Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband won’t even talk to me

leaf falling

Salam.

 I'm 19 yrs old and my husband is 31 yrs old. I have been married for 1 year now, but was engaged for about 2 yrs and of that 1 year and a half was long distance. My problem is with my husband. Alhamdillah I love him with all my heart but my problem is he won't talk to me, never says hi or good morning, if I tell him good morning it's like I didn't even say anything. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't love me because he doesn't say I love you, doesn't even look at me, doesn't like to talk to me. He would talk to my parents since we're living by them now, but he won't say anything to me. I always tell him I love you, or send him messages while he's at work saying I love you or I miss you. I don't know what to do anymore. I dont want to go and tell everyone my problems so I keep It all inside. I'm always stressed and when I'm stressed I cry. I always make duaa in my prayer or when it's raining that he puts me in his heart and for Allah to bring us closer together. As for being intimate I basically throw myself at him, which makes me sad because I'm not supposed to do that the guy is. I would tell him you're the guy not me but he doesn't say anything.

When he gets mad he's a very different person!!! I was born and raised in the US. He was born in Jordan but raised in Saudia Arabia, Jordan, and Palestine. I feel like his thinking is different than mine. But when something goes wrong, as always if I did something he would start saying some bad things and I get very sad. He would always tell me "if it wasn't for your mom, I would have left you a long time ago". I feel like he has stayed with me just so he won't upset my mother, which hurts a lot.  Also I have found pictures on his laptop with girls in bikinis and such, and it shocked me. I haven't told him Ive seen them but I don't know what to think of that.

We want to have kids but I think it's taking long because I'm always thinking how he is and go back in the past with the stuff he would tell me. I am asking for your help because I do want to fix this and I want to be happy.

Jazak Allahu Khair.

reemsamer


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40 Responses »

  1. Why he wants to leave you? You mean he has saved girls pictures on his laptop.Some thing does not look right. I doubt even if he is intimate with you. Talk to your mother. Is he trying to get his 'green card'?

    For some people saying "I love you" may not be easy or not important, but i do see some problem with his threats of leaving you. I hope your mom knows about what is going on.

  2. Asalamo alaykum, Allahu alam I am not aware of the whole situation and what he was like whilst you were engaged. It sounds as if he didn't want to get married to you, why did he say if it wasn't for your mother? What did he mean? Did he only agree to the marriage because he felt like he owed your parents something? And the fact that he is looking at other girls on his pc astagfirallah. I'm sorry sis but if I was in your place, irregardless of loving him or not, I would probably divorce him... You deserve better. He doesn't seem to be happy but that isn't your fault- thats his problem and he shouldn't have married you if he doesn't want to speak to you and can't fulfull his rights as a husband because showing affection towards your wife is the responsibility of the hubby. I would talk to your mother about this and please think logically. Adding kids into the equation when he isn't even speaking to you? Do you think thats a good idea?! Allah yahdina. I hope everything works out for the best Insha'Allah

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    LISTEN IT IS IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHEN YOU SAY HE WONT EVEN TALK TO ME MEANS NO LOVE NOT BEING INTIMATE AND LIVES LIKE A HUSBAND IS HE FULFILLING HIS LOOKING AFTER YOU DUTIES IN ALL RESPECTS-PLS REPLY TO THESE POINTS THEN WE WILL KNOW IF HE IS TRSUT WORTHY AND WHAT WILL BE IN YOUR INTEREST TO DO-
    REGARDS

  4. Dear Friends,

    I already have more or less same problem. My husband is extremely greedy and wants me to keep spending my all salary and dont even like to speak to my mother and siblings. I want to help my younger brothers, but he always shouts at me and even beats me up to stop me supporting them. He even doesnt care about having children, so doesnt care about having any physical relationship.
    What a muslim husband !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never has spent upon me from his earning :(. I always wished and prayd a lot to Almighty to Bless me a kind and so gentle husband, and I am still praying for him to be a nice husband and fulfill his responsibilities, to respect my family, to look after me. None of my parys are accepted for him. Except this issue I Alhumdulillah achieved whatever I wished in my life with the blessings of my Almighty. He always blessed me with everything I wished, no doubt I always work hard in my life and always tried to help and support my family, because we lost our father in our childhood.
    If anyone could suggest something which could really change my husband's attitude, that will be a wonderful and magical help. And insha'a Allah he/she will be rewarded in both worlds.

