Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband looks at other women

Shouldn't my husband control his gaze?

I wanted to know what Islam says about a husband looking at other women.

I am concerned as my husband is always looking at other women whether we are outside together or it's nude pictures of other women.

I've told him how it makes me feel but he won't stop, it makes me feel sick to my stomach that he does this, I don't look at other men, please provide some feedback on this.

- ahuss


Tagged as: , , , , , ,

97 Responses »

  1. Assalam Mulakim, sister

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever seeks to be chaste, Allaah will make him chaste, and whoever seeks to be independent of means, Allaah will make him independent of means, and whoever strives to be patient, Allaah will make him patient…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1400)

    – Avoiding places where a person feels he will be exposed to the temptation of looking, if he can manage to avoid them, such as going to marketplaces or malls, and sitting in the street. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of sitting in the street.” They said, “We have no alternative; that is where we sit and talk.” He said, “If you insist on sitting there, then give the street its rights.” They said, “What are the rights of the street?” He said, “Lowering the gaze and refraining from causing offence…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2333; Muslim, 2121).

    – You should realize that you have no choice in this matter, regardless of what the circumstances are and no matter how great the temptation or motive to do evil, and no matter what emotions and overwhelming desires stir in your heart. You must lower your gaze and refrain from looking at haraam things in all places and at all times. You cannot use excuses such as the environment being corrupt or justify your mistakes by saying that there is a lot of temptation around. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed into a plain error”

    [al-Ahzaab 33:36]

    – Doing a lot of naafil acts of worship, because doing a lot of them whilst also regularly doing obligatory acts of worship is a means of protecting one's physical faculties. According to a hadeeth qudsi, Allaah said: “… and My slave continues to draw close to Me with supererogatory (naafil) works so that I shall love him. And when I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask (something) of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6137

    – Remembering that the earth on which sin is committed will bear witness. Allaah says:

    “That Day it will declare its information (about all that happened over it of good or evil)”

    [al-Zalzalah 99:4]

    – Remembering the angels who are recording your deeds. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “But verily, over you (are appointed angels in charge of mankind) to watch you,

    Kiraaman (Honourable) Kaatibeen —writing down (your deeds),

    They know all that you do”

    [al-Infitaar 82:10-12]

    – Bearing in mind some of the texts which forbid letting the gaze wander freely, such as the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)”

    [al-Noor 24:30]

    – Avoiding looking unnecessarily, so that you only look at what you need to look at, and you do not let your gaze wander right and left so that it falls upon something the effects and fitnah of which cannot be got rid of quickly.

    – Marriage, which is one of the most effective remedies. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and in guarding one’s chastity. And whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1806; Muslim, 1400).

    – Fasting – because of the hadeeth quoted above.

    – Doing obligatory acts of worship as Allaah has commanded, such as prayer. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Verily, As‑Salaah (the prayer) prevents from Al‑Fahshaa’ (i.e. great sins of every kind, unlawful sexual intercourse) and Al‑Munkar (i.e. disbelief, polytheism, and every kind of evil wicked deed)”

    [al-‘Ankaboot 29:45]

    – Remembering al-hoor al-‘ayn, which will give you a motive to be patient in avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, hoping to get al-hoor al-‘ayn. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Companions of Equal Age ”

    [al-Naba’ 78:33]

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… If a woman of the people of Paradise were to look out over the people of this earth, it would light up everything in between and fill it with fragrance, and the veil of her head is better than this world and everything in it.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2643).

    – Bearing in mind the shortcomings of the one who is looked at and the filth and waste material they carry in their gut.

    – Being ambitious and focusing on nobler things.

    – Checking on yourself from time to time and striving to make yourself lower your gaze whilst realizing that everyone makes mistakes.

    – Thinking of the pain and regret that will result from this looking, and the effects of letting one’s gaze wander.

    – Understanding the benefits of lowering one's gaze, as mentioned above.

    – Bringing up this topic in meetings and gatherings, and explaining its dangers.

    – Advising your relatives, telling them not to wear clothes that attract attention and show their attractions, such as how they dress, wearing bright colours, how they walk, speaking too softly, etc.

    – Warding off passing thoughts and whispers from the Shaytaan before they take hold and are acted upon. Whoever lowers his gaze after the first glance will be saved from innumerable problems, but if he keeps looking he cannot be certain that seeds that will be difficult to remove will not be planted in his heart.

    – Being afraid of a bad end, and of feeling regret at the point of death.

    – Keeping company with good people, because you are naturally affected by the characteristics of the people you mix with, and a person will follow the way of his close friend, and a friend will pull you to follow his way.

    – Knowing that the zina of the eye is looking, and that should be sufficient to put you off.

    Adapted from an essay entitled Ghadd al-Basr (Lowering the Gaze) by a student of sharee’ah.

    And Allaah knows best.

  2. It is clear that deliberately looking at a non-mahram woman and continuing to look after a first accidental glance is haraam. It is forbidden to look at any part of her body, whether you think she is beautiful or not, whether it provokes sexual desire or not, whether it is accompanied by evil thoughts or not, and whether it leads to immoral deeds or not. Tell your husband it is absolutely haram to glance at other women except you. If it still doesn't work you could try to threaten him with a divorce. Threatening him with a divorce is the "LAST" thing you should do. I hope this helps sister.

    We ask Allaah to protect you and us from all haraam deeds. Allaah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path

    • A woman can only request khul if she has a shariat acceptable reason she cannot request her husband to divorce her for such trivial reason as looking at another woman

      • How is this trivial??? Maybe trivial for you because you think it is okay for men to see other women aside from their wives. Take your bullshit elsewhere.
        Allah (swt) orders us to lower our gaze. Don't make excuses for men like you.

        • You think it's ok for wife to threaten husband , husband is the head of household. Wife should respect husband and comply with his every demand

          • Just because he's the 'head' of the household, doesn't make him a god. I would never respect a husband who openly stares at other women. It's people like you who belittle the plights of women under the guise of Islam. You think husbands automatically have Islamic immunity just because they are 'heads'.

      • This is NOT trivial!

  3. Allah says in the quraan "la taqrabu zina" meaning And do not come close to zina.otherwise look ur a muslim who should be focussing on ur imaan and not let some wrongdoer distract u just make dua and u said u told him how u felt and he keeps doing it the prophet s.a.w said something to this effect if u cannot stop something bad with ur hands then stop it with ur tongue if not then with ur hands if not then with ur heart u tried he didnt so u continue doing good and leave or else ull push him to go sleep with d woman.ALLAH sees everything so chill Allah will deal with him.

  4. Salaams Sister,

    My estranged husband would do the same. He would do this more so when he saw how upset I became. I then expressed my fears that his actions of committing zina with the eyes would lead him to commit adultery. The more I revealed how upset I was, I ended up presenting myself as very insecure. My husband played on my insecurity and things became much worse. I'm not exactly saying this is your husbands intention but anyhow he ought to realise as well as this being haraam, he is being disrespectful to you by doing this.

    I recommend that you do not reveal your insecurites. Present yourself in a confident manner. You should present all evidence from Qur'an and authentic hadith that explains that his actions are wrongful. Suggest that you both attend some form of Islamic counselling, as maybe he won't listen to you but may realise when this is coming from someone else. If that fails to make him see the errors of his ways then as advised above, suggest a divorce.

    At the end of the day, we alone cannot change a person. It is up to that person if Allah wills it. Surah Ar' Rad, verse 11 says;

    ...Verily never will Allah change the condition of a people until they change it themselves with their own souls...

    It is hard and hurtful, but don't let this overtake you, otherwise you will cause yourself to suffer unnecessarily. Do what is right by Allah and pray for help, guidance and forgiveness. Make dua that your husband will realise but if he fails to realise, pray to Allah to make you strong enough to deal with the aftermath.

    At the end of the day, marriage is a blessing and so on. However, each of us have our own journey back to Allah. Thus whatever testing times come our way, we have to try to deal with them rationally, never falter and of course be patient.

    Take care,

    Hopeful

  5. It is truly forbidden to to look at a non-mahram with the intention of lust and desire. The Qu'ran tells

    man and women to lower their gazes and at the time of our holy prophet s.a.v.s. many Jewish and

    Christian women weren't veiled, so this applies to unveiled women as well. The fact that everyone

    around us is half-naked is often brought as an excuse, but it is in fact unislamic. It is forbidden to

    look at non-mahram , full stop. However, you should ask yourself a few questions: Did he feel

    attracted to you from the beginning? Does he get sex as often as he needs it? Is he frustrated?

    Please, my sister, don't misunderstand me, it's just that men have a different fitra compared to

    women and different urges, inclinations and desires than women. There is one hadith of our

    holy prophet, when he said: If a husband and a wife aren't together for one night, the angels

    are going to curse both of them. This shows how important this issue is.

    A woman doesn't show weakness by telling her husband that he shouldn't look at other women. A woman

    denies her fitra by pretending that she doesn't care. Love in Islam is protected by the private harim

    Allah subhanahu va taala chose for us. Love needs to be protected, otherwise it' s not going to stay.

    Taking advantage of the weakness of the partner is childish and mean, would he like you to flirt with

    other men?????? Surely not and if u love someone, you care, about him, his feelings, his looks.

    Again, the question if you married out of faith has to be asked, for if a person of faith would never behave

    like this.

  6. Salaam my Sister,

    I am sorry for the frustration and anxiety you are feeling over this. A wandering eye is not a habit that any husband or wife can tolerate.

    "Verily Allah gets jealous and the believer gets jealous and the jealousy of Allah is to see a believer doing unlawful acts." [Bukhari #4925, & Muslim #2761]

    The problem that I feel I have identified is that your husband is not hearing what you are saying. There are types of listening and the one we want from people is called active listening - when the person you are speaking to hears your words, understands and responds to them. Your husband is not hearing you - and if he is hearing you, he is definitely not hearing that he must respond or change his ways.

