Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband smokes weed everyday!

baby damage weed abuse pregnancy, baby to born

I am 30 years old, have been married for nearly 2 years and we have a little boy. I love my husband with all my heart and when I agreed to marry him I thought I was marrying a pious, God-fearing man. But a few months into our marriage I found out my husband smokes weed.

He promised to quit and nearly 2 years on he's still smoking the stuff. I have tried everything possible with him; we've not only talked about it (many times), I have pleaded screamed, cried, had arguments, quoted ayahs from the Qur'an and hadith about how sinful his actions are, we separated for a short while and I even went as far as telling the local imaam of his problem and asked him to speak to my husband (which he did). After all these attempts to try and make him quit he is still smoking.

I do not want to be married to a drug addict. I feel so helpless because he does not see himself like I see him. Since he knows I hate him smoking, he lies and hides it from me, but I always know. So now I have trust issues with him. It is the main cause of the problems in our marriage.

He is out of work at the moment and tells me he smokes weed because he's bored and that he will quit once he's back in work. But I don't see how is he going to find work when he makes very little effort in finding work. I know when he puts his mind to it he can accomplish anything he desires but the weed is keeping him down. He has also started to mix with bad company (which isn't helping matters).

I don't want to be selfish or anything, but I just don't want to wake up 10 years from now and still be in the same situation. What about when my son grows up? How am I supposed to teach him to stay away from drugs and raise him to be a good Muslim when his father is a pothead?

My husband isn't a bad man and has a lot of potential to be an amazing and influential Muslim, but he just seems to have lost his way and I don't know what to do. Do I leave him and break both our hearts or do I stick by him (and live my days in misery) and continue to make du'a to Allah (swt) that He will one day make my husband give up this vile habit and help him to get back on his Deen and be the amazing husband and father I know he can be?


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82 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    This situation surely must be difficult for you. I can see that it is complex, because you have tried so many interventions and solutions and yet nothing brings the needed change. What makes it even more tricky is the fact that if you decided to live life apart from him because of this, it still wouldn't change the fact that he is your child's father. If he decides to use for years and years to come, then your child will still have a "pothead father" whether you stayed in the marriage or not.

    Sometimes as wives we want so much for our husbands to meet their potential that we forget the fact that we are not the ones who can change them. We see how wonderful they are in so many ways, that it seems senseless that they would carry around this or that flaw that ruins so many things. What we have to remember is that, regardless of the flaw or problem, we can't make it go away by our own sheer will and strength. They have to want to change, and they have to be willing to do the hard work to make it happen. Clearly your husband hasn't reached that point with this.

    The reality that leaves you with is this: the only life you have influence over right now is your own, and to a degree your child's. I commend you for thinking of your son and wanting to build a wonderful future for him. However, you have to accept now that regardless of what you do to invest in your son's future, he is still going to have a father who is going to invest in it differently, or less, than you will. He may even have a father who sabotages your efforts in child raising! And as I said before, that is whether you stay in the marriage or not.

    So as you can see, it is difficult to advise you to stay with or leave your husband. The fact of the matter is, there are good fathers who have bad (perhaps even really bad) habits, and there are bad fathers who don't do anything haraam. Bottom line, he is still the only father your son has. Do I suggest beating your head against a wall by doing nothing about the situation regardless of his actions? No. But I would suggest finding a counselor, family member or imam that you trust and talking to that person about your situation and help you find a solution that is best for everyone involved.

    -Amy Editor

    • Dear sisters Asalam alikum

      I am myself weeder and only cure of weed/marijuana is to get busy in work so instead of asking others to tell him not to smoke weed you should try to find job for him by asking you family or friends.
      I am sure the day he finds a job; you will feel the change. 🙂

      Your brother.

      • Hey there Noman as I came across that you also drink weed I really want your help to make my fiancé stop drinking weed please reply to my message asap & I want to talk on cal with you so I can tell you my situation & then you can give me some advice looking forward to listen from you . Your sister Hifsa

        • instead of calling me you should find him a job or internship.... and ask him to offer his prayers...
          get him involve in requires will power.... if it does not help then consult psychiatrist... such patients requires some time to recover... at least three months... counseling would help and change of environment too.

          hifsa's brother
          noman zeb khattak

        • First, we do not allow the exchange of private contact information. Second, I really wonder about your judgment when you are willing to give your private contact information to a week-smoking stranger on the internet. Third, you should think seriously about making your fiance your "ex-fiance".


          • Wael bro you call me week-smoking stranger?
            bror i used to smoke it but now i quit it..
            i know it requires hell lot of willpower
            anyways... hifsa sister consult good psychiatrist for him.

        • one more thing hifsa... its almost impossible for him to quit weed at once.. it will harm him and will disturb his life and so as yours... so ask him to set timing for smoking weed... i mean ask him to smoke it after 9 pm... once he set timing for it... slowly but gradually he will be able to quit it.

          • "It's almost impossible for him to quit weed at once..."

            NOT true. Marijuana is not addictive in the sense that nicotine, cocaine and heroin are. There are no physical withdrawal pains when one quits. It is completely possible to quit cold turkey, as they say.


          • aoa
            Wael did u ever smoke weed?
            i smoked it for 10 years so i think i know better than you.
            one should not pass comment without practical experience.
            hifsa follow what i say.

      • Been there still there even when my husband found a job it didn't change he went from job to job back to unemployed to the point where we lost our house. My advice do something drastic now he might change otherwise you will face more than just what your dealing with now. I have 3
        Kids and all of them are affected because I tried to hard to keep the marriage together.

  2. ASA sister:
    This is a very difficult situation! On one hand he is the man you love, the father of you child. But on the other hand, he is suppose to be a good example for you and his child! It seems to me that you have tried almost everything! But, you should STOP trying. He should START trying. Once he realizes he will lose you, his marriage and his child... then he must outweight what he really wants. To get high all the time or keep his family, be a good muslim, and role model. If i were in your situation i would give him space. And when he proves to you he has changed... only then should you go back with him. Let HIM prove to you, let him work hard to keep his family. Because at the end this will be very beneficial to him. Drugs never lead to anything good.
    Blessings your way! May Allah help you and your family in such hard times

    Your sister

  3. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    The best thing is the last part of your post. Pray to Allah to remove this addiction from his life.

    You tried in your ways and if you still like to work out this relation and live in the current state, you may do so.

    Get the elders of the family from both sides get together with both of you and try to solve the matter with peace.

    If you think you tried hard and he is not changing and you are not getting peace from this relation, and you think your life would be better without this man and you think you would be doing no injustice to him and to your kid, then you may think of separation by divorce.

    There are a few verses in the Qur'an, which show a way to work out problems in married life:

    35. And if ye fear a breech between them twain (the man and wife), appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. If they desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware. - Surah An Nisaa.

    128. If a woman feareth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed hath been made present in the minds (of men). If ye do good and keep from evil, Lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do.
    129. Ye will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much ye wish (to do so): But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If ye do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
    130. But if they separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All Embracing, All Knowing. - Surah An Nisaa.
    You may think upon your situation and decide for your self.

    Keep to justice and kindness. Be patient. Pray to Allah.

    Read the Qur'an with meanings, Insha Allah, you will find answers to life's questions.

    Hope the advice helps.

    Your brother,

  4. Bismillah.
    Salam Alaikum sister.
    I believe because your husband is out of work he may feel a lot of stress on his
    shoulders and the marijuana is like an escape for him.
    But like most addictions it only gives you moments of pleasure and
    leaves you groggy, grumpy and hopeless.
    Especially when you know what your doing is wrong.
    Your husband sounds like a good man. He has potential
    to be an even better Muslim man.
    If you haven't already tried this approach I believe you should
    delegate a party from your family and one from his to mediate
    this problem. A respected elder whom he would listen to.
    They shouldn't be aggressive or mean but be firm enough to
    let him know the extent of this problem.
    Listening to the Holy Qur'an around him may help as well.

    I'm sure he knows how fortunate he is to have you so
    he will make the right decision in the end.
    Tell him about the long term ramifications this bad habit
    will have on your son. Insha'Allah he may quit
    for the sake of your son. But be patient and know that
    ALLAH (swt) is watching. May ALLAH (swt) bless you
    sister and assist you in this endeavor. Ameen. Salam.

  5. Assalamu Alaikum

    Jazak'Allah khairun for your responses to my situation. My husband is a revert to Islam, so getting elders from both sides to mediate is not an option as his family is non-Muslim and they have very little contact with my husband. I can't tell my family about his addiction as I went against my parents wishes when I married him. Although they have now come love and accept my husband as part of the family, by exposing his sin to them would not be beneficial. It would probably have an adverse effect. Their immediate reaction would be to tell me to divorce him (which at the moment is NOT an option for me... I'm not ready to head down that road yet) and I would get the big long speech of "I told you so..." from my mother (which I don't need to hear right now).

