Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My life is falling apart

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Asalam o Alaikum!

My life is falling apart and I cannot do anything about it. I am 20 yrs old.

I was in a relationship which I know is totally haram but I fell deep in love with that man I want to marry him he wants to marry me too. Since I am the only daughter and my father loved me a lot, I thought he would agree for the sake of my happiness. I belong to a very conservative family where love marriages are not accepted. the way my parents got to know about my relationship was not right. things got messed up a lot. my mother was never in my support from the very beginning. if she wished she could have done a lot for me. I am very depressed but family is totally against me right now.

I know I won't be happy if i marry someone else since we attempted zina which my parents are completely unaware about. I do pray and repent. I can't find peace. I feel like I am being drifted away from my family. I tried to convince them but they are not ready to listen anything. I feel so helpless and lost. My father agreed but they conditions he put cannot be fulfilled. he wanted them to come to our homeland for the marriage but the boy's family will never agree on this since all of their family members are in the same country where we are residing. Then my father said that he will take me to our home country and get me married with someone over there within 15 days. I don't know which way to go I am constantly being asked to sacrifice my happiness. I was one of the brightest students they are not allowing me to continue my studies any further as well. I feel lost. brothers and sisters please pray for me. Please pray that Allah SWT give me guidance to make the right decision and gives me Sabr to face the hardship.

Jazak Allah khair,


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1 Responses »

  1. You sound very naive and inexperienced, so let me tell you this:

    The reason why your father has put demands on this boy is because he loves you and wants to make sure this boy isn't some chancer that just wants to use his daughter and make a mockery out of her. Ruin her life. And let's be honest, the fact that you two were caught together in secret is not going to put this boy in your father's good book. Your father makes demands to make sure the boy is serious enough to at least ATTEMPT to live up to them. Him asking the boy's family to come see him is - in my opinion - not at all a high, unreasonable or impossible demand. It's his fatherly right to meet the boy and his family before he agrees to give his daughter away in marriage. Be grateful that you have a dad that cares enough for you that he's not about to hand you over to just anybody. Read all the stories on this site and get an idea of how many women that are being treated like actual burdens by their father. Fathers that just want to get rid of their girls as soon as possible. Your dad is not like that, it seems. Stop defending this boy's family...when marriage is concerned, there's no good excuse in the book to NOT go see a bride's father. End of. You should see it as a very bad sign that not only can't the family of the boy be bothered to move their arses for you, but the boy himself doesn't even try to persuade his family o go see your father. Is that a token of seriousness and commitment to you? Honestly?

    With that said, it's absolutely wrong of your father to force another marriage upon you, prevent you from finishing your studies and basically uproot you. Are you sure he's actually going to do it, or is he merely speaking out of anger? I remember when my dad got annoyed with us kids, he'd always threaten us with being sent to our grandparents' house in Albania or Russia, or even to an orphanage, lol. He never meant it, but it was just his way of getting his frustrations out. Has your dad ever done something like this to, say, your siblings? Do you think he'd be capable of doing this to you?

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