    Because I have not heard your voice, seen you speak or witnessed any conversation between you and your husband upon this topic I am going to broadly cover some usual mistakes and their solutions.

    Usual mistakes are grumbling under one's breath, bringing up the topic "gently", or "carefully", pleading, using a complaining voice, crying, whining, speaking about the important topic when there are distractions / people there / public places, shouting, having a tantrum, emotional outburst, explaining from the point of view of "why are you doing this?!". If there is any emotion in your voice at all, your husband will dismiss it as a burst of feeling rather than the sustained and sincere request that it is. Another massive mistake that people make is to issue threats in a burst of anger "if I see you on that computer one more time I am going to break it" that they have no intention of following through and then the person they have spoken with learns that threats are empty and unlikely to be fulfilled. Another mistake is to give up the conversation entirely when the person we are speaking to displays a strong or emotional reaction.

    Don't quit trying to get your message through until you are 100% that it has got through.

    Whatever we say at the height of emotion is immediately disabled due to the fleeting nature of emotions. Anger subsides, grief heals, frustration wanes....always deliver important things in a state of calm and logic when you are at your most sane.

    The best way to communicate firmly with your husband is to sit down with him and tell him firmly that there is something important you have to say and that he must listen to you. Make sure the TV is off, that he is looking at you and that he appears to be listening.

    Then, in a firm tone (and by that I mean a tone that is devoid of emotion or manipulation) you tell him very clearly: "looking at other women is 100% unacceptable to me and when you do it: I don't like you at that point and I am not happy at that point, I am very serious about this and you need to hear what I am saying because I don't want to repeat it".

    He may react in a myriad of ways ranging from denial, to anger to explanation. Ignore this process completely and stay on task. Say it again and ask him "did you hear what I said?" and make sure that he has heard you. DO NOT lose focus and get into an argument,. or fight - do not let your emotions take over, do not cry, do not falter. Hold your ground. If he says "sorry, I won't do it again" don't believe him immediately, take a real and proper oath: make sure he is genuine and not just trying to end the conversation.

    Once you are sure that he has heard you, tell him that you don't consider him a child that needs to be taught and disciplined - and that understanding should be enough. Tell him clearly that you are not threatening him: you are simply telling him the truth and it is up to him to solve this problem. This is not just an issue of marriage and showing respect to his wife, but an issue of religion also.

    If, after you have done this process, then you will need to repeat this conversation. I would say a maximum of 5 times is enough to accelerate your talking to the next level - which is to issue the threat of a consequence to his actions which is really up to you what that consequence is. The consequence really depends on how seriously you take this and how much you are willing to give up to not have to deal with this. You must follow through on every single thing that you say without any fear or worry, and you must continue like this to the end.

    People respond to what we say when our voice and language conveys honesty, and the absolute willingness and determination to achieve our objective.

    You have every right to tell your husband he cannot look at other women, naked or clothed and I fully support you in this.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

  7. since hes intentially lookin at other women, i suggest you poke his eyes out. but seriously if he loves you then he would have put your feelings in consideration.

    peace.................

    • I love this one, poke his eyes! you made me laugh. I am just thinking that if wives start poking the eyes of their husbands (the ones who look at women), how many men will be spared? Any idea?

      Have a blessed day to everyone
      Reader

      • LOL i agree poke their eyes out. Better yet let birds peck them out 😀

        I think prob 99% of men would be blind

      • This made me laugh sooo hard. I also have a husband who had this problem. Alhamdullilah he has stopped now. I also think majority of the male population would've been blind.

        • How did he stop?also going through this...makes my skin boil and feel like throwing up everytime.

          • Mine as well. He said he is a man and that's what men do. He compliments other women on social media and has sent msgs to other women.

    • Women are the reason men go astray .
      They also majority in hell .

      ‘O women! Give charity, for I have seen that you form the majority of the people of Hell.’ They asked, ‘Why is that, O Messenger of Allah?’ He replied, ‘You curse frequently and are ungrateful to your husbands. I have not seen anyone more deficient in intelligence and religious commitment than you. A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.’ The women asked, ‘O Messenger of Allah, what is deficient in our intelligence and religious commitment?’ He said, ‘Is not the testimony of two women equal to the testimony of one man?’ They said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘This is the deficiency in her intelligence.

      • Men go astray because they are weak. Stop blaming women for the deficiencies and weakness of men.

        • Read the hadith carefully. "A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you.’

          • "A cautious sensible man could be led astray by some of you."

            That means some men are weak. Because as a woman, NO MAN or WOMAN can lead me astray, Alhamdulillah.

      • I knew there would be at least one comment from a woman-hating little boy, so let me make something clear.

        Firstly, to blame this on women is literally so wrong. Allah (swt) says in the Quran that men and women HAVE to lower their gaze, and there are so many hadiths emphasising the importance of especially men lowering their gaze, whether a woman is covered or not. Zina of the eyes is a big known thing for every Muslim and the fact that you’re denying that makes me wonder how much you really know.

        Secondly, to take hadiths and Quran out to context to hurt women, and using it in a thread where a woman is clearly upset because of a sinning husband is also WRONG. Women might fill hell more that that doesn’t mean believing women are more likely to go to hell. Allah also says in the Quran that he sees us spiritually equally.

        So their Lord responded to them: “I will never deny any of you—male or female—the reward of your deeds. Both are equal in reward.”
        [Surah Al-Imran 3:195]

        “But those who do good—whether male or female—and have faith will enter Paradise and will never be wronged [even as much as] the speck on a date stone.”
        [Surah An-Nisaa 4: 124]

        Boys like you will never be capable of becoming men. May Allah forgive me and you.

  8. hello i feel the same way my husband look at non muslim women on tv, its not nice m0ake u feel are u not good enough, but he actually siad it to me (why do u have a problem if i look at other women) i told him i feel its wrong for u to look at other women on tv have naked drinking and behaving very badly in quran you have to put your wife first, i feel so said i cry so many and he knows my weakness now, so he keeps saying your always sad and stress, but im always doing everything good i dont look to other men in a flirtation way because i love my husband, but he always make me feel like im the problem like i make him stress. please help me sisters i dont want to loose him but i have to tell him how i feel aswell otherwise he think i am boring and dont tell my feelings

  9. salam'alaikum

    i have similar issue. my husband likes to chat with women online. i found out he's members of many social networking websites. he chats, flirts and sometime he asks the woman to meet face to face. i asked him about his and he denied it. he said it was his friends doing it. i've tried to talk to him many times. i remind him that this is not good. he should lower his gaze. but he wont listen. he always defends himself. so i prefer to be silent to avoid fight though my heart hurts. i make dua to Allah to bring him back to Islam's way. and hopefuly i can be sabr and strong to go through this. however i need support and advice to me act calmly.

    • Walaykum as salam, Ayma,

      Through my experience I learnt that we cannot change others, but we change while observing others behaviours, the best it is when that change happens consciously directed to the Straight Way, with this I mean praying to Allah(swt) from the depths of our Heart, telling Him everything even knowing He is the All-Knowing, but you know, when we do this we go to Him every prayer looking for the Unconditional Love that we long for, He is always there waiting for us, Patience, Loving, Merciful, Respecful, Compassionate. May Allah(swt) bless your Soft Heart and help you in this tough times.

      All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

      María.

      • Assalam-alaekum,
        Sister ayma, I can understand your pain and I think behavior of your husband is completely wrong. But again I am pretty 'conservative' and think that people should not meet before marriage except in presence of Wali.

        While we are at it I just want to ask that what is wrong for a married man to meet new woman as prospective spouses, 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife. I mean in west US,UK EU people following Islam do not mind meeting their prospective spouse online or face to face before marriage, and this kind of behavior is considered 'sweet' and 'romantic' by many sisters, than why is it bad to repeat it after the first marriage?

        Either this behavior is totally wrong and should not be followed by muslims in the first marriage, if its allowed to follow than it should be followed for 2nd,3rd and 4th marriages. And essentially this gives an open license to any muslim man to not lower down his gaze as he'll be looking for potential spouse until he dies or reaches the limit of four.

        regards,

        • Asa I have a question related to this topic that if women go to mix gathering and if non maharam men are dancing with their wives ,,,is it allow to look at the couple while they are dancing not with lust or desire but just for the sake of fun to see them dancing is it allowed in Islam or not,,,,if the woman is watching other ppl dancing non maharam men and women along with her husband,,,plz kindly explain this issue,,as I am a practicing muslim married woman,n although I don't like to go to mix gathering events such as weddings n other parties but my husband insist n it happened like couple of times that I was watching other couples dancing is it allowed for a Muslim woman or not,,,plz explain in detail,JazakAllah Khair

      • Asalamuwalaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakhatu sis.

        JazakAllah khair for this reminder! HasbunAllahu wa ni’mal wakeel. Ameen

        The best answer here by far mashaAllah. Wa barakAllahu feekum.

        We’re all focussed on the wrong things! SubhanAllah.

        When we say la ilaha illallah ❤️ We’re saying there’s none worthy of worship except Allah swt! Whilst we’re fixated on the things we cannot control and damaging our souls because of it, we’re not putting 100% into our Deen, not having true conviction and tawwakul for sure.

        May Allah swt Guide us all and keep us firm in our Deen. Allahumma Ameen ya Rabb ❤️

        Be strong sisters, our husband love us because we’re balanced, God fearing, intelligent, sweet, loving and for soooo many other reasons mashaAllah. If they slip up,, please understand they will realise there’s no other women on Earth that can compare. What will be will be, trust in Allah swt ❤️

        Sending all my love to each sister struggling with this, don’t take it personal and stay confident InshaAllah.