    Getting the imam to speak to my husband also backfired. As, instead of my husband taking on board the concern and advice given to him, he closed himself off and went into hiding. He stopped attending the masjid for salah and dropped out of his tajweed and fiqh classes and closed himself off from all that is good. He blamed me and said it was my fault because he was too embarrassed to show his face in front of the imam. He now attends a different masjid (but only goes there for Jummah salaah). He has become slack in his salaah, no longer being regular or punctual, but I do try to encourage him to pray with me (when he's at home).

    Leaving him is NOT an option at the moment as I don't have the strength within me to do it, cos I still have so much love for him. Also when we separated in the past (for 5 days) that was one of the worst times in my life. I was miserable, he was miserable and it did not benefit my son in any way. My son is a daddy's boy, he absolutely adores his father. I moved back in with my parents and the change in my son's personality was apparent to my whole family. He went from being a happy and lively little boy to a withdrawn and whiny child. To see him like this was the hardest thing and I constantly had my mother telling me it was cos he missed his father (which broke my heart). I never told my family why we separated and so they were constantly on my back making subtle remarks as if it was my fault that we were in this situation. I don't blame them for being like that since they had no clue what was going on, but I couldn't tell them the truth as I didn't want to tarnish the image they have of my husband. To the outside world everyone thinks my husband is this happy go lucky, pious man. Little do they know what he's like behind closed doors.

    I don't know what Allah (swt) has planned for my life, but I just pray that Allah (swt) gives me the strength to get me through these difficult times and gives me the wisdom to make the right choice and do what's best for myself, my son and my husband and our deen insha'Allah.

    Please remember me and my little family in your du'as.
    Jazak'Allah kairun

    Walaikum salaam.

    • Asalaamu alaikum. I can relate so much, i am in exactly the same position. My hub a revert, he not working, we have 2 boys together. I'm so exhausted i dnt knw hw to handle it anymore. I cover his shame so much so that my family doesn't find out but now i think he is taking that for granted. I am so heartbroken. I admire your strength.

  6. Subhana Allah sis I feel your pain may Allah reward your for your patients and I WILL make du'a for you tonght as I do Tuhujjad (Insha Allah)

  7. As Salam alay kum

    I was browsing through the net to find an answer to my problem and guess i am not alone. My husband is a convert and that he did to be able to marry me. He did not ever have his heart in it and I knew but i loved him so much and wanted to marry him and no one else. My family agreed after we agreed to do the Nikah.
    He is a very patient guy. He gives me complete freedom to do what ever i want and expects the same from me. I knew while marrying him that he is a pothead but i thought I'll change him, which never happened. He promised to quit before our Nikah and i found out one day that he was still smoking. I fought, I spoke nicely and gave him a lot of love but he doesnt want to change. He sees nothing wrong in it and justifies the habit. I have given him many ultimatums and have decided not to have a child untill he changes. I have even considered divorce but i cannot live without him. Please help me I know its my Karni but i'm regretting it. I fear if I let him go i'll go mad and he doesnt want to leave me either. He is responsible and but doesnt take any effort to show that he loves me. Sometimes i wonder why i love him? But i do and care about him too.

    Please advice what can i do? i cant go back to my parents cos they dont know anything about this. They will ask me to divorce him and my mother will go into a state of shock. please help

    • Reading this makea me feel bad. Im a pot head and its hard. I came into islam with this stupid addiction and cant atop. I do my duties by providing but its not an exvuse. I want to go to rehab. I pray your husbNd will c its not good.

  8. Salam sister, I recentley got married and I am also a revert. My problem is that my husband also smokes weed I have done everything in my power to help him but nothing seems to be working. I am living with his in laws who regularly remind me how unresponsible their son is. I feel embarassed to hear this and when I have voiced it to my husband he simply does not care. I am very miserable, not a day goes by where we have not argued. He thinks the arguments are because of me.He's not doing what a muslim should be doing and I as hard as it is to say I feel very bitter towards him. The love I once had for him is slowly fading. And I don't know what to do.....

    • Dear Sister Nayab,

      I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you are experiencing in your marriage. However I will have to ask you to log in and submit your question as a separate post. There is a queue, so inshaAllah when yours is published we will try to advise you in the best possible way inshaAllah.

      SisterZ Editor

    • Salaam sister

      I feel your sadness and understand what your going through. The only advice I can give you is something I heard in a lecture from Brother Nouman Ali Khan. What he said was to take lessons from the people of the past. So this is something I am trying to give me that extra bit of patience with my husband when I need it.

      An example he gave was that of Asiyah, the wife of Firawn (Pharoah, from the time of Moses (AS)). When I think of Asiyah I can't even begin to imagine what her marriage or life must have been like and the hardships she must have faced being married to such an evil man. It helps me put my marriage into perspective and realise actually my marriage isnt all that bad. Alhamdulillah. I have a husband who is striving to be a practising Muslim, who loves me, is kind to me etc. His only vice is smoking weed. My husband never smokes around me or our son and as soon as he comes home from smoking he has a shower. He says he will quit once he is back in employment, so I pray he means that and I hope he finds work soon insha'Allah.

      You never said whether your husband was a practising Muslim. If he isn't, then your priority is to get him back on his Deen. For me, if my husband wasn't practising or wasn't interested in being a practising Muslim then deciding what to do about my marriage would be a no-brainer. That is I would have asked him for a divorce. The reason being when I agreed to marry him, I married him so that we could establish an Islamic household and raise our children in an Islamic environment.

      I hope I have helped you in some small way. May Allah (swt) gives us all the strength and patience to get through these difficult times insha'Allah.

    • Sorry to hear this. Iv had the same issues. Six years two children later, everything is still always my fault. I've researched a lot about the drug and how it effects people as well as the families that have to live with an addict. Unfortunately does not look good. Have been separated for a long time. Still see him, no change in his drug habit but my confidence is getting better again as it really gets eaten away when living with someone on drugs. Well we have two options.... we can either be patient and wait till they are schizophrenic or we can put entire trust in Allah and say after hardship comes ease. only you know your limit. Allah gives us strength but from my experience with a drug addict it only gets worse and is one never ending circle. A cycle of abuse.

  9. Asalaamu Alaikum

    I thought I would log on to see if anyone had any more pearls of wisdom for me as I am still battling with my husband trying to get him to quit his weed habit. Its both a shame and kind of comforting to know that I am not the only Muslimah out there going through this trial. What is the matter with the men of this Ummah? I see so many brothers who are failing in one way or another to be good Muslim husbands (not that i'm saying all Muslim women are faultless wives, but at the moment I am an angry wife and so am venting). I can't understand why they can't see the importance of fulfilling their responsibilities and duties as a husband and father and that they will be questioned on the Day of Judgement about how they ran their households and how they treated their wives.

    The problem with my husband is that he seems to think that its ok for him to smoke weed and not fulfill his responsibilities or duties towards me as long as he's giving dawah to others and calling them to Islam. But I see this as hypocrisy. I try to be supportive and interested when he tells me he has brought a brother into the fold of Islam, but we usually end up arguing about it as it frustrates me that he himself is weak in his imaan and isn't fulfilling his Islamic obligations at home, so who is he to go out and preach to others calling them to Islam? Why isn't he sorting himself out and sorting his own home life out instead of brushing the problems under the carpet and behaving like they don't exist? Anyway that's my rant over. LOL.

    To muslimsister, I hope you're well and in the best of imaan. If I was you I would pray Salaatul Istikharah to see whether you should stay married to your husband. First and foremost your love for Allah (swt) should outweigh your love for your husband. If your husband only became Muslim to be able to marry you, is he really a Muslim?? I'm not saying this to hurt you, just giving you food for thought.

    Before I married my husband I prayed Salaatul Istikharah for a week and I felt I got a positive response, hence why I went through with the marriage. My husband had been Muslim for 3 years approx before I married him (although he only really started practising Islam after we married, until the problems with the weed began). If I was you I would encourage your husband to listen to Islamic lectures and go to Islamic talks etc for him to build his knowledge about Islam and his love for Allah (swt). This is what I have been doing with my husband. It is better that your husband has a love for Allah (swt), even if he doesn't love you properly. As once he perfects his Deen, then insha'Allah he will one day fulfill his duty towards you insha'Allah (or at least that's my that's my thinking).

    I would recommend Brother Nouman Ali Khan. His lectures are awesome, my husband totally loves listening to his lectures as he feels Brother Nouman explains things in a manner suited to reverts. Brother Nouman is in the UK from the 23-25 Dec 2011 at Edmonton Masjid, London doing a 3-day seminar. I would recommend you book your husband onto this seminar as it will be very beneficial for him. For more details go to: I have booked my husband onto this seminar (even though I know the seminar will have a positive impact on my husband and he will change his ways for 2-3 days or even a week but then he will be back on the weed once the "spiritual high" has gone). But as his knowledge base grows and his love for Allah and His Deen grows, he might just one day give up smoking weed and be the husband he promised me he was going to be when I married him insha'Allah.

    I think for you Muslimsister you have a bigger problem than your husband smoking weed. Your main problem is getting your husband to become a true Muslim by him wanting to be Muslim to gain the pleasue of Allah (swt) not because he wanted to marry you. However, he can only do this with your help. Once he starts practising Islam can you then take steps to get him to stop smoking weed.

