Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My inlaws are accusing me of stealing

muslim woman holding onto quran


I have been married for 5 years, I have a beautiful boy and a kind husband. We live with my inlaws and ever since I had my baby my mother inlaw has been accusing of stealing her belongings, from cloths to jewellery to thousands of pounds. Friends and family have been involved to try to sort out the issues but after some time they accuse me again. Recently my inlaws have returned from Pakistan and claimed their jewellery has been stolen by me. They both charging at me shouting accusations and really left me frightened. I asked them to contact the police to solve the issue but they think I am threatening them. My husband and the rest of he's family who live with us believe me but they don't.

After the treatment they gave me I wanted to prove my innocence, as my mother in law said she will ask me touch the Quran and swear I haven't taken it. I asked her to bring to me and also I have a few questions to her that I want to clear so we can do it all together, when I said that she refused and made accusations that I'm a liar and I would never hold the quran and answer her questions I'm just pretnding. The next day I called her to a private room and asked if she had wudu, I was praying the quran and I asked her to ask me any question and I will answer truly, she then asked me about all her belongings and answered with my whole heart, and said if I have answered any to a lie Allah will surely punish me, then I gave the Quran and asked her if I could ask her a question she agreed and I asked her but I know for a fact she wasn't telling the truth then she claimed she didn't understand what she was saying as she is under medication and doesn't know what she's saying. After proving my innocence I asked her never to accuse me again without any proof. The very same day when my father inlaw returned from mosque she told him what I did, he mocked me and said I don't know the meaning of bismillah so how would I be true to take the Quran.

I am shocked at the treatment I recieve from them and I would like some advice on how to prove myself to everyone. They will not allow us to move out of the house and my husband said he will not leave his parents. He is very loving, understanding but has he's reasons. I am very stressed and believe I am in a very bad situation. This problem causes arguments with the whole family and we are all fighting all the time. My inlaws are treating me very nasty, pass bad comments talk about my family in horrid ways. I want this to stop! I can't go on any more.

Please help!


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7 Responses »

  1. Salaam sis,

    To be honest, I wonder how old you are? Are you working or going to school?
    You need to find a place for you and your husband, if he loves you, he will move and find a small even 1 bed room apartment.
    2. If he refused, then you get yourself a small 1 bedroom apartment and move, he will follow you if he really loves you.
    3. There is no place in the Holly Coran where Allah said, we should suffer like this, even you enjoy this type of abuse
    4. Once you move, Allah will guide you and although it sounds hard and impossible, it will work out.
    5. Your in-laws will always abuse you because this is what make them who they are, this is what make them function..
    6. If you are not in school, I advise you to go to school, if you are working, I say start saving...
    It is not nice to say but you are letting them treat you this way. We are not in the century where we have to suffer this way... Be smart!!!
    7. Your husband should be responsible and he should not let them abuse you this way..
    FINALLY: Your only solution is to MOVE OUT.... the more you stay this will NEVER end... until your marriage ends in divorce.. but you follow my recipe, Allah will guide you and your life will be brighter.
    You do not need to even ask for advise it is common sense.

    Stay and stuck it in until someone get hurt.


    • I agree with much of your advice, but unfortunately, we ARE in the century where girls in the Indian Subcontinent are expected to serve and bear abuse from their in-laws. It was happening in centuries before this, but it didn't go away in this century. So, the sister is not alone in 'allowing' her in-laws treat her this way--this is very common--but it is practiced by Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs etc--those living in the Indian Subcontinent, but not necessarily tied to one another religiously.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    Couples weren't meant to live with their parents after marriage. There is no privacy, no boundaries and no respect, usually for the daughter-in-law. Yes, case by case, sometimes it makes sense to live with one's parents, but this is NOT a religious requirement and we cannot find any such examples in the history of the Prophets. Of course, our parents, both the boys and girls, deserve to be loved, taken care of, respected, and cared for regardless of their creed, but often some families use the opportunity of forcing the newly married couple to live with them in order to exploit the girl.

    Your in-laws are not going to change.

    Either your husband and you move out even if it is a little tiny place
    he privately talks to his parents about setting boundaries. They don't need to poke their nose in each part of your business and everyone should go about their own daily routines without being a burden on someone else. But, this probably won't happen.

    Talk to your husband some more. Certainly no man would ever allow his in-laws to falsely accuse him of cheating or accept this behaviour--so why would one expect his wife to accept this treatment quietly. I know you have said he is good--but he needs to step up for you.

    I suggest that you slowly try to convince him and save up and also speak to your family. Ignore your in-laws--there is no way to make them change. Respect them as best as you can while you still live with them, but try to limit your interactions with them.

    I am sorry that I have not given you a lot of practical advice because I'm afraid that your in-laws won't change, your husband won't budge and I fear if you push the situation, it may end your marriage.

    I pray that Allah swt ease your pain and find for you a solution that only He could make reality. Ameen.

  3. I think you have tolerated quite enough sister, I think it's time you made yourself clear to your husband. He needs to make the abuse stop or you both need to move out and live your life in peace. I understand he's loving etc and doesn't want to leave his parents but is he blind to the way they're treating you, he is responsible for you and he needs to ensure that your comfortable where your living. Of course he needs to respect his parents but that's not at your expense, he needs to be just between you and his mother. You have rights just like his mother! It's not a crime to move out and to live seperately, especially since your mother in law is wrongly accusing you of stealing!! Unbelievable! you've been patient enough I think your husband needs to man up and sort this mess.

  4. I don't understand how you can even speak to someone who accuses you of stealing, not once but repeatedly,et alone live in the same house with them. Your need to leave that house and your husband needs to make clear that he will not tolerate or listen to any more of these unfounded accusations. If he won't leave with you, you should leave alone - and seriously consider whether you can stay married to a man who won't defend you from accusations he knows to be untrue, if not for your sake at least for his own. After all, what does it say about him if he married a woman who steals from his family? You also need to consider that your in-laws may decide to escalate the situation - they could start accusing you of other, worse crimes, or might decide to "prove" themselves right by planting jewelry or money in your room. Don't think that could happen? Why not? These people obviously have no respect for you and appear to believe that you are a bad person who has no true belief in Islam, do you think they'll stand by and let their son stay married to such a person? Rather, they'll do whatever it takes to break up your marriage, and what they do could have dire consequences for you personally and even legally. If your husband can't or won't defend you from that, I urge you to defend yourself.

  5. Listening to your story I can't help but wonder if your mother in law is showing early signs of Alzheimer's disease. I know people who have gone through something similar, but in the beginning no one realized that their family member was entering the early stages of the disease. Your mother in law sounds very irrational. If I am correct, the situation will only get worse. Why can't your husband agreed to move just a few blocks away, so he is close enough to take care of them, but you still have separate households?

    • My dear sister, I am sincerely sorry for your troubles. InshaAllah you and your husband will be able to find your own home and resume your life from there. As for your in-laws, don't pay them any attention. If they are accusing you wrongly and with intent, then their sin is on them. Furthermore, Allah is a Witness to everything so you shouldn't feel pressured to appease them by trying to prove your innocence. The conduct of a Muslim should be that they assume the best of each other, if they can't live by that standard, then it's an internal and spiritual issue for them. You can make dua for Allah to guide them and to strengthen your husband to take responsibility for his wife and remove her from this toxic environment inshaAllah. On the issue of swearing on the Quran, just remember that swearing on the name of Allah or any of his 99 names and attributes is more than enough. I hope the best for you and may Allah reward you for your patience in this difficult matter.

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