Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My marriage is postponed because they can’t find a girl for my soon-to-be brother-in-law

Family Wedding (brunei)

A Muslim wedding in Brunei

I am engaged to a boy who is the 2nd son of the family out of 4.

The elder son is not married and we all are trying to find a good match for him.

Unfortunately its failing.

Due to this my marriage is getting postponed  since my marriage and my elder brother in law marriage needs to be done together.

Both the families are tensed. Is there any islamic solution which can help me.

- shaheen

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8 Responses »

  1. sallam

    i dont understand why the elder brother needs to marry first? or why do the marriages need to be done together? i have never seen this in the Quran, this seems to be cultural if im not mistaken! always choose Islam over culture sister!

    Allah hafiz

  2. As salam aly kum ,

    Dear moderator , for this is islamic website solving people problems by islamic thoughts very nice for your work i appriciate .......... but for this post you have posted the image of hindu tradation marriage we marry by islamic way and here in this article image is of hindu marriage ritual or non mulsim marriage rutual were coconut and pandit has taken mic in hand plz remove this image... as its non islamic way of marrige ... thanks

  3. Salamualaikum,

    Sister, I do not think much can be done in there matters. Ideally, one should be married when its time for him/her to get married and there's a good match available. And this should not depend on whether anyone else is being married or not.

    But sadly, the non Muslim cultures have a strong influence on Muslims today. All this comes from the traditions of the non Muslims, and has nothing to do with Islam.

    You should probably have your father speak to your to be father in law about this, and see if it works.

    Also perform Salatul Istikhaarah and do immense duas to Allah that He changes their hearts, or finds a match for the man in question.

    May Allah Help you in this
    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • sallam

      brother i compleatly agree with you! fortunatly we dont have issues like this in my family alhumdolillah! all this siter can do is pray! an we will also pray for her inshallah!

      Allah hafiz

  4. I was in the same situation, only I was the elder brother. It went so far as, if I didn't get married, then so wouldn't my brothers.

    I am the eldest and it's logical my parents find me a spouse first, then my next brother down etc. People are quick to condemn the families here, why should they be condemned? They are trying to find a spouse as quick as possible, but it isn't working out.

    Show some sabr, your time will come, weddings are financially very demanding, even simple weddings can cost a hefty amount, so having 2 weddings at once, saves you so much more money.

    I'm afraid I don't see what you're complaining about, it's not like your brother in law is against marriage or no one is trying to find him a spouse, they are, it's just not working out.

    • I agree with you brother. And this is what I meant. The costs involved, and so on.

      The Sharee'ah recommends a simple Nikah and waleemah involving a low expense. What we see today in the Muslim society regarding marriages with expenditures involving hundreds of thousands is from the culture of the non Muslims.

      In the above case, the girl is already available for the younger brother, so, without a delay, Nikah should be done. Right? When the older brother finds a girl, he can marry in a simple way too.

      This is what was meant.

      May Allah Help us in keeping ourselves within the limits of the Sharee'ah
      Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • sallam

      we never blamed the brother in law, we were pointing out that its a cultural practice not a religious one. it shouldnt matter who gets married when, God has made a partner for every one of us! and when its a persons time, its there time, its there fate!

      plus i dont agree that marriages should be costly! an islamic marriage should not be costly, as brother waseem has pointed out!

      Allah hafiz

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