    If your husband doesn't want to be a practising Muslim then you need to make a decision as to what's more important...your love for the Deen or your love for your husband.

    Please forgive me for any shortcomings or if I have offended you etc. That wasn't my intention.


    • Mashallah, you have a lot of patience M4ryam. I am in almost the same shoes as you except without a child. But I'm losing my patience and don't have much left. Sometimes I wonder if having a child will change his behavior but I don't want to gamble another human being's life. Because what if he stays the same, what am I to do then? If you didn't have your son, would you still be with your husband?

      • Salaam Lulosa,

        I hope and pray you have found a solution to your situation insha'Allah. Please don't have a child in the hope that your husband will change...because more than likely he won't (Allahu Alam). A lot of the time I feel like a single parent because getting stoned is more important to my husband than actually spending any quality time with his son (which is one of the main things we fight about). It's tough raising a child on your own.

        I don't know if I'd still be with my husband if i didnt have my son. Before I was in this situation I would have certainly said that I wouldn't stay married to someone who was a drug addict. But now that I am in this predicament there's a lot of other factors that play a part, hence why I am still married to him.

        Theoretically speaking my marriage would have probably ended a long time ago if we didn't have our son. But that wouldn't be because I ended the marriage, it would have been because my husband would have ended it (he doesn't have the same staying power that I do, unfortunately).

        If you are still living in this nightmare I pray you find a solution that works best for you soon. Insha'Allah.

    • Asalam alaykum Sister m4ryam,

      Has your husband found employment yet? It seems probable that his substance abuse problem is stemming from two factors: his laziness to change and his unemployment.

      At this point, he could find a job doing something such as outdoor manual labor, maintenance work or something physically active. These jobs require so much physical exertion and require him to be clean and sober, so that he'd have to reduce and/or eliminate his problem.

      With an intervention your husband, as long as he is unemployed, will not see the importance of changing. Is it possible to bring the alim from the previous masjid to your home to speak to your husband? Attending more Islamic lectures is fine, but unless you contact someone there who can help and counsel your husband, it may be a case of just 'showing face,' so to speak. Make it a point to accomplish getting your husband an Islamic guide, as he seems to be 'hiding,' as you have said.

      Lastly, your previous separation didn't accomplish anything, because there were no set goals as to what it was supposed to accomplish. As hard as it may be, you need to understand that separating is also supposed to be a time of improvement and beginning the road of eliminating the problems. A separation, if the problems do not improve, leads to divorce. This is the seriousness of separating, so please do not take it lightly if you choose to exercise this option. It's essentially, the last straw.

      May Allah (swt) grant you the wisdom to make the best decisions in your marriage and for the sake of your child.

      • Wasalaam

        My husband has been in work for a month now. He works in the construction industry as a labourer. However, this is not make him quit. If anything he has got worse, now that he has a regular income he spends all his money on weed and socialising with like-minded people. My son & I barely see him, cos he's at work all day & then getting stoned all evening. The evenings he's not getting stoned he's sleeping cos he's so tired from work.

        I'm at a point where I don't know what to do, most people would probably say for me to leave him as he is not even doing the basics and providing for us (I am still being the bread winner, even though he is now back in employment).

        I know, you are right. I have been trying to find someone who will take my husband under their wing and guide him back on to the straight path but I haven't managed to find anyone as yet. It wouldn't be a good idea for me to ask the imam to try and counsel my husband because the imam is a close family friend of none. He was so shocked when I told him of my husbands habit (cos everyone thinks very highly of my husband in my local community), his advice was for me to seek a divorce if my husband didn't quit (which I feel is the easy way out. I believe Allah (swt) brought my husband and I together because we are a good match for one another insha'Allah, this is one of the reasons why I am still fighting to make my marriage work.

        With regards to.our separation, this wasn't my choice. My husband packed my bags and sent me to my parents as I kept threatening to take our son and leave if he didn't quit his habit. I think he got to a point where he was fed up of me saying it and so he sent us packing 🙁

        Jazak'Allah for your input.

        • Hi Dear,

          I know it’s been 10 hears since you posted about your husband. But maybe it’s a good thing that it’s been so long as now you probably have come to a solution.
          If you ever find this message can you please update me of your husband ever stopped smoking? As I’m with a man for more than 3 years and all I hear is - I will quit when I feel like. But unfortunately I just don’t believe he will ever feel like it.
          So please let me if I have a hope that maybe my husband will quit even if it’s after 10 years.

  10. Assalâmuˤalaikum WRWB

    Dear sister M4ryam. I had to read your situation when I was looking for solutions to similar problems. I hope you have had the solution by now. Allah forbids, if not, Allah has forbidden despair from His Mercy. Now, what conclusion comes if we consider the followings:

    1. Does your husband appear to be happy doing any Islamic activities, even though you think its hypocrisy?

    2. Does he fulfill his other duties (save the bad habit), especially does he love you and your son?

    3. Does he perform all other rites and doctrinal activities or he he keen to ?

    4. Finally, assume that he does not smoke, for a moment. Would you see your mental and physical condition
    rest with satisfaction?

    If all these answers are yes, you have the next step in your own statement of 6 Dec 2011, " If I was you I would encourage your husband to listen to Islamic lectures and go to Islamic talks etc for him to build his knowledge about Islam and his love for Allah (swt). This is what I have been doing with my husband. It is better that your husband has a love for Allah (swt), even if he doesn't love you properly. As once he perfects his Deen, then insha'Allah he will one day fulfill his duty towards you insha'Allah (or at least that's my that's my thinking)".

    If that's the only vice he has and you are able to be fully happy with all other aspects of deen and dunya, I would say, pleasing each other more and bring more happiness in peace, helping find a job even if it is to start with a voluntary one while looking for an earning one, agree to completely disagree on that matter and approach any time to give that up without causing him feel 'disrespected by you' and establish to him that you are his best friend both in the deen and dunya. Then follow your own technique: help each other the best way possible, while reserve counselling only by a rational scholar without making this (if this the only concern that you have) an issue publicly letting yourselves down, again unless you have some other concern(s), as you never know the exact time of Allah's Mercy to guide your husband. There is no man, in my view, perfect except those who are blessed and you could even be worse off with other aspects of life.

    May Allah make you successful in your Jihâd Inshâ’Allâh.

  11. Assalaamu Alaikum

    For anyone reading my post who is in a similar or worse situation I thought this might come in handy. I found some du'as online to help cure addictions and live a happy marriage insha'Allah.

    The following prayer is for curing all kinds of addictions, from drugs to tobacco, alcohol to womanising, and also any other forms of evil habits. INSHA'ALLAH.

    The following should be read for 41 days by either the person who wants to change his / her ways, or someone else can read on behalf of the person that is addicted. After reading the following ask Allah to relieve you of your addiction or bad habit.

    If someone is reading on behalf of another person, then the person who is doing the Du'a should mention the full name of the addicted person and that person's mother's name, for example:
    Ya Allah relieve and cure {the addicted person's full name} son / daughter of {the addicted person's mother's name} of his / her bad habits. Ameen.


    Read the following DUROOD 11 times:



    Next read the following DU'A 11 times:



    Finally finish by reading the 1st DUROOD 11 times again.


    Read the following DUROOD 14 times:

    O my Allah, send blessings on Muhammad and on the children of Muhammad

    Next read the following ayahs once:

    SALLALLAAHU A'LAA KHAYRI KHALQIHEE MUHAMMADIN WA AALIHEE AJMA-EEN LIHUBBI (name of husband with his mother) A'LAA HUBBI (name of wife with her mother)

    By the Quran, the book of wisdom.
    Nun. By the pen and by what they write.
    You alone we worship and from You alone we seek help.
    Blessings of Allah be on Muhammad and on his children, all of whom are the best creation among His all creations; for the purpose of (creation) love (in the heart of (name of husband with his mother) for (name the wife with her mother).

    Finally finish by reading the 1st DUROOD 14 times again.

    O my Allah, send blessings on Muhammad and on the children of Muhammad.


    Du'a of Yunus (a.s)

    There are none worthy of worship besides You. Glorified are You. Surely I am from among the wrongdoers (Now make your Du'a)



    Without doubt, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace

    I hope these are useful to people and may Allah (swt) accept our du'as and remove our hardships. Ameen.

    • Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

      Before you follow saying these dua or start asking others to follow them up . You need to check their authenticity.

      Are these duas authentic ? whats the reference ?

      Did prophet Muhammed(sallallahu alaihi wasallam) thought this ?

      Be careful there are lots of people who are there on the internet saying things that are baseless. Allah knows best.

      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

      • @m4ryam-

        Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

        Allah knows best.

        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Assalaamu Alaikum.

      Dear Admin Team,

      Please could you delete the two posts I wrote with du'as on quitting a bad habit and the du'a to create love and affection between husband and wife.

      I listened to a lecture today on signs of a magician and the brother mentioned that one of the signs that a person is a magician is they will ask for your mothers name. I remembered that 2 of the du'as that I posted here asked for you to mention your mothers name.