    Thank you

    • ..."and I am still praying for him to be a nice husband and fulfill his responsibilities, to respect my family, to look after me. None of my parys are accepted for him." " If anyone could suggest something which could really change my husband's attitude, that will be a wonderful and magical help." Sister how do you except your prayers to be accepted???Dua is not magic. Just like you can't make dua to find a job whilst you sitting at home and doing nothing!!!how do you except to find a job without even looking for one in the first place? This wont work, Allah is not going to send you two Angels who go and apply for you for a job, you have to make the effort yourself and put your trust in Allah swt, otherwise it wont work!!! Just like you cant change your husbands attitude, if he is not fulfilling his responsibilities as a muslim husband is up to you if you want to let him treat you like that or not. You have the choice. Islamically you don't have to stay in this kind of "marriage" .Everyone has the right to be happy!

    • How long have been married to this guy? Your husband beats you. He spends all your money. He does not let you to help your family. There is no physical relationship. You need some marriage counselling. If you think there is a problem behind "no physical relationship" your husband should get a check up. Physical relationship is not just for having children, it is good for emotional health and closeness between husband and wife

    • Sister,

      This is not a marriage. He is just using you for money! A man who beats his wife and takes her money is no husband. He is an abuser. If I were you I would drop him like a hot potatoe. But if you still want to try. Then first of all take of these rose tinted glassses and face the reality. He will keep abusing him as long as you allow him to!

      So first of all stand up for yourself. Be strong. Be firm and tell him exactly what you need from him. Stop giving him money. He has to provide for you. He has no right to your money. You can do as you please with your money! He should not lay a finger on you again or else you will call the cops! Get family involved from both sides and give him an ultimatum that either he behaves himself and works toward being a good husband or else you will be seeking divorce!

      Come on sisters we don't get married to get tortured by the husband! Marriage should be like a good friendship full of love and compassion. Marriage should bring tranquility into our lives NOT misery! Don't allow your husband or anyone to abuse you! Don't stand for it. Whip him into shape. If you can't then it means its the end of the road.

      • Let me tell you my story and please, tell me in what part was I wrong because I was and still is unable to leave. I got married in 2012 from a man my family and I thought was a good Muslim and a kind man. it took around a year for me to be able to come live with him in the US, and during that time he was very nice, thoughtful, careful and responsible too. I was 4 months pregnant when I came to the US, and he slapped me on the face the second night because I told him I felt pressure and pain down there so I couldn't share his bed, more insults on top of the slap ... then he broke the shower door because I was taking a shower and he wanted to take a shower too after mowing the grass, he just pushed me out naked and pregnant, I thought I was dreaming, after he came out I asked him why he was treating me that way, then started crying (I was 6 months pregnant) he slapped me, grabbed me from behind, bit me hard on my arm till he marked his jaws, then threw me away like a doll. Beatings and insults followed almost everyday, even 3 days after my c section, he asked me to make him his lunch dinner etc. ... he never helped, never cared about my pain or sickness, I begged him to watch the baby just one night after 3 months of sleep deprivation, I started hallucinating and he reluctantly accepted even though he always stayed up till 5 or 6 am watching TV, he woke me up at 3am without a word and game me the baby then went downstairs again. He called me a bad bad street names many times, in front of his family and brother. I want to leave, but where to go? He told me he doesn't care if I stay or leave, he wants the kids only and I can go to hell. I cannot leave USA with my 2 kids otherwise I'll be abducting them. I tried a social worker's help and they tried to take my kids away from both of us, they told me that if I cannot protect myself I am a bad mother. I'm stuck, far far away from my family, no friends, no help whatsoever. When I tried to find a job, he left the house early in the morning so I won't be able to go to my interview because of the kids will be alone (a 6 months and a 2.5 year son old). The second time he told me that if I work I'll be responsible for paying for their childcare, and that's soooooo expensive here my salary won't cover both. I tried the welfare but he didn't want to provide any document. He is self employed, and he told me once that if I divorce him, he'll provide the court with false documents so he won't pay much in child support and "good luck with the kids" I begged him to let me go back to my family with the kids and he refused. He curses a lot, yells a lot, started smoking a lot, and my kids are afraid of him, I cannot leave them! He hates his mother, curses at both his parents and yells at them, ignores them for months ... they are not very good people too, but they are his parents, how can he treat them like that? I tried EVERYTHING possible to make my life livable with him, he just doesn't care and says it. When I asked him once why did he change when I came here, he answered that he's always been like that, but he couldn't "scare" me off from the beginning, he needed me to be stuck in an impossible situation. The last thing is I tried to bring my mother so I can go to work and she watches the kids: she had kidney failure and does 3 dialysis sessions a week. That alone killed me. La hawla wa la kowwata illa billah. I gave up and I pray Allah everyday for an exit with my kids. I hate him to the point I cannot make Duaa for him, I tried many times, but even if he changes for the best, I want him as far away from me as possible. I wish us both the best, but apart.

