Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband has no affections for me

Angry husband, no love, husband turning away

Lack of love.

As Salaam Ualaikum,

I am a mother of four, I am married and am forty years old. I am dedicated to Allah and my family. I give all of myself to children, people in need, and family.

I write with a heavy heart. My husband has no affections for me. I am sad as I do not understand. I have tried over the years to talk to him, but he says to shut up and he does not want to hear this.

I am not a needy person. I work very hard at my job. He also yells at my children and can be verbally hurtful.

I don't understand. I pray always. Allah is my first love, I honor and adore him. I do not sleep at night, I am a professional and it is becoming stressful on my physically and mentally.

Recently I have been diagnosed with low bone marrow count. I do not typically drive and am on many medications. My husband will not take me to the doctor and says that I may as well stop going. I try to drive myself but I am nervous. I am very loving and have great respect for my family, I have a lot of love to give, my husband will not hug me or hold my hand, even when I am sick.

I am alone unless I lay down to sleep but I spend my time in prayer and crying until time for work. I feel that after so many years of marriage - eighteen to be exact - my husband perhaps has made a mistake for marrying me and may have regrets. I have no friends and rarely talk to my family. My doctor has given me antidepressants, but it is my heart which is sad.

Sometimes, I think I may ask for a divorce, I do not wish to entertain another marriage, I just want peace and to live in harmony. My husband was happy when I made over three thousand dollars a month, but since I have been sick I make only one thousand per month. Now I am treated as a burden.

I am ashamed to be so sick. I hide it from my children when I can. In my heart if I may say this, if I had to be honest, I do not think my husband loves me or even likes me, he will take my medicines from me and drinks a lot he says he is in pain and then I have to suffer when I am out of medications. I pray to ALLAH to heal me so that I do not need any medications and can be whole again.

My Husband, He does give a lot of attention to other women and I am not a jealous person, but his words to me are so hurtful that they feel like pain through my soul. My son saw him hugging a woman awhile ago and told me, my husband punished him for it, but I knew my son was too little to make up such a thing. Even that I can forgive, I just wish I had a fraction of love from the man I married.

I am asking you please; Can you pray for me and for my children and for my husband that he will find happiness even if it is without me and my children. I humbly ask for advice. I know I need to sleep, it is almost three am. I have to be up for work by six and have a very stressful job in a professional setting. I am grateful that Allah is with me always, I feel lost but not alone. Thank you all. May you have peace and blessings.

- Shandah

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35 Responses »

  1. Are you based in the UK?

  2. Sister, reading your post, I could almost feel your sadness and your extremely low self esteem - in your quest to "give your children and family your all" you have perhaps completely lost yourself; you're not your own person anymore, but someone who lives for others. It's ana amazing thing to do, sister, but only to the extend where you don't neglect yourself! Your own pride, your own needs, your own rights to be looked after (by your husband). A big part of your problem is not what your husband doesn't do for you or don't show you, but you actually accepting him treating you like an ATM and convince yourself that this is the correct role for you to have. No, sister! So what if you've been married for 18 years? That doesn't mean you have to be married for 18 more - if your husband is not kind, doesn't look after you and doesn't even have respect for you and your children then...why do you really need him in your life? Sounds like there's nothing you'll miss out on by getting rid of this man - so why not do it if he shows no desire to repair your marriage and establish a proper relationship?

    You must also think about how unhelthy it is for a child to witness his mother being disrespected by his father. If you have a daughter, she'll grow up thinking that it's normal for a man to not be affectionate towards his wife - and she'll accept the same treatment from her husband as you do from your's - is that what you want? Do you want your son to look at your husband and think that this is how a man should be like? So when he, inshallah, gets married, he'll do to his wife what your husband is doing to you?

    It also alarms me to hear that your husband is capable of giving attention and affection to women - just those who're not you. From what I've seen before, men often act like your husband when they don't like their wives and have relationships with other women, outside of their marriage. Aren't you scared that your husband is in fact having sex with random women, possibly unprotected, and brings home STDs to you? You're sick enough as it is, do you really need an STD to top everything off?

