Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is chatting to women

Keyboard keys showing man and woman

My husband had been chatting to women on his phone or WhatsApp for a very long time. To the point in the end I allowed him to marry. It was very difficult and he rushed into it and spent 2 months with a woman and then divorced her. Saying it wasn’t working as he wanted and he knows that it hurt me.

I allowed him to get married as he said it was why he was chatting online. He then said that he wouldn’t do it again.

Men has since then chatted online and created an account on a marriage website that states that he isn’t married and doesn’t have any kids despite having 3.

i found this out and confronted him and he said he was stressed and bored and he wouldn’t do it anymore and delete the account and the women who are on his phone. I told him that if he wanted another wife he could but he had to take his time and we would do it properly. He said no he doesn’t want another wife and he won’t chat anymore.

I have now now yet again found him within the space of 2 weeks chatting again.  I know it is his weakness and a sickness and he says this too but I have had enough.

I brought up our children I work and pay the rent and sort everything out and he helps a little.

I love him very much but have grown tired of this rubbish.

What do I do? I have been patient and I have prayed and made dua and I have also done istikara and I still don’t know what to do.

Noone from his family can tel him as he won’t listen and his father has died who was the only one he would listen to.

Very frustrated Muslima

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3 Responses »

  1. as salaam u alaikum sister,

    Making dua for your husband for Allah to guide him is well and good,but the change has to come from him.
    You are giving him way too much of freedom to act on his lusts and emotions...would he do the same for you(I know its not what you want).

    Moreover you give him no reason to work hard for you and the kids as you are self-sufficient.

    Allah has so beautifully designed surahs and hadeeth that guidelines the dos and donts in a marriage.
    May Allah guide you Insha Allah

  2. Salam sister

    I have very little patience for such disrespect so I can’t even imagine how you are dealing with this. It’s great that you are praying, making dua, and asking for Allah’s guidance. Inshallah He gives you strength and rewards you for keeping the household together. The husband is ordered to care for the wife and yet he’s doing very little. On top of that he’s chatting to other women, an act of unfaithfulness. First, do not in any way think that his mistakes reflect your worth. It’s not a you problem, it’s a him problem. You are a beautiful sister deserving of endless love and attention. While he may not be a demon, his actions need to be taken seriously. If he’s been chatting to women for this long behind your back he needs to get help from a marriage counselor as well as a sheikh. Consider couples therapy if you haven’t. I also agree with the other sister, you need to be more stern with him and ask for his online information. Demand that he gives you his password, he’s admitted he has a problem so it is only fair you check up on him and regulate his technology

    But eventually, you are going to have to draw the line if nothing else works. If you really love him you can try the options I’ve suggested but if he isn’t willing to change you may have to consider a divorce. You may be thinking “oh, it’s not that serious” but this could be the first step to future affairs and secret relationships. There is no point in spending your life with someone who can’t properly love you back. He may “love you” but his actions prove it’s not sincere enough. You deserve a pious man who follows Allahs command instead of lying to the wife. Make serious prayers for any decision you must make and consult in a trusted peer as well.

    May Allah ease your difficulties

  3. Sister, tell him enough is enough.

    If you keep letting him get away with it, he is going to abuse your trust and take advantage of the chances you're giving him and the love you have for him.

    Not only will this wreck his life, but yours and any children you have.

    With all due respect, I don't think he is taking you seriously because of all the chances you're giving him.

    Tell him that he should give it up or you will seek a Khula. This will let him know that you are very serious about his behaviour and your disapproval of it.

    Perhaps, also let him know that he is not being a good role model for his son (? If you have one?). Would he be happy if his son/ children did this in future?
    Sometimes, children can change their parents. They can be the driving force that stop their parents from sinning. Truly, they are a blessing!

    May Allah make it easy for you. Please continue doing dua for him. I'm not saying he will change overnight, but, in sha Allah, he will.

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