        • Sarah where do you live? Which state or city i live in edison NJ
          Plus why have you mever called the cops on him? Bheegi billi na ban gaya to nam badal dena mera

          • Manawi is an organization that helps south asian women and also provide lawyers in you situation what is you qualification? How much have you studies?

  5. ASSALAMALIKUM-
    THIS IS THE BEST YOU- CAN AS THIS IS VERY AUTHENTIC AND I GAVE THIS TO SOME GIRLS JUST 15DAYS BACK-WHO FACED MISCARRIAGE DUE HUSBANDS BANGGING AND KICKING ON THE STOMACH AND THE SAME HUSBAND IS PLEADING NOT OT LEAVE AND GO-
    The Power of Istighfar – Astaghfirullah (I seek forgiveness of Allah)Astaghfirullah
    People often forget the importance of the simple yet powerful dua (supplication) – Istighfar i.e., saying “Astaghfirullah” (I seek forgiveness of Allah). Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to recite this at least 100 times a day. Let us see the benefits and virtues of reciting this simple beautiful supplication insha Allah.
    Istighfar (Astaghfirullah) is the gateway of relief and happiness. Whenever you are in distress start reciting it and Insha Allah it will take you out of your anxiety and will put you in a peaceful situation and will give you happiness.
    Istighfar removes anxiety and duas are answered.
    Istighfar opens the door of sustenance.
    Istighfar opens the door of mercy.
    Istighfar opens the door of knowledge.
    Istighfar is also gateway of productivity.
    Istighfar relieves you. When you feel that sadness within you, when you are disturbed and frustrated, when anxiety surrounds you, say “Astaghfirullah” “Astaghfirullah”…
    Reciting Astaghfiruallah is an effective method of calming our self and wipes away the variety of worldly worries from our mind and body. It may also help us, if we are suffering from depression, it calm us and lessen our depression.
    Astaghfirullah also helps us to refrain from all forms of sins. Regularly saying this reminds us that Allah is everywhere and in this way there is very small chances of doing wrongful actions.
    Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with them) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said,
    “If anyone constantly seeks pardon (from Allah), Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide sustenance for him from where he expects not.” [Abu Dawud].
    EXTREME DUA AND BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS
    The Messenger of Allah, sallallahu `alaihi wa sallam, said:
    “The master of invocations for forgiveness is that the servant says:‘Allãhumma ‘anta rabbee, lã ‘ilãha ‘illã ‘anta, khalaqtanee, wa ‘anã `abduka, wa ‘anã `alã `ahdika wa wa`dika mastata`tu, ‘a`outhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu, ‘aboo’u laka bini`matika ‘alayya, wa ‘aboo’u bithambee, faghfirlee fa’innahu lã yaghfiru ‘aththunooba ‘illã ‘anta.
    O’ my ‘ilãh You are my Lord, there is no ‘ilãh but You. You created me, and I am your bondservant, and I will stick to my covenant and promise [of faith and sincere obedience] to You, as to my ability. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done, I acknowledge, to You, your bounties upon me, and I acknowledge, to You, my sin. Thus forgive me, for none forgives sins except You.
    Whoever says this as he enters upon evening, then, dies that night, he would enter Paradise; and if one says this as he enters upon morning, then, dies that day, he would enter Paradise”. [Al-Bukhari]
    The servant is always in the blessings of Allah which necessitate thankfulness, and in sinfulness which requires seeking forgiveness.
    Both of these matters are required and essential for the servant at all times, as the servant does not cease to alternate between Allaah’s (various) favors and blessings, and does not cease to be in need of repentance and seeking forgiveness.

    • Do you really think a man who kicked his wife and caused a misscarriage can change in 15 days? No normal man will beat his wife.

      • ASSLAMALAIKUM-
        Do you really think a man who kicked his wife and caused a misscarriage can change in 15 days?
        IF YOU BELIVE IN SHARIAH-QURAN&HADEES U HAVE TO BELIEVE-
        YOU ARE VERY FAR FROM THE TRUTH I DONT LIE I DONT USE FALSE STORIES FOR YR KIND INFORMATION THIS ASTAGHFAR MATTER I SENT HER HAS CHANGED HIM IN ONE WEEK AFTER HER DISCHRGE FROM THE HOSPITAL-
        SHE WAS KICKED AND AND SHE FELL 1ST TIME IN HER LIFE SHE CALLED TO COMPLAIN HER PARENTS ABOUT HER PLIGHT-THEY TOOK HER TO HOSPITL IN TIME AFTER 5 DAYS SHE GOT DISCHARGED SHE WAS IN A STATE OF SUICDIAL THOUGHTS AND OPENED HER LAPTOP ALLAH MADE HER REACH MY WEBSITE. SHE BECAME A MEMBER AND MESSAGED ME ABOUT HER PLIGHT AND MY HABBIT IS TO TAKE THE CELL NUMBER CONVINCE THEM PERSONALLY-[ANY WOMAN OR GIRL] WHEREEVER IN THE WORLD TELL THEM ALLAH THE SUPREME IS WITH THEM OUR LIFE IS NOT SO CHEAP AS TO SACRIFICE IT FOR GREEDY OR PLAY BOY OR SELFISH MONEYLOVER/PROPERTY LOVER[WHICH HE IS WAITING ON HIS PARENTS TO ACHIEVE]DOES OPPRESSION ON WOMENHOOD AND WE BECOME A TARGET LIKE A SITTING DUCK GIVE AWAY OUR LIFE AND DIE HARAM DEATH-
        WRONG IS THEIR JUDGEMENT-WHAT EVER ALLAH GIVES THE WORDS IN MIND AT THAT TIME-I TELL THEM AND ALLAH INSPIRES THEM-