      Therefore, I pray you will read this post and delete the TWO messages I posted giving advice to recite these du'as as I fear they will cause more harm than good.

      My apologies to anyone who found this site and read my post to recite those du'as, I pray you forgive me & I seek forgiveness from Allah (swt) for my ignorance and short-comings. Ameen.

      Jazak'Allah Khair.

  12. Salam brothers and sisters.
    I am a recent revert to Islam and have myself in the past been addicted to soft drugs (namely cannabis)
    The awakening I had when I began to study Islam was enough to change my ways.
    As was mentioned by sister Amy, unfortunately there is very little that you can do to change your husband as it has to be he that wishes to initiate the change.
    May I suggest something? I hope this causes no offence as there is certainly none intended, but instead of pointing out his flaws to him and asking him to change them (ie his pot smoking) perhaps leave that alone for the moment.
    Despite his unwillingness to change, he is by now I would imagine more than aware of your disdain for his actions and constant reminders of failure to a drug addict often serve to reinforce such failures as it can sometimes seem to the addict that this is what they are known for, so why change?
    Instead, concentrate more on the positives. Invite friends from the mosque into your home to eat for example, engage with the wider Muslim community without the preconceived notion that you have any underlying agendas such as trying to make him quit smoking.
    I'm sure you may have tried this, but I thought that as a former addict that my viewpoint may be beneficial to you and again, I hope that no offence was taken on your part.
    I am writing this in hoping that Allah (swt) has already guided him onto the straight path and that this issue is no more. Should this not be the case, I hope for the sake of all concerned that a solution is found post haste.

    • Assalaamu Alaikum brother Anthony,

      Sadly my husband is still smoking weed. However, things between us are slowly improving masha'Allah. I have stopped constantly reminding him of my disdain for his actions, as I have come to accept that it is HE that has to want to change and put those wheels of change into motion and that no amount of badgering from me can make him change (although I do drop it into conversation every now and again just so that he is aware that I've not come to accept the fact that he is a pothead).

      I think the fact that him being a better father to our son by interacting and giving him quality time masha'Allah is what is still keeping me fighting for our marriage. However, I pray my husband kicks his habit before our son reaches the age of understanding insha'Allah.

      Brother Nouman Ali Khan was in the UK this weekend, we attended his lectures in London & Birmingham. The Birmingham lecture was on the Tafsir of Surah Ar-Rahman & was truly inspirational & gave us both a lot of food for thought, but more so my husband. Bad habits that I have been nagging and arguing with my husband to try and get him to quit over the last couple of years and getting no where fast with, Brother Nouman struck a chord with my husband in that one night (by the grace of Allah) and has given my husband the motivation to start making positive changes in his attitude and behaviour Alhamdulillah. Now I'm just praying the "spiritual high" isn't short lived and that my husband does actually follow the steps to make positive changes in his life and that I am able to provide him with the help and support he needs to get back onto the straight path without fighting and arguing with him. Ameen. At the moment I feel we're both finally taking a step in the right direction Alhamdulillah, although we still have a long way to go Subhan'Allah.

      Jazak'Allah for your advice. There was no offence taken, I was glad of some insight from a former addict as many a time I have tried to figure out what's going on in my husband's head, to try and understand why he smokes but to no avail. So I appreciate you taking the time to comment on my situation. May Allah (swt) bless you and bless Brother Nouman Ali Khan.

    • Salaam brother Anthony,

      My mistake, my husband seems to have made a U-turn & seems to have got worse rather than better after the Nouman Ali Khan weekend (even though he said he wanted to change & wanted me to help him change). I've only just realised he stole my bank card so that he could put some petrol in his car last night (he's out of work at present) & tonight he apologised & said he "needed to nip out". I just said "don't apologise to me, fear Allah, as Allah sees everything". But that wasn't enough to make him have a change of heart and stop him from going around to my neighbours to get stoned.

      From the point of view of an ex addict, do you think he will change, or is he just taking me for a ride???

      I'm beginning to despair. I have made excuse after excuse for his behaviour, but I guess I need to face up to reality about his addiction & start thinking long & hard about our future. A lot of people see his addiction as trivial because he has the potential to be an amazing man. What they don't realise is "potential" being the operative word. While my husband is addicted to weed he will never achieve his potential, as his whole world revolves around weed & my son & I are a distant second.

      I know I'm probably putting you in a difficult position by asking you to help me come to a decision, but I need advice from someone who has experience of being addicted to weed & whether the behaviours my husband is displaying is "normal" for a weed addict. I feel so lost at this moment in time. May Allah (swt) give me the strength to make the right decision. Ameen.

      Jazak'Allah for your time.

      • Salaam Alaykum,

        Sorry to butt in, i couldnt help myself from commenting on your situation. I am 24 years old. I started smoking cannabis 5 years ago, not to fit in with anyone, but to escape from this sad world we live in and the hard times i felt i was going through. Without realising, i very quickly became addicted. I'd smoke large amounts on a daily basis/every other day, and when i didnt smoke id feel aggitated/depressed/angry and a whole bunch of other emotions. I started seeing the world and everything in a different light, and although i could control my high to a certain extent, without realising i would say & do things i wouldnt normally if i was completely sober.

        For the latter part of the 5 years i denied my addiction telling myself that what i was doing wasnt haraam as i still had faith and felt my mind opened up, but over the last few months as hard as it was i forced myself to accept that i am addicted. I have wanted to stop for a while for a number of reasons, but found it hard to do so, however last night i said to myself this is it, no more, i cant keep on living like this, especially since i want to start praying my full 5 Salah a day. So i googled up how to stop my addiction of smoking cannabis with hopes of finding some Surah's i could read from the Quran, or dua's which would help me stop, and i stumbled upon this site.

        A LOT of my friends smoke every single day and a few times we spoke about stopping but seems as though nobody really wants to as they to are all addicted.

        However ive made my decision, I know i'll have to force myself from meeting up with these friends and maybe cut them off, and i feel like im headed down a long dark road on my own, as i wish i had someone to support and help me stop, but I know nobody can help me except Allah (swt) and i feel like a fool for turning to drugs to escape my problems in the first place.

        I dont know what to call you, Aunty/Baji Maryam, but firstly i'm very sorry to hear about your situation. As much as i want your marriage to take a turn for the best and work, its hard to say when/if he will change (Allah knows best) as everyone has their own phase and cannabis really plays mind games with a person. The behaviour of your husband is normal for a cannabis addict i can tell you this first-hand. It really does make you anti-social and not wanting to be around people. The best advice i can give you is keep praying to Allah (swt) that your husband has a change of heart (InshaAllah), and also keep trying to put the fear of Allah (swt) in his heart. Ask him does he know when he will die? Ask him what if he dies in that state of intoxication and is raised the same way, how would he face Allah (swt)?

        Once again im sorry to butt in and i really do pray Allah (swt) restores your beautiful marriage.

        Im far from religious but its like Allah (swt) has been showing me signs which gave me this change of heart, so I'd really appreciate if you could re-post the Durood in Arabic from your previous comments.

        (Please do dua for me too that i can also overcome this addiction for good and Allah (swt) makes it easy for me, as i know the withdrawal symptoms i can have).

        If there is any other advice i can give you please feel free to ask.

        Salaam Alaykum.

  13. salam,

  14. Assalamu Alaikum S1

    Jazak’Allah Khair for your comment. I’m glad you have found the strength within yourself to see the error of your ways and take the necessary steps to change insha’Allah. We all make mistakes, but what counts is that you realise your mistakes and take sincere steps to rectify and repent for what you have done.

    You always hear stories about people who drink alcohol, take drugs, commit zina etc, but people only focus on the individual committing the crime saying how they’re destroying their life and either pity them or despise them. But they don’t realise how much hardship and trauma the family members face because of that one individual. Only because I am living this nightmare, have I come to realise how much it impacts on the lives of the nearest and dearest of the addict.

    You have overcome the hardest part, which is admitting to yourself that you are an addict and that you need to change, Alhamdulillah. But that’s not to say your struggle is over, it’s probably only just beginning. I pray that Allah (swt) gives you the strength to kick this vile habit as it is destructive not just for yourself but also for those closest to you. I’m presuming you’re not married yet? I pray you kick the habit before you do settle down as it’s not fair to put your unsuspecting wife through such hardships.

    You definitely need to cut ties with your friends that smoke weed and make new friends with good company, if you are serious about quitting (I know it is easier said than done). As I can guarantee you, you will not be able to quit with your pothead friends around, you will only be making your struggle even more difficult than it already is. I have found with my husband, as he is not willing to quit yet, he refuses to find good company to keep and finds fault in those that are clean and sober, making excuses why he can’t be friends with them. But if he comes across a pothead friend, it doesn’t matter how bad a person they are, he can overlook their faults and keep them as company because they smoke weed.

