Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is committing zina with the same woman before and after our marriage

secretAssalamu Alaykum

My name is Clarita. I came to UAE year 2013 and met a muslim guy. We became friends and was able to know more of each. He told me that he is married with 2 kids. I am divorced woman with 4 children. He introduced to Islam to me and teach me about islamic belief. I have seen his faith and it helps me to have a better understanding about Islam. I've reverted June 2014.

September 2014, he called me, telling me that his wife is coming to UAE for a month and that he will not come to work during that month. He reported back to work October, then November, he invited me and our colleagues for a dinner, then he told me that he likes me and wants to marry me. I did not accept that time because I am not ready to be a second wife.

With his persistence, we became closer and eventually I accepted the engagement in August 2015. During that period, I ask him why he is not introducing me to his family (brothers, sisters, etc). He told me that he will introduced me after we got married because he is afraid that I might not continue with it.

October 2015, he send me a message that his wife will again travel to UAE and she will spend a month. I was broken hearted, because I was not really used of this kind of set up, but because I am starting to know more about Islam, then I have to accept it.

After 1 year and 5 months of being engaged, we finally got married February 2016. Everything went well at first. However, I am slowly learning that there are things that was wrong. I was never introduced to his family. During our marriage under Sharia Law, the 2 witnesses came from the Masoon not from us (not family, not even our muslim friends). I questioned him, but everytime, he is just telling me "not now". I asked him if his wife knows that he got married here, he says yes, she knows.

Then, September of the same year 2016, his wife again came for a month visit. They stayed in hotel while I stayed alone in our home, not visiting me even once. After a month, he came back to our home and started again being my husband.

November 2016, I went home to my country and stayed there for 2 weeks. When I came back, everything is just the same, but 1 time, it slipped into his mouth that he wants to be a father but not now. I was shocked and I told him that "you told me that you have 2 kids", his answered was, the 2 kids came from his wife's 1st marriage not from him. Which I totally understand, he is claiming the kids because he is married to their mother. I told him, let's have our own baby, but he said "not now", and he ask me to take pills because he doesnt want me to get pregnant soon.

(Editor's Note: The post is incomplete and ends here. Judging from the title of the post I guess she eventually discovered that the other woman is not actually his wife?)

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3 Responses »

  1. Why upload if not complete her whole story don't Make sense

  2. Assalaamualaykum Clarita,

    If your husband continues the haram relationship with this other woman, and you continue to be left in a shroud of mystery about the whole thing including not being introduced to his family, then you should ask him to explain himself fully. If he is not willing to, you should probably consider leaving him. However, if he understands that his actions were a mistake and is willing to give up his other relationship for Allah and for you, then it would be best to find a way to forgive him and move on with your lives together. If the other woman were truly his wife, then I believe it would be best for you to meet her too, on one of her many trips, but I don't think that's the case here, according to your post.

    May Allah give you clarity and comfort, Ameen.



  3. If that woman is his wife, it's not considered zina. If you failed to have a wali on your end, you should reconsider the validity of your marriage to this man, since having a wali (dad, brother) from the woman's side is essential for a valid marriage.l

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