Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband doesn’t have much money and I’m suffering

financial problems, money issue, wasting money

Assalam Alaykum wahramtullah wa abarakathu,

I'm writing in a moment of strong depression and bad feelings. I've been to married since few months to a very nice man, with many qualities, he is kind, nice, polite, caring, I cannot say nothing bad about him Ahlamdulillah.

My problem is that after the marriage I noticed that the salary of my husband is not enough for my living standard. I'm not a materialistic woman, I asked for a very little mahr too and we also delayed it for his money problems. Of course before marriage I knew he wasn't rich, but I didnt expect all these sacrifices.

For each month we can spend very little money for food, very rarely I can buy something for me like shoes or a dress, and when we go out we always have to pay attention to a single cent. Often when we do the weekly food shopping, he asks me if I really need the things I want to buy and when I enter in a shop to see something I like he tells me to go out. I feel really bad and sad for that because it seems he doesn't understand I have my needs.

I repeat I don't want a rich life but it seems we are far to have a decent one. In the house there are few appliances and furnitures and I feel very poor. In my heart I also feel guilty for my feelings, because he works 8 hrs each day and he comes back home very tired, and I dont know how to handle this situation.

We are both 28 and maybe in the future he can changes job or I can find one, but I'd like to get an advice from you. Maybe someone can suggest me a lecture about the woman needs? He doesnt realize too much the things a woman can need to manage an house.

he also asked me if i can work and use little money for the house for buy food etc and he promised me he will give me them back as soon he ll finish to pay a loan he asked for get a car few months before our marriage.i dont feel comfortable with that.

Thank you to everyone!

hajar81

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12 Responses »

  1. Rasulullaah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, “Adopt Taqwa and you will be the most pious of people, be content with a little and you will be the most grateful person, like for others what you would like for yourself and you will be a most true Mu'min and be good to your neighbour and you will be the best Muslim. Laugh less because excessive laughter kills the heart.”

    [Ibn Maajah 4217, from Hadhrat Abu Hurayrah (RA)]

  2. Walaikum asalam,

    I've read through your post and I can understand your point. But, you only married for few months. It may take time for your situation to improve. During this phase you need to be supportive to your husband and be patient.

    Although you don't have much furniture etc is a good thing, since now you can choose and decorate your house to your liking in due time insha'allah.

    You said, '' in the future he can changes job or I can find one?' Why don't you find work now? Since no one knows what the future holds, your situation may change i.e have children so take this opportunity to improve your living standard. The husband is the provider but if you contribute it will be considered charity from your behalf and will get rewarded for it.

    Marriage is a life change decision, and in few months is not enough time to have everything. Sometimes it takes time, and together you can get through it. Through the good times as well as the bad time is what will make your relationship stronger.

    Life is filled with trials and tribulations, when calamity befalls would you turn on your heels and run? Allah, will test you in your health, wealth etc. So be patient and make du'a to Allah to make it easy.

    Remember, when you think you are going through hard times someone else has got it far worst.

    Ma'salama

  3. Salam sister,

    I have somewhat being through what you are going through as we speak. When I married my lovely husband, he had almost no money and he took him a year to pay my mahr. We went through times when he was not working and it was hard, we gave up eating out and had to do lots of sacrifices.. Then he found work and I found work so our situation improved! Trust me I like nice things and our house needed a refurb.. We have been working on it since and we made it lovely now. I buy my own clothes and stuff. Sometimes my hubby offers me stuff and I appreciate him a lot. I participate whenever I can but he pays all the bills and food.
    I don't think you should feel this way. You need to be patient as the deen say and support your hubby. From what you are saying he is a nice guy. That is more important than anything else. That is what I did. You are both young and your carreer can improve and so will his salary. Give the poor guy a break!!
    Salam

  4. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister,

    It seems that you are young and therefore, it is perhaps easy to want certain things and chase after them. Suppose you were not married and you did not have money or your father wasn't able to provide for you the things that you wanted...you wouldn't consider leaving your family to get one that could afford the things you wanted...? I am sure it would not cross your mind. I really think you need to give time and patience to this marriage. You sincerely do not need money.

    As for working...I don't think there is anything wrong with you working and paying for those extra things that you want that are not necessities. Let him take care of the basics...but if you support him, without becoming the breadwinner, there is nothing wrong with it. If you are still not comfortable, then you need to give your marriage more time to build the love and trust.

    It sounds as though your husband is a wonderful person, do not let money cloud that judgement of yours.

    May Allah fill your marriage with blessings, Ameen.

