Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband keeps cheating and marrying other women secretly

LIpstick mark on shirt.

What to do about a cheating husband?

I am married for 15 years, blessed with 2 daughters and 1 son. I never was truly happy with my marriage. It was always full of deception frm my spouse. Long time back he secretly married another woman which was objected by all of the elders in both sides. That marriage was unknown to me which later became revealed. That relationship ended in divorce.

My husband pleaded to his parents for forgiveness as his relations with his parents severed due to his act. His parents supports me.

To make the story short, I was right in all arguments faced. After some time he again married 3rd time after divorcing the 2nd one. This is a girl from Morocco. No one believed me at first, but as a wife, I could feel that there was something wrong. He refused me almost every time. I made myself always clean, fresh attractive before I lay next to him, but he reasons out that he is stressed and tired all the time. he even told me many times before to read men's health magazine so that I will understand dat a man can't have intimacy if he is tired and stressed.

And so being an understanding, dutiful wife, I gave my understanding. One fine night I noticed day he would always go far in a room and converse on the phone in English, avoiding for me to hear his conversation. years passed when I finally nailed it that he was another wife, his 3rd marriage in morocco. Dat was the main reason why after being away for a month when he goes to Morocco on a "claimed" suppose to be business trip, he would not be interested to be with me. Even when he was rested, he would avoid me.

Women connects with their spouse thru intimacy. I felt so unloved, unwanted and unattractive all those years. Now because I suffered a lot, including physical injury as he used to beat, emotional torture, having to witness his chat or find calls in our bedroom, I decided to stay in my kids room.

Now I am 6 years staying in my kids room and never did he call me or show interest to have me inside the room. He lives with us though. Now he has a kafir girlfriend, a new one. My daughter even saw his done with messages exhcanging iloveyous to that girl.

I see the pain and hatred my eldest child has seeing all these. Not to mention his beatings to me, to us in earlier days. Now, I hv accepted dat this man can never be faithful to me. I read so many islamic articles on polygamy and I have had a good amount of knowledge by now. This recent ramadhan, I had a different encounter, I realized that this is all frm Allah. But my pain is that, my husband chose polygamy, he then has to make it work. I should be treated equally with love and attention. I am ashamed to say that yes indeed I lacked touched, embrace, assuring words in all these 7 years.

I would like to say that I am a dutiful wife. I keep my home neat, clean and very homely. I am also an excellent cook as what our relatives say. I have a good hygiene. I earn too.My kids are neat, and I am not overweight. My figure is optimal for my 5'2" height.  I don't know what is it that he doesn't even look at me.

What is the right thing for me to do in this situation? I am not happy.



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8 Responses »

  1. Dear I can understand your problem however I believe their is some negligence from your side as well. Second marriage is allowed for a man so if he marries let him do it and it helps you to keep your husband and his new wife in close relation with you. Our culture do not allow polygamy unfortunately.
    I feel that you have been suffered a lot bec he failed to fulfil basic rights of wife nd it is against Islam.
    I suggest you to stop looking at his acts or spying him. Be positive and focus on your children. If you find him in better mood politily talk about your problems. Do not give any reaction. I have seen positive attitude play very huge impact.
    The most important thing is your prayers. If you pray from Allah with real desires you will get him back for sure.
    May Allah bless you.

    • Lying to your wife is not allowed. Would the Propthet have lied to his wife? Married in secret? Please, before anybody starts talking about the permissibility of polygamy, talk about how we must be truthful, honest and trustworthy! A man who sneaks off and marries in secret and lies to his wife is NOT doing something halal!


      This man has showed that he has no respect for you. He does not protect you, nor safeguard your chastity. You have valid reasons for a khula. If you earn as you say, you could still provide for your children, and trust that Allah will grant you happiness and the love you deserve from a husband who protects you and loves you, Insha'Allah.

      • I completely agree. The issue is not polygamy, but the husband's lack of honesty, kindness, or care for his wife.

