Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband thinks my uncertainties are a challenge to him

happy muslim couple


Firstly let me inform you that I have love marriage with my class fellow. I'm under his nikkah but I'm under guardianship of my parents. At the time of nikkah he asked for a 3 years period to prepare for wedding and making a residence. He is eldest child of his parents and eldest son too. So he had a tough time after death of his father soon after his studies. So he eventually had to support his family. Keep it in mind that I had a successful career of 2.5 years in which I saved money for my postgraduate studies and my Umrah.

It's now 1 down 3 years since we're nikkahfied. We had some mutual plans to do after marriage including perform Umrah or Hajj or Both. Recently my parents decided to go on Umrah. I also was eager to perform Umrah for long time. So I asked my husband for the permission to go with my parents. I presented my concern that "I had saved money for Umrah, it's a high time to go. I'm not sure if I'd be able to go any next time. Time is uncertain". He permitted me easily. But after that he argues that Umrah was our mutual plan and we will perform it together after marriage. In his argument I prefered my "individual plan" over our "mutual plan" and by my word " time is uncertain" he concluded that I was showing distrust over him as he'd not be able to take us on Umrah. I have a hundred times explained my words but he has an argument for all my explanation. He says he has no objection on my umrah plan but he has discomfort in his heart that I distrust him. And he says "you'll see I'll make all your distrusts and uncertainties false by the time" as if I've challenged him.

Please help me sort this out as how to deal with my husband. How can I make him realize that my actual concerns doesn't mean that I distrust him.


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4 Responses »

  1. Assalam alaikum,

    Since you have had your Nikah, it means that you are actually married. What is pending, is that you go and live with him, not your marriage.

    The only way to clear the issues is to explain to him what you meant. If he thinks that you are uncertain about him, it also seems he is uncertain about your words--this means that the both of you need time, especially together, to clear your minds and to communicate properly.

    This really could be just a big misunderstanding, but it could also be indicative of insecurities in your relationship. Marriage is a vital and important part of our lives, but never should it diminish one's strength in your individuality as we depend on that in our difficult times. In my humble opinion, it never hurts to have counselling in the beginning of a marriage for a new couple to learn how to communicate lovingly and effectively--it will be crucial in the long run.

    May Allah swt strengthen your ties in marriage and increase the love between you and your husband many-fold. Ameen.

  2. U have to talk to him sincerely in this topic
    It can become a big missunderstanding other wise talk to him surely he will understand your intentions u r not distrusting him u can go again on umrah with him later
    I thing you should not miss this opportunity.

  3. I think he's being prideful. Your life is not in your hands or his hands. If Allah grants you life only till tomorrow then there is nothing for him to prove in terms of taking you later. You should go now and if you can go later then go later as well.

    I would tell him that until he can control life and death, he cannot guarantee that he will take you later.

  4. Parents our parents and he should undrstand this.Other then that the devil has came over him.You have every go umrah or hajj it is your duty when escorting parents . Your husband should be senciable .If not then do what you want..Iman is important and getting blessed in this world for living a pure Islamic life.Everything else is secondary.

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