        • Assalam alaikum Br.,

          I don't understand why you take the phone number of a girl/woman and talk to them personally:

          SHE BECAME A MEMBER AND MESSAGED ME ABOUT HER PLIGHT AND MY HABBIT IS TO TAKE THE CELL NUMBER CONVINCE THEM PERSONALLY-[ANY WOMAN OR GIRL] WHEREEVER IN THE WORLD

          You have posted many times on this webiste how it isn't ok to talk to members of the opposite gender privately--so why can you make an exception for yourself?

          We don't even know if this story is true because you are relaying it to us from someone else so that isn't solid proof--and even if it were true, this is one single situation in thousands where an abusive husband magically changes.

          The bottom line (that I get from your message) is that you are promoting your website.

          • Assalamalaikum-
            YOU HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD-YOU HAVE NOT SEEN WHAT I HAVE SEEN THIS 50YEARS ONCE SOMEONE HANGS TO THE CEILING OR DRINKS POISON HARDLY THEY COME BACK TO THIS WORLD ONLY THEIR MEMORIES REMAIN IN THE FAMILY-
            I HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING WITH TH WHOLE FAMILY STARTING FROM THE MOTHER DAUGHTER FATHER SO THAT THEY DONT ABUSE HER AND PUSH HER FURTHER IN HER PAIN TOWARDS DEATH-
            YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF CONSULTATION I DONT THINK YOU KNOW VERY WELL-
            WHEN A PERSON CONSULTS ANOTHER PERSON ON AN EMERGENCY BASIS FOR ISLAIMIC KNOWLEDGE HE HAS TO BEIN TUCH I BELIVE IN IMMIDIATE ACTION NOT AFTER THE VICTIM TAKES THE STEP OF SUICIDE AND BURIED-
            AND I HAVE BECOME A FOND CHA CHA/UNCLE/OF SO MANY YOUNGSTRES BOYS AND GIRLS THEY LOCK UP IN THEIR ROOMS WHEN THEIR PARENTS FORCE THEM TO JOIN THEM IN THEIR [SHIVRATHRI MEANING THE NIGHT OF THE DEAD SOULS WHEN THEY VISIT OUR HOUSE A HINDU TRADITION]
            CALLED NIGHT OF-SHABAN-WHEN GOOD GOOD DISHES ARE COOKED AND THEY SAY FOREFATHERS-SOULS VISIT-HOME AND THEY SEE WE ARE EATING THEIR CHOOSY FOODS AND DISHES-
            THEN THE GIRL OR BOY KEEP THEMSELVES AWAY FROM THESE DIRTY NON-MUSLIMS FESTIVALS OF INNOVATIVE 3RD IDD-AND AT THIS JUNCTURE THEY CALL ME AFTER GETTING TRASHING FOR NOT TAKING PART IN THE CURSED FESTIVITIES.
            I DIDNT SEND THEM ANY MESSAGE TO JOIN MY WEBSITE BUT ALLAH SENT THEM TO REACH ME SO THAT THEY CAN GET SOME TIMELY MEDICINE OF RECOVERY FROM ALLAH AS YOU KNOW OUR MUSLIM FAMILIES THEY HARDLY KNOW THE TRUE ISLAM EXCEPT THE PSEUDO SCHOLARS AND &IMAMS WHO MAKE MONEY FOR ISSUING FATWAS- FALSE STATEMENTS OF THEIR GURUS WHO MADE THIS SYSTEM OF BLIND TAQLEED-WELL SETTLED IN INDIA-PAK&BANGLADESH-
            I MADE THE WEBSITE TO REACH ALL YOUNG MUSLIMS TO REVEAL-THE TRUE ISLAM-COME OUT OF DELUSION THEY ARE LIVING FROM FOREFATHERS TIMES AND ITS HIGH TIME WE CHANGE AND GIVE OUR GEN NEXT THE BEST KNOWLEDGE FOR WHICH OUR BELOVED PROPHET SALALAHUALAIHI WASALAM TOOK THE TROUBLES AND FACED HARDSHIPS-
            FOR YR KIND INFORMATION I SENT THEM THE RIGHTS OF A GIRL IN ISLAM AND ONE IS THAT SHE DOES EHSAN IF SHE AGREES TO LIVE WITH THE MOTHER IN LAW &HER HUSBAND CANT FORCE HER TO LIVE AND FACE HER TORTURE [THE BOY LITERALLY CRIED ON PHONE AND PLEADED TO COME BACK HOME-
            THIS MESSAGE HER PARENTS TOOK FROM ME TOLD THE BOY YESTERDAY INVITED-FOR DINNER TO TELL THEIR FINAL DECISION THAT HE MUST TAKE ANOTHER HOUSE AND THEN THEY WILL SEND HER WITH HIM-

