Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband would rather work and play on Playstation than be with me

Playing Playstationassalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

My husband and i love each other very much, when hes in a good mood he is really kind but when he is in a bad mood, he is the worst person ever!. we will be in a good mood one minute getting along fine then an argument will begin all the time for no real reason.

my husband goes out to work early in the morning and doesn't usually get back till later on through the day/night, when he arrives home he rather wants to go out, sit playing on his play station or sat on his own with his earphones in.

I also have the personal problem of having no family around where i live and my husband doesn't want me to work so i end up sitting home by myself all the time. As well my husband seems to think that providing for me financially that he is fulfilling his duty as a husband and is wanting to spend the only time that is possible for us to spend together at work. He doesn't look at the emotional bond that is required by a husband and wife and doesn't show much love, or feelings towards me.

Im now getting fed up and sometimes regret marrying him, but i also dread the thought of loosing him as i love him very much and dont no what to do?

-Rahman00

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1 Responses »

  1. Al Salaamu Alaykum,

    The situation you're describing is characterized by a lack of balance. On one side of the scales, he has a full lifestyle with his job, hobbies, and social life. On the other side, you have no social life, can't work, and too much time on your hands.

    It's actually a very common occurrence for a man to come home and want to do other things that help him relax rather than go directly into spending time with his spouse. It's also very common for the women to be frustrated with this, and feel put off and lonely.

    The key here is to create balance. You can try talking to him about your needs, hoping that he might be more receptive to making some changes at least a few nights a week to spend more time with you. But the more sure thing is changing yourself, than changing him.

    If he doesn't want you to work, then perhaps he would be ok with you doing volunteering or engaging at activities at the local Islamic center. Spend more time with your friends, and if you don't have many friends, try to connect with other local Muslim women so you can make some. If he objects to any of these ideas and insists that you stay home alone all day every day, even after explaining how these changes can benefit you and your ability to be a good wife to him, then I would say he's taking an unreasonable and untenable position.

    The bottom line in any dilemma is that either the situation can be moved to a more constructive place, or it can't be moved at all. When something doesn't move, the only choices left are enduring it (whether cheerfully or resentfully), or leaving the situation altogether.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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