Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My marriage proposal is making me feel confused!!!!!

Prophet Muhammad Peace be upon him said: The Children of Israel divided into 72 sects. My community will divide into 73 sects, and all of them will be in the Hell fire save one.” The people asked him: “And which one will that be. He replied: “The one that follows what I and my Companions are upon right now.” (Tirmidhee)


I am a sunnite sister, i had a marriage proposal from a decent, well-educated man, the problem is that he used to beleive in ibadism ( A deviant sect of Islam ) , but when he was about 15 or 16 his dad became Sunni, as well as his little family, the problem is that the father did not explain to his children why ibadism is wrong, now he says he is sunni but when he is around family members ( ibadites ) , he prays like them and do all the religious things to avoid Fitna..

Im worried about him becoming ibadite again after marriage..? And worried about my children's faith, because their father's big family are all ibadites?..He does not like to hear me saying that ibadisme is a deviant is not me saying that, the big oulama of Islam proved that.

Now he is telling me that he sure about sunnah, but how can i be so sure? plus , we come from different cultures, my family don't mind about that,neither do i, but his father got worried about this.

I am a little bit lost , he is a gentel, well educated, decent man , but those worries are always chasing me!!

Jazzakoum Allah koul el-kheir.


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5 Responses »

  1. I want to ask you a question. Why are you thinking of marrying this person? Are you being forced ? Is it you are in love? If you are free to make a choice then my advice is don't gamble with your belief and religion.
    Find yourself another person and ask Allah for help. Do yourself a favour and find some other decent guy. A person who is not certain abt his own faith how will he guide you to be strong in yours as a true muslim

  2. It is not permitted for you to marry this man. His aqeedah is incorrect. He follows a deviant sect, and whether this is to show his wider family or not, it means his belief is incorrect.

    He is now trying to sow confusion in your mind by questioning your beliefs saying "how can you be so sure of your beliefs?"

    He may have a good character but he does not have the correct beliefs. You need to end this relationship before he confuses you any further with regards to your beliefs.

    Let him go for the sake of Allah swt and He will give you the one who is better for you.

  3. Assalaamualaykum SisterIslam,

    You write:

    "the problem is that he used to beleive in ibadism ( A deviant sect of Islam )...Now he is telling me that he sure about sunnah, but how can i be so sure?"

    It sounds from what you write that his deviance is a thing of the past. You could take his word for it, as we are not expected to pry into people's minds and hearts or know what lies within.

    I would suggest that since family on both sides is on board, you two marry and don't place any emphasis on sects at all.



    • Nor, his ibadite past is not behind him. His father is a sunni Muslim but none of their extended family know. When this man is with his extended family he adopts their deviant practises and prays like them to keep them happy and avoid a fallout with them.

      Does this sound like a good practising Muslim? One who compromises his faith and keeps up practises of kufr for the sake of pleasing his family? It is doubtful whether he is a Muslim at all. And therefore their nikah may not be valid.

      Also he is trying to create doubts in this girl's mind about her own faith. She is worried about whether his strange mixed up beliefs and practices will confuse their children. And rightly so. He may expect his children to follow this confusing mixture of religious practices he himself follows.

      Sister Islam, this man's Iman is in serious doubt. So leave what is doubtful. He sounds manipulative and will create doubt in your mind about your faith and will do the same for your children.

      • "Prayerful sister," you are out of line referring to this man's religion as "practices of kufr" and saying "it is doubtful whether he is a Muslim." You must be extremely cautious making such statements, for if you are wrong, the statement will return upon you, as the Prophet (sws) said.

        The Ibadis are Muslims. They have some doctrinal differences with Sunni Muslims, but there is nothing in their 'aqeedah or devotion that would place them outside the fold of Islam. The average Ibadi would appear no different whatsoever in his practice of Islam, except that they praying with their arms at their sides.

        Wael Editor

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