Islamic marriage advice and family advice

my husband just walked out on me

Missing husband, absent husband, man with suitcase at airporti got married a year ago. and it was with a guy that i liked but luckily both our parents approved. however one day he just got up n sad iv had enough of u and dont want to stay with u anymore.

we use to have fights but they were just regular arguments that i guess every couple has but he just dropped me off at my parents house and left for khi. i havent heard from him since. ive continuously apologized and begged for is forgiveness. i dont even care about the things he did in the end. i just wanna save my marriage and hes my husband and i love him.

but please tell me what now? he doesn't want me in fact he was going to divorce me till my parents asked for haq mehr, now hes quiet. honestly i think ill go insane. the man i loved first abandonend me, then he wanted to divorce me n now he wont even do that becuase he just doenst want to give me haq mehr. hes hoping that ill give in and take kula.

its been 6 months n there has been no contact between us.most importantly not only did i loose my husband im also loosing faith in in Allah's mercy.

why is Allah doing this? we did the istikhara before the marriage it was good but my marriage still fell apart???? now what.??? i cant even function properly anymore....please help


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5 Responses »

  1. Allah knows the best just be patient he knows what to do the best he is the creator of all if u get something that is been delayed it is the test of patience trust and put Ur all faith in Allah he will guide u ...Ameen.

  2. Aslamalaykium Sister,

    I had written a long, detailed and beautiful post for you however it got deleted so I will summarise what I wrote.
    Do not despair Sister and do not give up on the Almighty Allah.

    I will briefly tell you my situation as it is similar to yours. My advice to you would be to leave this man but ultimately it is your choice what you decide. Do you really want a man who can end leaving you again and again? Who's to say he will not do it again? Don't lose your self respect over him. If he was your's he will be back , if he doesn't come back - he never was yours.

    My Father was abusive and I tried to make him happy by marrying his nephew and we also separated from my Father as my siblings were about to be taken into care therefore my Mother decided that she will save herself and us from his abuse.

    My Husband seemed nice enough before marriage and discouraged everything that my Father was doing. We got married, I supported him and his wealthy family and worked my socks off to get him over to the UK. He started showing his true colours as soon as he came, I became pregnant and ill for the next 9 months and during that time he was very abusive, even more so than my Dad.

    Like you, I gave him many chances, he left me many times and would keep coming back. I thought it was my fault, family and friends said give him a chance, he has come from a spoiled background, give him time, give him space, money everything. I did it all but he did not change. I kept hoping against hope that he will change. I even forgave him his affairs, money laundering and the fact that he had used me to get into the UK.

    I never really thought he would leave me as we are first cousins and I thought this would have severe implications for both of us. But one day, when my daughter was 2 months - after assaulting me whilst my Father was in hospital in a critical condition - he stripped our house, emptied the bank and left. I waited and waited for him. Hoping and praying but he didn't look back once. For many months after, I would at his social media hoping that he may want to come back to me and his young one however nothing like.

    It took many many weeks and months to get over it and finally move on. At first it tooks weeks and then I blocked him and kept unblocking and checking his social media. Eventually at some point after 7-8 months - I stopped crying, stopped thinking of him. I was finally starting to heal. TIME IS A GREAT HEALER. That is true, time will heal your wounds.

    After I managed to his visa cancelled, he came back suddenly and took me to court claiming that he wanted to see his daughter. This was his next part of the plan in order to secure British citizen. I almost healed but am once again taken back to the same time where he is winning his games and I am losing. British courts will always give access to both parents therefore he will get access but not see his daughter and get his visa which is all he cares about.

    Sister, think really hard about whether you want to go back to this man who has simply 'gotten bored' of you. What does that say about his views to marriage and his respect of you? Maybe this is meant to be a wakeup call for you.

    Whatever your decision Sister, DO NOT FORGET ALLAH, do not lose hope.

    Pray to him, this is a test - be patient and the fruits of patience will be very sweet. Thinking of you sister.

    P.S> I also did Istekhara and it turned out good

  3. as salamualikum sister
    I am so sorry to hear about your pain .May ALLAH ease your pain and make you steadfast on his path and make you among the best of His ummah Ameen
    First of all this life is a test and we all will undergo trials in various forms and ways we never imagined.All good is from Allah and all the bad things that happen in our life are earned by our own hands.It is not right to blame Allah or to question His Qadr.This is your time to maintain even strengthen you Iman.This is indeed a very very hard time but you have to have patience and pray beg to ALLAH for ease and to change your husbands heart.
    Now coming to your marriage, you say you have asked for forgiveness , what exactly for , what do you thin went really wrong.Your husband left for khi , i am assuming that is Karachi ? Do you live abroad , did he leave his country to come with you ? Was he happy here , was he able to find a job , were you sponsoring his visa ?
    If he just walked out one day means it was on his mind for a while , is there anyone else involved too.
    Sister if there is no communication , it would be very difficult to solve the issue.Is it possible to travel to him with one of your parents and meet him and talk to him in person.Its your life and sometimes we have to fight for our rights .Marrige is a sensitive issue , i like your parents stand for you and asking for haq mehr but i think it would be better to go to him and talk to him to sort things out .
    May Allah help you.Ameen

  4. Your husband abandoned you. He said he does not want to be married to you. It is so very hard, but work hard at getting over this childish man. The blessing is that you married him, you parents approved the marriage and you are safe. I would advise that you find out the most efficient way to divorce him and get whatever financial support you can get. I do not have all the details, but it seems he used you, got what he wanted and discarded you. He deserves no consideration of any kind. Work hard at healing your heart, and improving your emotional status. There are so many better men in this world, many who would want to marry you. So give yourself some time, focus on your studies or job, keep your mental, physical and iman state in a good place. It is no comfort to you at this time, but time does heal a broken heart. Especially when the person who you were with is unkind and thoughtless. Count your blessings. You do not have children with him and did not waste years being miserable before you had to end the marriage.

  5. Sister listen and learn.Allah only created us to test us in this world.nothing else but test in everyway .It could be health wealth abuse physical psychological and maybe spiritual if not done correct..My life was a TEST too until my brother divorced a women who was cheating he been with her since grade 11 I recall and until that he had daughter who had cancer
    .You see life is too short too worry..the reason why we are not confident and successful happy and smart deeni and duniya it's because there is nooo connection with Allah and the role model of Muhammad s.a.w The scholars say that regardless how intelligent or wealthy or poor a person might be ..He will never find happiness and contentment in the heart because the controller of hearts is Allah!!!understand....success and failure come from Allah .My advice PRAY 5 TIMES A DAY on time we're your hijab propperly read Quran morning and evening give too the poor or help in anyway attend the sisters programs at the local Sunni mosque and socialize...and learn your seen properly and perfect it.


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