    It may seem like you’re headed down a long, lonely dark road and you will have tough days where the withdrawal symptoms will get too much, but have trust in Allah (swt). Allah (swt) will NEVER forsake you, as long as you don’t forsake him. Hold firm to your deen and don’t let shaitaan make you lose hope. Do what I do, read up on stories on Prophets or people of the past, when you begin to despair and insha’Allah you will find the comfort and strength to persevere. I always refer to the story of Asiyah (wife of Firawn) when I’m at my weakest moment and Alhamdulillah I find the strength to carry on, as my problems seem trivial in comparison to hers. Maybe when you feel down and alone and want to give up, you could read about the Story of the Prophet Ibrahim (A.S) and how he kept strong living amongst a tribe of idolaters or the Prophet Lut (A.S) and how he kept strong even though his people, the people of Sodom were destined for destruction and take inspiration from their lives insha’Allah.

    Everything you have said rings true of the behaviours my husband currently displays. He’s been smoking weed since he was 16. He too had a difficult past, his parents kicked him out of home when he was 16 and he fell into a bad way, as he was still a child trying to fend for himself in this dog-eat-dog world. So, I can understand why he began smoking weed as he wasn’t born Muslim and he didn’t know any better back then. But I have reminded him on numerous occasions that Allah (swt) has taken him from those dark days and blessed him with a wonderful life SubhanAllah. He has been given the gift of finding Islam, been blessed with a supportive wife, a loving child, a warm and comfortable house to live in, wholesome food to eat, clothes on his back, the bare necessities and so much more masha’Allah. Things he thought he would never have. He has so much to be thankful for and yet it’s not enough to make him change his ways. I always ask him which of Allah’s favours will you deny? I have also asked him does he not fear death as he seems to think he’s going to live forever, with the way he is behaving. To which I get no response, or he apologises (but doesn’t change his ways) but I do hope it gives him food for thought insha’Allah.

    I have told him he is addicted to weed and he refutes the claim and clicks his fingers and says he can stop in an instant. So I have asked him in the past, if he is able to quit in an instant, then why doesn’t he? Is it because he enjoys being disobedient to his Creator and being a slave to shaitaan?? Probably not the best thing to say, but it drives me nuts that he is in such denial.

    I know it is going to be a long difficult road for him because he has been smoking weed for nearly 20+ years, and has been smoking “super skunk” for the last 5+ years. He has tried to quit in the past, but has given up after a couple of days as the withdrawal symptoms get too much for him and he doesn’t have the strength to say no to his pothead friends. I pray that Allah (swt) helps him to see sense and shows him signs that give him the strength and change of heart needed to start taking steps to quit the weed and sort his life out insha’Allah.

    Take a look at this website which contains du’as from some of the Messengers of Allah (A.S) in their time of need:

    One last thing, always try to be in the state of wudhu. As one who remains with wudhu becomes Maqboolud da’wat i.e. one whose duas are always accepted.

    I pray I have managed to help make your struggle to quit smoking weed easier (even if in some small way) and that Allah (swt) makes this journey an easy one for you. I also pray that I can do the same to help my own beloved husband Ameen.

    Walaikum Salaam

    Your sister in Islam

    • Walaykum Asalaam sister Maryam,

      Absolutely, no human being on this earth is perfect, we all make mistakes but our biggest problem is that we forget how merciful Allah (swt) is. And you're right, it is hard on family members, i pray Allah (swt) makes it easier for you.

      No i am not married yet, but weird you bought that up as this was another major reason i wanted to stop smoking as i want to complete half my deen and get married soon Insha'Allah. I know it wouldnt be fair on her whoever she is so wanted to stop and fix up my ways before marriage, something i should have done a long time ago.

      My brothers always told me watch the company you keep and who you hang with, but from early i mixed with the wrong crowd, not to say anybody MADE me smoke or had an influence as it was entirely my own choice and reasons, but yes our 'friends' do play a huge role in how we are and behave. Insha'Allah im slowly making changes.

      Have you asked your husband if there is something paticular bothering him? Sometimes people have issues/problems which keep making them go back to a sin. Ofcourse it is Allah (swt) who we should be turning to but this dunya has blinded so many of us into thinking right is wrong and wrong is right. And i totally understand when you say 'he can overlook their faults and keep them as company because they smoke weed'. This is the case with most people who smoke - anything to get a high.

      Subhan'Allah, our pain and suffering doesnt compare or amount to anything our Prophets (pbuh) went through, but we also forget this life is nothing but a test and shaytaan is our biggest enemy. I salute you for your patience and supportiveness as i know a lot of women by now would have most probably filed a divorce or completely given up. And 'i can stop in an instant' is a potheads favourite line when confronted about being addicted. So many of my friends are the same, they dont realise it and are too scared to admit it, but this cannabis has slowly ruined their minds and mental behaviour.

      Also do whatever you can to stop him from smoking this 'super skunk'. I hate to say this but cannabis is not what it once was (pure from the ground). For many years a lot of drug dealers have been 'lacing' their cannabis with crack, lsd, cocaine, etc to give people a stronger buzz so they keep coming back. Its real sad cause alot of people dont know this and it is another major reason as to why it is harder for people to stop smoking. And to be honest i think that this is the case with your husband, the chemicals and stronger drugs in the cannabis is what has made it so hard for him to stop. I pray your husband can come to his senses and see what he is putting you through, and repent and leave all this in the past

      Thank you for the websites, its much appreciated as im trying to read as much as i can to purify my black heart, and i will try to stay in Wudhu as much as possible.

      Thank you for all your advice, and i pray Allah (swt) takes this burden off you and makes life easier for you and your beloved husband.

      Salaam alaykum.

      • Stay away from that website ->

        I do not feel its authentic. looks like a sufi one.

        you need to see if the information provided is authentic or not before following it or recommending it to others.

        @M4ryam you should stop recommending that website to others.

        go to these below links. InshaAllah they will be helpful. They cover many topics related to Islam. Alhamdulillah.

        abdurrahman(dot)org/sins/index.html and abdurrahman(dot)org/ (character section in the left)

        {replace (dot) by . in the above links and search in your browser0
        May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

    • Assalamu Alaikum sister maryam

      Im in a difficult position. Im 20 years of age and i thought i found the right person for me.
      (Rest of the question has been deleted)

      • Wa Alaikum as Salam SA,

        Please login and submit your question as a separate post. In sha Allah we will publish it in turn.

        Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  15. Asalaam sister Maryam

    Separate let go ! if u have tried every thing then do it ! it is going to be hard but protect ur self ur child & ur husband. People only change when a major change happens and if they really want to.
    Tell him @ this stage in your life u have to think of ur self & ur child & he has too think about what he wants in life weed or a family ! Its not going to happen over night he will go through a phase denial, regret, blaming others, even u, making excuses, saying he will change but it is his choice stick to it don,t give up ! But he has to really believe u are letting go and may want a divorce but need space & time to think ! during separation again he will make excuses say he has changed but stick to it give it at least a month or two. Make him try to get u back . Allah give u strength & guide us all to the right path.

    • Walaikum Salaam.

      Jazak'Allah for your comment. I wish it were that easy. If it was someone else in my position asking me for advice I would probably have said the same or something similar to what you have said. But the reality is when you're in that situation its easier said than done as there are so many other factors to take into consideration.

      I don't have the strength within me to leave my husband right now. But I trust in Allah (swt) that when the time is right and if my husband still hasn't quit his habit Allah (swt) will give me the knowledge and strength to call it a day insha'Allah. But until then I will continue to persevere.

      • Salamo aleikom sister maryam,
        Firstly i would like to say is forget every comment that tells u to divorce ur husband. Ur husband reminds me of myself.. i smoked weed sinds i was 16 and i grew up with no a wealthy family, the streets became my father and teacher i learned more on the streets than in school, i started to experiment with weed and it made me feel free from the hardships i had, my mum caught me many times smoking weed and i have commited many sins but my iman and trust in Allah swt is unbreakble.. i tryed to quit smoking weed but returned every time.. even my wife did complain.. ut what i found out is that it all has to do with love and hiding feelings.. wen i smoke i forget my stress and my wife didnt like me smoking but she does not get angry at me rather i hear her cry for me while she is praying which really opend my eyes, she gives me extra love her motto is ' love overpowers everything' she ask me if i can stop anytime, and i answered yes, so she gave me a deal to stop 1 week if i cud, and it was hard but she helped me wen i felt like i need to smoke by huggin me so i dont leave.. i have heard millions of people sayin the same thing like stop smoking it not good, to be honest this dsnt help rather it irritates me and i think ur husband also. Try other methods like saying u can smoke this week, but next week the weeds money will go to charity. Make him feel that u replace the weed.. go on holidays wer ther is no weed.. and even if he hides it from after all this, u know what? Its not the worst thing in life, u shud thank Allah for having a husband who does not abuse u like alcohol adicts. Every person has his own problem with its own background, ur husband might be smoking for a reason u dont of, he might not even tell you why. But keep prayin toghetter and go only to scholers who are open minded. And inshallah u would have benifit at least from one setence i wrote. And if u have any other things u would lile to know feel free to ask any time.

        • Walaikum Salaam brother,

          Jazak'Allah for your comment. Instead of getting upset with my husband I am going to try your wife's technique of showering my husband with love insha'Allah. I really like your suggestion of getting my husband to give sadaqah using the money he would normally spend on weed. Insha'Allah this technique will help him to quit.

