my life to hard to live any more. tell me what to do?
Tawbah.
being a female I know this world is only easy for me if I can keep my self safe from the evils of this world. but I realized it after doing worse with me.
I am from a v religious family. I never imagined that my life would turn out be like this. I am 31 now and unmarried.
7 years before I was living a peaceful life as I start dreaming so bad. it was devil in many forms. and then after few years my life peace start leaving me. there were many human in the form of devil came in my life and try best to disturb me. I trusted someone without knowing that what wrong it could bring me. I was so blind and I did worse, worse with myself. I did trusted him again and again while it was inside me that its wrong that I am doing. and I keep asking for ALLAH's forgiveness but every time I did that wrong again. that war of right and wrong and desire to have a forgiveness but feeling of being never forgiven destroy me completely.
now I am not even been blackmailed rather everywhere I feel so cursed. I am helpless in protecting my self. I just know that its only Allah Subhan o Talah who can save me. but I am so tired of bearing this pain. I am sinner and probably there is no forgiveness for me. but what I could do. I could not end my life and living it is so painful.
tell me what to do?? why I cannot keep myself safe?
- Feroz
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AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister
When the soul leaves its state of tranquility, and then goes through the state of commanding evil, until it gets to the state of blaming itself, it becomes confused and anxious. As part of it may be desiring to change the past or leave everything in the past and do better, while another part of it may be desiring to give up and lose hope in life or lose hope in the forgiveness of Allah the Most Merciful. Usually, Shaitan comes in here and tries to make the soul end up in "the state of commanding evil" - may Allah save all of us from the shaitan and from the soul in the state of commanding evil. This is why many people when in such situations may end up repeating a past sin or abusing other innocent people due to the past abuse, or even committing suicide etc.
You said:
My sister, the truth is that many times we lack the Yaqeen (certainty) in our repentance, du’as, zikr and salahs. This is usually a big problem with our Iman. The Prophet (s.a.w.s) said, “Pray to Allah while you feel yaqeen (certain) of an answer. And know that Allah does not answer a prayer from an indifferent, playful heart.” [Tirmidhi 3490] And again he (s.a.w.s) said, "Al-Ihsan is to worship Allah (with yaqeen) as though you see Him, and though you do not see Him, you feel that He sees you.” [Sahîh al Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]
You said:
Do not give up, my dear sister. Who told you that there is no forgiveness for you? There is still many more hopes in life for you, and Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.
Allah the most Merciful loves you, and He says to the Prophet (s.a.w.s) to inform you of this good news.
"Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves: do not despair of God’s mercy, for God forgives all sins. He is indeed the Forgiver, the Clement.” And turn to your Lord, and submit to Him, before the retribution comes upon you. Then you will not be helped. (Quran 39:53-54) Except for those who repent, and believe, and do good deeds. These—God will replace their bad deeds with good deeds. Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.(Quran 25: 70)
You said:
In order for your soul to overcome this anxiety and pain completely, you must engage yourself in the remembrance of Allah (repenting constantly, and doing zikr a lot, and making du'as most of the times, and reading the Holy Quran or listening to it a lot, and following the rules of Allah properly).
Allow yourself to feel the Yaqeen (the certainty - and you shall come to feel it in reality, Insha Allah) during your ibadah and remembrance of Allah (s.w.t). People who sincerely do it properly, never complain about any anxiety in this Dunya, instead they get intoxicated by the love of Allah, and therefore can't feel anything about the pain of this Dunya. Allah (s.w.t) says, "Unquestionably, God’s friends have nothing to fear, nor shall they grieve. Those who believe and are aware. For them is good news in this life, and in the Hereafter. There is no alteration to the words of Allah. That is the supreme triumph." (Quran 10: 62-64)
"...And repent to Allah, all of you believers, so that you may succeed (in this Dunya and the Akhirah)." (Quran 24: 31)
"Those who believe, and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of God. Surely, it is in the remembrance of Allah that hearts find comfort. For those who believe and do righteous deeds—for them is happiness and a beautiful return."(Quran 13: 28-29)
There are some good advices given by your other brothers and sisters which may benefit you, Insha Allah. Please follow the below links for more
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/feeling-hopeless-and-guilty/comment-page-1/#comment-146976
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-to-increase-focus-in-prayers/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/evil-whispers-are-distressing-me/
May Allah have mercy on you and us all. Ameen.
AsSalaamu Alaikum Brother Wael,
I think my comment on this forum is on moderation. Perhaps it's due to the links that I added to it. Please check it for me.
JazakAllahu Khairan
Assalaamualaikam
Sometimes if there are a lot of links in a post then the site's spam filter puts the post on moderation. MashaAllah, your post has a lot of helpful advice for the original poster, JazakhAllah khair.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
There is always forgiveness from Allah if you truly repent. Allah is most merciful. Maybe you just need to come clean. I know easier said than done. However, being blackmailed is not the knd of power u want someone to have over you. Speak to someone compassionate who can possiibly guide you.
Salaam...Just trying...