Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My love left me, I don’t know what to do anymore

sad woman looking out the window


May Allah keep every mandkind happy in love and ease of peace ameen.

I am really in need of help and guidance to survive in my life . I am crying now and feeling that I can not bear this again. I just talked to my ex boyfriend about what i am going through I cried over him to ask him to be with me again. But he has a new someone now I know he loves her. I don't like to say this but she is 10 years elder than him.

He was my boyfriend from pakistan and I am from indonesia, He is almost 21 now and I am 21. I wear my hijab and we both are muslims alhamdulillah. We met on internet 2 years ago and we started to love each other. He was the one who proposed me and declared that he fell in love with me.

We chatted everyday and night and always were together whether we faced ease or hardship. I used to talk sex with him and satisfied our feeling. I also sent my parts of body's pictures to him. I really love him, he understands me well :'( but I was too possessive because of my insecurerity and his lies, drove him away from me. Although we got together again he have cheated on me several times. At last on December 2010 i broke up with him because i could not bear the truth of his dishonesty with me.

On January he proposed his new girlfriend who was his close friend that is an indonesian too. Knowing this I rejected his friend requests to my chat account.

I was really broken inside I am killing myself inside with hopelessness I really can't be away from his presence. i miss him almost every minute and dreamed of him in my sleeps. I stood to be strong though and got closer to Allah. In March he added me and said that he wanted me to come back to him and not to worry about his new gf. But I don't want to cheat his girlfriend because I would hate it if any woman do this behind my back. Thus I rejected him. I don't know what to do. My 2nd year study is totally bad. My father said he will get me resigned from my university if I fail this semester again. I know I failed. Now I just can wait for his action on me. I am not sure that i will be safe.

I don't know what to do in my life anymore. I lost all hope of study and future. I make my parents sad of me. My love left me. He is no longer love me despite all love and sacrifices I do. I am crying and crying inside and outside. i am away from my family in another city. I hid all bad about me from them. I dont have anybody to share with me.

I missed my salah nowadays that i feel so dirty because I used to masturbate whenever i feel sad and miss him dearly. I ask Allah always to forgive me and make me strong. Please I do not know what to do anymore. I want to live with him islamically and build a family with him. I want to be with him in jannah too along with members of my family. Can I marry him? I want to be a good wife for him and good slave for Allah.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister true love.

    What you are experiencing now is heartbreak, but with time it will ease dear sister. Rest assured you will not feel this forever.

    First and foremost you need to accept its over between you and him. You cannot be his wife or talk to him or have anything to do with him. The sooner you accept this, the quicker you will begin the process of moving on. Do not pray for him. Hope only feeds the heartbreak. So please cut all contact with him. Do not cry to him or speak to him, or beg for him back. It will only make you feel humiliated and hinder the process of moving on. I sympathise with you as I understand - so trust me on this - cut contact!! Change your email address and number and delete his details. Do not take himm up on his offer to use you either.

    Also this guy cheated on you! You deserve better than to be a girlfriend on the side. In fact, why would you want to marry someone who cannot even remain faithful to you prior to marriage? He is clearly not marriage material, and from everything you've written, this relationship has caused you nothing but trouble.

    Also acknowledge that this relationship was a sin. Make the firm intention to stay out of friendships/relationships with opposite gender and seek Allahs forgiveness. To stop the masterbation avoid being alone, move computer to shared part of the house and avoid using it at night. Avoid films/books or anything which may induce loving or sexual feelings. Seek refuge with Allah against Shaitaan and keep in a state of Wudu as much as possible. Start doing your salat - at least your fardh and ask Allah to help keep you on the straight path.

    My dear sister, this guy moving on is most likely a blessing from Allah, but you cannot see this blessing right now as its veiled in loss and heartbreak. One day you will see this clearly InshaAllah. When you are ready and have moved on, you can find someone (in a halal manner- as husband) who will walk hand in hand with you towards Jannat InshaAllah, rather than Jahannam.