    I'd advice you to initiate a serious conversation with your husband to discuss your marriage and future. If he agrees to have it with yuo, then tell him that you're fed up with being disrespected and things need to change if your marriage has to last. If he tells you to shut, know he doesn't care - and that would perhaps be a good time to seriously consider getting a divorce.

  3. The burden on you is immense. Your words laden with such poignancy that it makes me all the more perturbed about your health. I'm glad about one thing that you have faith in Allah.

    I do not think my husband loves me or even likes me, he will take my medicines from me and drinks a lot he says he is in pain and then I have to suffer when I am out of medications

    What kind of a husband takes away the medication from his wife to get sozzled ? Nonsense! This is perhaps heights of narcissism.

    I know for sure that marriages are not made in heaven and Quran provides ample of proof to corroborate this statement. Prophet Lut's , Prophet Noah's (Peace be on both of them) wives were apostates. Even Zaid Bint Harith also divorced Zainab bin Jash even though they were both ardent believers but were not compatible.

    You are not obligated to carry forward this marriage thinking that this what Allah had chosen for you. You deserve better.
    If I were in your place then I would ask you to initiate the divorce ASAP. When the power rests on the foundation of faith then Allah will make the way for you.

    I must also appreciate that you are a very strong woman and you should not capitulate under the circumstances.

    May Allah give you the courage and sustenance to go through this ordeal. Ameen!

  4. Assalam u alaikum sister!

    In sha ALLAH ul aziz everything will be alright, and really you're one of awesome wives that I came across with.

    May ALLAH pak bless you in dunia and bless your hereafter, same with your children

    • She definiately is heroic, but at the same time, she has lost who she is and there are abusive signs in her marriage (like her husband consuming her medicine/drinking and having no regard for her health while flirting with other women) - she should take care of herself. I understand you want to praise her for what she is doing, but it is self-damaging and a horrible impact for her children. Imagine talking to one of her children, what do you think they would say about their home life?

      Things dont just suddenly turn times, we have to make them right while also making du'a for better times.

  5. I am truly sad when reading your story. I pray for things to be better on your side. Insyaallah. I believe that. Allah loves you so much that He is testing you with such ordeal. Believe me. I can relate to what you are going through. I am separated from my husband for almost a year since we got married last year. So many things happened in between that truly testing my patience and faith. All these happens because i lost my visa and couldn't enter the country. He's been telling me I'm a bad wife and a husband leaver. things like that. Although we skyped daily, but who knows what he do before and after Skype. Recently, i feel that the attention and enthusiasm level when talking to me has dwindled. He is different. Rumors said he's been engaging the haraam but All i have is faith in Allah..

    I don't doubt that divorce would be a solution for you. We have so much love to give..therefore only those are deserving have the rights on these abundance. You deserve to be happy sister. Dunya and Akhirah.

    Much Love from me..feel free to email me if you need a friend 🙂

  6. Shes been married for 18 years and has 4 children. From reading a few paragraphs of her life, Adina Mohammadi and Farrukh, both of you reply by suggesting divorce. There are implications to divorce, particularly to the children and the household in general. Plz be cautious when suggesting divorce. You are suggesting one of the most disliked halal things in the eyes of Allah swt.

    • Definitely divorce is the most hated by Allah--so that we wouldn't abuse the use of it. Allah also made it halal because He knew that it would be needed at times. So, when considering it, it has to be well-thought out.

      I wonder how much worse it has to get for this woman?

      Also, if you read on this site about children who grew up in environment where there was one parent abusive to another, what was that like? It is a difficult decision, and no one is saying it is easy, but it may be something that she has to consider. Her age being 40 and married for 18 years are not the only things that matter - she needs to be taken care of. And if her husband is taking her medicines...what is she supposed to do? She is a professional as well, so it seems she is doing more than her fair share in this marriage (according to her).

