Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband wants to leave me, why?

whirlwind colors confusedWe got married 2 years ago and everything has been good for the past 2 years since we got married. we had our small disagreements but nothing serious until last night.

i got home from work and my husband was at home, everything was all good the night before and the afternoon we were chatting, he was telling me how much he loves me and i mean everything to him and he will never leave me we will be together forever.

I cooked and he said he's just going to the friend and will be back he came and went out again, after a few minutes i went outside to see how he was and he was standing by a car with 2 girls and one guy. i went till by the gate and greeted them and came inside the house. i went to the kitchen asked him why is he standing with other women and he got upset and started shouting and screaming at me, he said i must go and he packed my clothes.

i was crying at that time and he just continued to pack and he told me to leave he doesn't want me anymore. i spend the last night by the sister in-law. he send me msg the whole time telling me to fetch the rest of my stuff and he's done with me. i don't know what to think what to do, please help?

- Nazzy

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13 Responses »

  1. He got angry that he's married and has to now be a good man. The abuse will only get worse. Leave him.

  2. Subhanallah sister . I don't know what's his problem to tell you to leave home . He has to be the one to leave home not you ! Maybe he didn't like you to tell him what's wrong from what's good . If he is forcing you to leave him then leave him . Or try to work it one second time and inshallah he will tell you to forgive him .

    May Allah swt make it easy for you ukhty . Amiin ya rab !

  3. Dear sister,

    I begin in the name of Allah (SWT) ; may He guide us to the right path and grant us a place in the immensely beautiful Jannah He has created.

    I can only imagine how confusing and hurt you must be feeling right now. All I can offer you are prayers on your behalf to our Lord Almighty, the most merciful and advice. The answer to your question is in the words of the One who has created your question and your situation in the first place; in the Holy Qur'an, the words of the Greatest Adviser. Of course, we should attempt to help you by pointing out these words and help you interpret them for your benefit and ours in the Hereafter and these interpretations can be found in the hadeeth of our Prophet (May Peace be upon him).

    Your husband's over-the-top reaction to your completely valid question is perhaps an indicator to suggest that he did not want you to find him doing this haram act of free mixing with other women who are not his wives. However, we can only speculate and speculating may hurt us and suspicion will rot our relationships; Allah is the Wisest of the wise and The Knower of all.

    We can only advise your husband based on what your eyes have seen; he was free mixing in secret, lying about who he was meeting and speaking to you harshly while telling you to leave.

    In regards to free-mixing, this is not your sin my sister, it is his. However, remembering that he is your husband and that you have a responsibility towards him while he still remains your husband, you should try to bring him back to the right path. Our messenger Muhammad (PBUH), one of Allah's greatest servants including our other Prophets (Peace be upon them) said to us that each of us is a shepherd, responsible for our own flocks. From this we should understand that your flock includes your husband and right now he's wandering away with shaytan and you have noticed and so you should not turn a blind eye to it; you must fulfill your rights as his wife and a fellow Muslim and remind him to fear Allah (SWT) and his punishments. Free-mixing publicly and with wrong intentions is the onset of shaytan's plans for zina (adultery - sexual activity with someone you are not married to). I may not need to remind you of how haram this is, but your husband may need this reminder. Once, our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was asked about the greatest sin after associating others with our Lord, the One Creator and Sustainer of life. His response was taking an innocent life which Allah (SWT) has not given us permission to take and then committing adultery.

    Our Allah, the Almighty has warned of the adultery to come and how His punishment is the Greatest and for those who commit adultery, their punishment will be unimaginable. It was shaytan who promised to our Lord who gave him permission to attempt to lead us astray and therefore any sin your husband commits is his way of becoming powerless to shaytan.

    The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:

    “Whoever commits Fornication with a married woman, both of their sexual organs will give out such a stink that it would be felt even at the distance of five hundred years. This stench will hurt the people of Hell. And such fornicators will be subjected to the most severe punishment.”

