Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My life is being ruined

He's threatening to ruin my life to get his revenge.

He's threatening to ruin my life to get his revenge.

Assalam Alaikum.

I am in severe pain now a days. I have shared my story in a previous post. I was in a relationship and was engaged to the same person. But due to many issues between both the families, my engagement was called off by my parents. We both (the boy and me) were truly hurt. Im still in pain, i still cry for him but thats not the thing im worried about.

The guy, however, took it the other way and he furiously threatened me that he will show my messages, pictures, videos ((not bad ones but obviously selfies with a boy are considered to be bad as well and we used to meet secretly as we were university fellows)) to all my family, relatives and my new in laws. He said the same to my brothers, and to my several cousins last month. This was all very hurtful for me as i never thought my respect to be at stake by this guy.

Now, my parents have got me engaged to another boy. he is a good person and before engagement, my father told him about my previous engagement and about the threats. But he could not tell him about pictures and videos. (I repeat they were not inappropriate, but selfies with him in the car of somewhere).

Its been 1.5 months and my ex doesnt know about my engagement. Since last 5 months, im in continuous pain and fear. Pain is about losing him and thinking my life without him and fear is about my respect. Everybody in my family considers me a good girl, as i have started taking Quran class and everyone admires me for this. i have always been a good student and a respectable girl. I am afraid what if he sends my pictures to my family on facebook? what if he sends pictures to my fiance? I live in pakistan so there's no law regarding blackmailing. I keep asking for Allah's help 24/7. after every prayer, after every Quran class, in tahajjud, at aftar time. But im always in fear.

i fear that he will take step after ramzan, or maybe after he gets to know about my new engagement. I cant stand this. I just cant even imagine the scenario if God forbid he disclose my pictures with him. This fear is eating me up. im getting weaker day by day. I always keep crying and i cant share this to anyone. I believe that Allah will not leave me helpless but i feel all this to be my own punishment from Allah.

what should i do? i cant tell my fiance as we dont talk much. we are very formal and talk occasionally e.g. on events (As i dont trust anyone now).  i just dont have any guts to say anything to anyone.. he considers me a good girl too. I just keep asking Allah for help. Will HE help me? Will HE cover my sins??

Im sincerely repenting for my past. I am learning Quran and try my best to lead my life accordingly. I beg to Allah not to leave me alone. but this fear is ruining my life. please help.


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11 Responses »

  1. May God forgive you and accept your prays. Never be disappointed - it is not only you in these circumstances, many others in this world are, but remember there is a God, who looks into affairs, TRUE ASTAGHFAR can resolve all things by God only ~~ remember true Astaghfar. I pray for you.

    best regards,

  2. Two things u need to do-
    Ask your ex what will he achieve by doing this? And request him not to do this if he has any love for u. Second thing u can do if he fails to listen, tell your family about this and the future husband just as a precaution.

  3. I'm in a very similar situation as u sister in terms of being threatend just yesterday by the person who i was having a long distant relationship with online, but have never met in person. Ramadhan had been a turning point for me in realizing what i was doing was haram i.e. talking to him and I repented for my sins. Having read different posts on here of cutting all contact from haram relationships I took this approach from middle of Ramadhan until few days ago as he kept calling mine and my mums mobile. Which led me in trying to explain to him through email that this is haram and I want to go my seperate way and referenced articles from this site. He disagrees as he argues it is not haram as he had kept insisting he wanted to speak to my dad about marriage. I had spoken to my dad few months before ramadhan and just yesterday if he will allow us to marry and if he wanted the mans contact details. But on both occassions my dad had refused on the grounds that he is from another country and he is probably after citizenship rights and he could be bad tempered - he has past experience with people from that ethnic background leading him to this conclusion (not that I agree in generalising as there are angry ppl in all ethnic background). But I understand his point and he knows good potential suitors in the UK. Now the guy has threatened me that I either convince my dad to accept him or he is going to find my relatives on fb and share a pic of me saying he 'loves' me and show screenshots of our whatsapp msgs, which contain haram content. He also knows my address and has told me he is going to turn up at my door and is never giving up on me, and if i was to marry someone else he would meddle and obviously cause problems - swearing all this on Allah's name. His idea of love is definately a disguise for controlling me and I had broached this controlling behaviour of his previously for other things when we were still conversing, but he and I thought it was just my imagination. Now I am totally against wanting to marry him after his threats even though I had bit of reservation before but thought this might work for us. Whilst I have committed sins and admit I was also at fault since I thought my dad would somehow say yes after I have finished my education, this had given him hope, now that I am backing out his way of holding on is harrassing me through phone calls and emailing which I am trying hard to ignore. I cant change my number just yet as I am on a contract. I have also reached the same dilemma as the sister above in needing to disclose this potential blackmail with a future spouse before getting married, and that the reprucussion of all this will have on what my relatives think of me if he does follow through with his threats - which I reckon he will. Shaitaan got me good with his planning and I fell into his trap, but Allah is the best of planners. Now I just hope his phone falls into the water or something so all the evidence is destroyed - inshallah! Any help given to the sister will inshallah be of some benefit to me also.

