Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is daily calling to some escorts

Husband ignoring wife while texting on phone

Salaam all of u.

I'm 20 years old. I'm a beautiful, religious and very soft hearted person. These days I'm totally dying inside me n very upset about my life. We got married last year.

Our marriage life is going very smoothly, my husband is a very good person, he won't hide me anything, but he's a short tempered person, he loves me so much cares me like his baby because the age gap between us is 11 years. I'm too young, but I'm well matured, I too love him very much I never want to lose him.

Honestly I don't like to let others know about my issue but really these days I can't bear this. I'm dying inside me.

Now I'm coming to the topic - my husband working in night sifts usually he'll back to home at the morning. He won't hide me anything I usually use his phone but on that worst day I found some unknown numbers in his phone but I didn't doubt him, and then I found some messages as well but I thought it'll be some wrong messages. Few days after I found some messages mentioned that about full escorts but really I don't know the meaning of that word.

After I Google it and find the meaning I died that second. I can't bear that, I cried a lot, I blamed myself because the reason for that may be me. Now I can't type I can't even think about this.

He got to know that I've seen those, he lied me that some of his friends uses his phone, he didn't do anything. Again after faw days also when I'm using his phone I got a message and some photos from those numbers. My heart was already broken again that's so painful to me.

I asked to him that night he shouted me fought with me n he promised me he didn't go there. But still he's talking to those numbers, but I don't know he's going or not but he's talking and doing sinah.

I can't bear this. I don't know why he's doing like this because I treated him like my prince, I gave him whatever I can? I don't know how to cook but daily I tried some of his favourite dishes n gave him. I don't know what's wrong on me.

I need his satisfaction because then only Allah accept me n my deeds now also I'm praying for this.

Please please give me some good advice n help me to save my husband from those haram relationship. I'm so disappointed n depressed in my life, passing every single second is like a hell, Allah only can help me..

Please I'm kindly asking u all to help me I need someone's advice. I just want him and his pure love. Please advice me. And add me in ur each n every duas


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21 Responses »

  1. "I need his satisfaction because then only Allah accept me n my deeds now also I’m praying for this."
    Just a word, Allah gives you deeds regardless of the satisfaction of others. You're a free agent in your own life. Of course your deeds may be compounded when you give pleasure to others for an honourable reason, but your husband doesn't stand between you and your good deeds you do for him. You do them with good intentions, and you get the deeds.
    Once I gave a sandwich to a homeless man. He said he wanted a coffee instead. I had no more money so I had to leave him with his sandwich, but regardless of his satisfaction, I got my deeds. The approval of others isn't in my power, just as your husband's preferences for escorts are not in yours. You can't feel responsible for his dishonourable acts, and God doesn't hold you responsible either if you're doing what you can do as a spouse.
    On how to handle him, I say talk to your parents. Have your parents talk to his. Age brings maturity, and parents are old enough to understand that there's no excuse for escort info being sent to your husband's phone. You can't make him behave, but a man will always cower from his mother's shame on him. Its their problem, it's an issue of how he was raised and his misbehavior. Don't try to fix it alone, and don't suffer in silence. That becomes abuse.

  2. Wassallam.. my sister your husband is making you hurt actually the devil shaitan dose not get more than happy in any act except of this. Shaitan always remains behind of of husband and wife separation. You should start ayat e kareema. Recite daily as much as you can by intending to remove your all problems. It is better to recite 1111 times daily but if it will seem to be more so recite at least 511 times daily and try to recite odd numbers and In Sha Allah after reaching five to ten thousand you will see spontaneously changing..

    • Brother this is not Islam .Allah has made deen easy.If were not praying correctly on time with proper wudu and all other conditions then how do you expect to get help from Allah.People not even doing the basics and yo expect to just sit there and do that many zikr .She is a girl and the best example to man kind is Muhammad S.A.W .the prophet is the way we should follow and those who adapt his way of life will have PERFECT NOOR ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT!