            I AM SHOCKED WITH YOUR WORDS- POWER OF ALLAH IS NOT MAGIC-
            this is one single situation in thousands where an abusive husband magically changes.YOU NEED TO HAVE A STRONG IMAN TO BELIEVE THE POWER OF ISLAMIC TEACHINGS AND POWER OF VERSES ASTAGHFAR/DUAS ETC ETC-
            "Verily, Allaah will not change the condition of a people, as long as they do not change it themselves." Surat-ur-Ra'ad [13:11]
            TO CHANGE WE NEED TRUE ISLAM NOT THE SUBCONTINENT ISLAM-
            REGARDS

          • Assalam alaikum Br.,

            Just to clarify because you have twisted my words, I don't doubt du'a or any of Allah's words, but I don't agree with what you wrote above and in contacting those women. And though those women contacted you and you didn't contact them, still you are promoting your website because you posted it 3 times in your post--which means you are starting that contact first at least here.

  6. Sister,

    If he was forced into this marriage and is extremely unhappy....then tell him to divorce you ..or if he doesn't want that..than he better start treating you better if he is going to be in this relationship.

    Is he with you because he wants to be in the United States? If he is sister, you have to speak to him about that. Be very frank and don't let him use you. Maybe he felt as if you were this young girl he can take advantage of, but don't let him.

    I suggest having a good talk to him about what's going on. Asking him why he is unhappy and what he needs. And tell him honestly about how you feel, inshallah he responds well. Sometimes when my husband is unhappy he will keep it in and never speak, until I have to come to him and start a conversation.

    Talk about it, make lots of dua and may Allah make things easy for you.

  7. Sister,

    I also thing he is using you for a green card. I mean this is supposed to be your honeymoon period. You guys should be so loved up and dying to talk to each other every second! But instead he can't stand the sight of you. Something is very wrong here.

    It is absolutely outrageous of these men to use women for a green card and abuse her in the process. Speak to your parents ASAP about his behavoiur. Speak to his parents also. Make it clear that you are not going to be used for a greencard. He needs to come clean about his behavoiur.

    Let everyone know that you want a normal husband who will give you all the rights of marriage and more. He needs to treat you like a wife. If he won't comply then you need to think things trough whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this type of man. Also the risk that he may leave you after he gets his citizenship.

    A good marriage is the strong foundation for our future ummah. So don't think about kids yet. Work on the foundation first!

    • "I mean this is supposed to be your honeymoon period. You guys should be so loved up and dying to talk to each other every second! "

      It's not like that for arranged marriages, the couple still barely know each other so how can they be loved up?

      • Well they have been married for 1 year now. And known each other for 2 years. Unless its s forced marriage there is some type of phisical or emotional attraction between the girl and boy when they see each other for marriage purposes. After marriage the courting period starts, getting to know each other. Usually this is a very exciting and romantic time and will build affection between the spouses. And gradually they would start falling in love.

        This is what should happen in a normal arranged marriage.

  8. They say that not all men are not the same. But it's truely hard to find the right guy. But one should not have to endure a spouse that is so controlling or abusive (physically or emotionally). I think if you feel that things are not right- I can gurantee that they will only get worse when you two have kids together. Because men then know that you're stuck and the kids become the spot-light of all the emotional abuse.

    I can speak from my own experience- I have been married 10 years and have 2 kids. My spouse and I both know that our relationship is detrimental because I've finally spelled it out. However, my being a female my parents are not very supporitive of me. I'm dying and fading way inside. I know I would never tell someone to live in an unpleasant situation. I don't think Allah intended for marriage to be a nightmare.

