Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband has a porn addiction

Man staring at computer

I met my husband when I was 15 years old... my first love... I always wondered why I was so lucky having met a guy that was not interested to hv to be intimate with me... even though I was against having a relationship before marriage I thought this is different... this is like two people getting to know each other... two people growing to be best friends...

7 years later we married... I felt so lucky to hv married my soul mate... love of my life... the only love I new that existed... knowing we wr moving abroad to start our new journey made me feel amazingly special...

when we married even though we spent time together building a marriage I always fell a disconnect from my husband in the bedroom... he never seemed interested to b close to me or even be intimate .. I always thought mayb it’s because we are newly wed... maybe it’s because neither of us hav gone down that route before... but in our first year of marriage we barely were intimate... maybe once every couple of months... I tried talking to him and asking him what was wrong ect... but he always said this is normal in a marriage...

at the end of our second year of marriage I began to feel like something was wrong with me as my husband always told me he was too tired or he wasn’t interested tonight or told me to be nice to him and he may feel interested... at this point I felt like mayb it’s me that I have a problem... but eventually I turned to the family wanting to end my marriage as I started feeling neglected and low self esteem... our family tried to speak to us both and keep the marriage alive... my husband came out with promises that he will help and fix our situation and that he doesn’t have high sex drive ect..... with my husbands promises I decided to give our marriage another go... after all I have been with my husband for Pretty much the whole of my life...

at the end of the following year I found out I was pregnant with our first child... this gave me so much joy thinkng that our marriage will start being stable again... after my child was born this is when my husband was not interested For 14 months... I told him he had to get help or something... we went for councling we went to doctors... after this we managed to have a little bit of a stable marriage life... twice a month maybe.... I thought to myself I should jus be greatful mayb this is how a marriage is ment to be... soon after I was pregnant with our second child... after delivery I felt alone and suffered from post depression... I felt like I dint recieve the emotional support that I needed from

My husband... he was always far away and disclosed.. my baby was 4 weeks old when I found my husband late at night watching porn.... later to find out that he has a porn Addiction since he was 12 years old... our whole life together he lead this double life... he would stay up at night saying he’s working he would turn me away all because he was addicted to porn

My life fell apart... for me he had been the only person I had been with... the only love I had... after all the times our marriage almost ended he never once went to seek help... after counseling he never thought of speaking to me or a professional... he always made me seem like the issue... im heart broken and I’m trying to see another side to this all but I cnt... I feel torn like there was no value for our marriage... no trust... jus heartbreak...


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

23 Responses »

  1. Firstly, we need to understand that this is the major issue going on which spoiling every second marriage life.
    And I was surprised to hear that even mens indulged in this act after marriage. They supposed to do everything with their wives, then why they are now attracted towards porn.

    Now a very good piece of advise for you that will definately work in sha Allah. Have full trust on Allah swt.
    Your husband just needs the beauty of sex. Porn is nothing but just a beauty and displaying it perfectly. You have to beautify yourself with the extreme you can able to with .

    Remember you have everything what your husband is looking for, you are a girl with same body parts the other girl has. MEN needs to see the beauty in girl.

    So you have to carry it a little bit more harder.
    CAUTION :

    REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO DO ALL THESE STUFF ONLY FOR YOUR HUSBAND. ONLYYY

    Beautify yourself with makeup, even if its required to do makeup on your whole body just do it.
    Make your hairs extremely what mens like the way .
    Perfume your self in the best way you can .
    Beautify your room, your bed with extreme marvellous way.

    But plz beautify your self everytime when your husband is near you. Dont for a sec make him boring towards you.

    So, before intimate or sexual intercourse, make up yourself with full extent. Your voice ,your face everything should must have to be romantic at that moment.

    Simple, do that and leave the rest to Allah swt.
    Dont give up.

    Be strong, and fight against porn.
    Porn is just a delusion that's it !!!!

    Your brother
    Syed

    • Thank you for this tips/suggestions.. My husband is also like this but he has no addiction in porn.
      I am confident to myself and also confident that my husband will get satisfied.

      @ash89 if you cannot stop him in watching porn u can do it with him. watch porn with him.
      i know its not good, but its another way of bonding to get his attention till he forget his addiction.. have more patience if you don't want broken family. i think its ok to just watch than he go with another woman.

      • I disagree with this advice. (No offence intended at all, Dear Sis.)

        Why commit a sin with him????
        If he is not leaving the sin, you should join in with him??

        It's like the "if you can't beat them, join them" concept- which, in my opinion, is not the right way to go about it.

      • sister i disagree with ur sugestion please dont feel bad .............Watching porn is like drug addiction so u cant say someone to start taking drug to help someone to come out of situation but all they need is time and enjoy there married life ....they have daughters who can make the life more beautiful .........they as parents must now focus on there kids future as its big responsibility on them.............i would sugesst have patience it will take time but never loose hope dont fight with ur husband but speak with him at last who satisfaction he gets from it is it because he is feeling lonely ..try to understand him ..........have patience .