  7. All i suggest it that people on this forum do suggest divorce everytime someone posts their problems and asks for help. Read through the advices on this website. Mashallah the editors give great advice, based on quran and hadith. However, other individuals too often suggest divorce after reading 5 to 6 paragraphs of someone's life, who at the time of writing their post, may have been extremely furious and enraged. All i ask is that we do not suggest divorce every darn time. Take a look at 5 random posts on woman explaining their marital situations with their husbands. you will find that at least 4 of 5 posts on this website suggest divorce.
    # i aint hating, im just saying :)))))

    • I agree with you that we shouldn't rush to that conclusion.

      I suppose when I wrote that I was thinking most ppl think it is better for parents to stay together for the kids. Being a child who grew up in one of "those homes" though, I do sometimes think that it is better for parents to part because sometimes when parents hate each other so much, there can be serious repercussions for the kids to the point they are neglected. When the parents only focus on their fighting and their battles, it leaves little to no room for kids' feelings/needs and I dont know how exactly they benefit from that at all. Literally, you have to make a pros/cons list and make sure you are doing the best for the kids when considering to stay in a marriage or leaving it.

  8. I myself was raised in family where my mother and father fought alot!!! not in front of us but they fought! they have been together for 30 years now.

    Myself being recently married, i look back at the times when i saw my parents and thought to myself " this is definitely a good time for them to split. they should definitely get a divorce" but yet they stuck through those bad times and did not throw in the towel. My parents are no where close to the ideal couple, but being someone who grew up in one of 'those' household, I CAN TELL YOU THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I PICKED UP FROM THEM WAS RESILIENCE. i did not pick up their arguing style, nor did i pick up disrespecting woman from them ( as Adina Mohammadi suggests).

    sister Shandah, if you dont get a divorce, the one thing your kids will learn is that marriage has its ups and downs, and that resilience is key to getting through the rough patches.

    • Fighting is one thing, abuse is another. All couples fight or have disagreements.

      It is great if parents do not fight openly and so privately, but that doesnt always happen.

      When couple fights, but some take it to another level. Without going into the details of my parents, I still beleive they should have parted and weighing the pros and cons, mostly little good came of them being together. The details are actually disgustingly horrible. The point is that staying together is not always the best option for the kids. For your parents it was, for mine it was not. You learned resilience. I have seen people develop anxiety and all sorts of problems from their childhood when abuse was common in the household.

      I think we should once more consider:

      1. Her husband drinks! I would say this is a big deal (esp if it has been happening for 18 yrs). This can negatively impact her children and give them a signal that it is ok when it is completely against Islam. He should stop immediately.

      2. He flirts with other women. Because of this (and the alcohol) it makes one wonder if he is having sexual relations with others. She could get STDs. We don't know that he does, but the warning signs are there and we shouldn't ignore them considering what it could mean if they are ignored.

      3. He steals her medication and seems to be dependent on her money since he was happy with her when she was making $3000/month. He has no business taking her money if he is and certainly not stealing her drugs.

      4. He is verbally abusive to their kids and punished his son for reporting that he saw his father hugging another woman.

      Something has to change, especially the alcohol part and verbal abuse! To say patience is the solution is sweeping all problems under the carpet. She has been patient for 18 long years! She should put some conditions down, try counselling, try something. But IF AFTER TRYING all that is possible and he doesnt change or show any improvement and she considers divorce, I think it would be understandable.

      • I agree. Fighting is not really serious, even if couple fighting 24/7 still it's not serious reason to separate. I also know some people fighting all the time, even front of friends they can't stop. But they still love each other . But Here this woman lives hell, I personally can not tolerate alcohol, just for this reason I would not stay a month more. But islamically I'm sure she doesn't have to continue to be abused as she described. Better to be alone than living this miserable life.

    • I completely agree with sister saba. Yes divorce is 1 halal thing which Allah hates but we need to understand why something that is hated by Allah, is permissible by Him. Ur parents were cool kind of fighters so they never fought in front of u.. But i guess u should not measure ever case with one yard stick. Sister my2scents, u r right in pointing out that most ppl tend to advice the poster to get a divorce as if it were some easy escape and they often do it without weighing the pros and cons but some cases like this one are truly hopeless. Tell me if u were to imagine urself in this situation what would u do? Or lets say if u were one of her four kids what would u learn? I think if i were a boy i wud learn to drink and commit fornication without any guilt. I would become numb to my family's needs and concerns and in short become a parasite coz my father was one. If i were a girl id give up on my self esteem and learn to willingly offer myself to tyranny coz my mum did that. Resilience? Definitely not.