      • I got thunderstuck by seeing your sentences... Qur'an and zikar is the weapons of muslim. Now a days people are having times for listening music and other works but don't have time for zikar... don't you know the power of Qur'an as Hazrat Yonus alai salam recited it when he was in the belly of fish as solitary custody... I know completely that there is no way if her husband is cheating but what is difficult to Allah? No never nothing if Allah want anything to do so Allah just say do so it is happened. If Deen is easy so why are you stooping to sister to ask Allah's help... don't you know about Angel of haroot and maaroot as this ayat in surai Bakrah. What Allah mentioned in this ayat you know that how shayateen separates husband to his wife and wife to his husband by putting waswasa on hearts. If Allah is not enough and as you said it's hard face of Islam so where she should go now? What should she do? Should she go for separation but she should not ask to Allah's mercy by reciting Qur'an. You know ayat e kareema it's ayat in surai Ambiya so she should not do this as you said hard 'typical... I don't think so because except of this she dose not have any way because her husband...

        • Salam Talha Brother,

          I think you are getting the wrong message and correct me if I am wrong. The other person is not saying to stop doing dhikr to help this sisters situation. He is saying reciting this many times every day won't necessarily cause the situation to change. It will help the sister herself for sure but what about her husband and his messages? The numbers you have mentioned(after five to ten thousand recitations) won't give her results in my opinion. Praying and doing dhikr helps a lot but she also has to take initiative with talking to family members for help.

  3. My sister you are very young to be married to someone who is older because of the age gap it can be a problem. I totally understand because i was 30 and my wife was just 19 when i married her.Mind you she is a scholor. And it makes a world of a difference!!If this brother is not praying 5 times a day and going to the mosque and jummah etc..Then how is he being guided.There are 2 people in this world believers who fear Allah and are soft in words and are kind to others and patient in whatever test comes there way.The other follow shaitan they can be good at times but follow the world and its desires.My advice lifes short.You must let him know that you will divorce him and move on with your life.And sister love grows just because he was your first doesnt really mean that you love him.This is a deception.I only met my wife 3 times.And in thise 3 visits she had a list of questions.Well we were both looking for Iman first......the rest follows.Now 10yrs passed i have 2 girls 9yr old and 6 yr old they go swimming taewondo madressah full time and go to school.This is the family life.And cooking comes in time....So sister if he doesnt have goals and plans.Then your in no loss because your young and got your whole life ahead of you to make it better through your experience.By the way you must build your foundation in Islam.You are a muslim you have an obligation .Because you will be responsible for your own actions so be prepared.Success in both of the worlds is only obeying Allahs commandments and following the life style of our beloved prophet.

  4. Does he have credit card bills or something like that where it shows that he's paying for it? I know this is hard but if it is one of his friends that's doing this then he may be telling the truth.

    • Aa sister,

      You are very young and have a whole life ahead of you. Leave now and get khulla. You will never be happy with him because even if you can forgive him he will never change. He is an addict with sexual obsession. He is unwell and needs help. Do not let him near you - in case he has an std.

      Just leave and tell him to get help. You will be sad for a short while - but better off in the long run. So sorry


      • You are very young and have a whole life ahead of you. Leave now and get khulla

        # Amelia

        Very awful advise, divorcé is not the solution, what is the guarantee that her next husband turns out to be an angel?

        The solution is she should talk to the families and elders who can advise him to change his ways.

    • Jazhakallah everyone.I'm very strong in my imaan,Allah'll help me but these days my health is not good, I'm very sick by all these,I found a hell of problems, oh my allah pls help me. Yesterday also he went there, so painful, I'm just praying to Allah to not give this kind of problem to anybody I found so many proofs for this.he's going there, he broke my heart many time, still I pretend to be ok with him, he doesn't know that I knew this, so many lies r killing me. Pls ask dua for me pls.I believe Allah n I'm strong in my iman as well. We are in this world to test by Allah so I never miss my prayers,recite so many quran surahs, pray hajat daily n do somany diqr to prevent him from this evil but he's not strong in his iman so that he's easily doing this awful thing. Pls advice me

      • salam sister

        so sorry to hear that. i'm sure your mature and your iman is strong however its doesn't mean you need to live with this. you have asked for advice and here it is, take the evidence and go you your parents and they need to be involved. i cannot stress this enough. this can only start to stop when he has been confronted by elders/parents. he wants nothing more than to be kept quiet so he can go on doing this. your parents are there to pretect your honor. please go tot hem.

        we can only write words but its you that can change your situation. pray for strength to do the right thing.

        may your affairs be eased. amen.

