Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband won’t spend time with me or our children

hijab

Hi. Im really struggling with my marriage and I really need sum advice.  I have been married for 4 years and have two kids. My husband is a nice generous and caring man when he wants to be and I really don't want to sound ungrateful but he doesn't want to spend any time with me or the kids. Even as Im writing this he is downstairs watching tv. All he does is work eat sleep.

Im not a demanding wife. I don't ask for clothes or gold or for him to buy kids anything.  Alhamdulliah he earns and has never stopped my from buying anything but as long as it doesn't involve him going into a shop with me. In four years he has never took me shopping or took me out anywhere. On his day off he spends the whole day sleeping.

If he ever does decide to take me shopping for groceries I have to be silent cuz if I even speak to him he'll start screaming at me. He won't let me even walk near him. I don't want money or anything materialistic just sum time with him. If I tell him to pray he'll scream at me. If I tell him to take me sumwhere he'll scream at me and then shout at me all the way there and back.

He's fine at home. I cry myself to sleep because I see everyone else with their husband going out with kids and it's just me sitting at home seven days a week cooking cleaning raising children.

Am I over exaggerating?  Is it too much to ask for sum quality time with my husband. Im only 20 so I cant bear to think that my life will be like this forever. Im getting so lonely. Plz help.  Ive tried dua and talking to him he always says he'll change but he doesn't.  I feel like the only people he truly cares about is his parents and friends.  I love him soo much and cant bear to think of my life without him but there is no romance in the marriage anymore and I cant help thinking hes embarrassed to be seen with me in public.  We've been constantly arguing about this and Im just exhausted.  Jzk

lonley

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4 Responses »

  1. You are lucky that your husband sits at home after work. .mine is always out with friends. .

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Sister,

    I am sorry for what you are going through and even sorrier that you question if it is normal. No. It is not normal for him to expect you to be silent when you are out with him in public or that you shouldn't walk near him.

    You need to find a time to let him know how you feel and that you want companionship. Meanwhile, it would be healthy for you to take time for yourself and not be afraid of being alone. Often we feel lonely, even among people. or fear of being alone if we do not have a purpose. What do you feel is your purpose in life? If it is defined by your children and husband alone, then sister, this feeling will never go away. You have some soul-searching to do.

    When he says he will change, what specifically does that mean? No one changes drastically--so, chances are, he never will. He may very well need intervention. Perhaps your expectations may be to great and his efforts too small. He can change one thing over a small period of time, make it habit and then real change will come--this is a process, not an overnight switch.

    May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

  3. you are lucky you husband is working for your family mine is working in other place and with another woman, just sending money if he has extra ;(

  4. Dear Sisters Sadia and Shaira,

    May Allah swt ease your pain in your lives.

    While your situations may be more difficult than the OPs, it is not wise to call the OP lucky simply because your situations in marriage is more deteriorated than hers. The pain in our lives does not make someone else lucky in a bad situation.

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