        Allah hafiz

  10. Assalamu Alaikum!

    I'm in a very similar situation right now. My husband watches porn on teh internet. I caught him do this and spoke to him about it. He promised me that it won't happen again. I was three months pregnant then. Today, a year has passed and we have a six month old baby girl. I am a full fledge mother and I'm loving every moment of it. I thot we were the luckiest family in teh whole world and then i caught him do it again. i am shattered. I've lost trust in him altogether. I am holding on only in hope of Alla's reward for my patience and for my innocent daughter.

    I hate men.

    • Muslimah, as-salamu alaykum. Don't condemn your husband utterly. He has a problem and needs help. Others have given good advice on this website about how to deal with pornography addiction. Try to steer him in that direction. And continue loving him. Your marriage is not over.

      But then I'm a man, so perhaps you don't want advice from me?

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Salaam ailykum. I am a white woman married to a muslim man. May Allah punish me if i do not speak the truth here.

        I love and care for my husband a lot and i am trying to be a good wife although with the culture differences our ideas of how a wife should be differs but i am trying to improve where i fall short.

        Since i met him up until now two years later this problem is still continuing. At first he would keep running to his ex for help even when our cat was sick and hed compare me to her i spoke to him about it and after many fights it stopped. Then he would compare me to his gym friends (white people) wives. There were many incidents where other woman were more important even on my birthday. Two months after we were married i found he was adding strange woman on facebook so this became our new fight he then continued with facebook for a few months and after many fight he removed facebook. I even tried to cook his Pakistan type food and hed be dissatisfied and throw the whole pot with food outside in the dirt.
        He was comparing me to other strange womans beauty for a while but luckily also stopped or atleast he stopped speaking his mind. His word "you are not that pretty or special" kept me crying at three in the morning for most of our 2 year marraige and still hurts sometimes.

        He knows that its something i never got over and he uses my insecurities against me when we fight saying hes going to go marry an Arab or Egyptian woman or he will have sex with any woman or young girl he wants when he wants to. I told him muslims should stay away from places if they know there will be things that will bring them to sin. But he just says he doesnt care what i think or feel and he will do what he wants when he wants.

        it was a week before our bby girl was born and he went alone with his brother to a place where all the woman walk in bikinis only and that stress caused me to start my labour pains. He left me alone at home. I was crying most of the weekend and trying to talk to him which he ignored me his wife and rather contacted his ex in england. I had to beg him to stay and that i will change when he returned on sunday.

        4 months after her birth i found out he was watching porn.

        So brother i love him in a way that i want his soul to be safed oneday but im not inlove. i struggle to show this to him because all this made me feel im not good enough and distraught. For the sake of Allah i am trying my best to forget all hes done.

        Hes not a bad man he tries his best to become a leader for his people. But at some point he should realize what all this is doing to our marriage. He recently told me he wants to go to a whore house choose three woman and take them to his home and speak to them one by one alone in a room to save their souls. I told him to do what he must but to not share this desire with me. It upsets me and i know it shouldnt because he wants to do this for Allah but how can i feel peace about this after all hes done and said.

        What i am trying to say is these things kill the love and respect and TRUST between husband and wife. I am still kind towards him and try to complete all my wifely* duties but now if my family should ask me again ( which they asked me when he went with his brother to that place where woman walk in bikinis) will my husband watch porn i cannot answer with confidence NO again. I will either have to lie to protect him or simply say i cannot answer that question with certainty.

        I have no intention of divorce i never have and do not believe its an option. May Allah guide us and His will prevail.

        • Walaikumasalam wa rahmatullahi wa barakhatu my lovely.

          Sorry, I don’t have much advise as I’m not qualified to answer this in the way it needs to be, but what will say is if you’re Muslim, you’re Muslim in your own right, and this so called brother does not have the right to treat you in such a way.

          MashaAllah you sound like you’re well informed and know what’s right and wrong in Islam, mashaAllah more than him for sure.

          If you don’t pray or you haven’t reverted, start praying InshaAllah. InshaAllah get your head in sujood and speak to Allah swt.

          Believe me sis, all the problems you thought you had with his will seem so insignificant. Good and bad will come on our lives, but Allah swt will always be there to turn to. As a revert I’m saying this from experience alhamdullilah.

          Take care my lovely.
          Allah hafiz ❤️

    • Walaykum as salam Muslimah,

      First of all congratulations for your motherhood, ... I know I am going to ask you something hard for you right now, because you are extremely hurt, but try to be patience with him, and please love him more now than before he needs you more than ever, and let him know about all your feelings, both of you have created a family, do everything you have in your hand to mantain your family.Please give him, yourself and the family a chance to improve, you can do it, insha´Allah. Have you talked to him about it after the last time? Have you said to him how much it hurts you?

      Many times, men feel that they are not so important when waiting for a baby and the baby is born, they feel someway in a second place, and being a mother is a 24 hours day and 365 days a year, and this is a huge change, before you were his wife, now you are mother and his wife...don´t hate men accept him as different from women, that is all. And related to watch porn, talk to him to see how deep is the problem and act in consequence, make him to feel comfortable to tell you the truth, if he is scare of you he will hide it and you don´t want that, you want to get out of that, insha´Allah.

      Both of you can go over it, I agree with every word that Wael said, if he recognizes it is a problem and he needs help, go for it, you are a team, you can do it together, insha´Allah.

      You are a woman and a mother, you are a strong woman, do your best to talk to your husband and to solve this situation, now you have the opportunity to learn to love your husband as a human being with good and not so good, none of us are perfect please don´t judge him, don´t look back, it is time to act loving and wisely, and look for solutions, insha´Allah. May Allah (swt)guide your steps to get out of this situation, insha´Allah.

      All my Unconditional Love and Respect,

      María

    • As Salam Alaykum sister i hope everything is ok with you please try not to stress i know its hard for you, i understand i was in the same situation and im still in the same situation, but we cant change peoples minds and hearts, only they can and with Allah blessings, i have learn to be strong and not show him my insecurities because really thats the worst thing we women can do is show our insecurites because our husbands will take advantage of that and make problem for you so please sister just be strong and make duaa to Allah to help make you strong and to make duaa for your husband for him to change and to realise what he is doing is wrong. My husband i didnt do much bad too me but sometimes he will flick through the channels on tv if im sitting beside him if there is programmes on tv like America Next Top Model, he would slowly change the channel but its wrong he should not think or go slow changing the channel becuase its only women and they half naked on tv so he should lower his gauzes but really im tired of asking him to change and another thing since i met him he never said he loves me and i was wondering to my self why he dont say it too me i just want to feel special hmmmmm maybe i expect too much from him . But i said it too my husband why u dont say you love me: he siad because i dont want i dont like, im so confused i mean he is good to me too be honest he is always at home with me only sometime he go too friends but he treats me good Ill Hamdu Allah please sisters can ye give me some advice for he is my first man in my life that i love and dont want to loose,

      • Aslaam alaikum
        I feel like im in the same boat as you sisters.My husband started wachin porn on d internet when i was pregnant.The thing that made me angry was that he used to watch it behind my back ,so even he knew he was doing some thing wrong.
        One day i just could'nt take it any more and i snapped.However he said he was sorry.
        Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i have seperated my bed from him because i told him he cant have both its either a halaal relationship with me or its the haraam porn.
        I tried eveything in these two years he started reading namaz after wachin me read,i felt that would change him but NO.
        So ive given up is there anyone whose husband has stopped wachin porn for good please let me know as i would love to know.

        • Asalamu Alaykum,

          i like to point out to all the respectful sister that not only men do this,

          that also the women have this issue.

          my wife does this everytime i go out.
          its even worse when you notice it more and more

          and having to speak to her will only lead you trouble.

          "im paranoid" "controlling"

          so please i understand men are more likely to do such thing.

          but also do not forget the women who encourage it.

          i make dua we all stay steadfast on the right path.

    • Hi dear. It's really painful situation and only the one can feel it who is facing it
      Since 5 years I've been tolerating my husband and can't do anything coz f my kids.my husband can't stop watching porn and can't stop looking at other females .i feel so helpless and it' seems that this troubles will end my life.is there anybody who can give my advice,I swear I m too much stressed and can't do anything .plz somebody help me.

      • Dear friend, we cannot change other people or make them love us. True love comes easily. Pray to God for He will give you strengh to overcome the pain. You are wonderful as you are, you don't need approval from any man only from God. Don't stress as he is not being kind so he is not worth stressing over.

  11. salam alaykum sisters, may allah make ye strong and relaxed, i feel hurt that ye sisters had to suffer like this i was in the same situation but Ill Hamdu Allah the relationship is much stronger now Ill Hamdu Allah, sometimes i feel a bit lost and worry if he love me enough i hope so plz Allah sometimes he talk about his friends wifes, he say oh there nice, hmmmm ok but why is he telling me this its strange why he say like this if there nice good but i shouldn't have to have my husband to tell me this about his friends wife it makes me wonder does he go to his friends house just to see what there wives are like, maybe im weird or really insecure but hehe i never felt like this plz sisters help me i dont like feeling second best or jealous because its not good in Islam plz give me advice.

    • As salamu alaykum Rita,

      Alhamdulillah, it is nice to hear that you are doing much better in your marriage, be strong and remember he is married to you, he knows you are jealous maybe instead of your own insecurity you should realized he is insecure too, he may feel you love him for your jealousy of him talking about other women, ... try to leave all this insecurities on a side, insha´Allah.

      Keep praying to Allah(swt) , He will give you Peace, insha´Allah.

      All my unconditional Love and Respect,

      María

  12. In this society it is a huge problem of fitnah without a doubt. But as Muslims we must seek to emulate the best of behaviors as the Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us by his examples mash Allah.

