easier said than done but it takes time and patience and lapses of despair may occur. It would be great if a person can independently remain positive and content no matter what life throws at them.

    So to round up, as hard as it may be and it is very hurtful, just try to not make it the main focus of your existence. Devote that energy into pleasing Allah and if the man is worth his salt, he'll wake up, otherwise jump ship and cut your losses. You can't remain unhappy as it will overshadow everything.

    The Shortest Distance between a Problem and it's Solution is the Distance between your Knees and the Floor. The one who Kneels to Allah (Ta'ala) can Stand Up to Anything.

    Take care all, Insha'Allah

  20. Dear rashida,you must never have been in this situation

  21. You issue has been solved or it is still there?

  22. I'm going through the same stage. My husband is a cheater, I caught him watching naked pics of his ex girlfriend who died one year earlier. It's been two years since we're married. He and his family never told us about his past. I'm just 19 years old and I had a miscarriage at 7months because he beated me up so hard, because of his bhabi with whom he had relationship earlier to my marriage. I'm living a miserable life. I'm very attractive and beautiful Alhumdulillah. But he never looks at me, there are only two things that he do i.e cheating and watching porn, he have intercourse once a week.. I'm really angry about it. I want to divorce him but he was the first person in my life I'm really attached with him.. I just can't live without him.. Help me someone. And please I beg Pray for me. Earlier to my marriage I had a horrible father who beated me up every day.. I never lived a moment of since my birth. Hopefully Allah will get me out of this aazmaish soon

    • momina, yes you can live without him. If you want Allah to get you out of the situation, then you must make efforts to get yourself out. It is unacceptable for any man to beat his wife. What your husband did to you was barbaric. You should get out of this relationship if it's at all possible. If it's not possible right now, then begin working toward that goal.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • I think that I'm asking for alot,but it's just loyalty that I'm asking for I had extremely awful father he made my childhood unbearable, that's why I got married,because I thought I deserve a better life but I was wrong. All men are the same, they find it hard to be loyal and faithful, I m faithful and loyal, I never look at any man ever, I have suicidal tendencies but I just can't do it because I'm gonna go to hell for that as it is haraam. I just wanna go somewhere so far where I don't see any man, because they are all the same..

    • No woman should live with a man who beats her. That alone is reason to move on and free yourself from this man.

      May Allah ease your pain, Ameen.

      • What after that, I will have to live with my parents, my father hates me, because I always stood by my mother when he used to beat her up. I have nowhere to go, I'm all alone, I have to live with him because I'm afraid of what will happen after that,, I have no chance of living a happy life, please pray for me.

        • Wow after hearing you're story it really affected me my sister....I'm truly sorry for how things have turned out for you, but trust me ALLAH gives the hardest of tests to those whom he loves the most and I truly believe from the very bottom of my heart that he loves you sooooo much. I know its hard, although Im a 20 yr old guy I know people wh ohave gone through even worse and made it Alhamdulillah. Just have faith my sister and InShALLAH i will Du'a for you tonight. May Allah make it easy for you.
          Just a note on your husband, my advice is to leave him. It sounds hard to do....but do you really want to deal with a jaahil like that with the rest of your life? Sure its sounds scary but take a leap of faith on Allah, he will provide for you all you gotta do is jump thats all...HE will catch you i promise. The hardest part is getting the courage to make that jump, seriously a husband like that is not worth looking at forget sharing a bed.

          All the best

        • Aoa.. so so sad for all of u.. as im also facing through the same situation.. but i dont really know wat is the reason behind.. i have tried bundle of times to sleep with my wife but all in vain..even have tried getting medicines to intimate her but still nothing as i feel nothing attractive in her.. one thing i think, she is not at all attractive physically to attract any men so am i.. its been 9 months we got married but still nothing.. i dont know wat to do or even i cant hurt her telling this that she is not at all attractive physically..plz pray me and all facing such situations..plz write if u have any suggestions regarding..?

          Regards,
          Engr Ahsan

  23. Maybe he is homosexual or maybe he has low sexual function. I agree that being ignored should make you feel angry and resent him its HE who is being selfish. He needs to address it with you.

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