  9. hehe im a brother lol 😀

    i See where all of you are coming from and mashallah i love the way you guys are weighing the pros and cons.

    Aside from this post specifically, I would like to see this website give less suggestions for divorce and more tips and advice on trying to make things work for muslim couples. Living in a country where greater than 50% of ppl get divorced ( im in canada 🙂 the laast thing people need is to be suggested divorce right off the bat. we need a website about advice and tips on making muslim marriages work, not a website where divorce is suggested every second post ( exaggerating) 😀

    • As-salamu aalaykum my2cents,

      I agree with you that divorce should be a last resort. However, the reality is that most of the people who post their questions on this website are already at the last resort. They are in deeply troubled and often abusive relationships. Often divorce is the only sane solution.

      I believe that - speaking for the Editors at least - our responses are appropriate to the situation. Whenever possible, if the marriage is salvageable then we try to suggest that.

      However, To resolve the problems in a marriage you have to have a partner who is willing to work with you. Your partner must have at least a measure of love and respect. If there is physical abuse going on, or extreme verbal abuse, or ongoing adultery, or a chronic alcohol or drug problem, then we usually suggest divorce, because no one should have to remain in such a relationship.

      What would you do if, say, your wife slept with your brother, then instead of being sorry, started hiding her cell phone and acting suspicious? What if she drank alcohol, stayed out regularly until 2 am, then punched you in the face if you complained about it? What if she insulted you every day, called you names, and did it in front of your children?

      My guess is that in any of these situations the word "talaq" would come out of your mouth faster than a major league baseball pitch.

      If your answer is that these are extreme scenarios, then yes, that's the point. That's what we get here. We generally don't get questions from men who are unhappy that their wives are bad cooks, or wives who complain about men watching too much TV. Those people don't come to us. The ones who post here are in extreme situations.

      Wael Editor

    • My2cents what an awesome name 🙂 although some of the comments on this website are only worth 1cent LOL!

    • I am about to watch this Insha Allah.

      May be this ought to help

      Stories of divorce and how to avoid it -TheDeenshow

  10. I totally agree with brother Wael. A marriage needs TWO people willing and wanting to put it back on the right tracks - that's why you can read that I never suggested that this sister should get a divorce as the first thing - I actually advised her to have a serious conversation with her husband to give him a chance to show her some kind of desire to remain in the marriage and work on bettering it. I only suggested divorce if her husband told her to shut up, again, as she mentioned he always does when she wants to tlk to him, and if he rejects any suggestions made on his wife's part to save the marriage.

    But what is a person supposed to do if remaining with a spouse causes emotional, psychological and physical harm? It may be that divorce is disliked, but to harm oneself is without doubt and very definitely HARAM. Where has Allah obligated us to tolerate abuse and people causing threats on our mental and physical health?
    Obviously, what is clearly haram (not looking after one's health) outweights what is *only* disliked (divorce).

    I've never understood why a lot of Muslims believe that a person will get rewarded, for their "patience", for tolerating things that makes them depressed and physically ill - how can one possibly view it as a positive things that a Muslim sister has below 0 feelings of self worth and allows her husband to take away her medication that makes her recover and feel better? If this is a good thing, why isn't suicide a good thing, too? Because what this lady is doing is committing slow suicide, really. One day, she might really need this medication in order to survive, but because she's been so passive about ensuring her own health, she could be in real danger.

    Sorry to say (not really), but one's health exceeds remaining in a bad marriage with no respect, no prospects of change and possibly infidelity, too. I'm all for people being strong and not giving up on their relationships so easily - but I'm NOT pro people tolerating the worst things in order to learn some qualities that, in fact, aren't that necessary to adapt. I mean, sure, resiliance is nice if one is resiliant towards impatience in terms of things we want right away - or resiliance is good when we need to brush off what random people say about us. But resiliance is of no use if it's to tolerate abuse and disrespect.