    This is what I have said to other sisters, brothers, ex, uncles and even fathers regarding this issue. And Alhamdulilah.. what Im about to share with you.. has made them.. if not forced them to Fear Allah swt and put an active stop to this kind of behavior as best as they can, and Allah swt Knows best.

    Whether this person has children yet or not is not the issue. But if he were blessed with a daughter then it will hit home like a spear insha'Allah.

    Have his wife ask him if he acknowledges the fact that Allah swt Promises the "tayabeen to the tayabat" ~ the good for the good and the bad for the bad. He will of course acknowledge this as it is in the Quran. Then if he has a daughter then to ask if he loves her? And of course he will say yes. She must then cleverly proceed in informing that for every good that he does.. his daughter will see it.. and for every evil that he does against OTHER WOMEN... so too will his own daughter see it. How..??

    Ask...
    Is it his right in front of Allah swt to gaze and look at non mahram women? of course not. So then he has violated her rights, even if she is not a Muslimah. Allah swt has ordered the GOOD MEN to LOWER THEIR GAZE, and that he has provide for them their women partners (wives) as a source to fulfill all their pleasures. Why then is he going outside of what Allah swt has blessed him with halal sources? What will be his excuse in front of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement? He can't say it was a fitnah for me,..im sorry! Otherwise Allah swt would not have ordered them to Lower Their Gaze.

    Then have her ask him, if he wouldn't mind someone then gazing and looking at his own daughter in such a way or even worse - Allah Forbid!! (THIS will make him boil at the thought! and may ask you to stop!) If he treats this issue lightly still by his comments, THEN ASK him if he can guarantee that he will always be around her to protect her from their gazes and their thoughts (which he understands very well)...?? Of course not.

    So then how can he doubt that what he is doing... blatantly in front of Allah swt, when Allah swt has bestowed so much beauty and halal for him in his own life (his beautiful wife).... will not be returned to him on his OWN DAUGHTER when she is grown into a beautiful ripe "fruit ready to be eaten", that she will be? Does he want others to taste of her freely like he is doing now? And do NOT think that a jilbaab and hijaab will protect her from his gaze and thoughts, those who want to gaze will.. and all that he does WILL be returned!! (example : many stories of pious fathers who make dua for the protection of their daughters with good husbands in their absence because he knows he may die before she is married...)

    If this brother does not yet have a daughter.. then advise his wife to use the example of his younger/older beloved sister or even his mother! ..and it doesnt matter if they are in a different country or not.... Allah swt is All Seeing and All Knowing ~ so it doesnt matter if the wife sees this happening or not...she should show that she is now relaxed and has asked Allah swt to be her Best Witness!!

    If he has all three options (daughter, sister, and mother) then advise the sister to use them tentatively and more aggressively if the behavior does not stop by mentioning only one more each time. Meaning build it up... as needed only... add the family members for a harder punch.. a harder reminder when needed.. if the initial warning is not enough at the time.

    I have found this to be an excellent source and a way of deterring this behavior that unfortunately pollutes all our men at one point in time or other.

    The fact of the matter is that we live in an open society (world wide now).. and every year it becomes harder.. but jennah is not for those who think it will come to them with ease and laziness. It comes after great trials and much patience has been tested and exercised.

    But insha'Allah I will wait for the shaykh's replies, which can take some time for a few, and will forward them to you as soon as I have it insha'Allah.

    In the meantime.. I pray for this sister's strength and endurance and patience insha'Allah and may Allah swt Ease her worries soon insha'Allah. Ameen

    Please also do not let her forget the power of her dua's... the more sincere they are.. the clearer and better they are heard from Allah swt. Ask her to continue to fulfull her duties in front of Allah swt as a practicing Muslimah.. and to always make good use of her dua's insha'Allah. And patience.

    And Allah swt Knows Best,

    Walaikum Assalam,
    Your sister always,
    y

  13. Salaam,

    I found this same problem too; only its in an ISLAMIC SCHOOL! The sisters in the office wear tight clothing and stare BLATANTLY in the face of the brother and the sister has three children of their own! My daughter came home complaining that she is staring at her father! So the fitna of the eyes is everywhere; even in Astaghfiruallah an Islamic school meant for the betterment of our children -- not for them to witness sisters staring longingly at sisters husbands and childrens fathers! I saw her do it in front of me and the brother was embraressed for her!

    • salams Hanan,
      but its more men than woman doing it-how many woman do you see staring at men as they walk down the street , whistling at them and straining necks to see them. Thats cause men dont dress inappropriately wearing tight half naked atttractive clothing. Fine this might be an isolated case woman doing it to man but maybe this sister was giving the brother a taste of his own medicine. In the quran Allah has stated the hijab for men first than woman-the hijab of men is lowering of the gaze, you hardly get complaints from men that their wives staring and looking!i
      Its fine on the day of judgement this will all be sorted out

  14. I just don't understand one thing. I understand that the hoors are a man's potential wives. But here the asker is worried about her husband looking and probably thinking about other women, so why would anyone suggest about asking one's husband to think about the hoors. I mean she wants her husband to STOP thinking about other women, and here she is getting suggested that she should ask her husband to think about the hoors. Funny.

    • no its not funny actually-we are all saying men should lower their gaze and not look at other woman excpet their wives and daughter-show respect
      these hoors u r talking abt--??? these woman of jannah -is that what you are talking abt-what are hoors??? this is not jannah -its not perfect world here so men look and its wrong -in jannah you get these woman as pure and your heart is pure from all evil -jannah is differnt than this world-woman get all the men they want in jannah too-its this life that counts and the good you do it-thats why Alllah has COMMANDED to lower yoru gaze

  15. Aslaam ayaykum
    I feel like im in the same boat as many sisters out there.
    my husband started watchin porn on the internet when i was pregnant.He used to watch it behind my back so so even he knew he was doing something wrong.
    one day i just couldnt take it anymor and i snapped i went as far as telling him to divorce me and then carry on doing what he likes best because it was hurting me that much .
    Being pregnant i felt neglected and no one to share my feelings with.Then he told me how sorry he was.
    Two years on and he is still doing it.Its now come to a point where i've seperated my bed from his saying that he could not have both.In these two years ive tried eveything he even started reading namaz after seeing me read, i felt this would change him but NO.
    So ive given up if there is any one whose husband has gven up porn for good please let me know as i would love to know if it is possible.

  16. I actually googled "men looking at women online" and this came up. Sadly, I am in the same boat. However, I have a husband who totally denies it. He has a beard, is always lecturing others about deen, and is so trusted by others. Ive found porn once on his ipod, he blamed a co-worker. Secondly, he would sit and watch women dance on tv and think its so normal. Yes, I do confront him..but like others said they think its an insecurity. So yesterday, after asking him to spend time with me, he sits in his room, with headphones on..I walk in the room and he doesnt know I'm in the room and he has a window open with all these pictures of woman and just staring. I finally starting talking loud enough so he can hear me, he closes the window. He starts joking with me, tries to touch me, makes jokes..and i keep quiet. I didnt say anything. Im just disgusted and hurt. Its funny cause I used to tell him he stares, and he would yell and scream at me, saying im saying something bad to me, saying that Im accusing him of being a "womanizer."

    Well dear husband, you are full of it..and yes your eyes will be a witness on the Day of Judgement.

    • salams
      yeah my friend told me all men do it-i hate it an know how you sisters feel
      but there is Allah and he is watching so on the day of judgement Allah will ask each person what they eyes did and why they looked at this or that woman and if there is no reason which there isnt -he will be held accountable-i know its hard but please please b patient

      talk to an imam and get the imam to bring it up in the friday juma but make sure he is there so you are not telling him maybe he will listen to someone else
      or talk to your dad or get a male relative to talk to him indirectly so he wont know you said anything
      i pray for all the sisters for the husbands to stop this evil

  17. I have the same problem. And I told my husband to stop looking at women. He always tell me I dont look. He lies... Ya rb ya rb Allah yehdeah ow yehdneah. Make duaa for me and him. Thanks

  18. Asalaam, I can't believe I'm writing this...never dreamt I would be. I found out yesterday my husband socialises with other unknown females online. My hearts broken. Can't stop crying. I wish this was a dream and I wake up. He denied it and then try to justify himself saying I don't give him enough attention. I feel sad. Cannot share this family or friends as ashamed. I try my best to make my husband happy even when I'm unhappy but it's obviously not enough. Feel not good enough as a women. Feel deeply sad for my baby son... What an example. Feel really low sisters. Will pray for help and sabr x

    • Dear Sister,

      I am really sorry to hear how upset you are. There is no excuse for any husband to behave this way. At the same time though, please try to identify any issues that may have caused a crack in your relationship or may have caused your husband to stray so easily. Tell your husband that you are really upset by his actions but ask him to tell you openly how he feels you have neglected him. Hear him out no matter how much it hurts, as the only way to start solving this issue is to get to the roots.

      If you wish to speak more with us, please log in and submit your question as a separate post and we will try to help you as much as we can insha'Allah.

      May Allah help you with this trial, aameen.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • My husband does it tooo and denied it so i started sending him emails hadiths and quran stuff abt lowering the gaze and i told him that on the d of j i might not forgive him for not lowering his gaze etc
      That scared him i then sent him this exact email so send him this email and keep sending him emails abt this :
      In this society it is a huge problem of fitnah without a doubt. But as Muslims we must seek to emulate the best of behaviors as the Prophet Muhammad pbuh taught us by his examples mash Allah.

      This is what I have said to other sisters, brothers, ex, uncles and even fathers regarding this issue. And Alhamdulilah.. what Im about to share with you.. has made them.. if not forced them to Fear Allah swt and put an active stop to this kind of behavior as best as they can, and Allah swt Knows best.

      Whether this person has children yet or not is not the issue. But if he were blessed with a daughter then it will hit home like a spear insha'Allah.