  5. Glorification

    This Ayat E Karima includes the glorification of Allah Almighty. There are many benefits of reciting this expression. The dearest word is “Subahan Allah” in the eye of Allah Almighty. A tree is planted in the paradise for every recitation of “Subhan Allah. When we recite one time “Subhan Allah our 20 sins are being removed and 20 virtuous are recorded.
    • Forgiveness

    This expression is also included in Ayat E Karima. Allah likes those who ask forgiveness. It is said in Quran E hakeem that:-
    “Surely Allah loves those who turn unto him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves.”

    Benefits of reciting Ayat E Karima according to Ahadith:-
    It is narrated by Sa’at Ibn E Malik that:-
    “I heard Prophet SAW Saying: Should I not inform you of Allah’s Greatest Name (Isme Azam) when dua is invoked with it, it is accepted and what is asked for thought it is given? This is the supplication through which Yunus AS called Allah from within three darkness. This is as under:La ilaha illa anta,Subhanaka,Inni kuntu minaz-zalimin (There is no god but You, You are far exalted and above all weaknesses, and I was indeed the wrongdoer). A man asked: O Rasulullah, Is this dua special for Yunus AS or for all the believers? Prophet SAW said: Have you not heard the words of Allah (in the Quran):”And We delivered Yunus(AS) of his distress, thus We grant deliverance to all believers[Quran]”.
    Benefits of reciting Ayat E Karima
    • It fulfills the right desire of the person.
    • It overcomes all the difficulties
    • It solves the marriage issues.
    • It Defeat and overpower enemies and tyrant leaders.
    • It is a best treatment for incurable diseases.
    • It is a cure of any type of magic.

    So save yourselves from all the troubles by reciting this beautiful Ayat E Karima. May Allah help us in all the difficulties (Amen).

    • Talha, it seems you strongly believe that zikr can solve everything but this doesn't make logical sense, nor is it backed up by the Quran.

      Logically, if this were true then any marital problem could be solved. So even if you were with an angry wife who emotionally abused you and were about to get a divorce she could zikr it up and next thing you know, you're still married to her for the next 50 years, she still abuses you.

      Or a husband that beats his wife regularly, and she moves out to escape him, he does zikr so Allah brings her back and he beats her up again. Each time she leaves he does zikr and Allah listens and brings the poor girl back to be beaten again.

      If this were true for any incurable disease, then a man with cancer could hire 20 zikr people and bam he's cured of cancer. The man would be 500+ years old, escaping his death bed through zikr every time.

      The Quran says that all calamities are in a register before they are brought into being. This is in line with this life being a test:

      Also that the believers will be tested through difficult tests:

      And that Allah will not change the condition of a people unless they change themselves:

      And that after every hardship there will be ease:

      Zikr is good but it shouldn't be seen as a cure to all problems. Some situations are tests, others require the person to change and they won't if they keep relying on Allah to do all the work through zikr and stay the same themselves.

  6. Salam,

    For everyone giving advice to divorce or to stay together, the Quran asks us not to think this man has committed adultery on assumption:

    But if there is proof that he has committed adultery then the Quran says:
    "The fornicator does not marry except a [female] fornicator or polytheist, and none marries her except a fornicator or a polytheist, and that has been made unlawful to the believers":

    If he has committed fornication then I would recommend going to a scholar and confirming the interpretation that her husband is no longer lawful to a believer.

    • I know that she should take an action which is strongly required but what will be happened. May be result will be come out as seperation but you don't the the power of Qur'an as you mentioned zikar is no beneficial in these issues, but for me Qur'an is a power if she will start by strongly having faith on Allah so it will be change his husband's habits. Sometimes it will be more powerful and for me I can kill zalim who deserve death by Qur'an. Don't you know the last words of ayat ul qursi Wala ya oodoho hifzuhuma wahowal aliyoul azeem it's a missile and many z alim faced death by victim's reciting and nonetheless many ifreet had been killed by this. Don't you know what our lovely prophet Sallal laho alihi Wassallam recited when kuffars were standing to kill prophet so Lovely prophet Sallal laho alihi Wassallam recited the ayat WAJA Alna mim baini aiideehim saddaow wamin khafihim saddan fa agshainaahum fahum la youbsiroon and kuffar got blind and were not able to see prophet Sallal laho alihi Wassallam and companion Abu Bakar Siddiqe r.a so successfully migrated to Madina... What what can't be don
      e by Qur'an... so in this situation if she her husband to be loyal with him so she should start ayat e kareema and Allah can change his heart to his wife and if she dose not want so go for divorce as you all are saying...