        Jaakallahukhair .

        • haha sorry sister.. I know its not good. and yes I didnt feel bad as im accepting if i said or done wrong..sorry for that.. honestly I was also watching porn everyday.. I know its not good, the effect to my body and my mind is not good.. So I stopped it.. Thats why its only my suggestion till she get her husband's attention. but ofcourse its up to her. mine is just a suggestion based on my own experience.

      • Asalamalakem my dear sister watching somebody engaging in unlawful Act is a big sin in Islam please don't advise the poor sister, to join her husband and his an Islamic way of living.that will only hurt her not only in this life but after Life too. I know you tried to help her sister but it it's like advising somebody if your husband is drinking join him. please sister this is an slamic website we should advise sisters and brothers on a Islamic point of view not out of our own point of view. I hope I did not offend you if I did I'm sorry, may Allah bless you and bring you and your husband closer to your Dane.

      • Aysha: Thank you for this tips/suggestions.. My husband is also like this but he has no addiction in porn.
        I am confident to myself and also confident that my husband will get satisfied.

        What do you mean "my husband is also like this"? Have you changed your husband so he is not to be like that?

    • Though beautifying may help but it's not the complete solution to this problem.

      This is for the sister:

      I would highly recommend to get him in the program of "how to quit porn" by going to this website http://www.purifyyourgaze.com
      it is a wonderful and practical program helping those who are addicted to porn.by brother ziyad.

      Please remember it's not about YOU it's the addiction which is the problem. And addicts need help to get out of it and they just don't know how to quit it.

      Hope that helps.

      Regards,
      Abdul Wahab.

  2. Salaam sorry for writing here I don't know where else to but I have been waiting for my post to be published for probably like 6 months now, I posted again and I see it's still not published, still pending. Why? I need help soon I don't have much time to make a decision

  3. @Mohammed Abdul Wahab I agree with your advice so much compared to the sisters. The problem is not her it's the addiction because for a woman to beg for sex it means she has tried all the possible means she could to attract him. May Allah help us

  4. Sorry to say but the only route you now have left is to end this marriage. It may sound harsh to you, but at least it will give you comfort that you made the right decision by deciding not to spend life with someone who was never interested in you.

    Thanks

  5. Do not end this marriage. I think he will get fine one day..

    A few practical advices.
    1- take him to a councellor
    2- Ask him to recite "Astaghfirullah: daily in abundance.. It will wash away his sins, and he will feel bad committing sins again Insha Allah, as this will have a cleansing effect on his heart , by Allah's grace
    3- The problem that leads to addiction is often emotional, like loneliness, inability to face life problems etc ... Ask him whats bothering him and try to help him solve it. It could be something bothering him about his parents/ childhood
    4- At the end of the day, Its Allah who can put faith in his heart,so keep making dua... also try that he offers his prayers

  6. Well sorry to say i am 15 year old kid and i watch porn and do masturbation after a month or like that whenever i watch porn i feel like girls are just sex toy and after masturbation i donot like to see any girl and feel tired like your husband and that's suck.For sure that's the problem with your husband.Well now it' 3 months i donot masturbate and donot watch porn because it's a big sin and also i donot want to ruin my life.

    • May Allah help you, guide you and keep you strong in your efforts, young brother!

      Well, as you're on the other side of this issue, is there any advice you can give the sister that will help her help her husband with his problem?

      Is there anything that she could do to stop him from committing the sin or help him to leave the sin?

      Your Sister in Islam x

  7. Anyone plss help me..im engaged and my fiance is addicted to porn..Which is haram..as am so much in love with him..i cant take this to my heart..can anyone pls suggest me something!

    • Dear Muslimah,

      I would like to advise you to please look for a spouse who fears Allah and is far away from the porn addiction.
      Perhaps you still have time to make a choice before getting married.

      True Love between spouses is only after marriage and before that i think it's infatuation.

      Regards,
      Abdul Wahab.

  8. I married my husband thinking he was the best muslim however I found out later
    My husband is into porn drugs, 'just talking' to other women
    He spends every Saturday away from home these last 17 years
    while I raise our kids who are praying 5 times a day. We only get intimate once every 12 to 15 months and now I am very very frustrated to the point of thinking of commiting a sin
    He is unwilling to give up drugs or other activities
    Should I divorce him ?

    • Can someone please respond to this ?

      • Dear Sister,

        May Allah make things easier for you.

        I would recommend you to kindly go through the link below:

        There are few important points mentioned on the website
        which will help you make a decision.

        Keep up the good job of raising your children with Taqwa.

        Regards,
        Mohammed Abdul Wahab.

Leave a Response