      Have his wife ask him if he acknowledges the fact that Allah swt Promises the "tayabeen to the tayabat" ~ the good for the good and the bad for the bad. He will of course acknowledge this as it is in the Quran. Then if he has a daughter then to ask if he loves her? And of course he will say yes. She must then cleverly proceed in informing that for every good that he does.. his daughter will see it.. and for every evil that he does against OTHER WOMEN... so too will his own daughter see it. How..??

      Ask...
      Is it his right in front of Allah swt to gaze and look at non mahram women? of course not. So then he has violated her rights, even if she is not a Muslimah. Allah swt has ordered the GOOD MEN to LOWER THEIR GAZE, and that he has provide for them their women partners (wives) as a source to fulfill all their pleasures. Why then is he going outside of what Allah swt has blessed him with halal sources? What will be his excuse in front of Allah swt on the Day of Judgement? He can't say it was a fitnah for me,..im sorry! Otherwise Allah swt would not have ordered them to Lower Their Gaze.

      Then have her ask him, if he wouldn't mind someone then gazing and looking at his own daughter in such a way or even worse - Allah Forbid!! (THIS will make him boil at the thought! and may ask you to stop!) If he treats this issue lightly still by his comments, THEN ASK him if he can guarantee that he will always be around her to protect her from their gazes and their thoughts (which he understands very well)...?? Of course not.

      So then how can he doubt that what he is doing... blatantly in front of Allah swt, when Allah swt has bestowed so much beauty and halal for him in his own life (his beautiful wife).... will not be returned to him on his OWN DAUGHTER when she is grown into a beautiful ripe "fruit ready to be eaten", that she will be? Does he want others to taste of her freely like he is doing now? And do NOT think that a jilbaab and hijaab will protect her from his gaze and thoughts, those who want to gaze will.. and all that he does WILL be returned!! (example : many stories of pious fathers who make dua for the protection of their daughters with good husbands in their absence because he knows he may die before she is married...)

      If this brother does not yet have a daughter.. then advise his wife to use the example of his younger/older beloved sister or even his mother! ..and it doesnt matter if they are in a different country or not.... Allah swt is All Seeing and All Knowing ~ so it doesnt matter if the wife sees this happening or not...she should show that she is now relaxed and has asked Allah swt to be her Best Witness!!

      If he has all three options (daughter, sister, and mother) then advise the sister to use them tentatively and more aggressively if the behavior does not stop by mentioning only one more each time. Meaning build it up... as needed only... add the family members for a harder punch.. a harder reminder when needed.. if the initial warning is not enough at the time.

      I have found this to be an excellent source and a way of deterring this behavior that unfortunately pollutes all our men at one point in time or other.

      The fact of the matter is that we live in an open society (world wide now).. and every year it becomes harder.. but jennah is not for those who think it will come to them with ease and laziness. It comes after great trials and much patience has been tested and exercised.

      But insha'Allah I will wait for the shaykh's replies, which can take some time for a few, and will forward them to you as soon as I have it insha'Allah.

      In the meantime.. I pray for this sister's strength and endurance and patience insha'Allah and may Allah swt Ease her worries soon insha'Allah. Ameen

      Please also do not let her forget the power of her dua's... the more sincere they are.. the clearer and better they are heard from Allah swt. Ask her to continue to fulfull her duties in front of Allah swt as a practicing Muslimah.. and to always make good use of her dua's insha'Allah. And patience.

      And Allah swt Knows Best,

      Walaikum Assalam,
      Your sister always,
      y

      • Salam aleikum wr wb. I am a married women with 3 kids and 4'th on the way in around 5-8 weeks. Inshallah. I have same problem like all of you. It started when i was pregnant with our second child. I found porn on internet. And he blamed his brother that was living with us and his parents. I let it go. Than i started to find it when his brother was not there. Onec i went on holiday to my fam. And i checked the web history and found it again, he told me i was a bit... and crazy. And it wasn't him. Than when we got our apartment he couldn't refuse it anymore, and told me he was watching it but just to learn. I was hurt and felt betrayed, lied to. I started to show him videos about zina of the eyes. He looked angry on me. I even change sometimes our screen on laptop with different hadeeth or verses from quran to remind him. Telling him that allah is watching him and i will not forgive him those things on the day of judgment. I even asked him like you advised if he would like other men to look on me ... his mum ... daughter. He responded that he knows his mum and me we would never do it. I didn't find porn some months now hamdulillah (think he is using in private browsing), but what am finding now are videos on youtube with prostitutes in algeria, marocco, lib an, etc. Videos like +18. He told me he didn't believe that those things happens in his country. When i confront him he gets angry. I even asked him why did he marry a hijabi ... when he likes those women? He told me he don't like theme. I asked do you want me to be like theme couse this must be what you like. He went now on a business trip and i went on the history on youtube and found this nasty women again. I sended him sms about it ... he don't even want to answer. Am so sick and tired of it. I simply can't stand it anymore. Feel i tried everything. But it seems like he don't care. He watch it in our bed beside me while am sleeping. And hide the screen from me and use the headsets. I feel am fighting alone ... talk to an imam he don't want. I don't have wali ... as i am a revert. Hamdulillah. He have always criticized me ... about everything. From me being a muslimah, mum to wife and daughter in low. Outside he looks on other women .. telling me i imagine. And our bed life is going down comparing what it was 1-2 years ago. He used to want it at least every 2 days and when i was tired he refused sleeping with me or started to argue with me. Now i have told him that i am not satis fated. He said he knows i have a higher need, but he can't do anything about it. Now we do it 1-2 a week. And i am frustrated couse of it. I start to think he commits zina not just of the eyes, but real adultery. Here I am soon to give birth ... and feel like am loosing the battle. And am tired of having those things in our life. This was absolutely not what i was thinking of when i was getting married.

  19. asalam alikum i feel all your sisters pain. Men seriously dont understand anything at all. even though you express your feelings they'll avoid you.They'll hate you even more for crying especially for me...it's a crime to cry or to express my feeling to the men in my family i feel so isolated all the time. i sometimes cant control my feelings men think girls cry for nothing. of course they dont cry for nothing.it's always something. my husband pervs on other girls and the stories he told me about how he see's other girls i'd rather not know than to know.sometimes i think i'm better alone.but then again i got 2 children i had one after the other but ofcourse i wasn't really happy with the second child because i wasn't recovered with my first child as i had a C section it was really hard but then again since i've bin married my lifes like hell. i wish i was single again.My husband loves it when i'm in pain or upset or even crying he's always over the moon.it's like he's hit the target and happy all about it .my husband also know's my weakness i just dont like him jugdin other girls from top to toe i hate men like that, but then again what can you do..........?i dont know .....i'm living with him for the sake of my kids. i guess if i never had kids i would have bin somewhere else by now.everytime i wanna spend time with him he tries to escape from everything ...avoiding us. he comes back from work we argue we just start to talk to each other we argue over little things we argue it's like hell with him around i'm happy when he's at work but at times i miss him just to think that he might come back home early and make me and my kids smile but no nothing works like that anymore. you know why??... it's because there are enough women to impress them...they know their desires and they dont give a crap about their actual family it's just money and women for them all.

    • Salams destiny inparadise.

      Aww I wish I can hug you. I cry to and it's normal for woman cause Allah has made them more emotional than men.
      I was telling my best friend abt this and she said her husband does the same thing- he actually makes comments in front of his wife saying ohh look at the legs on her.... So my friend started doing this since he knows it bothers her she now pretends it doesnt bother her at all even though it does. So she shows her husband that it doesn't bother her so you pretend that you are the confident secure beautiful one even though u might not feel like it at times. If he is doing this on purpose to you than even better just walk around with smile for the intention of pleasing Allah. For me there are times when I want to yell at my husband and tell him why ru looking at her it's haram etc he denies it of course so I started sending him hadiths and ayats from the Quran . For example:

      "Ignorance is not bliss, for we will be held accountable for that which we knew was haram such as not lowering gazes
      May Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) help us to identify our sins, mend our ways, and save us from His punishment. Ameen"
      I text him stuff like this as reminders. I dress up not only for him but for myself to and ur makes me happy and plus yu are trying to please yur husband and Allah will reward you for that inshaAllah. I have two small kids myself 23 month and 5 month.
      I asked my friend and other pple and they say all men do thus- astriffillah! But as long as yu do yur part and love and pray to Allah then on the d of j he will be held questionable as to why he made his wife cry and did not care for her. Its hard I know I hate it but only thing we can do is ask Allah to help him and help you . At least we know Allah is watching and angels are writing down what's he doing. It's hard I know but remind yourself I get angry especially when I'm close to my period I get more emotionl
      But I'm going to try this month not too. Plus yur poor children are hearing this arguments it's not healthy and they r probably scared . The first time my daughter saw me crying and getting mad and I saw her face confused and scared I decided not too in front of her. What I do is I just send emails to my husband or text msgs and it makes me feel better. So be strong and just make dua- it works. The power of dua also have Quran playing in yur house so he comes home to that and smile at him when he comes home don't let him
      Let you commit sins ok you be the good wife for him
      Even though he might not deserve it but show him that u r the better person and don't let him break you ok:)

      I hope you get this

    • Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women,
      the believing men and believing women,
      the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women,
       the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women,
      the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women,
      the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the
      men who remember Allah often and the women who do so -
      for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.

      • Thank you sister, I've read many of your replies and found it very encouraging and motivating. We women should stay strong. Asiyah the wife of Fir'aun must have had difficulties dealing with her disbelieved husband and yet she was patient, remain pious and Allah promised her Jannah. Prostitutes (or equivalent to it) must be so abundant and easily accessible for a king like Fir'aun.