    Of course this hadeeth is referring to married women and adultery but we should expect a severe punishment for those men who are married and commit adultery. In Islamic Law, those who commit adultery are instructed to be stoned to death. In the 21st century, the authorities may protect the acts of those who go against Allah's Orders, however no one can protect us in front of Allah, the Most Merciful and Powerful, on the day of Judgement.

    You should warn your husband with these words for the punishment and warnings against this deed mentioned by Allah (SWT) in Surah Al-Furqan and others is severe.

    Lying about his whereabouts to you can also be seen as a huge sin and Allah (SWT) knows best about your husband's intentions. Our Prophet (PBUH) says that lying is an evil which is greater than drinking wine which in itself is a great sin. We are prohibited from even lying as a joke or to a child let alone lying to our wives.

    It was narrated that Samurah ibn Jundub (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) often used to say to his companions, ‘Has anyone among you seen a dream?’ Then whoever Allah willed would tell of his dream. One day he said to us, ‘Two (angels) came to me last night and woke me up, then they said to me, ‘Let’s go!’… so we set out and came to a man who was lying flat on his back and another man standing over his head with an iron hook, and behold, he would put the hook in one side of the man's mouth and tear off that side of his face to the back (of the neck) and similarly tear his nose from front to back and his eye from front to back. Then he turned to the other side of the man's face and did just as he had done with the other side. Hardly had he completed this side when the first side was restored to its normal state. Then he went back and did that all over again. I said to my two companions, 'Subhaan Allah! Who are these two persons?' They said to me, ‘Move on, move on!' (Then he said, describing how the two angels explained the things that he had seen): ‘As for the man you came across, the sides of whose mouth, nostrils and eyes were being torn off from front to back, he is the symbol of the man who goes out of his house in the morning and tells so many lies that it spreads all over the world.’”

    This is from:

    May Allah The Most Merciful and Kind forgive our lies which we should be ashamed of telling. May He guide us for we should be truly humiliated and ashamed.

    Our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) says:

    "The Muslim who mixes with the people and bears patiently their hurtful words, is better than one who does not mix with people and does not show patience under their abuse."

    Therefore my sister, do not respond to your husband in the same manner in which he has spoken to you. Have patience; the essence of Islam is to show your obedience to Allah (SWT) through patience and acceptance. This is your test which Allah, the Greatest of Testers and Designers, has specifically designed for you. No one else but you, so be patient my sister and take this as an opportunity to show our Lord that you match be worthy for a place in His Jannah- the most beautiful of prizes.

    Our Prophet (PBUH) has also said that he was not instructed by our Lord Almighty to rip out people's hearts to see what is inside. This means that no one truly knows the intentions of a wrong-doer or a righteous person other than that person and Allah (SWT) the All-Knower. Therefore, try to think of reasons behind your husband's reactions and perhaps even give excuses to calm your feelings and heart. Truly Allah the All-seeing will notice this like he notices every breath we take.

    Let him calm down; we all say things we regret when we are angry. Keep asking him if you can go back and try to fix things. Be kind and forgive because you and I would go through any pain to be forgiven by Allah (SWT), the All-Forgiving, so we should forgive even the smallest of acts by others which may hurt us and try not to hold any ill-feeling against anyone.

    Subhan Allah, may Allah the Almighty forgive us with his Infinite Love for us and may we die as loyal and faithful servants with humility and hope not despair in our hearts that we will be reunited with our family (may Allah guide them) and Ummah, our Prophets (peace be upon them) and our Lord, the Greatest, on the day of Judgement then in Jannah.

    Assalamu'alaikum wa Rahmatullah,

    May Allah forgive any mistakes I have made because He is the only One who has the ability to grant us Jannah which He has created. May He guide us to the path of the righteous and give us peace and patience. May Allah (the most Kind and Beneficent) benefit those who have helped me help you and the ones who have created websites and sources where I got a lot of my information from.