          Once again jazak'Allah for your input. It has given me some food for thought in techniques to use to get my husband to quit insha'Allah.

          • Assalamu alaikum,i've been married for 12 years & have 2 husband smokes cannabis since we got married & he doesn't pray.he works fulltime at an office & when he comes home he just wants to smoke & go asleep.I've been through all of what u mentioned but it failed to husband has smoked so long now that its affected him mentally were he gets angry with me & kids & will shout at us.I've seen videos of sheikhs on you tube saying that you shouldn't be intimate with such a husband who wont i tried that but wow my husbands knows how to act & he will pray to make me happy till were intimate the he stops praying a pious sister who prays & wears hijab & loves im going to be honest with all the Sisters that a cannabis smoker can never give up as their addicted.most dont ever give up as their hooked on it.its only if they want to & no one can force them.thinkingabout my kids future & im worried for their future as i dont want them to follow their dads thinking of a seperation then a divorce some time this year.I've been through alot that u cant imagine & i think allah wants me to divorce him as i see good dreams of the future.allah says in the quran good men are for good women & goof women are for good men.ameen

  16. Allah says in the quran good men are for good women and good women are for good men.

  17. Assalam alaikum.

    I thank all my brother and sisters who has shared the stories of their life.

    I am myself a weed addict and I happened to chance on this website in my pursuit to kick this addiction.

    If you are going to ask any one with any addiction to stop it in a days time then trust me he wont.

    I started praying 5 times salah and smoked only after Isha. I did this for a month and then went for 3 days jamat where I didnt even smoke ciggerate.

    Now I smoke up once a month with my old frnds but thats it. I alhumdullilah have no other vice.

    What I am suggesting is to phase weed out... tell your husband to try doing what I am doing, hopefully allah subhanatalah help me & others like me. Ameen.

  18. Salaam aleikom. Very hard situation I have too. My husband has been smoking weed for 10 years and can't stop. He tried many ways but he can't. He drinks alcohol. He doesn't come home. I will c him sleeping next to me by chance. He says he fell asleep at work. Alhumdulilah he provides for us and I am great full. I went on holiday with my girls to c his family. He said he couldn't come cz he has work next thing I found out he was in Spain on holiday n arrived the same day we did. I found pictures of him standing by a pool with dozens of ladies in bikinis. He didn't tell me I found out from my own sources. He went in holiday to Dubai and been clubbing.sometimes he didn't come home cz he was too intoxicated. Ramadan he don't fast, he don't pray, he don't spend time with his children. If he does they will c him max of 2 hours. He been to strip clubs u name everything he done it. I even found out he been taking women in his car behind my back n if I ask him he will tell me off. He didn't want to look at my daughter or touch her cz she had eczema. He's called me all sorts of names u could never imagine one of them being I am his shoes n I should lick them wen he says so n if he puts them in my mouth or on my head I should not say anything. The cannabis is making him worse and now alcohol on top. I could write a book of the things I have been through with my kids. I'm stuck in a dead end. I pray and make dua to ask Allah for help and I won't stop. Once u pick up a habit n try to stop it's not easy. I feel lonely n lost. I have been married for 11 years n a revert to islam.

    • Asalam Alaikum Fatima,

      I pray that you find peace and way out of your problems. I understand what you are going thru. I have a un-involved mostly absent husband/father who was never a good example for my son and than my son became someone who needed to smoke marijuana to feel good about himself. He basically works just to get the money to get marijuana and watch porn thru his PS3. My husband never helped me in my battle to get him to stop his bad habbits. I feel like I have suffered all my life.

  19. Assalam Alaikum,

    I found this site while searching for duas for my 21 yr old son who is struggling with addiction of marijuana.
    I feel very sad reading all these posts and pray that you find a way out of this painful situation. I have been made to feel ashamed when I try to talk to someone about my son's problems and get judged that why I did not teach him better or why I am still accepting him when he is not doing the right thing. I am so depressed and cannot focus well on anything in my life. I am constantly worried what will happen to him and how to get him help, his addiction has ruined our life and my relationship with my husband who has never supported me in getting any help for him and enabled him in his addiction. It was easier for him to be a absent father/husband and not be the one who disciplines or teach anything to the kids. I regret staying in this marriage and feel if I had a supporting partner and another parent for my child maybe my son would be a different person today. I feel all alone and isolated and no one to understand and help me with this difficult situation.

    • Assalamualaikum sis , i know exactly how you are feeling, my marriage was always on rocky grounds, husband drunk always promising to stop instead everything just got worst with his verbal abuse to me and my kids.

      Now my middle son has started doing weed, he thinks father drinking alcohol is haram but he not doing haram coz weed isnt haram... No amount of explaining is helping..... Now he is being abusive just like his father to me and the kids. I have tried being extra sweet to pull him to feel guilty but nothing instead he is violent to his older brother if he tries to talk to him.

      He hangs around with the worst lot, holding weed for someone and getting paid but refuses to work at his fathers place where he can get work.

      I have now decided that he either changes or he has to leave. Its a most horrible feeling as he is only 16 but he is so abusive i dont kno what else to do.. His father is just not concerned or bothered .

  20. Walaikum Salaam sisters Fatima & Sana,

    I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. The only thing I can say is always remember you are NEVER alone. Allah (swt) is ALWAYS here & waiting to answer our du'as. I have been through some dark & trying times & have felt lost & helpless because of my husbands habit, but by Allah's mercy my husband has taken small steps towards kicking the habit, Alhamdulillah. I have been battling with him for years. It has taken me 5 long years of patience & perseverance for him to make one small step in the right direction. But no matter how small the change, I am happy, with this small achievement he has made. As Alhamdulillah this has given me hope & comfort to know that one day he will kick this vile habit insha'Allah.

    My point is I have only got this far through salaah & du'a. You need to hold firm to the rope of Allah (swt) & keep making du'a for your husbands (& son, Sana) without faltering in your belief that Allah (swt) will answer your du'as when He feels the time is right.

    Stay strong sisters, keep making du'a & I pray that Allah (swt) relieves you of your hardship soon. Ameen.

  21. AA,

    I'm a 25 year old woman. I practice my faith and worked really hard to complete my education and gain a strong footing in my career, alhamdi'llah. I married the man of my dreams. Polite, respectful, good family, good career and education. One month into our marriage his hash addiction transpired. I was extremely loving and held him telling him Allah will help you and guide you. I occupied his time and tried to maneuver him away from his friends that give him hash. He became unemployed. Addiction continued in what he thought was secret. I kept calm, prayed and talked nicely to him. He would have anger attacks and become a wild man if he hadn't smoked hash. I would keep quiet and embrace him. He got a job in a foreign country and had absolutely no access to hash. He was an amazing man, the one I knew he really was. Then he got back into his environment and began the hash again. At this point I told his mother who told me don't be angry, hash isn't addictive. Other family friends said same. I assumed I was unjust and I should have more patience. He promised over and over again to quit. I finally told my parents. They said he is a good man and needs counseling. He brushed away the idea stating that hash is not addictive, I threatened him with divorce because I wanted a baby and would not have one without a conscious father. He smoked again. His hash led him to another rage outbreak. he became violent against me. I divorced him immediately. I regretted the divorce days later and told him take me back. He blamed me saying I didn't do enough. I didn't take him to counseling, I didn't show him enough love. I promised him I'd do a better job and Allah would help me become a better wife. I was an idiot. He didn't take me back. That was Allah doing because I had an honest talk with him. He opened up and said he wouldn't quit hash 100% ever. Simply because its not addictive. All I could reply was fear Allah.

    I read your stories, you wonderful women who try to have a family with men who aren't conscious. Your husband is an addict. Create a structured boundary, tell him if by such and such a day you don't show improvement I'm going to do such and such. And stick to it. Because he doesn't take you serious.

    You need to also realize that a Muslim woman can't marry a non Muslim man. Why? He is the leader and sets standards in your home. Isn't that why your son smokes too? Also, in womans nature she picks up things from her spouse. Don't you think your in danger?

    Allah knows best.

  22. Assalamualikum

    Wow, I have learned so much from everyone's comments here. Sister M4ryam, I am curious to hear what happened with your situation. And sister Fatima, I am curious to hear why you have chosen to stay married. If your husband is abusive then will your children not have issues as they grow older? The boys being abusive themselves and the girl thinking being abused is alright?

    I too have been married for 6 years now and have 4 children with my husband the youngest being a NB. I have 3 boys and one girl. He too smokes cannibus and its a habit I did not know was addictive until I read the various posts here by addicts and former addicts and other sisters. I am truly and whole heatedly ashamed by our "Muslim" men who chose to partake in this vile activity. My husband is not a revert, but born into a Muslim family. When we got married he said he would quit. It really boggles my mind why people would not think smoking this stuff is haram. Because it helps cancer patients???? So does morphine, so are we going justify taking that on a daily basis or even scarcely? no. Matter of fact that is the argument he uses, that people don't say don't' take morphine when in pain. He says he smokes occasionally. He says its when hes stressed or depressed (just lost his job, family issues).

