Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is angry all the time…

Violent abusive husband choking his wife

He's so angry with us, all the time...

Salam all my brothers and sisters

I have a problem. I'm in love with my husband. He is my everything! He is perfect he feeds the poor, he gives etc but 1 problem with him! His anger!

We are a little family of four. Me my husband and our two beautiful children. We stay to ourselves and pretty much don't do much.

My problem though is I think my husband was grown into life thinking the man is right always and the women and children need to shut up and accept it. I know he grew up with a strict father that always hit to "discipline" and now I think he thinks that that's okay so he is doing that to my children.

The kids are 7 and 4. They are babies! Kids want to play and play. I mean come on they are kids.

Let me say a how my life is. He is at work all happy. When he calls he's laughing with people, co workers etc. when he comes home boom. He starts. Complaining about the kids running to the door for excitement that their dad is home. Then he complains of the house smell or something. He can't just say Salam he needs to start the judging. Then When he wants them in bed they have to listens like robots. They can't make a single sound or he will go in a spank them. At times I shut up to not make it bigger but at times I have to defend my children. Then we are all in bad moods and sleep mad. When he is off of work same thing but from morning to night. Screaming and hitting. I want to just grab all my things and leave. But I have no money and my family aren't that comfortable either. I make duaa for Allah to make him love us and be sweet to us but nothing has changed. At times I want to just kill myself but who will care for my children? Please I want to write more but I don't want to bore anyone! Help me! I confront him a lot! I'm thinking of calling his mother and telling her! I don't know!!! Help

confusedtildeath


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9 Responses »

  1. OP: He is perfect he feeds the poor, he gives etc ...........When he is off of work same thing but from morning to night. Screaming and hitting. I want to just grab all my things and leave. But I have no money and my family aren't that comfortable either........ At times I want to just kill myself but who will care for my children?

    Your husband has some kind of psychological problem(s). Are you really in love with your husband? Controlling and angery husband can be very bad for kids. Is there intimacy problem?

    • I try to be the best wife. He backs ways at times and says he doesn't wanna talk. I tell him it's not good for kids. He tells me they need to be "raised"

  2. Salaam,

    I said tried therapy. Agreed, it is the way he grow up, he was raised just like that. No one is perfect, when you got married, you said " for the better or the worst. It is your job to help him, not only with prayers but also with therapy and talk to him...
    Ex. After work tell him, the kids will play for 2 hours then they will do this and that... then talk to your kids to all help as a family and tell him something like"... I know you had a hard day but daddy can we play one more hour..."
    2.. Or daddy why do you hit us when we try to have fun..:
    Always talk to him when he is in GOOD mood, get it OUT of him... because no one is perfect and go to a therapy little by little, if he does not want to join you to the therapist, take your kids, there are many cheap therapist... also if you are not working, may be you should do something, or study.. I am not sure which part of the country you are but you need to better yourself, this is the 21st century.. he does not have any psychological problem rather a way he was raised and grow up with,, he needs help don't give up on him..

    NO one knows your husband like you do... No matter what anyone tells you, do what I advised and see how he can change little by little.. and after trying all the above for at least a few months and he has not changed and if he is getting worst and worst and does not want to seek help then tell him you will call the child protection on him if he does not stop hitting the kids..may be that will be a awake up call for him...and this is after all resources.

    Good luck!
    Wasalaam.

  3. Sister you do not deserve this abuse. Your husband sounds very abusive and I fear for you and your children's safety. You have two children to think about and they are a trust and amana for you from Allah. You need to protect them first and think of their well being as well as your own as you also are an amana and you need to take care of yourself and be safe. Abusers usually do not change unless they have a deep desire to do so within themselves. You can not change your husband to be better to you or sweet to you. But you do have control over yourself and your children.
    It depends what country you are in but many countries have counselors and domestic violence centers where women can go for help as it is a crime to abuse women and children. Marriage was meant so spouses could live in harmony and tranquility not in abuse and pain. Do you have family you can turn to for help and possibly separate from your husband to be safe? Your safety for your children and yourself should be your most important priority. Without trust ,love and safety in a marriage there is nothing. You have a right to seek safety and not suffer this oppression from your husband. I feel very sad you are going through this and hope you find the courage to leave and get safe. Then your husband can decide if he wants to do the work to stop being abusive but wait to see real changes before ever going back as abusive men usually do not change and so your endangering your life and the life of your children who are precious and much more worthy then this abusive husband who acts horrible to you. Pray to Allah for guidance but also take action as you can only advocate for yourself and your children.

  4. If your family can not help maybe a friend or relative. You can find a domestic violence center to help you if family will not, depending on where you are.

  5. confusedtildeath: At times I want to just kill myself but who will care for my children? Please I want to write more but I don't want to bore anyone! Help me! I confront him a lot! I'm thinking of calling his mother and telling her! I don't know!!! Help

    Feel free to share more. Confronting him is not going to help you. I don't think his mother can do much. There may be some kind of insecurity...... There may be other issues....getting angry may be an excuse to justify
    keeping away from you......just think. Marriage counselling may help

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