        I agree with the part make du'a continuously and sincerely. When we make du'a, put full trust, don't doubt and always we need to believe everything......even every little tiny thing is a test for us. So if we are able to stay patient, get closer to Allah each time the pain afflicts, in shaa Allah...in shaa Allah we will be in higher position in the sight of Allah. To remain in control and not to lose hope is what shaytan hates to see in us. Shaytan wants to break our marriages, wants to see we the wives give up, wants us to retaliate by commiting sins so we think we are at par with what our husbans are doing. We need to fight shaytan. Allah tests us by putting a disobedient husband so that we can decide to whom we should ask for a change, guidance and strength. Allah loves those who ask again and again from him.

        From what i've read so far, many positive, kind and helpful advices given by yourself and others.
        I've learned something, we women should be firm but kind when we express ourselves. Show that we love our husbands and show that want them to change. If we want to cr and complain our dissatisfaction about our husbands, we should try...try...try so hard to only do it in front of him. Not to complain "why are You doing this to me"...but to confide in Him, to sincerely open our hearts and express like a lover..such as "Oh Allah...this is too painful for me... I ask you..I ask you to make my husband leaves all his bad habits, to make him obedient to you, to make it easy for him to change...Oh Allah, I love my husband, please make him loyal to me and make me loyal to him and make us loyal servants to you, Oh Allah bless and protect our marriage from our mistakes..from our nafs..from your creations' evils & nafs. Oh Allah make us the residents of Jannah and avoid us from entering Jahannam".

        We as wives, need to check our level of faith (iman) and relationship with Allah. Have we fulfilled our duties, are we obedient (perform obligatory salah, covering aurah properly, etc) and how strong is our belief? I have read somewhere if we improve our relationship with Allah, Allah will help us having good relationships with our husbands, children, friends, families.

        Put Allah as number one top most priority.

        May Allah protect all of my sisters in Islam marriages, may He grant us ease in facing hardships, may He improve our relationships and may He protect us from the Hell Fire.

    • Some believers commit sins which will cause them to face horrors and difficulties on the Day of Judgement. For example; Those who do not pay the full Zakah or those who do not lower their gazes, will be held accountable"

  20. I've posted on here a few months back my husband still stares at women. My Muslim sisters keep your head held high. Just like a previous poster said, dress up and look good for yourself. Do your hair, dress nicely at home. Always be confident and smile. Follow your deen. This type of behavior destroys the heart, don't let it destroy yours. And lastly dont let ANY man make you cry, Allah swt should only have the affect to make you cry. Those are precious tears you have and this type of sick behavior shouldn't make you weep. I seriously love each of you as one of my sisters. Be strong.

  21. Salams sisters
    I wanted to say to you guys that I honestly make dua for us all that Allaj help us and make it easy for us and let our husbands stop this. Each time I pray my 5 prayers I make dua for us. That's all we can do if put husband's don't listen and plus we have Allah and now each other. So we r not alone . I think things could be or worse. Everytime he does it I think the positives I have such as my health my children food to eat etc . Some pple wish they had all of these and would love to trade with us in a second and plus this is a temporary life we can't live like this forever . I imagine the d of j and how scary it will b and strive to make my life pure and happy then.
    On the d of j we will b so scared to even care abt Wat our husbands have done so at least let us live a happy clean life and let our husbands answer to Allah.
    I know it's soo hard but it's a test that we have to pass
    How long can he do is . They will get old and sick one day and realize he needs you - looking at woman won't help him
    So Wat I'm trying to do is: instead of getting mad at him I turn it into a positive: read the Quran or listen to it, look at my kids and play and smile with them. Don't let them be scared of yur fighting - try not to do it in front of them. They r too innocent for this and don't deserve it. And do something nice for yourself : pamper yourself . Coloir yur hair or wear makeup ( of course inside the house) and talk to Allah out loud when u r alone . Cry out to him. You feel better. Fighting with your husband doesn't work we tried convincing him its wrong and haram he does nt listen so u show him yu r the pious pure wife and be a good person . Try it and see . The last he did it was two weeks ago and so I said I'm making myself sick emotionally mentally physically and he doesn't care so I'm letting it go . I look for the positives in him and I dress up and talk to Allah and play with my kids and cook new food that I want to learn and make. Go to the masjid and make new friends with sisters. Occupy yourself with this stuff .make yur life successful and always think of Allah. But at the same time I do send him reminders via text or email and remind him abt death and how his eyes will speak against hi
    On the d of j. Sometimes with men they do listen but dont want to show their wives that she is right but deep inside they do know but don't like to be told. An imam told me this a d he said you have to tell him in the gene most loving way possible even though it will b hard. So I send him emails since for three I have been telling him and that I'm so tired of it and realized only Allah can change him we can only guide him and that he could. E worse person besides this
    I'm glad to know and read yur stories and we can help each other thru this
    Love yu guys and have yu in my duas

    • Dear do you think that dua helps coz since my teen age I used to pray to never marry with a man who even don't think of other female but it's not accepted. And after marraid i v been praying for five years n I v been asking to Allah to stop my husband doing all this but I don't know why Allah is not halping me.is there something missing in my prayers.?

  22. Today's Hadith

    Painfully Tormented (3)

    The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “There are three to whom Allah will not speak on the Day of Resurrection, and He will not praise them or look at them, and theirs will be a painful torment; an old man who commits zina (adultery), a king who tells lies, and a poor man who is arrogant.” [Saheeh Muslim]

    What all these three types of people have in common is that they are committing sins for which the impulse is insufficient. Their indulging in these sins despite their condition shows their evilness:

    1. An old man does not have the drive that a young man does. If he still commits adultery it shows his total lack of concern for Allah’s limits. His punishment will then also be exemplary.

    2. A person usually lies when he considers himself weak. If he is a king and yet lies, despite the power and authority at his disposal, it shows his indifference to commit to righteous behaviour.

    3. Although no human being has any right to arrogance but a poor man does not even have the apparent justification to haughtiness. If he is still arrogant then again this is a sin that cannot be easily forgiven.

    Hadith Online    Islamic Books    News/Articles    Send Email    Add to Favorite    Subscribe

  23. Asalam waliykum,

    All the sisters who have posted their situations i am in the same boat. I understand you and i too do not know what to do.

    Before i got married i had a feeling that my husband was not the shy modest brother i hoped. The first incident happened while out in the park my father and him. it was a hot day so all the girls were out naked as usual. One girl walked infront of him, singing her hips and he looked, and looked, and looked. my dad did not see this Alhamdulillah, otherwise he would of told him wedding off. But i did and my heart sank.

    Things got worse after our walima we went traveling around north africa and he did the same, while i stood by his side.
    When we came back home and i settled in, he wanted me to sort out the spare room. i cleaned tidyed up. he had a huge suitcase of old things, school books, asignments letters etc. In there i found a porno dvd, he denied he ever watched it and his non muslim friend gave it to him, i believed him not wanting to be suspicious and let it go. He wanted to organise his photos so as a suprise i wanted to do it for him. I went out town bought a huge album, and staretd to sort into year and place and occassion. Among the photos were numerous photos of him with blond haired blue eyed women, with their chest out haging all over the palce him hugging them. His close friend was there too.... at that moment i felt i was having a heart attack, i found a video of him and his friend in the middle east with a bunch of other tourists. A japanese girl who took a liking to my husband started to ask him how to write in arabic and started to get close with him flirt and giggle. This same girl wanted to meet him in UK this summer!! I found more porno on his computer and history. The most heart breaking thing though was that 2 photos i found of him with an arab girl and his friend Who by the way i forbade him to talk to becuase he is a pimp, i found the photo had a date on... the date was 3 weeks after our islamic engagment. Biggest betrayl.... 10months later he still looked at women, he still talk to them, he still cant lower his gaze when the TV comes on. He knows i monotor the computer i have every block on. Becuase even though i know he is perverted i do not want to go through the same thing everyday. so i added the block. I monotor his fone... is that a real marriage guys?

    Before anyone gives advice, since this started i shared with him videos from his favourite shiekhs on the matter, then we discussed them, i shared with him articles. I took the quran and showed him the verse believing men to lower their gaze gaurd thier private parts. I tried the understanding role and told him i will help him, i tried the bad cop good cop, i tried to leave an dgive him space... come back nothing changed. I cried, i was well mannered, i have been angry i tried everything. I spoke with him and told him i want to work on our marriage and save it because i love him, so we must seek help from our imam or a shiekh or islamic counciller. He forbade me and shouted at me. a couple of time in teh heat of the moment he has grabbed my arm and bruised me, he has pulled me hard to the ground... i have been scared. he apologies and he stops. But he calls me crazy i seeing things after all the evidence... he blames his freinds, he says i am possessed, he says to let him do his thing and look, he is the "MAN". I tried everything. EVERYTHING....

    i have contemplated divource... as this is one thing i will never get over. i am too scared to go out with him i do not want to be a witness to his oggleing and druleing.
    I contemplated suicide, removing my hijab dressing like those tramps. Dying my hair blonde.

    I tried everything i do all my wifely duties, look after the home, look after him, dress up, do my hair, take good care of my body to look good for him, buy nice underwear. Everyday i bath and smell nice for him and apply makeup before he gets back from work. He appreciates it and complements me. But then i am still not enough as he will be watching arabic sports with a tramp on the TV oggling at her. I remind him to lower his gaze and he laughs. I say authobillahi mena shiytani rajeem. And he looks at me as if i am crazy. Then it starts all over again...

    i am at an dead end.