  11. Walaykum as salam, sister Shandah,

    Please, this is just my personal opinion about what you have shared, I hope you forgive me if I am wrong. May Allah(swt) guide my words.

    Listenting to you, I understand you are conscious and awake about what is going on in your life but you don´t have the strength to carry on with the decisions you have taken already which I understand is due to your health condition that weakens you.

    I would set some priorities before making any movement and the first one is to learn about ways to improve your health in the most natural way possible, I don´t know which kind of medication you are taking, or which is the origin of your sickness, is it due to any deficiency? I would study my daily life to see how it is affecting my condition, do I eat properly and good quality?(cereals, fresh vegetables, animal/vegetable protein, fruits, am I abusing of stimulants?(coffee, tea, sugar, salt) am I walking? Am I conscious of my breathing? All of this doing it properly may improve your condition, help you to sleep and give you strength to deal with your daily struggles.

    Imagine we have a box called "energy for the day" with one hundred points, and that you have to administrate between job, kids, house, yourself, family, Allah(swt), husband, think how much you are giving to each of them everyday and now think how much you may need to give to have a balanced life. And remember that this one hundred is given by good quality of thoughts, food, air, emotions. There are many facts that we cannot do anything about but we have some tools to improve our condition, I think it is our duty to use them in the best way possible. This is just to think about it.

    Something that may help you too it is to live, not to live for your kids or your husbands or your proffession, to live for the sake of living doing what you are meant to do but enjoying the fact of being alive just for the blessing of being alive.

    In a marriage there is always two sides and listening to you, you are not happy, but looking at his behaviour he is not happy either, then whatever decision that has to be made will be made by you two, noone else have the right or can make it for you, only you two know where you have your limits.

    We don´t know what is the best for us and our conflicts comes to us to let us know how we need God´s guidance and help to keep going and to know the right path to take, the best decisions that insha´Allah will guide us towards good health and harmony in our life. You pray, Alhamdulillah, and your faith is strong, Alhamdulillah, but what I see it is that you need to stop complaining about him and begin to focus on yourself, everytime you think he is this or he doesn´t do or whatever begins with he..... Stop yourself and instead say: I love you and I forgive you, please forgive me, May Allah(swt) bless you,..... please try, I am trying to send you a message of Unconditional Love, insha´Allah this messages will heal your wounds, his wounds and your kids wounds, I think it deserves a try but as always it is in your hands, insha´Allah I will do my try because I have chosen to be here for you and for them. It may take years, it may take a blink of an eye, only God knows and only Him will make it possible but again I think it deserves the try.

    My beloved Shandah, there is a beautiful way that insha´Allah will help you too and that will give strong roots to your family, do it by yourself at the begining and when you feel confident share it with your kids, this beautiful and blessed way it is to recite the Quran, it is a blessing to everyone, at the begining you may feel embarrased but please keep trying and insha´Allah you will see how your voice changes, how your heart softens, your wounds heal and veils fall from your eyes. Do a little bit everyday(5´ at least), the important thing here is that you keep doing it everyday, this is good for your family too, but don´t force them to do it, insha´Allah they will come by themselves when they see the changes in you.

    My love to you and your loved ones. Thank you very much for listening to me.


    • Assalam O Alaikum sister Maria,
      Thanks for stopping by, nice to see you here again. Hope life is treating you well iA. Allah, another excellent piece of advice as always.


  12. 😛 hehe well i just told 😛

    I see where you guys are coming from, and i completely agree with the ideas of extremes not being tolerated. Adina Mohammadi and Wael, I was not referring to any extreme cases when talking about resilience or resisting divorce. I was simply pointing to the idea of resisting divorce if anyway possible in non extreme cases. Of course in some cases, its not fixable and divorce is necessary. However, i simply wanted to re-emphasize the dislike of divorce in the eyes of allah swt and that in no way should it be the first advice someone gives on this website.

    • If you read our answers carefully you would have seen that none of us offered divorce as the first advice, so I don't understand where your "emphasis on Allah's dislike of divorce" comes from.

