Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband has anger problems – what should I do?

beating abuse physical children

Assalam alaikum,
I have been in a marriage for almost ten years. I have four children. My husband has always been the kind of person who doesnt do alot of work himself. He has a job but after that he has never helped around the house.whether it is helping me to get the groceries or taking me or the children to the doctor. If his mother gets sick then it is upon me to take her to the doctor. He is very unappreciative towards me specially.
Three years after my marriage, it was the first time he slapped me. It was not my fault. Every year his entire family pushes their way into our bedroom and insists on sleeping with us for the summers.
We have had several problems in our marriage. He is always unsatisfied with whatever i do as is his family. Who normally aggravate the situation.
For the first time last year my in-laws did not share our bedroom in the summers. But the hitting has gone bad. Once again he slapped me once because i questioned him about somebody while that person was on call. Next he hit me again because i was discussing something with him and his mother heard us and interfered in the conversation.
Recently he started offering salah so i beleived things would get better.
But now he hit me so bad and so many times even with his shoes that it qas left marks on me and only because i forgot to get his tea.
There has been several occasions previously when he has asked me to leave him saying he would divorce me.
What i ask you is should i leave him now? Even when he gets mad at my daughter he hits her really badly. Starts kicking her though she isnt even seven years old yet.
The same is with the rest of the kids.
In normal days. He is the sweetest person. He takes us out to dinner. Spends on us alot. Has fun with the kids at home. But when he looses his anger there seems nothing but Allah who can stop the rage.
What do i do? Should i continue this relation? Or should i get out of it?
One more thing i need to add. Even with his parents he tries to be loving at times but when he argues with them as well he gets very rude and disrespectful.please help me out.thank you. Hareem

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6 Responses »

  1. Remind him of Allah will deal with you for every action .Hitting is not allowed In Islam and say that if you hate me so much then I am prepared to divorce you because you have the same rights and more as a wife so much that you dot have to cook.I am speaking truth because my wife his a sunni Muslim scholor 7yrs in U.K so understand that you do have rights.The other alternative is that you can call the authorities on him because usually individuals such as your husband has so much anger built up inside that he u leashes it on you.His Faith in Allah is so weak that SHAITAN has become his patron or friend.I advice that you build your faith correctly and start learning and praying 5 times a day because success in this life and the true life to come is only Obeying the commandments of Allah and teachings of Prophet Muhammad. THIS IS THE TRUE SUCCESS THAT WILL GIVE YOU PEACE AND TRANQUILITY HUMBLENESS AND NEVER FEEL SAD OR LONELY.THEY WILL BE BARAKAH IN YOUR LIFE.THIS THE TRUTH.SO STICK TO READING QURAN BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST OF SPEACHES .

    • I will pray more. Thank-you for guiding me better. I normally ask him to recite Astaghfirullah several times. I believe it has the power to overcome anger. But even in a good mood he doesn't recite it or listen to me. I feel I am running out of options and reasons to stay. But I have a daughter and living in the Indo-Pak subcontinent it is difficult to take a divorce. I just pray for the courage needed to deal with this. Please pray that Allah guides me to take the right step.

  2. Asalamu alaikum. Marriage is for the purpose of worshipping Allah and helping each other reach jannah in sha Allah. A man and woman are meant to help eachother spiritually and make eachother feel good and relaxed. Islam fights against oppression of any kind and came to liberate the people, women included. Dont stay in a bad situation. Now forget about yourself but it is your duty as a mother to protect your children from this man. He has an awful character and Allah will deal with him, you focus on getting yourself out. Allah will support you. I am a child of a mother who was in the same situation so believe me I know how painful it is to see your mother being hurt that way dont let your children grow up seeing something like that. I still cant forget what happened. Its not a small problem youre going through its domestic violence. Get out and never look back. Ask Allah to help and support you and He will.

    • Thank-you for your kind words. I will try to get out as soon as I can. As yet my kids have not seen this kind of behavior with me. I'm not sure how long I can hide it from the world. Pray I am able to face what is yet to come and Allah gives me the courage and the guidance to take the right step.

      • Salam sister

        I am in a very similar situation, but I have been married for 2 years but I have known him nearly 10 years. My husband has been hitting me for sp long now that I tend to retaliate. We have a 5mnth old bby. He hit me during my pregnancy befre my pregnancy and even till now. He calls me many many names. He says disgusting stuff to me and ever since I've given birth he has called me ugly but wen u he apologises he says he doesn't mean it. But he has said things many times over n over again. He talked bwt divorce first week of our marriage out of anger. His been talking bwt being with other women how dey wud be easier to deal with. I tiptoe around make sure everything is in order for him but soon as one thing goes wrong he loses the plot. I think I have post natal depression n everytime we argue I cry hysterically n he does not stop and help instead he swers at me even more n calls me names. I beg him to help me I cry to extent I hold his feet to show me mercy but he does not accept it. He jus sits back with his arm crossed. I'm sorry I don't mean to steal ur question but I jus want to say I totally understand I have been thinking of leaving but I have no were to g speshly that I have my bby I don't wana put him thru the struggle of running around and I don't wana go to my parents house as der is no space there n I feel like I'm in der way.

        But yes he shudnt be beating ur kids up. Have u got ur family as in ur parents around somewer u can go to fr a while to teach him a lesson when he does this to you next time?

  3. Aa sister,

    He will not change if you stay and try to change him. You need to leave him now and free your children from the abuse - they will end up hating you if you stay and allow them to get abused.

    If you leave him - there is a chance that he may change. Sometimes people like him have to lose something good and special to realise what they had.

    It's a cruel world. Be responsible for your life and those small children whose trust you have.

    May Allah SWT guide you.

    Ws

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