    Your sister, Tasnim

  4. Assalamualaikum

    when a husband without telling u reason says u to leave home that clearly shows he dosent deserve u and don't care about you just move out of such relation as once he has done this its will always be same your life will be worse.if not take help from elders tell them the issues .


  5. Salam,

    This is all speculation but this model fits his behavior:

    His friend comes by with a girl for himself and another for your husband. Your husband goes out to greet them and then you show up, walking out from the same house. Let's say this other girl's name is "future secret second wife". Well "future secret second wife" asks, hey, who's that woman that just came out from the same house as you? Your husband then has to explain that you're not related and that you don't really live there. Well, "future secret second wife" is going to want to come over to make sure that he's telling the truth. If she comes over and see your stuff there she'll know he's married, so he has to have you clear out of there as soon as possible. I mean from his perspective it's like you ruined his chances with "future secret second wife" and he's really angry about losing all that time and money he put into her.

    Jokes aside, I'm really sorry you're going through this and that you ended up with this guy. I really don't like that people believing that there's nothing wrong with getting into a secret relationship or hiding a relationship from their wife. And outside of conjecture, I have no idea why he reacted this way to you. Perhaps it's nothing.

    • that was not funny at all. its a serious problem and you are trying to increase her trouble by putting doubts in her heart instead of giving hope you are dismaying her. your judgement is unacceptable

      • I actually thought M's summation was probably close to the mark. Why else would the husband be so upset? Either he was interested in one of those girls, or lied about being married. I suspect the sister has only uncovered the tip of the iceberg. I'd say she is better off without him.

        Wael Editor

  6. Wow. SubHaanAllah what a horrible way to react. There is something guilty about your husband and he couldn't handle it so he told you to leave. He will come to his senses sooner or later but the question is, will he do and act like this again? How much worse will he be the next time? He needs serious questioning before you patch things up with him. May Allah have mercy on you and make things easy for you sister

  7. This guy sounds like your average superficial lowlife who like every pig wants his steak and dog food on the side. He has showered you with false affection and now has insulted you only because you rightfully asked who those tramps were.

    What I can't understand is why he was meeting them right outside the home. Nevertheless you're better of without him.

    Its people like these who diagrace our beautiful faith. No integrity whatsoever and in complete contrast to what Islam decrees,the utter disrespect for the wife is so prevalent. There are devils who commit obscene acts with loose women outside of marriage who would find it lol 'shameful' to do with their own wives and yet fail to see that zina is a major sin.

    Leave him to his ugly desires. It is better to be alone than disrespected like this in favour of temporary trash women.

    • Sister Amira, tone it down please. Every one of your posts has had the heat turned on to maximum. We try to advise people with kindness and compassion. That allows them to hear what we are saying and understand. I am disagreeing not with the substance of your post but the tone. And yes, that matters.

      Wael Editor

    • Sister Amira u r awesomw u really do knw how to talk. The reason y people like her husband gets away is because people do nothing to them.

  8. SISTER YOUR HUSBAND NEVER LIKED U IN THE FIRST PLACE HE WAS USING YOUR.YOU R JUST ONE OF THOSE GIRLS HE IS IN RELATIONSHIP WITH. I BET HE IS ALSO CHEATING ON YOU. WHAT m STAted above is true if u astay with him it will just get worse. Just divorce him i bet u will find some one better but the decision is upto you. You could get kicked throughout your life by this man or you could move on. And your husbands story sounds like a lot like one of those cheating fantasy sex stories online. You can learn a lesson from this.U can learn something from everthing.

  9. i'm truly sorry for what u r going through... i understand you so well. but ur post helped me. my husband wants to leave me too (he is tired of my situation). i have sick sister and no where to go ... but i prayed and i'm giving everything to Allah. he knows best... u should pray, be kind and let the almighty do the rest... good luck and i will pray for u too...

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