      • " if your husband is not kind, doesn't look after you and doesn't even have respect for you and your children then...why do you really need him in your life? Sounds like there's nothing you'll miss out on by getting rid of this man - so why not do it if he shows no desire to repair your marriage and establish a proper relationship?"

        sister Adina Mohammadi, with all due respect 🙂 before even completing one darn paragraph you suggested she "get rid" of her husband. Im not saying that divorce isnt the necessary option here, it may very welll be. im just saying that if ur gonna give marital advice, plz do not suggest divorce as a first option. Any Joe on the street can listen to a marital problem and say " yep, its doomed, divorce that guy" .

        As Brother in Islam mentioned, " if any mistake on my part to separate the spouses will result in Allah ( SWT) asking me on the day of judgement about my involvement in separating spouses whom neither I know personally nor I have seen."

        Thats the reason it is necessary to re-emphasize the dislike of divorce in the eyes of allah swt, because too often divorce is suggested as the first advice.

        🙂 🙂 🙂

        • You can't take people's words out of context like that. What you have quoted me say was me ASKING the sister a question - to make HER think about her OWN situation; to weigh the goods and the bads of her marriage HERSELF. I can't do that for her as, yes, I'm not in that marriage to know what's right and wrong about it. I only have the information she has given me to suggest things by.

          My real advice came in the end of my message when I suggested that she talks to her husband, first and foremost. Please read peoples' messages properly before you accuse them of giving advice that they have not given out.

  13. Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters in islam

    Iam not a scholar in Islam, Iam just one of your brother in Islam.

    Sister, MashaAllah you have been married for 18 years and Alhamdulillah you have been blessed with 4 children. Unfortunately we see spouses separating within few years of marriage and some spouses who yearn to have kids but they can't have any. Alhamdulillah Allah has given you a marriage that has lasted for 18 years and granted you 4 kids.
    May the wrath of Allah be upon the cursed Shaitan that is whispering evil thoughts in the minds of husband and wife and trying to separate them. Shaitan wants two people to fall in love before marriage and thereby resulting in evil things and Shaitan wants two married people to fight with each other resulting in divorce.

    Sister I am neither in support of divorce nor would I encourage it to any person as if any mistake on my part to separate the spouses will result in Allah ( SWT) asking me on the day of judgement about my involvement in separating spouses whom neither I know personally nor I have seen.

    We are human beings and human beings make mistake. I would sincerely advice you not to take any hasty decision.

    1. Ask Allah to change the heart of your husband for it is Allah who changes the heart of a person and it is he who instills love between the spouses.
    2. Whatever you feel to share, share it with your husband and tell him how you feel. Tell him how much you love him and tell him about Prophet Mohammad(PBUH) and his life. Tell him that you feel lonely and need his attention. Tell him about his shortcomings. Tell him about the punishment of Allah and tell him about the future of you kids.
    3. If things are not changing then wait and ask Allah about it and be patient.
    4. Dear sister in islam, if you have done all the above steps then involve wise and knowledgeable elders from both of your families who advice you both. These knowledgeable and wise persons should have a zeal in their hearts to combine you both. They should not be a jaahil who wants to break your marriage and they should not talk about your marital issues to others.
    5. May Allah bring your husband to right path and forgive him and may you live a happy married life again.Amen.

    NOTE for everyone including me first:

    1. We shouldn't get angry at a Man/ Women whom we have never seen or met and then throw his faults and cursing him on a place where any person in the world can see(Internet in this case). If what we said about the man/women is false then we are liars. If what we said about man/women behind their back is true they we have committed Gheebat.
    2. We shouldn't use our current situation/experience while answering the question rather we should say what Allah and his Messanger has called for
    for ex: A women may be having a problem with his husband having an affair / abuse or viceversa, then this person may log in and post the answer spewing the anger and his venom thereby breaking the marital bond of a person whom he had not known personally.
    3. We should put our own brother/sister in this situation and think about what we would suggest if he had gone through what the questioner asks, not only in this question but everytime. Everytime any one asks some question then put yourself. I mean really think about your wife leaving you or your husband leaving you. Think from both the sides.
    4. Scholars spend their entire life learning islam and yet they are so humble when answering questions Allahuakbar. We are just normal people with a PC/laptop and internet connection and yet the arrogant in our hearts is so much. Allah forgive us. He is the one who forgives.

    Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest(13:28)

    Certainly, to Allah belongs all that is in the heavens and the earth. Surely, He knows your condition and (He knows) the Day when they will be brought back to Him, then He will inform them of what they did. And Allah is All-Knower of everything.[Surah 24: Ayah 64]

    Whatever good presented is from Allah and only the mistakes are mine. May Allah forgive my faults and may Allah help us. Amen.

  14. It'd be better to divorce him than to burden yourself with such a painful marriage...It will not be good for your health...I can only say may Allah soften this man's heart, I wonder if he even has one..This heartless man who shows affection for women outside marriage, such people will certainly be punished by Allah..Be patient for this is a test by Allah! The reward for your suffering in this temporary world will be very much greater! Also you have four wonderful kids with you as well who will definitely always be there for you! I don't understand the loneliness you mentioned when you have 4 lovely kids!

  15. Shandah Mohtarama
    your problem is so simple your man had been involved in other woemns and when you feel that i ahve delicious food at other door why i pay attention to my door.He is 100% involved out side.You have done a lot for him and having kids so enjoy the life for kids and leave him and when he will be kicked so that will be your day.prayes for you.

  16. I am also very sad, my husband does the same thing. he deceived me to believe that he was looking for work when all the time he was on the computer in chat rooms with other women trying to meet them and get their personal information (phone numbers etc). I also learned that he wired money to one (500) but when I was in desperate need he did not give me a dime! I had to go to a co worker to borrow the money and that woman he wired money too I learned is a drug addict. I have a little boy with this guy who sits around on his butt and does nothing but read news, look at women, walk up to them all the places we go to talk with them, at the end of the day telling me that he does not want to see my face, that I disgust him, that he is too good for me. really? does he work? does he care for me or his child? I have seen him in all my years with him have two jobs. he could have kept both, the first on he left because he did not want to study in order to do better, the second he lost because he lied and told his boss that I was his mistress rather than his wife. he was embarrassed because I am white and he thinks he is brown. I am very sad, I am getting very depressed, I cannot even depend on him for sexual intercourse in a proper way, its all about him. he points to the floor, does not kiss or hug or touch me in any way, even he hits me on the head when he wants sex, like I am his dog! so what is the advice for this? also from the sister who has the same problems but even more so with four kids and eighteen years or marriage? also I did not do arranged marriage with him, I arranged my own as I have no wali, I choose Islam as Allah is my love of my heart and life. so what kind of non since am I dealing with here?

    • In ur case I can understand if you give him divorce he will keep getting 50% of your income as I believe he is unemployed since you stated he lied he was looking for work... You have to push him forward for a job even if you have to use help of his relatives and then you need to divorce him, I am sure there will be a man out there who will make this seem like it was all in the past and you'd be happy it even happened... Do istikhara to ask Allah before making a final decision... Also in such cases the best divorce is a Islamic divorce that requires just a declaration from your husband and if he refuses to do that, you need to get a khulla and you can get that easily since he doesn't work rather spends his time on haraam things and then live separately so that he can suffer on his own..You need to make him realize these things and also you need to move forward at the same time... I was reading the story of this woman who wanted her jerk of a husband back at all costs at one point but he won't take her and it was when she found herself closest to Allah..The verses of Quran helped her move forward and today she is happy with her second husband and e.t.c....In Islam a man needs to fulfil his duties as a husband one of which include providing for his wife and if he fails to do that even though he can, you by all means have the right to divorce him.. Be patient as this is a test by Allah and you know my aunt who suffered from breast cancer told me once that all good times and bad times come to an end and I think it really helps to think of this.. You will be rewarded for your sufferings so believe in Allah but at the same time you need to use your own rationality to make decisions of what you need to do..People can always advice you but deep inside your heart you know what the right answer is but Allah will give you strength to follow through those decisions regardless of how hard they seem...

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