    The positives, he's a good heart-ed person. He tries to pray, smokes after isha (but misses fajr, and can you really pray with that stuff in your system? will the intoxication clear by fajr?) He does zikr. He does have non muslim friend who partake in this, but thankfully we live in a town where he has got a lot of muslim friends and hangs with them more. But that doesn't matter, as he still finds time to smoke, on his own. He says when ppl smoke too much it leads them to be lazy and slp all day but he only smokes a little at a time and won't let it affect his work and why do I bug him when he doesn't do it in front of me and the children. It is haram that is why. And after reading everyone posts about their husbands yelling at them (short fuses) and being verbally abusive to them and their children it makes me wonder. He says he finally yells because he is stressed and lets everything build up. He is a good father when he wants to be, and the children adore him, and he them. But he is lazy in prayer and attending jumma though he knows the significance of both.

    I like the idea of instead of buying weed, give money to sadaqa. Also, prayer is the strongest of vices, even changing the time of death, so why not a bad habit, right. I am worried about my children. I do not want my boys thinking this is ok. I do not want them to ever think it is ok to solve problems with haram things instead of turning to Allah.

    His parents know nothing of his habits they are oblivious to anything bad about their kids. I cannot tell my parents as they will become very angry and depressed and also told me I told you so, as I chose to marry him.

    But I am becoming increasingly impatient and am beginning to think if this is a greater problem than I previously believed so, that he indeed smokes more than I previously thought. I do not know what to do, as divorce seems harsh and unfair. I do not know how much Allah loves the good in him and I do not want to be in a worse situation if we get divorced, especially the impact on the children is always so detrimental in these situations.

    • Walaikum salaam sis

      Your situation seems very similar to mine. I am still married to my husband & still fighting the fight to get him to quit his weed addiction. However, although he is still smoking weed, he has made massive leaps and bounds as a husband and a father, Alhamdulillah (but he still has a long way to go). He has been in regular employment for the past couple of years & makes more of an effort to be a better husband & father.

      We now have 2 sons & I think what has made him improve himself is the fact that he is becoming more conscious of how our boys copy him & his behaviours whether it be consciously or subconsciously. They absolutely adore their father masha'Allah & my eldest son (although still v. young) is quick to pick his dad up on any shortcomings he may display in front of them e.g. use of foul language, raising his voice towards me etc. I think this more than anything is what has begun to set the wheels in motion to make my husband start to take note & begin to slowly start changing his ways.

      He also has more contact with his family. Their positive attitude towards me & letting him know how lucky he is to have me & how much I have helped him improve himself has also helped. But like i said, this is only half the battle won & we still have a long way to go.

      He still doesn't spend enough quality time with us as a family, as I feel he spends too much of his time getting stoned. But overtime I do believe he will improve insha'Allah. I don't know if he will ever fully kick his habit, Allahu alam. But I do know that I am very fortunate in the sense that his only vice is smoking weed. He could have been a lot worse from reading the accounts of situations other sisters are in e.g. on top of his weed addiction he could be an alcoholic, porn addict, committing zina, being physically or verbally abusive towards me & the children, but Alhamdulillah he is not.

      Although, I will never accept his weed habit & we will fall out over it from time to time, I have learnt that I need to give him time & space to let him try & change himself & that me arguing with him or trying to make him feel bad about his addiction is counter productive. He knows what he is doing is wrong, he knows that I will never come to accept his addiction (& every now & then I do have to remind him just in case he forgets) but no amount of badgering from me will make him quit.

      I have learnt through the power of du'a & patience & the fact that he does not want to fail his children as a father (as he himself had a harsh childhood) I need to let him figure his way through this himself (but giving him a nudge in the right direction every now & then when he needs it) & he will kick his habit one day insha'Allah.

      I pray that Allah (swt) guides all us sisters out there who are going through turbulent times in our marriages & helps us to make the correct choices in our situations for our own sakes & the sake of our children so that we may live our lives as better Muslims. Ameen.

  23. Dear Sister,
    Perform salaatul tahajjud everyday 12 rakaat at around 3 am...Insha Allah your duah will be heard.

  24. I'm sorry to hear about ur husband I myself shamefully abuse pot I have been for years I'm gong to be honest it's a hard addiction to kick away because of the happiness and joy it bring to ones stressful moment I wish I never tried but it was my choice I am the oldest brother of my family and I have ruined my families happyiness because I am selfish I feel depressed and lonely I just want to let u know that pot isn't as bad as other things it could be worse. A job is the best way to get him away from it but most important is after work is to keep him company make him think of other things get his mind off of it inshallah both me and your husband will quit and become apart of the oma of mhammed may peace be upon him once again

    • Anon: it's a hard addiction to kick away because of the happiness and joy it bring to ones stressful moment

      Does it relax you or makes you feel happy and joyful? is there some particular issue causing you stress that you deal with by smoking weed?

      What is the difference between smoking weed and smoking cigarettes for some one who does both?

      • No difference both divert ur concentration for the time being and after some time the tension get enhnced and u r in need of it again.

    • Salam everyone

      I was randomly searching info about smoking and I came across this forum, and thought I would leave my own experience for others to perhaps use in their own situation.

      In my past I have smoked various types of cannabis, for example skunk, weed, hash or black etc for a very long period of time. Alhumdulillah due to Allah's guidance I have stopped for a long time. During my childhood I went through a lot of trauma and eventually came across smoking weed which I immediately liked. Scientifically speaking it has not got much physical effect, its the tobbaco mixed that has most of the physical effects is cancer or lung disease etc. However brothers and even some sisters are misguided in believing that there is no physical harm so they can smoke it without tobacco. Any form of cannabis is harmful in the mental aspect. It can make users lazy and in some cases delusional. CBT or THC found in cannabis constantly attaches itself to certain neuroreceptors within the brain which with repeated use can eventually cause a lot of mental harm in the long run. It can induce psychosis schizophrenia self harm etc etc. Most users are in denial thinking its good for them or will be hell bent on some excuse to justify their habit. Some will even know its hameful yet continue. You can't be physically addicted to it, yet you can be emotionally addicted to it. Some believe it helps them so they continue, others its a cure for pain etc etc. Truth is cannabis masks pain, does not cure it just like morphine for example. We all know when we have a problem we don't hide it and hope it'll go away, we face it and treat it.

      Some info on how I quit, everyone knew I smoked it, my mum told me off, others told me how I was like a junkie etc. I went through a whole load of crap, got kicked out of university, didn't have a job, was constantly smoking the stuff to such an extent that I ended up selling the stuff may Allah have mercy on me. Things happened in my family that would initiate some change yet had no effect on me. When smoking I always had the guilty feeling, knowing I need to stop but carried on and on. No matter who told me off or advised me I carried on. It was only until I had got totally fed up of the circles when I stopped and changed it around. And let me tell you it was the best decision ever, from the bottom of the well I climbed up to the top alhumdulillah. I now have things and a lifestyle I only dreamed off.

      Bottom line is its up to the person to quit, you can constantly advise and try, don't give up and keep faith it will happen with constant faith and patience inshallah. Try find out their beliefs regarding cannabis, do they justify it or do they know its totally wrong? Start from there with advise, they can't stop if they think smoking cannabis is OK. Use quaranic verses etc any intoxicant is haram, this stuff that cannabis cures cancer is so far fetched its unbelievable. So its OK to smoke cannabis as it cures cancer, yet as far as your aware you don't have cancer??? What a load of tripe!!!! Or stuff like it helps you concentrate or makes you think deeper???? Yes its affecting your mind, its an intoxicant!!!!!! Its forbidden for a reason and we will never know the truth why, if there is uncertainty about anything we shouldn't do it, I for one should follow that inshallah.

      If your partner or friend or whatever knows smoking cannabis is wrong and feels guilty, keep faith and constantly advise them. Show them you dislike it and soon they'll stop inshallah. Unfortunately some may continue, for whatever reason, in those cases get advise from someone higher up in the Islamic community, a imaan etc or maybe even a respected elder in your family who will not be biased.

      The world has so many temptations of different sorts, may Allah protect us all and guide us. If i stand here as a clean man, trust me, anyone can do it! No excuse! Nothing justifies smoking including how long you have smoked it or whatever. It wrong full stop!

      I hope this helps anyone who would need it. Please pray I continue staying away from that horrible evil which is responsible for so much harm, evil and sin across the world. Allah protect us all from it ameen.

      Live, Learn, Love, and Leave a Legacy.


      • Re: Some users may be physically addicted to it. I have known some types of skunk to have opium, cocaine, mosquito repellant or many other drugs. Opium is used to make heroin so it is possible for one to be addicted to cannabis.

        Nowadays anything will be done to make skunk more 'chronic' in the UK. Yes cannabis from Amsterdam is more cleaner and pure, yet is still an intoxicant in the mental aspect so still haram! Nothing justifys it!

  25. Please give me my answer if someone smokes cannabis on nikah day so this nikah will valid

    • I do not know the answer, and you should not take my comment as any sort of fatwa. However, it seems to me that it would depend on whether the person can be considered aware of his actions and able to make a reasoned decision.

