Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My love and marriage issue….please guide me

cousin marriages


I have been suffering from mental trauma for last many days so much so that the world seems cacophonous to me. Reason being love and marriage concern. Let me describe that I am a good guy, offering prayers five times, stuck to Islamic rules, keep myself away from sins, considerate about humans and work for the welfare of the people of my community .

I would always thought of marrying with someone who is close in my relation for the reason she would be aware of my nature and my family. Our whole family prioritizes to marry in relation and that too simple marriage even if our relative is very poor.

Finding no alternative, my mind stuck for my one of my cousin sisters of my maternal uncle who is at No 4. I am ten years elder to her. I would always take care of her when she was a child. I had been her teacher also. I guided her in matters of studies. As Cousin I have good love for her but would never preferred her as my life partner.

Since there was no alternative in my relation and was committed to marry in my own relation, I was compelled by the circumstances to think about my about this cousin. Because she is last possible good girl in my relation. I started to develop liking about her. I made lot of efforts and worked hard to fell in love with her. Thanks to Almighty, I succeeded and fell in love with her finally. I could not express my love to her for the reason; she might take it otherwise as she respects me very much.

In a fit of frustration I started to hint her about my love for her by texting like building strong relationship with you, holding your hand for ever etc etc.But she would never reply for the reason I do not know. She might not because of her shyness or there can be some other reason. But whenever we meet, we would try to behave normally as if nothing has happened.

I had been the part of the corporate world and have come across many good girls in my life, but I never paid attention to them. I got many proposals from the girls who are more pious, more beautiful, more educated, more earner and even some more young to my cousin .I always answered no to them for I am committed now to marry my cousin. Now I guess she too has some feeling for me; but I am not sure.

My cousin whom I love is at No 4 in the daughters. Her eldest sister is married, 3rd one engaged to my brother and No 2nd was in nuptial knot with her cousin from maternal side. Unfortunately she was deceived by her cousin and married to someone else. Her age is growing now and she has already crossed 31 but does not get a perfect match. I am very considerate about her personally and pray for her to get a good man in her life. Even I have to pay lot of nazar for her when she gets a good match. To describe her she is more beautiful, good structured and better lady than No 4 cousin whom I love.

My parents, our common relatives, elderly people and social pressure insists me to marry this No 2 cousin. Had they known about my love, They would not have insisted me to marry her. I cannot marry her for the reason I am already in love with her younger sister. I cannot deceive her now. But I do not know if she (no 2) has feeling for me. If I get to know somehow about her positive feeling for me, I will never deceive her, come what may. I have loved her only for good intentions and want to marry her now.

I am frustrated; I do not know what to do now to know her feelings. Shall I talk her directly? What should be her answer? If her answer in No. Should I for for No 2. But I fear I might not keep her happy even if I marry her(No.2). I do not want to be a deceptive man for no 4 whom I love, if she has some positive feelings for me. Please suggest me what should I do.


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3 Responses »

  1. Salam Brother,
    Your dilemma is understandable and your courage is commendable as well MA. But your feelings for your cousin no. 4 sound like one sided. Sorry to be rude and blunt but thats what I got from your question. The elder sister is near your age hence might be more mature. I would urge you to do an Istakhara as only Allah can guide us to a better path. Your feelings will change with time and as you are a pious person MA if you wont get married to the girl of your choice, you will IA not think about her that way forever. If the elder sister is not better for you istakhara wise then may Allah SWT get her the better husband and help you to find a better life partner as well be it that cousin no. 4 or some other.
    Take care

  2. Dear Brother

    Allah has given us free will that is the right to choose our beliefs and also our spouse. In islam a marriage that is without the consent of two partners is invalid from the start. In your case,You are compelled to love against your free will in relatives, which is a violation of your basic human rights.

    Get a good job, be independent in your thinking and find a spouse of your own liking. Do not be a puppet!

  3. I feel for you brother

    but you real need to move from this no 4 cousin. As a last resort meet her face to face and ask her, if she still doesn't reply just close that file once and for all. If Cousin no2 is good proposal, learn to love her as you did with her younger sis

    God bless

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