Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband won’t lower his gaze

male female friends relationships

assalamu alaikum wr wb

My husband ignores me and does not talk to me. I ask questions about him and try to make interesting conversation, but he is only interested in talking and flirting with other women. We have a store and the women come to visit him and talk with him. He gives free things to women. They come in the back of the store with him also. He hugs some of the women, too.  We live in a small town that has a lot of drug addicts.  Most of these women are drug addicts. Last month, I found drug bags in the back of the store!

He talks about me to people saying that I am a crazy and jealous woman. Two times, women came to me and said "I feel sorry for you that your husband plays with these girls."   It is very embarrassing.  He will complain about me to women, but he refuses to talk about this with the imam or someone that can give Islamic advice.

If he goes somewhere with me, he will not even walk next to me, he acts like he does not know me. I beautify myself for him, but he still ignores me. I am not an ugly person and I take care of him. I try to remind him of halal and haram, but he becomes angry. Also, he is 25 years older than me.

He watches shows with half naked women and ignores me. When a woman comes on the tv, he runs next to tv .  It is disgusting.

When I tell him to stop with these women, he because abusive. He curses me and calls me names and sometimes hits me. I have 2 children and one is disabled and very sick , so I can not leave him at this time. I have no family.

Please give advice. He told me that if I talk to the imam, he will divorce me.

JazakAllah khair

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4 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    Please try to upgrade your skills and increase your social circle. Get ready to face the worst while still making Dua that your situation will improve. Prepare yourself mentally and financially to lead a better life. Prepare yourself to work and live independently.

    If he's doing haram and committing Zina (even if it's just touching non mehram woman), you have to advise him often. If he doesn't listen to your advise then it's better to separate from him as it is not good for your and your children future. He is not providing an Islamic environment for you or your children which will be detrimental to all of you.

    Have trust in Allah, as Allah says,

    And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.
    [Surah Al-Talaq, Verse 2-3]

    And this is from a surah titled "Divorce".

    So make lots of dua and keep steadfast on the deen. Keep practicing Islam and trying to improve your knowledge and acts of worship, Allah will make way for you from places where you would not have even imagined.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

  2. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    It appears you are only staying in this marriage for survival. You are afraid if you divorce, no one will look after you and your kids.

    There is a quote I like which goes, "Jump, and the net will appear". It means sometimes we have to take a risk and just go in the right direction- even if it seems like we are jumping to our death off a cliff- but what actually happens is that something comes along to provide just what we need to help us go on. But it never would've happened that way if we hadn't taken the chance first.

    This man is abusive to you. He is seeming to enable those who are on drugs, possibly selling them or doing them himself. He is ashamed of you in public and neglects you in private, all while turning every attention he can to every other female. How degrading is that?

    No one in their right mind would advise you to keep tolerating this for the sake of financial support. That is demeaning yourself. If you don't want to divorce, at least separate from him. If you have no family you can go back to, see if there is a woman's shelter or social helping group you can turn to.

    Nothing will change if you don't change it. As Asif said, putting your trust in Allah beyond what your eyes see circumstantially is the best choice. You don't have to know the future, you don't have to know how it will all work out. Rely on the truth that Allah knows, and be sufficed with that in shaa Allah.

    May Allah strengthen you and give you insight and courage to go forward into something better.

    -Amy Editor

  3. You need to give him a warning and if he doesn't stop then you should find a man who appreciates you being in his life, for you being there is enough.

  4. I would advise you to read Surah Talaq verses 2 and 3.

    And for those who fear Allah, He (ever) prepares a way out (2) And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if anyone puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is (Allah) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish His purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.

    Put your trust in him and pray for a way out of this painful marriage. He is Dul Jalal Wal Ikram, the owner of majesty and bounty. He is Fatah, the opener. He will open a way for you when you see a dead end.

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