Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband is stubborn

Not listening

Salam aleikom guys. Im married for 1-9mnths. I got married while I was still studying. I study in other country n my hubby lives in other country. He used to stay with while studying . The place he lives now he has no job nor house. He told to me to live in his brothers house till I graduate.

Now I've graduated and I've no house. His brother's house is small, we just have a room and a bathroom separated. And it's been from him three months now.

I came to visit my parents and decided to go to him after 2 weeks. He was angry I stayed for long and complained to my dad that "she didn't take my permission" and so on. My dad said "I won't interfere" and it ended up with a fight. I cried and told my dad "as he complained I'll too complain and I need a house".

Now I know my hubby can't afford a house as he is jobless but my dad offered him to ask for months and search a house. He didn't agree and tells me "you brought this problem so you close it in your way - I won't call your dad nor beg to bring you back to me".

And of course I can't go till he talks to my dad. He refused and said when he has a house he'll call my dad not now and blames me for all these problems. What can I do?

sundus dream

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2 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    it sounds like both of you need a little growing up to do. Really. If a man is too broke to provide for his wife a private living place, then he really is not ready to get married.

    Talk to him, keeep calling.

    You have a choice to make. You can live with him in his brothers home for now and make peace with your husband.

    if you are uncomfortable there, as you should be- because he is not your mahram and you should not be alone with his brother at all- and most of all wearing hijab 24 hours is not the best condition- if you do wear it. I would not be comfotable either. You have the right to ask for seperate housing as a muslim woman.

    Then i suggest you keep calling hubby, make peace with him- help him find a position. What about you? are you able to work and support your husband? Maybe you can get a part time job to help out a little bit. You just graduated, you can find work too- atleast in the begining before you have children.

    You cant even afford rent? A cheap rental? You dont need a fancy house to make it a home. A simple 1 bedroom apartment, and it doesnt have to be in the fanciest area.

    Both of you need to face reality, either find something cheap to live together or stay seperate.

    Also, you have to make peace with your dad and be the mediator between him and your husband. You cant let this carry on with anger between them. Talk to hubby, find a cheap home for now and move out.

  2. Salam Sister

    Although you cannot change the past, you should have queried living arrangements before you got married, since you have accommodation, small though it may be and you didn't make a further stipulation prior to marriage, your position requires patience, and you don't technically have the right to demand a 'house'.
    If you are living with his brother in the same house ( its not clear) without your husband present and you rightly feel uncomfortable with this, then stay with your father for now.

    It sounds like you and your husband are both guilty of immaturity, your husband is required to provide for you and get a job of course, but with respect the way you also, are dealing with this situation is unlikely to incline him into doing what he has to,

    You need to have a respectful civilized conversation with your husband, regarding your issues, you and your husband need to realize you are married now and the squabbling is so childish,

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