    • Assalam Alaikum Sister! I think you should just cut off this guy and continue with your studies. I totally doubt that this guy will be able to do anything. And when looking for spouse give piety as preference. All I think is that this person is giving you empty threats. I doubt anyone will have that much time to just follow some girl to her house etc. Don't reply him, block him from any social network you have been using. Rest Allah knows the best what's better for you.

  4. Don't tell your fiance it will heat things up, there's no need for it. IMPORTANT TIP:make dua at the time of tahajjud . imam shafi said : dua at the time of FAJAR is like a arrow that does not miss its target. If you make sincere dua and seek Allahs refuge against your ex's evil and to make him forget I am CERTAIN Allah will answer your call sister. I've been through so much times were I've been nearly doing sinful stuff in the past and from experience I can say you only get caught when you don't ask Allah forgiveness for your past. Don't fear the creation fear the creator. Seriously don't be scared of that whimp who's giving you the blank threat, have faith in Allah, forget that guy and move on.

    • Assalam Alaikum and jazakAllah for responding.

      I wont tell my fiance because i cant. I dont have any guts to talk to anyone about this thing and when it comes to my fiance, it is impossible.

      JazakAllah for advice. i do pray in Tahajjud too..

      Please remember me in your prayers. it would be very kind of u.

  5. To add to that I would like to say most guys like to defend there relationship and chat bullcrap to save it, they won't tell your relatives it's just a threat which girls will fall for. I'm only saying this because I had a bad past full of experience and a LOT of friends who have been in haram relationships

  6. Assalam alaikum Sister Sana,

    I was just re-reading your last post...and it turns out that he wasn't really marriageable material after all--as you can see, 'love' before marriage in these cases isn't what we think it is--and he actually had no respect for you.

    I am glad that you are moving on. Do not have any contact with the boy whatsoever. Hopefully you have changed your phone number and all ways of contact for him to get to you. Your email, Facebook and all those things need to be changed and he needs to be blocked.

    You keep doing what you are doing and focus on seeking forgiveness from Allah swt and ask Allah swt to help you while you take steps to make sure the previous man has no way of contacting you.

    The good thing is that your brothers and family know--let them worry and help you. One thing you need to really hold onto with no doubt in it is that Allah swt is Greater than all and everything. Stop fearing this man...instead, put the fear of Allah swt ABOVE the fear of this man--watch then how your feelings inside will change and the security that you will feel. You need to feel with conviction that Allah swt is Greater than all. And, if by chance, you happen to see him or something happens, reply only to him that Allah swt is the Greatest and that only He has Power over all things. That is what you need to really believe in and feel in your heart.

    May Allah swt ease your pain and help you for only He is the source of all Peace an Tranquility, Ameen.

    • Walikum Salaam.

      JazakAllah for responding.

      Yes i have changed my number. Im no longer on facebook and im absolutely not in touch with him by any means. I just see him on whatsapp as his number is saved in my cell phone and im unable to delete it.
      You know what the worst thing is? i still yearn for him, despite knowing everything. i still feel his pain out of which he is being revengeful.

      i dont know why but im unable to forget about him. i still keep remembering the past and even after five months, it just looks like yesterday to me.

      i dont talk to my fiance. i just dont like talking to anyone. i dont like meeting people. i dont like people coming to my home. i dont go to my friends' weddings. i just hate everything. there is only one place i like going to, and that is my Quran class. this is the only thing that brings me peace for sometime. but why isn't it changing me? as soon as a come home, the never ending pain settles again in my heart.

      i have feelings of guilt (i should have tried more), i have feelings of anger ( i never expected him to make me ashamed infront of my cousins and brothers), i have feelings of regret (this all happened due to me and my parents), i have feelings of love (im unable to forget him.

      I cry all night. I find my life so difficult. Everything has been changed just in few months. but why Allah does not make me content on the destiny?? i cry in all my prayers to make me content with His will but the test seems not to end.

      I just want to die and go to Jannah (I hope so). Nothing brings me happiness.

      • Asalaam Walaikum.

        At the end of the day everything happened as it was meant to. Allah is indeed the greatest of planners. This relationship has been a means of you getting closer to Allah Alhamdulillah ... the way Allah works is more beautiful than you and I can imagine. I know soo many people who used party and hang about with girls etc but then that rwgret became a means of repenting and getting closer to Allah. I remember seeing one lad who I admit was judgemental of about a year ago of his lifestyle (May Allah forgive me) ... now masha'Allah he has a beautiful beard and a regular amd the masjis and also helps with charity.

        Never lose hope in Allah sister. As its said Allah will treat you exactly how you think of Allah. So if you believe Allah is punishing you then Allah wont help however if you believe Allah is forgiving and best of planners then Insha'Allah Allahs mercy will descend on you as some of it has already since you start Qur'an lessons Alhamdulillah.

        May Allah make it easy for you. Asalaam Walaikum.

      • Assalam aleikum sister. May Allah ease your sufferings. I would like to suggest you to try EMDR (eye movement desensibilization and reprocessing) method to ease your inner pain. That will help you in sha Allah. Also make sincere dua and repent. Allah is Arhamur rohimin - the most Merciful of mercifuls.

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