        Wael Editor

  2. Sister,

    Why have you stayed silent for so long? Have you ever reached out to family members to help you? Your husband obviously is a very selfish and uncaring creature. For years he has denied you your Islamic rights to intimacy whilst obviously fulfilling his own. It appears he is a liar and a cheat. Life is WAY too short to live this way and the reality is, you don't need to.

    If your parents will have you, dump this man as he is no good for you. Living the way you are is no way for anyone to live. You deserve better and so do your children. You have been patient far too long. Pack your bags and be done with him. Let his other wife or his lover prepare his next meal.


    • I have to agree,

      My heart goes out to the sister in question, however there are children involved here, their minds will/are surely being poisoned by the fitnah your husband is bringing into the home, and his abusive ways, sister in this day and age, its hard enough for children to fight the temptations of fitnah outside the home, you must do all you can to protect them from it in the home,

      7 years sister? this is so very extreme, i would suggest you seek support from the family you need to look after your wellbeing and that of your childrens, divorce may be your only option
      may allah give you strength

  3. While I understand that others will tell you to pray, make dua, fast, etc. I will advise you to find a lawyer, consider moving and definitely divorcing your lowlife, serial-adulterer husband. I can go on and on about how living in a horrible marriage will send your children very wrong messages about family life, having low self esteem along with waking up 20 years from now and wondering why you did not leave your husband, but right now I doubt that will work. The Prophet told us to want for our brother or sister what we want for ourselves. Apparently your husband does not and has never done that. But I do want that for you. Remember, you can do bad all by yourself. You also can not be beaten, catch a STD or worry about a cheater if you are on your own.

  4. Assalamu alaykum sister,

    Before even reading any of the other responses, I want to say that you need to leave him. Whatever reason that has kept you mute and silent to this both, mental and physical suffering needs to come to an end. You as a woman in Islam, don't even realize you're own worth. You, nor any other woman deserves to be in such a twisted, abusive, and deceitful relationship. You need to speak up for yourself - tell your family immediately of what you have been going through with this man. Follow this up with a divorce immediately, the fact that your children are even aware of what he has been doing is a wake up call that you need to end this before this burdens your children in a horrible manner. He clearly does not care for you or your children even the slightest bit. Do not proceed with this marriage thinking what will my kids do without a father figure? He is no father if he is constantly cheating on you, and your children. No matter your age, you can still remarry if it comes down to that. But, for now get yourself out of that house and out of his life. You already have suffered for 7 years, do not allow yourself or your children to suffer even a day longer. Remember that you're not alone, and that Allah is always with you. Your husband will face a painful punishment on the day of judgement for what he has done. Do not think that because you cannot do anything to make him the feel the way he made you feel that he will never be punished for this. As Allah stated in the Qur'an in Surah Ibrahim, Verse 42: "And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]."

    I hope that this has benefited you, and that Allah eases your difficulties and trials. You will be rewarded for the patience you have showed in a manner that you cannot even imagine on the Day of Judgement. May Allah open the gardens of Jannah for you, and grant you the best of this life and the next!

  5. Assalamu alaikum,

    I won't advise you to seek divorce. You have children and raising children alone can be burdensome. Its more difficult when you have to provide everything yourself.

    First of all take this situation to the knowledge of your two families and discuss it. Give him opportunity to say his mind and you can ask questions why he is behaving the way he is behaving with you. Communication is very important in marital life. Perhaps you may have wronged him in some ways and he didn't tell you all these while.
    Also tell him how you feel and how neglected you are by him. Tell him that you have rights over him too to be loved and cared for. Give yourselves little time and see if he changes.

    In the meantime pray hard as a muslim to Allah who indeed listens to anybody that calls him. Pray that Allah guides him to the straight path and pray for solution to the problems fervently and insha Allah you will see changes.

    If after that there is no change then you can think of divorce.

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