Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My in laws finding imaginary faults in me

Muslim woman in hijab

I'm married for 1.5 yrs and already I have a 4 month old son Alhamdulillah. I'm a high profile corporate worker. This is my 1st marriage but my husband's 3rd. He has daughter with 2nd wife who Lives with mother.

Till now my husband has never carried any living expenses for me and my son , not even the hospital charge during child birth of mine. Me and my parents took care of all the time. But I never had complain on this bcz my mother in law is sick, so I never wanted stress out my husband by asking for money. Considering my husband's situation we did not had social style marriage, marriage was just between two of us at court, no Jwelry no dress at all. I didn't took his company during the doctor visit when I was pregnant. I did all this consideration just to support him as he is taking care of his mother. But I was hurt when came to my mother place just 20 days before delivery and he never visited me to see me, and came to see my son for 10 minutes the day after delivery.

We are staying at my mother place due to my serious sickness. I do not have anyone to take care of me n child at in laws house, on the 3rd month of my child my parents in law claimed that I dnt want to continue this marriage and shouted on me to leaves the house when I went to visit them. My father brought me home, thn my husband also said my parents are plotting against them. I tried to solve the issue and asked them several times about my fault. They said "as u work , so u r incapable to manage our home, incapable to cook 4 times, etc. so we dnt want a daughter in law like this"

Even thn I went to that hoile again but no body talks to me other thn my husband, but two only had arguments only that night and morning he send me home again with all my stuffs. Now my husband is claiming that I'm the person who doesn't want this marriage. I really don't know what they want. They always threats me that they will make their son divorce me if they are not satisfied. I need suggestions what to do , my husband only obey them, do not justify and never have the interests to take my responsibility as a wife. Did not spent a single penny for my son too. Need suggestions, about me n my son's good future.

Tanmya

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9 Responses »

  1. I'm very sorry for your situation Tani.
    Even though your husband does have lots of stress with his sick mom,

    it's still his responsibility to take care of your expenses as well as his own

    I can tell you and your family are trying every way possible to please your in laws

    But your in laws and your husband are still disatified

    Your inlaws accuse you of not being cooperative even though you have your own life with the responsibility of your own kids

    I think it's best if you give silent treatment to your husband and in laws

    They will appreciate you more if you stand your ground.

    I also advise the council of an imam because it's the responsibility of the imam to patch up torn families

    Please keep us updated on how this goes and we will go from there

    Good luck Tani
    Salamalekum

  2. I think your husband is in shock of previously failed marriages. Why did you marry a person who already had divorced / left 2 wives. There appears to be some mental sickness in their family.

  3. Yh. Why did you choose a husband whose 3Rd marriage was this? U could have gone for an unmarried man na. so speak to him n his family. Discuss your problems with him n try to find a solution before u think of divorce.

    • I am married for the second time
      And my hubby is married for the first.

      Does that mean my hubby should not marry me because I was another man's wife?

      • It depends on the person.. It's most likely that everyone prefers an unmarried girl when thinking of marriage. In your case I don't know

      • It doesn't mean that what we are saying is that some people get married for like fun it's all games for them! These families are usually "bad" you should not marry a guy that been married 3 times looks like him and his family have a mental problem as you can see they are causing this sister problem!

  4. I think you should focus on improving your health and taking care of your child. You should resume your career and move forward. No one in their right mind would expect you to cook and clean like a full- time housewife if you have a corporate job. Since you are covering your own expenses your job is very important. Visit a divorce attorney and secure custody of your child. It is laughable that your in-laws are threatening you with divorce when their son is not fulfilling his duties as a husband or father. (How is this marriage of benefit to you?) I honestly believe you have made every effort to make this marriage work. If you do decide to re-marry please look for someone who has not been divorced so many times. 2 ex-wives should be a red flag. It is possible that the 2 wives were at fault but... after listening to your story it sounds like your husband/his family might be a major factor with the divorces. I think you should stay with your family until you can purchase your own flat. Best wishes and Salaams

  5. Gentle Lady if you have been a HIGH PROFILE CORPORATE worker what made you marry this whimsical man? Was it a Love + arranged marriage ?

    - Who is looking after the expenses of your husbands 2nd wife and the child ? Also what does your husband do as a profession ? I am sorry for getting personal but thats what came to my mind as of what profession is he into, to manage 3 marriages as well a sick mother but couldnt give a helping hand when you needed it the most.

    They all seem to be ( your in-laws as well as your husband ) whimsical and insane. To sum it up in few words this is either there hobby to keep getting married and exhausting other peoples life or probably money making business.

    You better consult your parents about it in a transparent way and give it a second thought.

    May ALLAH (SWT) Bless you !

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