    You're lucky that you don't have kids and I think you have an opportunity to move on. It might be very difficult for your parents to accept and support you now, but imagine having to go through separation with kids.

    I think you should make istikara and see where things go. I'm sure Allah will guide you. Pray that Allah gives you the strength and the courage you need to proceed.

  9. asalam alikum i think everyone has the same problem in most of the household. the girl either feels like noone's listening to them and the guy just likes to do as he wishes with no concerns, they dont take responsibilities.most girls are depressed by this situation they wanna share there feelings thoughts and idea's with there husband but feel abandoned. men need to be trust worthy and not think about their desires in this world but in the life here after as well .Personally i dont trust men not even my husband it's been 6 years since i'm with him, i have never felt special the more i try to get his attention the more the ignores me. my husband doesn't want any of my relatives coming to our house and my sisters husbands are stopping them going to each others houses this worlds crazy 🙁 i'm loosing faith in everything i need help

    • destinyinparadise: "my sisters husbands are stopping them going to each others houses this worlds crazy"

      Men don't trust other men when it comes to........

  10. Dear sisters and brothers,

    I am thankful to your comments on my situation. I have been married for 3 years, 2 years we were living separately, I was working in USA and he was in EU. Now we are together in another country for the past one year.
    I have stopped spending money anymore. And he is very okay physically, because I got pregnant 2 times, first time my child was aborted because he beated me up so hardly. second time it was aborted because of travelling issues. Now at present, since I have stopped spending my money so he has stopped the physical relationship, What a man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The thing why I came to this forum, I need some help to bring him to right path, I am not sure if leaving this man and taking another could bring some happiness to me. How can I be sure that another man could be a better husband. In this time living without a man is also not easy. Things are highly messed up. I want to be separated but I am afraid of getting in more troubles. So I want and wish this man to come on the right path. May Allah guide him to be a nice husband.

    Divorce is an open choice, anyone can go for that. But people who come on these forums , they dont acctually look for divorces rather look for some solution, some spiritual solution. If any one knows about anything that can bring a change in his attitude, I would appreciate such suggestions so high.

    I have not recieved any email telling me about the follow ups so thats why I could not reply soon. I will take cares now onwards and hope someone could help me out.

    Thanks

    • ASSALAMALAIKUM-
      If any one knows about anything that can bring a change in his attitude, I would appreciate such suggestions so high.
      I REPEAT[ Ali Yousuff December 24, 2013 • 11:44 am]SEE ABOVE AND FOLLOW-INSHALLAH U WILL SUCCEED-
      YOU TRUST IN ALLAH AND DO AS PER-THE MATTER ABOVE -YOU WONT BELIEVE THE GIRL AND THE BOY HAVE LEFT THEIR DAUGHTER IN GIRLS MOTHERS CARE AND GONE TO SOME PLACE FOR 2/3 DAYS AND THE HUSBAND IS TRYING TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT FOR A SEPERATE HOUSE-
      SAME CASE AS IT WAS YOURS- first time my child was aborted because he beated me up so hardly.
      AND SEE NOW THE HAVE JOINED BACK AND ACTING LIKE TWO LOVE BIRDS-
      REGARDS

      • Brother Yousaf,

        I am doing lots of astughfar, I am sure Allah has different and better plan for me insha'a Allah. my husband is not going to be a loving bird, nothing can bring him on right path, because he thinks what he is doing is all correct and fair.

        Please pray for me to get courage to decide divorce and to have another happy life. May Allah do what is best for me. Ameen.

        Thanks for your kind support. I am so upset and its so hard time for me.

        • ASSALAMALAIKUM-
          PLS DONT GIVE UP CONTINUE AND SEE FOR SOME MORE TIME AND INSHA ALLAH YOU WILL SEE MANY CHANGES-

          Please pray for me to get courage to decide divorce and to have another happy life. May Allah do what is best for me. Ameen.THIS LIFE IS JUST A PASSING PHASE-ALL GARDENS DONT GET GOOD GARDENERS THAT DOES NOT MEAN THE FLOWERS WILL STOP GROWING AND SPREADING THEIR FRAGRANCE-

          I am so upset and its so hard time for me.
          DEAR reemsamer....DONT WORRY U R A WINNER BECAUSE YOU ARE FOLLOWING THE COMMANDS OF ALLAH TO SAVE THE FAMILY-

          EVERY STEP OF YOURS IS RECORDED AS SADQA-[CHARITY]AND YOU WONT BE
          UNHAPPY AS THIS GAIN OF GOOD DEEDS WHICH YOU GET IN THE PROCESS YOU WILL BE GETTING IN YR ACCOUNT ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT WHEN FOR ONE GOOD DEED PARENTS RUN AWAY FROM CHILDREN AND CHILDREN WILL RUN AWAY FROM PARENTS-TRY THIS ALSO AS A FINAL EFFORT-
          http://www.iqrasense.com/dua-from-quran-and-hadith/dua-for-grief-and-sorrow-commentary-by-ibn-al-qayyim.html
          Face your fears - challenges seem scary but your fears are usually exaggerated. Don’t let the fear of your husband straying keep you on edge and undermine your own worth.
          Instead of passively waiting for things to get better get on with your life by talking to people who make you feel good as it will help an increased feeling of competence and self-esteem.
          REGARDS

    • Salam Sister,

      Sister, please get help from a Imam. This guy you call "Husband" has killed your child.

