My husband is an alcoholic, gambler, smokes weed and keeps having sex with other women.
"He drinks alcohol..."
I m 35 and have been married for 9 yrs with 2 small kids. My husband gambles, drinks and then has sex with other women. He smokes weed. He also goes to nude bars. When I tell him to quit, he gets aggressive and becomes very abusive. We have not slept together for almost 2 years now as I don't want to, neither does he want to, as he has at least 200 different women around him. My parents do not want me to divorce him. Please guide me in the light of Islam as to what should I do. I m getting too tired mentally and physically. I have tried everything possible but nothing has helped. He thinks there is nothing wrong with him and puts his all blame on me. I have heard from his friends that he was always like that. He does not even care about his own kids. Please guide.
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Assalaamu alaikum sister Zarlish,
Its a horrible situation to be in and Im sorry to hear that your going through this. However, in order to advice you properly, we do need to have more information than what you have provided.
Undoubtedly what your husband is doing is totally haraam and unacceptable and I also know that nothing will justify such a behaviour, however, with such information, what else can we possibly advice you but to say "yes this is horrible, divorce him" ? Can we possibly say anything else? Is that what you want to hear?
It is easy to just divorce and you can go for that option quickly, however, l feel its wrong to advice you that seeing how much I am aware of your situation and its details.
So be a little more informative as to how things have become this bad..because you claim that it was through his friends you find out that he was always this way. You mean to say when you initially married him, you didn't know he drinks, smokes, is aggressive, or any of his bad habits?? How did you marry him if he has always been this way and why is it that you were not aware of any of this? Or you were aware? If so, then after knowing this why DID you infact marry him?
Has he really been this way all throughout the marriage or did he become worse later on? Any reasons you could think of as to why he has totally lost it and gone this far?
What exactly is "everything possible" which you have tried but isnt working?
May Allah make it easy for you and guide you towards that which is best, Ameen.
Was salaam.
Masha Allah this is very good.
Dear sister your parents dont have to live this horrible life you have described you have a choice its up too you, take your children and get as far away as you can before you children think this is how Muslim family's behave and their father is normal.
AS a woman you have needs: physical, emotional, etc. You need to leave this relationship for yourself and your family. This man is way out saving anything himself, let alone his relationship, for TWO years. Your parents are clearly more worried about something other than you and your wellbeing (ie their status in the community) if they have allowed this nonsense to occur for two years without any change.
Give him an ultimatum to change immediately. If he doesn't go for khula.
Dear Sister,
First of all, seeking help is difficult, and I want to applaud you for your efforts to try and make it work.
I feel the response from "Faith" to be a bit blaming...
Your husband needs help. If he is doing drugs he in putting you and your family in danger. Maybe asking a friend to come to your home and talk to him about seeing a professional would convine him. Or talk to his family?
Sister Zarlish,
Leave him!
Parveen
x
Aslam u alaikum
It was an arranged marriage n his family looked like very nice, educated n sober. When we got married I was in Pakistan n he was in states n I did not knw much about till I did nit reach states with him. The very first day I came to states, I was alone at home till 1pm n he told me he was working but actually he was gambling. I was new in this country so it took me a while to know what he is actually doing outside the home. N when I knew, I confronted him but he never stopped rather his drinking, gambling& womanizing kept increasing . I want to divorce him but I nit financially independent coz he never let me do anything. He wants to stay at home with kids n he can do anything he wants. He sold my all jewelry coz of his gambling, drinking & paying to wemon fir sex. I m tired now & want a peaceful life n a house where I can lead my life according to sayings of Islam with my kids but where do I get money from. Plz pray for me tht I come out of this pain soon.
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SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Zarlish was the original questioner and i suppose this thread is meant for her, or do you want her to log in and wait for months before her questions would be answered??.
Allah is testing you sister. I'm in the exact same situation. Sometimes I just want to run away from the world. But I'm 18 . I've been with him for around two years. I feel like it's a battle everyday. It's easy for people to tell you"just leave" it's much deeper than that... It's literally complicated
I'm sorry but the only thing I keep thinking of is sexually transmitted diseases!!! EWW. He's around w/all these other women, he can give her all sorts of diseases. AIDS, Cervical Cancer.....its a long list.....and so forth. Quiet frankly his behavior is not Islamic and this woman has every right to protect herself and her children. I wish you the best, I will do dua for you & all the woman who are in your situation.
This is not a marriage bureau and no place to be publishing phone numbers of email addresses. If you are genuine, please visit matrimonial sites such as http://www.zawaj.com.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
let him go ..your case is to extreme.. Your family will have to get over it.. you have children think about them & start a fresh life.. Start of by praying your salah, zikr, recitations of the holy Quran .. Inshallah you will feel gr8'..'now your
Husband has crossed all boundaries & has gone to far .. He doesn't deserve you.. let the filthy man go..'you will be happier .. Istakhara
Is a
Great way
Of asking for direct guidance from Allah (swa)
I had a Muslim boyfriend and he was a heavy drinker, I started drinking with him and couldn't even stop because of his influence ( before him I drank only once). I had to leave him after being with him for years, I lost all hope in advising him anymore. They were many times I quit and begged him to do the same, I begged him to ask Allah for forgiveness so we can both get on the right path. He didn't listen or care so I got fed up and thought about what will happen and hell fire so I packed my stuff, left for an even more difficult living situation and my life has been very good without his drinking, thank Allah. Sometimes you must be selfish and put yourself first as much as you want to save the one you love.