  5. Salaam sister,
    Is what he provides enough for your food and roof over your head? If yes ,then everything else is manageable. Build the rest of what you want with him, work with him, support him, encourage him.Allah will then bless with abundance.Married life is not easy and needs sacrifice.For what you earn if you get employed, it's for your family.I assume you did not marry to milk him and use his money.Build the life you want with him.

  6. Assalam alykum Brother,

    If you are a muslim then this is not the way to give advise to a muslim woman who has come on this site with a clean heart for advise.

    She understands that she is not perfect and needs help to be a better muslim wife. So instead of abusing her try to give some useful advise.

    And please don't use foul language like a** on this site. This is a place for decent muslim conversation. It does not befit a true muslim to use such filthy language.

    May Allah guide you.

  7. Salaam sister
    I hardly message but when I do its mostly to problems that I have been through myself as you learn lessons and I believe its a way to give advice to others. Even though not all situations are the same.
    I have been through what you are going through. I came from a family that didnt have a lot of money yet when it came to wanting things my parents bought it regardless of the price. But it doesnt mean I was spoilt. I kept within what they could afford.
    But when I married my husband life seemed so far from what I was used to. My husband lost his job soon after nikah and we lived in his mums house. The money we had was from what we got from our wedding as gifts or he was claiming benefits. I wasnt.
    After our first child we moved into a rented property and belive me we didnt have enough to buy a bag of potatoes after milk and bread etc.
    It was really hard esp for me. I started feeling really poor. I couldnt buy anything fancy or expensive like I used to. But i remained patient.
    To cut the story short my husband got a job and even though its not a high paying job we still get enough. After 4 years of him having a job we managed to buy our own home with cash Alhamdulillah. Something not a lot of people can do easily. We saved and learnt to look after our money something i wasnt taught from my parents. I wouldnt call my self stingy because I do spend on myself now and it feels like we have achieved a lot.
    Im still shocked as to how Allah had made it all possible and every day I am so greatful that He has taken us from our dark times and bought us to where we are now.
    The key thing here is patience and yaqeen in Aĺlah. Make dua that Allah puts baraqa in your husbands earnings, give as much as you can to charity and make sure you earn it the halal way.
    Its all too soon atm for you as its only been a few months but InshaAllah it will get better for you. Amern

    • I forgot to mention that to get somewhere you have to make a lot of sacrifices sometimes you have to bite your tongue really hard. I know its not easy but dont give up support your husband and help him out if you can because at the end of the day you 2 are one now and helping one another will get you to your destination faster then one person doing all the work.

  8. Sister get a job.thats how I help my husband

  9. Salaam Alaykum to everyone,
    thank you for your reply.
    Yes I need to be more patient with him and our situation, also many problems are coming before of this situation. Im not working cause i moved in another country( the country of my husband) and here people talk arabic, a language i dont know but im doing a class, this is the mai reason why im not working. it is one month i came back to my mom house in my home country cause i needed a break for my marital situation; the lack of money are affetecting my emotional life, i try to explain: we live in a house very far from the center of the city, and we have only a car that my husband use for work, so I cannot go out and i cannot take taxi cause they are very expensive, so for every little thing im depending from my husband; he come back around 6.30 each night so i wait for him for every thing. im spending all my days at home, cooking and cleaning, which is fine cause i like take care of the house, but nothing else, cause our situation now doesnt allow me to do nothing more. im alone and isolated from everything. For this reason me and him argued a lot cause he doesnt realize how much is hard for me the life in this new country, without doing nothing becase we dont have money. As I said now im to my mom house for a while. I feel very guilty cause he is alone at home, but i started to feel depressed and not eating/ sleeping.
    i feel very sad and i dont know how to handle that. I dont want divorce from him, but the life with him is so hard 🙁

  10. As-salamu Alaykum, Sister,
    Try to be more patient, Insha'Allah. Alhumdulellah, you have a husband who works and does his best to provide for you. In my opinion, a little financial hardship is good for the soul because it forces one to be less materialistic and understand the plights of others on a more personal level. Many people live on very little and still manage to raise families and even be happy. One day, your financial situation may improve, and you will Insha'Allah look back on these days with fondness. You will know that you are strong and can make it through any hardship. Your marriage will also be stronger because you stuck together and did not abandon each other when things got tough.

    Do you have access to the Internet in your husband's country? If so, use the opportunity to read, learn new skills, and possibly even start a business from home. If you are studying Arabic, add Qur'an to the mix as well. Make friends with the women around you. If your husband's family is there, spend time with them. Practice your Arabic. Above all, don't envy others for what they have. Busy yourself with beneficial activities. Someday, you may look back and wish you had the blessing of free time again.

  11. It is too late to comment any way. Be satisfied with little and Allah will be satisfied with little on day of Judgment

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