    Keep busy with good useful, halal activities as much as possible. Work to get closer to Allah swt and work hard with your education. Nothing you can do can get rid of the pain you are experiencing now - just time. What you can do dear sister is take steps to help your healing and make it faster. You can choose to bring the best out of this trial by trying to change yourself for the better and taking a lead of your future. Try to take up a halal hobby as well.

    I pray that Allah swt helps you through this difficult time, and makes you learn and grow as a result.

    Sara Editor

  2. Assalamu alaykum Sister Questioner,

    All of us Muslims, insha Allah, should try to read the Qur'an, understand it, remember it and act upon it, by the permission of Allah.

    If we try to do this, we are safe from evils, Insha Allah and we earn the good pleasure of Allah.

    You should also try to do this.

    Internet love?

    Remember a lesson. It is internet, people may come to chat, appear when they like to appear and disappear when they like to disappear. Sad but true. So do not grieve for something evil.

    Allah does what He wills and being Muslims, better for us is to Surrender to the will of Allah.

    12. Lo! the punishment of thy Lord is stern.
    13. Lo! He it is Who produceth, then reproduceth,
    14. And He is the Forgiving, the loving,
    15. Lord of the Throne of Glory,
    16. Doer of what He will.
    17. Hath there come unto thee the story of the hosts
    18. Of Pharaoh and (the tribe of) Thamud?
    19. Nay, but those who disbelieve live in denial
    20. And Allah, all unseen, surroundeth them.

    21. Nay, but it is a glorious Qur’an
    22. On a guarded tablet. - Surah Al Burooj.

    So turn to Allah, do not deny His will, Allah is surrounding all things in Mercy and Knowledge.

    31. And unto Allah belongeth whatsoever is in the heavens and whatsoever is in the earth, that He may reward those who do evil with that which they have done, and reward those who do good with goodness. - Surah An Najm.

    And when Allah wills something, we have no choice. All human plans fail when His will is executed.

    68. Thy Lord bringeth to pass what He willeth and chooseth. They have never any choice. Glorified be Allah and exalted above all that they associate (with Him)! - Surah Al Qasas.

    So turn to Allah and seek forgivenss for the evil actions committed while chatting with this guy. Turn to Him repentant, do not keep so much love in your heart for him that you do things when you feel sad and miss him and when you remember Allah you have stopped praying?

    165. Yet of mankind are some who take unto themselves objects of worship which they set as) rivals to Allah, loving them with a love like (that which is the due) of Allah (only) Those who believe are stauncher in their love for Allah, that those who do evil had but known, (on the day) when they behold the doom, that power belongeth wholly to Allah, and that Allah is severe in punishment!
    166. (On the day) when those who were followed disown those who followed (them), and they behold the doom, and all their aims collapse with them.
    - Surah Al Baqarah.

    Those who believe are stauncher in their love of Allah. So be of those who believe in Allah, be not of those who turn away from Him.

    9. Therefore remind (men), for of use is the reminder.
    10. He will heed who feareth,
    11. But the most hapless will flout it,
    12. He who will be flung to the great fire
    13. Wherein he will neither die nor live.
    14. He is successful who groweth,
    15. And remembereth the name of his Lord, so prayeth.
    16. But ye prefer the life of the world
    17. Although the Hereafter is better and more lasting.
    18. Lo! This is in the former scrolls,
    19. The Book of Abraham and Moses.
    - Surah Al A'laa.

    Pray to Allah, the more you pray, Insha Allah, the more strength you feel. Ask Him for your khair, for He alone knows best what is in your khair.

    Your brother.

  3. Stay off these chat sites it is not Reality you talk of him cheating on you ??? WHAT!!!, how many hours of your life have you wasted talking to someone you no nothing about, in love with what a pc monitor, dont waste your time and go back to your studying subhan'Allah what does the future hold for us who no's maybe in 20 yrs people will fall in love with robots. And your phone bill must be ridiculous, money better spent else were sister snap out of this please.....

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