Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is not honest to me about his relationships with women

Truth and lies

I am a converted Muslim and married Muslim guy. I thought that he will completely change his way of life if we got married. And I believed on it. It so happened that when I met him 2 years ago before we got married he used to play intimately and have sex with the ladies here and there. Sometimes he was having 3 ladies a day and the ladies do not know about that. He usually go on a wrong path. When I met him, I didn't know anything about it.

When some time passed by, I let myself get to know more about him. I found that he is not a straight person. He always used to lie with the ladies to coverup other affairs. When I came to know about this, I confronted him and told him that in any relationship, it is not good to play at all and he must be sincere with the one whom he loves. It happened to me so many times that he is playing behind my back but if I ask him, he denies. Even if i got all the evidence by my eyes, he still keep denying what he did.

He always says, hes not doing anything wrong. Despite all these things, I'm still loving him and the great decision I did to marry him. He told me that I am the only one who can bring him to the right path, and that I am the one who he has given the his key to his heart. And he said that he will only get married with the one who will share the life with him.

When we got married, I found out that he still lying to me and there are still some communication with his previous girlfriend and then the girl started to fight with me. That girl told me that there is a promise between them and nobody can break it even if he got married with me. She said she will take my husband back and that they will live together as what promised.

My husband still supports all her needs without my knowing. Only that time that I spoke to her, she informed me of everything but my husband keep on denying it. I was totally hurt because I thought my husband completely changed. When I asked him about it, he said that those ladies are nothing in front of me and that I am the one who is giving him importance. But my question is, why he has to hide something from me especially when it comes with the ladies?

I dont know what more advice I can tell him to guide him on the right path. I love him so much but I can't control myself to just be quiet while seeing him enjoying himself with other ladies. Please I need a very good advise. I don't want to confront him with the same issues again and again... I'm tired of being treated like I am nothing and my words never have importance to him.

~Sheikha


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3 Responses »

  1. Asalaam alaikum

    Dear Sister, please read what you wrote:

    Even if i got all the evidence by my eyes, he still keep denying what he did.

    and

    My husband still supports all her needs without my knowing.

    .......my husband keep on denying it.

    When I asked him about it, he said that those ladies are nothing in front of me and that I am the one who is giving him importance.

    and then.....

    I'm tired of being treated like I am nothing and my words never have importance to him.

    So decide how much longer you want to be lied to, because this man from the very beginning was not planning on changing at all. He's lied to you from the start, you thought you could somehow change him and you didn't. The reason is that he simply enjoys playing with other women, and you are not an important part in that life.

    He uses you like he uses them. He lies to you like he lies to them. And he'll keep on doing it no matter how much you cry. You knew what he was like and thought your love for him would conquer his selfish attitude, and like many women, you are wrong.

    Decide if you are worth more than this emotionally and sexually abusive relationship with this man. Decide if you are worth more than all his deceptions and ill intentions. And finally decide if you are the woman that God created you to be, which is more than what you are accepting now.

    Until you want better for yourself, you will stay in this awful lie of a marriage.

  2. Assalam O Alaikum sister Sheikha,
    Welcome to Islam my sister and sorry for the unfortunate circumstances you have been put through. I think it was your mistake that even knowing his ware about and haram activities, you went ahead with marriage. This is that mistake we often make when we think that we can change someone, truth is that change comes from within and we can change ourselves only. At the end of the day it's a personal struggle to be on right path and part of being mature mentally is to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong. Off course we are living in the world of fitnah and every son of Adam will have his/her share of sin, however, we should not follow the ways of non-Muslims.
    Your husband want to change yet he doesn't want to take the first step which is to not meet these women as he is married and he should know that punishment of committing zina outside marriage or as we call it "extra-marital relationship" is even severe then "Pre-marital relationships". In order to change we have to have true intention of leaving any sin, leaving the sin and avoiding the avenues of such sins or means which can lead us such haram activities.
    I would request you to have a serious one on one talk with him, tell him that you are their for him iA but he needs to change now and no more promises. It's just not fair that he keeps leading you on and on; who knows he might have made such promises to other women other than the one you already know about. Also, he is risking the health risk for you both by committing these sins as AIDS, HPV or other diseases are on all time high. If this doesn't work then you can involve a family member but do discuss it with your husband before or better yet if you want to involve the Imam or both go to see a therapist/psychologist to discuss this matter. If he refuses to follow any of the advice given above or simply doesn't care and caries on like this then I am afraid you don't have any choice but to leave him for the good because he is not good for your dunya as well as for akhirah. You deserve someone better who will lead you to Jannah by helping you follow the right path by inspiring you by following himself.
    May Allah (swt) help you and other sisters in the similar situation and show you all a way out of this situation which is best for you iA. (Amin)

    P.S: Sister, please try to avoid being intimate him or falling pregnant right now until and if he changes his ways to better himself.

    Wasalam,
    Muhammad1982.

    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  3. dear sister,
    assalamu alaikum
    i went through your statement. its very sorrowful for a wife to be adulter by her husband. you try for him and seek help from Allah(swt) to alleviate your husband from this sin. i also bless to Allah to free him from this. and be patient, of course Allah(swt) keeps a very good reward for you.

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