    • Im in the same boat.. I think we all are.
      Make dua sincerely to Allah to guide him and to put it on his heart
      All men look. And it's not right
      I keep sending him reminders since he won't Listen to me I text him messenges and email him Abt ayats from the Quran at least Allah knows I'm trying and I do same as yu dress up etc and coloured my hair
      Ramadan is coming so make sincere dua at least yu aren't know abd have Allah
      I also found emails abd pics when we first got married so I threw them away for him, so throw away the evil out of the house for him if he won't get rid of it
      You will feel better
      I'm made dua for you and will continue to do so
      I don't know this is hard but at least this is rtemporary life and one day it will stop inshaAllah
      I kept on him telling him as soon as I saw him do it and eventually it got less and less
      So first get rid of the pics and porn etc then keep sending texts and email as reminders
      See above from previous posts look up hadi's etc remind him of death that he can die doing this and that on d of j you might not forgive him

    • Get rid of the tv
      Yu are inviting satan in yur house by having a tv
      I got rid of ours. Disconnect it and throw it out .
      It will b hard but u have to do it

      • I know sister....

        I use the Tv to watch arabic channels such as Iqra and islamic channels.
        He does too. but he often watches arabic soaps and football shows which are always hosted by semi naked women and he stares, doesnt even pretened not to look.

        I remind him with Quran and hadiths. I tried all appraoches, the good cop bad cop, i tried to sympathise.
        I tried to get his attention the best i could.

        I must say FINALLY he has admitted he has a problem... but just said to make dua for him. He reassured me he only cares for me and loves me and that he is trying to change. So i will have sabr and continue to remind him and point out what he does so he is aware of it and inshallah it will go.
        Inshallah khier...
        At least i am not alone, i thought it was only me and maybe my own fault.

    • Assalamu alaykum sister im really shocked and sad when i read you took your hijab off for him!!!He is not a god fearing man and he doesnt help you to please ALLAH and follow your religion.you deserve better if i was you i wouldnt even stay with him for 1second.there are mashALLAH many good and god fearing muslim man there and you will inshALLAH find one, just be patient and pray to ALLAH. not all man are perverts alhamdullilah!!!

    • Jannah is gonna be soooooo sweet for you when you get a purified spouse instead of that creep. Keep strong sister. How long is this life 80-90 years at best? But Jannah...now that is forever. Inshallah you'll get there wih your patience. If you feel your better off without him then seek divorce, but do not do anything that will be displeasing to Allah like killing yourself or taking off your hijab. You sound like a good person. Good people shouldn't be going to hell. Make sure you don't

    • Came across this 11 years after it was posted and OMG, this is ABUSE!!! You are my believing sister and I make dua you’ve either left him, or he’s changed. Its so sad because Muslim women’s rights aren’t fulfilled or regarded as important in our religious society so when a man hurts her, people tell her to just stick up with it. Ladies, for a man to hurt you means he’s not a man! He is not God fearing and if there’s anyone else who is going through this, LEAVE! You will find someone who truly loves you and will never lay a hand on you. Divorce is not a bad thing! Especially not if you’re in a marriage that hurts you! If he hits you once, HE WILL HIT YOU AGAIN. I pray you are doing well.

  24. Asalamoalaikum,

    My heart goes out to all you sisters and I commend you all for your patience. May Allah swt bless you all give you your due rewards in this world and in the akhira, ameen.

    Personally, if this ever happened to me (Allah forbid) I would take a very different stand than many of you. For me two things are absolutely unacceptable: cheating and abuse. For me when these two things come into the picture, the word love is out the window. I have read many of the posts here and a lot of sisters have literally tried everything to persuade their husbands to let go of this habit. They have expressed their feelings, provided hadiths, given their husbands’ time, practiced patience, asked to go for counselling or to speak with an imam/sheikh, etc, yet to no avail these husbands are still stuck in this rut and this sick illusion/fantasy. I want to ask all you sisters, do you think you are worth this? Do you honestly think you are worth someone who doesn’t care for your feelings, doesn’t see your pain, and has the audacity to call you crazy or blame you for their actions? Wake up sisters! Love is a reciprocating emotion; all your husbands are just asking for it but are not willing to give it in return.

    I want each and every sister here to realize that yes marriage is a beautiful phase in life and we all dream of having the perfect marriage but the truth is life is not perfect. Things will not always go as planned. This is not jannah. We will all have our fair share of trials and tests but this does not mean that you should suffer when you have the choice to leave.

    For those sisters who have tried everything and things have not changed, ask yourself, do you want to live the rest of your life as a living corpse? Would you rather not live separately than live with a person who breaks your self confidence every single day, who makes you feel inferior, who chooses to experience pleasure from tramps who are injected with botox and “moulded to perfection” with plastic surgery? Please, walk out of this loveless marriage!

    I rarely advise the option of divorce but in circumstances where there is no love there is no point living and suffering with another person. Many people live their lives happily without a partner. You need to strengthen your bond with Allah swt. Expecting that people will bring you happiness is setting yourself up for failure. Never expect from people, only expect from Allah swt. These men need to be kicked to the curb. They don’t deserve it and you beautiful ladies deserve better!

    Please stop victimizing yourself. Get up and take charge of your destiny. You can live without these men, they are not worth it.

    I would never sell myself short for a person who does not love me, let alone has the audacity to play smart with me and blame me for his haram actions. Shame on these men!

    -Helping Sister

    • Salams helping sister
      I have a question are you married
      Or divorced ?
      You can't tell someone to just walk away
      All men do it. If she leaves her husband and finds another one he will treat her the same way
      Not to the same extent mind you but he will look
      What you should advise is instead of telling her to leave him
      You can do istrakira make dua to Allah and look at the positives in the marriage
      He might have just this one problem but many other good qualities
      A sister might not b able to leave if she's alone and has no other place to go
      She should try her best to make the marriage work and get rid of the haram in the house
      Throw away the tv porn pics etc and play the Quran send him reminders put it by the door
      Eventually he will minimize or realize it
      The same thing was with me he looked at women I kept telling him telling him making dua for him to stop
      And subanAllah after three years it has minimized significantly he avoids going to places where there might b woman before when we went out he looked and I would tell him. We would argue etc and now with Allahs help we no longer argue and he no longer looks well at least not in front of me but Allah knows best he might or might not b doing it behind my back
      So sisters don't give up yes it's hard and yur heart is broken I have been there but look at his other good qualities too
      Salama

  25. Asalam waliykum sisters i am back!!

    well things looked like they had sorted itself out. Me and my husband got over the women issue. nearly... he still watches TV and i am still conviencing him to sell it. We had 4 months of bliss and normal life. I go out with him and he lowers his gaze straight away. He started to me more selfless and look after me and treats me. Things were going so well.

    But one day he started to act odd... for a couple of days he worked a lot of nights and acting strange and very easily irritated. We had a small argument and i checked his fone. He had a relaxed text message from a women he works with. Alarm bells went off and i confronted him. he explained the message which was true, i later found out. But i was worried as he is back to adding numbers of women from his work again.

    So later that evening i checked his laptop and all the history is deleted and he said he never deleteshis hitsory... and so it was strange he started. But what he forgot is i am a computer whizz and i checked the google search box for history.. and low and behold there were 3 porn related searches.

    I confronted him and this time he could not hide and lie... and he admitted it eventually. We have not been on speaking terms since and we do not share a bed that was 4 days ago. I promised him in July the next time i find porn or text messages i am leaving for good. He said he will prove me wrong and make things better... but here we are again. I am not sure what to do...... He had one moment of weakness.. should i leave? i want to stay but i feel sick to my stomach to think that we have been trying for a baby and he went back to porn!!

    He told me it was once before we went on holiday in october and was after we had an argument and he was home alone... he was not able to control himself. I piety him... that he enjoys such filth that the women he watches are actually devils with horns and tales and flames surrounding them. He cant see that....

    i dont know what to do. But trying for a baby is out the window now. I dont know if i can cope with pregnancy and sstress like this. Its not safe or right.

    • please please donot have a baby in a marriage where this man is betraying your trust. Iam going through
      the exact same situation as yours. Me and my husband were recently planning for a baby but i have decided not to try and have a baby for him as his gazing at women while with me has still not stopped.Again and again for one year and with the threat of separation, he still continues this hurtful behaviour. Athough he has stoppped looking at porn. But will not help me to trust him by holding himself,
      accountable, ie, he has locked his computer with acode. will not let me see his phone. He has recently told me that sometimes he feels like looking at porn and masturbating. and that he has had a fantasy about another woman. My love and respect has gone for this man and i have been thinking about divorce due to the emotional pain and anxiety this is causing me,So please think of your mental sanity because porn and looking at other women even when they are clothed , when married is truly wrong, he should not even be speaking to other women on the phone in a non professional way if he has you as a wife. Please please donot have a baby with a man that has so little respect for you and self control .

  26. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBfRAxajWSA

    I posted here a long time ago (March 22, 2011). I read your message this am - I still have this thread send me comments now and then and I feel bad for people but dont usually respond. Your pain compelled me to write...

    I was listening to this today and did not think I would listen to it all. You must inshallah listen to this entire speech.... jump to what she says , specifically from 53 minutes 25 seconds: whatever you look at goes directly to your heart. They saying `look dont touch`means its ok , NO WAY! it directly affects the conditiion of your heart and can destroy you if he lets it go unchecked.
    Whatever condition your heart is in is what will help you on Judgement Day and nothing else, not money, car, furnishings, etc, just you your deeds and your heart.

    Please listen to her and do NOT give up hope. May Allah SWT give you the best outcome and shower His blessings of hope and barakah on you - Ameen.

  27. Salaam

    I think I'm the first male to post on this wall. All i can say is OMG this is too much, how in the world do you all put up so patiently with this. if it was me i woulda slapped my husband, but obviously since im a guy i cant do that.