      I am a man too and I would never insallah (if God wills) beat my wife, while she is married.

      Even if someone should gets stoned, it's not allowed in Islam to stone the mother, before the child is able to live on his own.

      He had no reason to beat you. I won't say you, that you should divorce, but it's worth to think about it.

      May Allah help our Ummah - Ammen

      [Comment modified by Editor to remove inappropriate content.]

  11. Dear brothers,

    Thank you for your advices. I will insha'a Allah start soon reciting Astughferullah, and I will try my best to nag my Almighty to make him nice. Cause I really dont like to test another man Astughferullah, one experience should be enough and May Allah bring me true happiness from this relationship. Ameen

    I will update you if I could get blessings of my Lord. May be He is angry and I need to make Him happy towards me.

    My husband is never willing to go to any imam, and me going to imam would not solve the problem. I know what he has done is wrong. I will forgive him for his bad conduct if he becomes a good and responsible husband.

    Thank you.

    • May Allah help you Sister to get him a nice guy.

      • Dear Brothers,

        I am failed in getting him a nice guy. He is so hard minded and rigid astughferullah and moreover he is determined to control my all money, only then may be he could make a marital relation with me otherwise not :(.

        Look at muslim husbands, how they are playing with week creatures.

        I am planning finally to leave him cause I need children and this is not possible without a relationship, rest Allah knows the best.
        Thank you for your help and moral support.

  12. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    IMPORTANT THING OPP POLES ATTRACT-Grooming within Shari'ah BECOME-The Incessantly Attractive Wife....
    It was narrated that Abu Hurairah (rta) said:
    “It was said to the Messenger of Allah (sa): ‘Which of the women is the best?’ He said: ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he dislikes.’” (An-Nasai)
    ISLAM GIVES A LOT OF PREFERENCE FOR GROOMING FOR THE HUSBAND AND ATTRACTING HIM IN DAY WITH WINNING HIS HEART THROUGH HIS STOMACH AS SAYING I HAVE SEEN THIS EFFECT ON ME MANY TIMES-
    What is it that truly makes a woman beautiful or attractive to her husband? This is probably the most ancient and oft-asked question that women have sought answers to for centuries in their quest to maintain the bliss of their marital home...
    Here are some tips for achieving that:
    Make self-grooming and beautification solely an act of worship intended for Allah (swt) pleasure first, before it being for the world or even yourself. He created the beautiful, unique you, and He deserves gratitude for it.
    Be grateful to Allah (swt) for what you are, i.e., accept how you look and be comfortable in your own skin. Be happy with your height, natural weight tendency (skinny, chubby or fat), complexion, facial features and quality of hair. If you are short, you can never be tall, so focus on your other positive qualities. Each human being has unique gifts granted to them by their Creator. This acceptance of Allah’s Qadr (decree) will lead to inner confidence.
    ALONG WITH THIS PLS DO THIS ALSO JUST BY CHANCE SOME RELATIVES MIGHT BE DOING SOME EVIL DEEDS BEHIND YR BACK TO GET HIM FOR THEIR DAUGHTER-Ruqya in Arabic means healing, the Islamic way according to the sharia, only Qur'an and sunnah, applying the Qur'an THE WORDS OF ALLAH SWT on the patients.Ruqya is used for cure against: black magic, evil eye and jinn possesion.
    Definition of magic:
    1) Magic is a knot or spell that has effects on the heart and body, It causes the heart or body to become sick, it can kill a person, it separates a man and his wife, and destroys family ties.
    "Make use of the two remedies: honey and the Qur'an." (Tirmithi)
    Have a spray bottle.
    fill it up with water prefer mineral water.
    with the bottle open put your mouth as close to the top of the bottle and recite sourah al Fatiha then blow in the water. Ayat al kursee then blow in the water. Then do the same with sourah al ikhlass, al falaq, al Nass.
    close your bottle your water is ready.
    go to every room close the door if the room and slightly open the window of that room you in.
    recite loudly sourah Fatiha 7 times.
    recite aya al kursee 7 times.
    recite sourah al zalzalah 7 times.
    straight away as reciting the athan you should spray with that water you prepared every corner of that room.
    never spray without reciting the athan.
    when finished spray all the corners of the room close the window and do the same with every other room in your home.
    don't do the toilet.
    when every room is done play sourah al baqarah in each room.
    make sure your pray the nafl salat in your home. As the prophet said :
    Don't turn your homes to grave yards not praying salat in your homes.
    (Meaning tahajud and optional prayers)
    Sahih bukhari and MUSLIM
    http://www.iqrasense.com/islam-and-science/healing-and-treatment-from-quran-and-hadith-dua-and-quran-verses-for-ruqyah.html

