Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Istikhara came out as “yes,” but I don’t like him!

Assalaam alikum,

My name is Rabia and I am from the UAE.

About a year ago, a marriage proposal came for me. My mom was really sick and wanted to get me married before she dies. So I did Istikhara and the answer was "yes," but no one helped me in that because in our family, no one knows anything about Istikhara.

So I was so ready for this proposal even though I never wanted to get married at this age, and I did Nikah. My mom totally told me that it is my decision after nikah. Well, when my fiance started talking to me after five months of nikah, I realized I don't like him and his family.

They are a very manipulative and emotionally blackmailing family. Also they asked for a heavy dowry and they are very greedy as well. I am  telling myself to have Sabr because Allah told me that this is the right decision for me, but when I can't even bear to talk with him on the phone (his way of talking disgusts me so much), how will I spend my whole life with him?

He has double standards so it's so confusing and I can't even tell this to someone because I have no one to share it with. Basically, I don't want to marry him now!


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3 Responses »

  1. Wa alakum salam

    How do you know it was Allah that answered your istikhara? It could just as easily have been Satan! Did you recite ayatul kursi 3 times and blow on yourself before going to sleep for the Istikhara? Ayatul Qursi would have protected you from satan until fajr time. At fajr time the protection given by ayatul qursi ends and so any dreams you see after that even when you have recited ayatul qursi could be from satan. Dreams are unreliable and you can never be sure of them or where they are from.

    But you don't need any of that at all. Allah has asked you to use your brain in the Quran. Now, this family is greedy and manipulative and you hate your proposed husband who has double standards. What more do you need to know to break off the marriage?

    You don't need dreams telling you what to do, you just need to use your logic and common sense. And the answer, as you already know, is to break off the proposal before you ruin your life!


  2. Istikhara doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to take this decision as it is. You can not follow istikhara if you personally still ain’t satisfied. Keep doing istikhara for other proposals you consider. It will come good again, happened to me.

  3. Asalamualaykum Sister Rabia,

    I hope you are well today.

    As for your question, the "result" of your Istikhara prayer/dua isn't necessarily a static "yes" or "no" garnered in a particular moment. Rather, your dua is a catalyst for a certain feeling to overtake you, or a series of events to unfold following the dua. You have to understand that either one is placed in/with you by Allah. You become almost an active observer as you gain clarity on what Allah wants and what He decides is best for you. It's quite miraculous, actually, as you are given such insight into Allah's plan by just noticing and observing the answer to your Istikhara.



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