      If he is so intoxicated that he is unaware of his actions and cannot make rational decisions, then I don't see how he could enter into a contract like nikah.

      Smoking marijuana is also destructive, by the way. It is known to have permanent effects on short term memory and other cognitive functions, not to mention the effects on the lungs. And of course it is haram.

      Wael Editor

  26. Dear Sisters consult a psychiatrist for your husbands if they are addicted to weed nothing else will help!

  27. Wael, wat happened with hifsa siddique?

  28. Salaamu alaikum

    I am 22 years of age and i started smoking cannabis from the age of 12. This is because my father smoked cannabis since before i was born, and i was always curious to what it was. When i did come across weed, i didnt hesitate to smoke it. After that day for 10 years straight i smoked weed. While my dad used smoke downstairs, i used to smoke upstairs because the house would be smelling of weed anyway. I was so bad on the weed that i used to smoke every night before bed and there also come a stage when me, my dad and older brother was smoking together. It absolutely destroyed our relationship.

    But Alhamdulillah Allah called out to me (like he does with everyone) and I accepted his call. I stopped the weed on that night, woke up the next day and started to pray my salat. It has been a full week since today i have not smoked weed, and a full week since i have spiritually connected myself with Allah. And i can happily say i do not need weed at all, and i now crave to worship my lord to the best of my ability.

    I am currently not talking to my dad because i tried to educate him but he put me down by saying "look at my age, and look at your age. You cant teach me Islam" if this is the state weed gets you to, then i dont want no part of it and the people using it! You can help a person as much as you like, but if they dont want to change or they dont have the intention of changing, then there is nothing much you can do. Because remember that everyone has there own relationship with Allah, if you choose to abondon it, that is on you.

    I hope my little breif story can help anyone in anyway

    JazakAllah may Allah help us, protect us and guide us to the right path In Sha Allah

    Asalaamu Alaikum

    • Jazak Allah khayr brother. Perhaps you could show your dad the Quranic ayahs about intoxicants. The word "khamr" in Arabic does not mean wine or alcohol, but anything that affects the mind. That's why all mind-altering drugs are prohibited in Islam, except by medical necessity.

      Wael Editor

  29. Allah can make changes. if he wishes yo husband ll get hidayat. I have heard many of issue like this solved. Insha Allah u send him for 3days 10days, 40days Jamat. and no dua. Allah can solve yo problem.

  30. Everything comes from Allah my dear sister, it's just a test, don't loose hope on him try to encourage him and lots of prayers...and inshallah Allah will turn his heart around....may Allah swt get the addiction out of him

  31. Yo I'm a Muslim brother that's been smoking since 14 Im looking at 11-20 yrs in prison soon ... Inshallah I beat the case I don't wanna go there but I'm a very bad Muslim I don't pray I think about makin money,smokin and females.. I have no respect for my parents I treat my friends better than my own mother and father I get mad very fast and I can't control that anger so I just take it out on my parents I blame them for everything when really they've raised me till today they made me the man I am they pushed me to do great things and instead I'm letting the streets take me, my own mother that has been carrying me in her belly for 9 months is scared of me I could see it in her eyes my father as well , I wanna change I know there's still some good left in me my hearts not fully dirty there's still some clean spots .... smoking is one of my biggest problems I go insane without weed i tried to quit but my friends all smoke so I couldn't it's funny how I put all of em on smoking too I regret sooo much wallahi I just wanna go back in time and fix everything but I can't I gotta move forward I gotta stop having all these negative thoughts I gotta stop doing all these bad things it might take some time but I always pray and ask for more time in this dunya you gotta be patient is what I was told take it step my step and you'll be there inshallah .. although I've been through a lot I always rmr 1 thing I'm gonna die and if I die without purpose subhanallah if I died right now I'd be in a very sticky predicament I gotta fix up before that day comes cause everyone will me questioned and the answers will come out ... so yeah yo inshallah I get my deen up ! Imma obviously need a lot of help but alhamdulilah I always had all the help i needed I just blocked the help and hit the block instead ... I know what kinda life I wanna live I see these young religious guys in there early 25-26 and mashallah there soooo humble I wanna change I wanna be able to have a beautiful wife, beautiful kids I just wanna live a humble life and inshallah god helps me with that Ameen !

    • I'm really worried as after 6 yes of marriage I found out that my husband smokes weed. Now I asked him to leave it n he said ok . He stayed home for 2 days n he was acting weird . I bought strips to check marijuana in his urine n it came out that he is still smoking weed as the strips shows all five levels of THc. I have 3 kids n no one to share my problem n I am also a stay at home mom I do't know where to go n what to do plz help

      • Shelag here...I'm living abroad n have no family member here. I have tried almost everything to help my husband to quit weed but he constantly lies to me . What I should do plz help me. It is affecting my kids . He is so self centered n is least interested in what his kids r doing but he tries to b really nice to us.

  32. My boyfriend smokes weed too.... he thinks I don't know about it but I do, it's hard for me to bring up the topic and let him know how I feel about it....... he's a really nice person but that's the only thing that makes me doubt him...... rumors have it that he does hard drugs too, it's so hard to believe because he's like the nicest person I know but when he starts to take his things he just goes MIA on me and comes back with all sorts of excuses such as he lost his phone or he forgot it at a friend's house..... I still try to play along and act like I don't know what his up to..... please in what way do you think I should confront him about it..... I really like him and I want this to work but I don't want to marry a junky and always have to question his movement..... I have no right to choose the kinda friends he should roll with but I honestly don't like the kinda friends he keeps I believe they're one of the reasons why he hasn't stopped....... is there any particular du'a for such....

  33. السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركٰته

    Dear sis Maryam

    I completely understand your situation. Completely. I am in exactly the same position as you. The only difference is that I have been married nine years with a year and a half of separation in between and no children as yet(which I always feel is a Mercy from Allah esp due to this situation)

    I have cried, screamed, fought- tried everything.
    But he is delusional and thinks he is actually doing no wrong. In fact he will deny it in a way which has led him to believe his lies are the truth and he is actually doing nothing wrong at all.

    I am suffering- suffering terribly- and I don't know how long this will go on for. As you said about your husband, mine also has the potential to be good. He is very kind and is polite with others. But all these addictions and distractions are holding him back. Only Allah knows when this will change for us because I also have serious trust issues with him now and I can't rely on him for finances either. I have to watch the money like a hawk and I feel so embarrassed for doing that- my in laws call me a police inspector not understanding the situation. He has been into weed since he was in his late teens and i spoke to my mother in law about- but she denies it and threatens me that if I tell her husband or if my father tells her husband it will all be over.

    I shouldn't blame my in laws. It is wrong to blame them. But I do partially feel that their negligence has led to this. My father in law is a very good kind and dynamic man(in his profession, community, deen etc) but he has always been out and about esp in the work of dawah. What good is this dawah when you are ignoring your own flock? What good are these 3 days or 40 days or 4 months of tableegh when your own responsibilities suffer?

    I have been distanced from such work of dawah due to these reasons. I have had to suffer so much because of this habit of my husband. Every month we have a heated fight where I end up screaming and losing my temper. I feel horrible for doing that. But now I have given up.

    We have been through one talaq. And the second time he got back he convinced me that he was not into any of these bad habits and was willing to make a change in his deen. Back then, my mother in law forced him to divorce me when I told her I would tell my father in law. And he did. I don't know what situation was created behind my back because I was living in a separate place while she sent off both my father in law and my husband for forty days and four months respectively for tableegh.

    Anyhow my husband only returned to me when he found out he was to go through a major heart surgery. His parents allowed him to come back and propose to me. I accepted only and only for the sake of Allah- I had my fears and I trusted Allah for the sake of deen- he convinced me he was on deen and had left all these bad habits.

    We got married very very young and he was in his early 20s when he went through this heart surgery. I had gotten back with him by then. He had his surgery 2 months after our reconciliation. But soon after the surgery it was back to square one.

    I am suffering immensely and I don't know what to do. Nobody can help me. I am sharing this on this forum esp for you because only a person who is in the same situation understands what the other person is going through. I feel embarrassed sharing this situation with anyone else.

    I think of separation. I am 29. But I am so scared. I can't see myself with anyone else after so many years. I have developed mistrust and I sometimes feel I am losing my sanity. Right now I am just focusing on making myself strong by working on my relationship with Allah, by completing my education and focusing on my job. And then Allah who has planned everything for me will open up a way for me too.

    Intimacy can be very difficult in a situations of such mistrust. But I have decided I don't talk to him about it and lose my peace of mind. I am only intimate with him now to keep myself from going astray as it is very easy to get attracted to something wrong when you feel things are going against you.

    I request you to pray for me.

    And if possible please get in touch with me because we are in a similar situation(though I pray Allah has removed the hardship from your life and you and your hubby are doing well Aameen) and we can be a source of motivation for each other.

    Jazaakumullahu Khyran

    Bint Nadir

  34. Can we get an update on how things went? I’m in the same situation now

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