Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband wants to take me without my family’s permission

Assalamoalaikum . I need advice. I'm 20 years old and my husband is 21. I'm in his nikah since 1 year. Nikah was performed on phone by agreement of both families. It was an arranged one. I talk to him on phone and texts but we haven't met ever.

In his family they do early marriages and the girl studies after being married but in my family marriage is done after completion of studies. So they are insisting on rukhsati but my family doesn't allow. My husband doesn't want to wait anymore and says delay can cause harm to our relationship.

Moreover my parents are in England and I'm in turkey so I live in hostel which also is undesirable for my husband. He wants to take me on his own without my families permission. Could I go or not?

He is eldest in his family and take cares of his father business all by his own.

gurriya


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13 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Do not go. Listen to your father and respect his wishes. If this man cannot wait, let him go to your father and speak with him. He is asking you to disregard your fathers wishes...what is that? Should you go without your father consent...it is a decision that you will have to live with the rest of your life.

    Salam

  2. I agree with Gracias on this one. Assuming the nikah was valid (always questionable when it's done over the phone), then he is your husband, and your place is with him. If he wants you to come live with him rather than live on your own in a hostel, then that's what you should do.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • JazakAllah u khairan all brothers and sisters for your concern.
      I have talked to my mother about it as she does all tha major decisions of my life because my father is an addict and mother has always taken care of me . She was the one whodecided for this rishta on the first place and then my father ageed too. These people were freinds of my step father now the problem is that my step father has gone againat this relation even though he was the one who persuaded my mother for this rishta... and there are now a lot of clashes between my parents and my husbands parents. The reason for those clashes are that my step father gave my father in law money to build our house as a told u that my parents live outside the country and then clashes started about money also clashes are because of my studies my step father said to ho his freind (my father in law ) that you promised that you will help us in admitting our girl in medical college and now you are not helping. ( my mother wanted me to b a doctor but I didn't neither my husband because he doesn't want me to be a working women rather a house wife ) so I didn't do good in medical admission test. So now they blamed my father in law.. he also wanted me to become a doctor... anyhow now my mother says that you won't go until you complete your graduation ( 2 more years ) where as my father in law their family and my husband says you come to us and we will admit you in university and you could do graduation here and they are ready to give in white and black that they would complete my education but my mother is saying I can live with my grandparents and complete my education if they have problem wih hostel.. so basically neither parties are believing on eachother my parents say they wouldn't make you study and they say that your step father and mothwr don't want you to marry our son so it's better to come we can't take the risk.. and my husband says I can't wait more Allah has made you halal for me and peoe want me to go on the way of shetan by nit marrying you with me please help me solve this deadlock .

      • divorce your husband, if you want to complete your education before going to him, otherwise you only have the option to go to him

  3. Yup he's your husband, speak to your parents and have the marriage ceremony and move in together !

  4. He is your husband & he has a right to want to be with his wife. You can't let your father risk your married life before its even begun. Parents do not always know what is best for their children, they make mistakes too & are not always right just because they are a parent.

    Jzk

  5. As-salamu Alaykum,

    Considering that this sister has not ever met her husband, I believe that it is important for the father to be involved and give his consent, especially if this is what the husband originally agreed to. We do not know what the exact circumstances are here, and it is better to err on the side of caution.

    Sister, speak to your parents before making a decision. You can't really go wrong by speaking to your parents.

  6. Assalam alaikum,

    This discussion needs to be openly discussed with your husband and father. You do have to listen to your husband--why would your father approve of a Nikah if your husband wasn't trustworthy--so it doesn't make sense if people are saying not to meet him. Obviously your wali, your father agreed to this man.

    I suggest that you speak to your parents and let them know what your decision is and emphasize that your husband has this right considering who he is to you. Be gentle and respectful in the words you choose. Their reasons for not letting you go don't seem correct especially if you husband doesn't want you to live alone in a hostel. Had you been living with your parents, their rationale for making you stay may have made some sense, but the fact that you are living alone in a hostel when you could be living with your husband makes less sense.

    Your parents might be upset for a bit, but inn shaa Allah, they will be fine especially when they see that you are happy with your husband. Bottom line, don't do anything secretly--better to be open and face the consequences whether they are good or bad.

    May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

    • Agreed.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • JazakAllah u khairan for your concern.
      I have talked to my mother about it as she does all themajor decisions of my life because my father is an addict and mother has always taken care of me . She was the one who decided for this rishta on the first place and then my father agreed too. These people were freinds of my step father. now the problem is that my step father has gone against this relation even though he was the one who persuaded my mother for this rishta... and there are now a lot of clashes between my parents and my husband's parents. The reason for those clashes are that my step father gave my father in law money to build our house as I told u that my parents live outside the country and then clashes started about money also clashes are because of my studies my step father said to his freind (my father in law ) that you promised that you will help us in admitting our girl in medical college and now you are not helping. ( my mother wanted me to b a doctor but I didn't neither my husband because he doesn't want me to be a working women rather a house wife ) so I didn't do good in medical admission test. So now they blamed my father in law.. he also wanted me to become a doctor... anyhow now my mother says that you won't go until you complete your graduation ( 2 more years ) where as my father in law their family and my husband says you come to us and we will admit you in university and you could do graduation here and they are ready to give in white and black that they would complete my education but my mother is saying I can live with my grandparents and complete my education if they have problem with hostel.. so basically neither parties are believing on eachother my parents say they wouldn't make you study and they say that your step father and your mother don't want you to marry our son so it's better to come we can't take the risk.. and my husband says I can't wait more Allah has made you halal for me and people want me to go on the way of shetan by not marrying you with me please help me solve this deadlock .

  7. JazakAllah u khairan all brothers and sisters for your concern.
    I have talked to my mother about it as she doea all tha major decisions of my life because my father is an addict and mother has always taken care of me . She was the one whodecided for this rishta on the first place and then my father ageed too. These people were freinds of my step father know the problem is that my step father has gone againat this relation even though he was the one who persuaded my mother for this rishta... and there are know a lot of clashes between my parents and my husbands parents. The reason for those clashes are that my step father gave my father in law money to build our house as a told u that my parents live outside the country and then clashes started about money also clashes are because of my studies my step father said to ho his freind (my father in law ) that you promised that you will helo us in admitting our girl in medical college and now you are not helping. ( my mother wanted me to b a doctor but I didn't neither my husband because he doesn't want me to be a working women rather a house wife ) so I didn't do good in medical admission test. So now they blamed my father in law.. he also wanted me to become a doctor... anyhow now my mother says that you won't go until you complete your graduation ( 2 more years ) where as my father in law their family and my husband says you come to us and we will admit you in university and you could do graduation here and they are ready to give in white and black that they would complete my education but my mother is saying I can live with my grandparents and complete my education if they have problem wih hostel.. so basically neither parties are believing on eachother my parents say they wouldn't make you study and they say that your step father and mothwr don't want you to marry our son so it's better to come we can't take the risk.. and my husband says I can't wait more Allah has made you halal for me and peoe want me to go on the way of shetan by nit marrying you with me please help me solve this deadlock .

  8. ASSALAM ALKUM BROTHERS AND SISTERS
    PLEASE I REQUEST YOUR DUAS AM NOT IN GOOD TALKS WITH MY HUSBAND
    PLEASE I NEED YOUR DUAS SO THAT HE COME BACK TO ME AND ORGANSE FOR MY NIKAH HE IS CALLED ZUBEIR INSHALLAH . I NEED YOUR DUAS MUCH

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