    • Assalam Alaikum Brother Yousaf,

      How can I get your phone number, I would like to talk to you over the issue, thank you so much for your prompt attentions, I've been doing lots of prayers, no improvement at all. I will insha;a Allah also start ruqya as par your advice and I am praying hard to Almighty to save my home and bring happiness to me.

      Its their family trend, his older brother is sitting at home, does nothing and his wife is the only earning hand. She told me that he never had any physical relation with her when she was able to conceive and now she is not able to concieve anymore, there been around 10 years they dont have any marital life but they are still together and the man is keeping the lady because she is the only one to run the family and above all that she changed her religion from Christian to islam and married him. What he gave her in return nothing. She cries alot whenever you talk to her. My husband is following his steps and I am thats why scared of their situation. I am dead sure he will never change even if I give him my total salary every month. He rather gets more rigid to show his ego.

      Please pray for me, this is really very critical time for me.

      Thanks and jazak Allah Khair.

      • rdgraph, we do not allow the exchange of private contact information. You have already received some good advice, but if you need more then please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Deear Brother Ali Yousaff,

      I would like to know if I can continue working in Saudi Arabia in iddah period if I get divorced. If I don't work then survival is hard for me.

      I will appreciate s high your advices.

      Thanks and regards.

  13. Salaam sister, I haven't read any of the comments above, but from you have said your husband doesn't seem to be showing you interest. This is quite strange, and then to have pictures of girls in their bikinis. I would try to speak to him and ask him if he was forced jnto the marriage? If so, is he willing to work with you to make the marriage work ?

    I did the same thing in my marriage, I was practically throwing myself at my husband, initiating intimacy,texting him to say I love and miss him and asking him to call me etc - this isn't normal, the husband should have the desire to be intimate with you. It hurts, and is unfair !! There is something he is not telling you. I didn't tell my family anything either because I wanted it to stay between me and him, but now in hindsight I wish I had discussed detsils with my mother.

    You have been very patient sister but you can't live like this, I would strongly urge you to talk to your mother and seek some guidance from her.

    I hope Allah swt eases your pain, and softens your husbands heart towards you and blesses your marriage, ameen.

  14. As salamu aleykum,

    I am married since July that year, I am 18 years old my husband 23 years old.
    Alhamdullilah Allah gave me my husband I make always good dua for him and hope that we will be together in Jannah.
    But my husband fight with me because i said not good things but i wasnt say these kind of words never but he was angry and i couldnt controlled myself.
    I asked him so much about forgiveness and asked Allah about forgiveness.
    I told my husband I want apologize to him and that i want he forgive me.
    But all he said was I should go away and dont call him, dont write him or he will block or delete me.
    I love my husband and his family really.
    I dont want he is angry with me.
    when I visited my husband i was at his laptop and then i saw pictures from girls and i asked him and he said his cousin use his laptop too.
    I still trust my husband but I dont know what else i can do that he forgive me.
    Inshallah he will forgive me.
    What can I do?

  15. Nora: when I visited my husband i was at his laptop and then i saw pictures from girls and i asked him and he said his cousin use his laptop too.

    You husband is your husband's cousin also.

    "he was angry and i couldn't control myself." Well your husband also can't control himself.

    It is hard to understand what is real problem between you too.

  16. I will be blunt and straightforward: this man doesn't have an ounce of feelings in his heart for you. You shouldn't be sad or upset of this as it's not something he can have control over. You're still very young, and as of him changing with time or after having children, that is very unlikely. He might only get used to you but you will never get the level of care and romance you seek, so if you want to stay married to him, get yourself used to this, don't blame him for not giving more because he has nothing more to give. Otherwise, take the exit before having kids and the whole story becomes complicated. You're 19, and you live in the US, it's not like you're 50 living in Afghanistan. I mean life is ahead of you, don't give up your happiness or settle for less than what you think you deserve to family or tradition convinience.

  17. Sister am a human observer and solution for u is to make dua and also go to him and discuss ur problem in a emotional manner insha Allah things will soon become good

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