      • Jazhakallah. I usually recite this, whenever he's gng to go out I recite it, I prayed to Allah to protect him from shaitan but I'm so sad, I'm in depression, but I'm afraid to let my family know about my problem they can't bear this so I don't know what to do? I don't know why he cheated on me. Marriage is a so valuable thing, I can't even imagine about divorce I know divorce is the final decision. I'm not strong enough to talk with him, Allah'll only can give me strong. I need ur more advices pls give me ur valuable advice

    • Cancer what you know about cancer. Do you know what ullama of Arab say about cancer? I tell you once I visited a stranger and he is having cancer in his leg and the the surgeon suggested finally to cut his leg.. we asked to sheikh to check him and he was a victim of devels eyes so Eleven hundred times ayat ul kursi were recited by hafize Qur'an on him in some hours and while reciting pain started on his leg then he went to doctor for checking nag the doctor said your leg is getting good so so so it's a joke for you... the ulama of Arab said cancer exists becsuse of black magic and Shayateen and this is a belief of usually Arab ulama... many examples are here that people got disheart and in last they started qurainc cure... once the woman was pregnant and the lady doctor suggested opreation and after surai yaseen recited so she gave birth by normal delivery so many many stories... I did not mean that people should not go for treatment by doctor.. treatment is sunnah but sometimes people have no way and no medicines effected so that time they go for Quranic cure. Qur'an is a shifa for Muslims no matter body diseases or soul diseases it can solve any problems. Don't you read about Arab people in ancient times when people recited sentences in their languages and they treat snack poisons cure and all poisons after reading started came out from effected area.

  7. Dear Sister Fatima,

    I read ur story and feel great pain, our other brothers and sisters engaged in an unnecessary debate of ZIKR. No doubt Zikr has a great power, but our actions and behavior are also of great importance.

    being marriage mentor I will suggest you to:

    1- Stay with your man don't try to spy, it will hurt you
    2- Discuss the matter with your parents and seek their advice ( think wisely on their advice)
    3- Don't fight with your husband and keep your relation smooth, calm, and loving
    4- Remember every Muslim is responsible for his/her actions and deeds and will pay the cost in return
    5- Also remember that man can not continue these type of relations fro a longer period of time and will return to you
    6- you must continue to pray to Allah SBT and continue your good deeds with your husband
    7- Trust in Allah your man will return to you
    8- In the end please remember leaving a husband and searching for a better one is like a gamble, we don't know the other person is having more bad habits.

    I pray for your happy married life

    To your happy married life
    Faheem Siddiqui

    • Jazhakallah for ur valuable advice. Brother I'm very strong in iman n I believe Allah, still he doesn't know that I know all this, I too believe one day he'll realise n come back to me. But I'm scared to tell to my parents they can't bear this, really I don't like make them sad. But jst need a relief from this cos I'm so sick always this is only crossing in my mind I don't know what's my fault. Oh Allah. Pls Remember me in ur prayers pls. Tell more advices to me pls

    • Salaam.. I am having the same problem. I have been married 5 years and I have 1 child.. He has special needs. I have found out my husband cheated on me for 3 years.. I decided to forgive him and stay for my baby's sake. However I have seen messages in his phone he has been seeing escorts. I have told his mum.. They tell me to stay quite and have sabr. We don't confront him as he has anger problems he is a compulsive lier and a spoilt person from day one. He thinks we are happy in our home. I feel like he has two sides to him. I can't trust him. I feel I always have to be fake happy to be with him. I dno what to do. Am sick of all the lies. But I do belive in being patient but how long for? Please could you advise me.. I am worried for mine and my sons future.

      • Sister Noreen I am so sorry to hear this. I am in the same situation. Twice to my knowledge my husband has slept with escorts. Each time he promised never again but of course I do not trust him. We have children so I do not want to break the family but he makes me sick and miserable. I am so so unhappy with him. We have to pray to Allah swt and not lose our faith. We will be judged on our own deeds not theirs. Who knows maybe if we are good in this life but miserable we will get something better in the next InshAllah. I am keeping all you sisters in my duas and please I ask you to keep me in yours.

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