    I'm in my early twenties. In my teens I used to unfortunately watch pornography and masturbate to it. Not having a wife and still not married to this day it was something that everyone at school was doing and used to release urges. SubhanAllah when I went to uni I met a really nice muslim girl, who I liked more than a friend. From that day I've never watched pornography again, just because I thought I wanted to better myself. Then later on I realised that seeing this girl without marriage is no good so I am currently not seeing her and waiting till the day I can marry her. Meanwhile I'm currently trying to stop masturbating, coz I think it's disgusting and can ruin a marriage IMO. Whenever I get an urge to do it I just search forums like this to see how it is affecting some of you sisters and it definitely helps a lot. So I think it is possible to stop both. Pornography definitely and I'm currently working n the other one.

    I think the problem with pornography and masturbation are the lasting affects they can have in marriage. The problem stems from the fact that guys in asian culture have to wait like a cajillion years before they can get married and you can't honestly expect a guy to resist the urge for more than 10 years especially when they get into the habit early. Also the parents do not talk to them about issues such as porn or masturbation, so by the time they find out (or care) that it is haraam they are addicted. I don't sympathies with the men in your case, because most of them sound like jerks. Especially the dude who likes his wife crying...what a freak.

    Also I don't get why they do it after they're married. I really don't think you sisters are doing anything wrong. They are just freaks man. They straight up need to be told how it is. I'm sick of reading sisters being scared of telling their husbands that this is wrong. The Quran says "Let there arise out of you a group of people inviting to all that is good (Islâm), enjoining Al-Ma'rûf (i.e. Islâmic Monotheism and all that Islâm orders one to do) and forbidding Al-Munkar (polytheism and disbelief and all that Islâm has forbidden). And it is they who are the successful."

    So sisters you can't be scared. If anything when your husbands shout and scream they are scared because they are insecure about themselves. They put up a front like they don't care but they are straight up embarrassed and insecure. If your husband has some decency and apologies and says he won't do it again then don't just leave him to it. Help him quit. a lot of women from what ive read just leave them to it and just want to forget it. you have to live in reality, this thing happend and it will continue to happen if you dont help. Check up on him and ask him if he needs you to do anything to help. Quit with him and reward each other when youve have done well. Inshallah this will increase the love between you. If your husband is still stubborn I don't know what to tell you. Pray pray pray.

    Salaam.

    • "So sisters you can't be scared. If anything when your husbands shout and scream they are scared because they are insecure about themselves. They put up a front like they don't care but they are straight up embarrassed and insecure."

      Assalamu alaikum Brother Peace Be Upon You. Mashallah and thank you for this wonderful insight of yours. This really helped in getting me to understand why my husband would put up a fight or deny it when I would confront him. He would skulk around for the rest of the day. I wouldn't know and make it worse by acting out of jealousy, once to the extent of making myself appear more attractive when going out with him, so other men can stare and he can finally understand where I'm coming from.

      I finally understand that he feels embarrassed. So I brought up the subject gently and we decided to work on it together. Also you coming from a Muslim brothers point of view, I realized that you are also a man and subject to temptation, If you could figure it out then so can He.

      Jazakallhu Khair

  28. Salaams All, i wanted to email a question myself but cant seem to do it for some reason so decided this is the nxt best method. i hope i get some responses.

    (Remainder of comment has been removed. Please log in and write your question as a separate post and you will be answered in turn, Insha'Allah. The link to register or log in is on the right side of the home page. - IslamcAnswers.com Editor)

  29. So I am not the only one who has to constantly witness my husband drooling over other women.

    He accuses me of insecurity and being crazy whenever I remind him that we are suppose to lower our gaze.

    Whenever we are out, I cannot help but notice his whole head turn when an attractive lady passes by. He really makes it known. He will even go to the extent of finding an excuse to talk to these type of women, whether at a restaurant, shopping, etc.

    He says it is natural for men to gaze and that at least 80 percent of men do it. Tells me to accept that he looks and engages with women or else.

    In fact, the other day when we went to the library, I caught him looking at a whole section of fitness and beauty magazines where most of the covers were of almost naked women and he tried to pull it off by telling me he was looking for politics magazines then changed his excuse saying he was looking for magazines for ME to read. La hawla wa la quwatta illah billah.

    Not to mention he listens to a lot of pod casts that consist of very weird sexual content from women who beautify their voices. Also reads about it too. I am fine with gaining knowledge in this area to implement new techniques b/w husband and wife, however, in a more appropriate manner. Some of the topics he listens to is not beneficial or even halal for that matter so I don't see the point.

    This is a man who claims to pray 5 times a day, has a thick beard, married,has kids, loves to give dawah. SubhanAllah he has what many men dream of yet he will continuously give excuses that this is the way he is and he cannot change it. Very short tempered and goes into a rage very easily. Can be physically and verbally abusive.

    I find he has many narcissistic symptoms.

    May Allah guide us all and give us the strength to get out of difficulties.

  30. Assalamalaikum, I m married since 3 years. But after marriage I came to know that my husband already have his first wife. I faced lots of problems even I had to stay alone in one flat. He used to come very rarely to me. Still I managed everything and told him to treat both of us equally. But since 1 year I m staying with my father and he is not willing to come to me even not sending me any money. Recently I came to know that he also has a son with first wife. When I was pregnant he aborted my child. He is totally avoiding me. Plz dear brothers and sisters pray for me that my husband should come to me and give me all rights and treat me equally. JazakAllah.

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      Please post your question as a separate post and in sha Allah we will publish it in turn so that you can have a page where people can share their opinions and help you.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  31. Assalamualaikum,

    Iam 21 years and I just got married, and once I moved in with my husband. He treats me very well but later on I noticed that he was still talking to his ex before he converted.

    • Laila, as-salamu alaykum. If you need advice on your particular situation, please log in and write your question as a separate post. You might also browse our archives, as we have answered many questions from women in situations similar to yours (cheating husbands, husbands who flirt with exes, who watch porn, message women, etc).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  32. Asalam mulakim, sisters
    I am a new revert and still learning many things. There is a deep sadness in my heart...

    [Editor's note: Welcome to Islam, sister - may Allah guide you to always follow the straight path. Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post - that way it can be published on the main page and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  33. Salaam . I am a muslim wife .I love my husband .Allah has given me everything alhumdulilah but not a husband who loves me as much as I love him. I thought he will treat me as wife whom he will give love with his heart.but I am unlucky as my husband is more intrested in other girls .I tried my best to make him understand that he is wrong.but stil he looks naked women over internet. I have given all my love to him .in return I never got the same.

  34. Aslamulakum sis. Your husband doesn't sound charming or pious. I mean he doesn't even try to lower his gaze. in Islam it:s a must to find a spouse who, at least tries to be pious. Find someone else worthy of you love. Xxx

  35. Salamz. YOU divorce him. don't ask him for the divorce.this is totally halal according to the Noble Quran. Sister this guy is not worth loving or having children with! Staring is zina of the eyes.

  36. That is very disrespectful. You deserve someone who will only look at you. Love is only holy when it is pure. Anyone else telling you not too look for pure is just making an excuse for your husbands lust. I had this same problem when I was younger and I left my husband and found a man beyond my wildest dreams. He is home with me every night and never looks at other women and he won't even watch movies that have nudity in it or bad scenes because it is unholy. This was hard at first because he is a Christian man but after knowing him for a while I prayed very hard and have a much better life now. I am treated with respect and love and I feel we are one unit. He puts God first then me in all things.

    • I agree with you about not making excuses for a sinful man. However, if you are Muslim then you left a sinful man and involved yourself in a haram relationship instead. A Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian man. It is forbidden in Islam. Such a marriage is invalid and wrong.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  37. Easily solution make your self irresistible to him .. that's what he wants... don't you see? He wants his desires fulfilled and he's not getting it... so... do it, and don't complain. Marriage goes both ways. And if anyone complains at me on here , try to realise what I'm saying has truth. If no one feeds you, are you going to be angry at your stomach for gurgling or are you going to do something about the problem? Respect your marriage and help him out

  38. Assalam Alaikum.
    I feel for all you women going through this.
    I live in a country that is very liberal. It is so difficult here to find a man that does not look at other women. I married my husband thinking he is different but he showed me that he is not. My husband speaks badly of people that is not Shi'a but he does same things. He looks at other women and when I catch him he lies to me and denies it. I know what I see. I gave up a lot for my husband to be a traditional Muslim wife he wanted but I do not respect him now after this and I pray to Allah that I am given strength to overcome this and to be around him until I move out. The last time he looked at another woman was when I was admitted in the hospital and I had been there two days. Two days of IV's, blood tests, no sleep, swollen from all the fluids they pumped in my veins, no shower and when I was being discharged I saw him staring at my nurse. He denied it. He still denies it but I know what I saw.

    So I'm waiting for him to give me my money for marriage and then I will move out.

    I loved him so much. I am so angry and hurt. So very hurt. This is not the first time. I have had a Muslim woman call my husbands phone telling me that she has had sex with him and she threatened to come over to our house to confront him. He says she's mad at him because he won't let her use his address. I found out before me he was talking to 100 women online. He told me he would go to their houses and many showed him their bedroom. He claims he did not know it was haram to go with these women but he is from Iraq. He is Shi'a from and group in Iraq. I believe he did know. They were other women he was friends with and he said he just groomed their eyebrows but I don't believe him. I believe a man who I thought was a good Muslim and honest turned out to be like all the others I have seen. Liars, cheaters, etc. Doesn't matter if a person is Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist etc. If hey want to do bad they will.

    May Allah guide you all who are going through this and may Allah help those to change who are doing haram things.

  39. Hi, my husband is the same,but I am now getting further away and not have any respect for him. So I have decided to go get job and be normal and ignore him. The more he does this the more depressed and stressed I get. He. An canoe or one day we will get divorced I have 3 children oldest 14 and youngest 6

  40. My husband helped a women arrange her nikka at my house. As she doesn’t have family in this country.

Trackbacks

  1. Sisters only how do you feel about getting married?

Leave a Response