Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mind says to let go but my heart won’t let me

Pregnant teen

I met a muslim guy while working in abroad, we're chatting almost 24/7 a day... We've been dating for months, we always want to be together. I let my family and friends know him, and he did that too, as months goes by everything is well even we fought a lot coz we love each other but something came up.

We did a huge mistake he got me pregnant that's why I don't have a choice to go back to my country. Since then we're fighting and blaming each other again and again...

He suggested to abort the baby coz he can't still provide something.  At first he said he will take responsibility until now he can't tell it to his family. Until now that I'm 5 months pregnant.

We're still fighting and came up to the point that he gave up on me while I want to fight for him. But he said his family won't accept it coz of cultural boundaries. That I can't fit in his life. That I can't understand his culture ...

Should I let him go? Even if my mind says to stop, my heart doesn't let me...


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4 Responses »

  1. Let him go , he does a grave sin and doesnt even try to reconcile for his mistakes he is more worried about his pathetic culture then about islam he will come to know the consequences of his action when he stands before Allah on the great day where his beloved culture nor his family who he is so worried about will be able to help him. Do not abort you have committed zina a grave sin , you dont need murder on your list of sins as well. Start repenting. If your not already a muslim you should try learning more about islam if you would like because your bf or whatever he was has been horrible at portraying the image of a good muslim man.

  2. Assalamualaikom sister

    Indeed that was a very likely thing to happen as you both disregarded the islamic guidance on the matter. Its a common pitfall that have destroyed the lives of soo many good people, and i hope you both get out of this test well inshaaAllah.

    May Allah forgive you for the sin of committing zina sister.. it is indeed a big mistake and a grave sin. Make lots of istighfar (ask forgiveness).. i cannot really emphasis this enough.... it is the key in solving your situation.
    . May Allah accept your repentance and open doors for you and your innocent baby.

    For your by friend..since you guys loved one-another so mach, your only problem was that you just went wrong about culminating this love as it ought to be ....

    Obviously you still love him, and he still loves you ....
    but now you are both in a real test .... because you disobeyed your creator. If you both can pass this test sister, your love will come back like b4 and even stronger inshaaAllah. Lovely couples, and married...

    How to go about it now ????
    You need to use your wisdom .... Blame will not do you any good.. The more you blame him or fight with him the more he will run away.... He looks like a young timid guy, with lots of insecurities. Remind him that there is a chance to save himself and his loved lady ( you ) and his own child. Encourage him to repent from the grave mistake and that you both together can solve this situation by repenting to Allah first and doing all what you can but in the right way this time.
    Killing your 5 month old baby is another crime, and its enough what you both have burdened yourself with till now, do not add anther big sin... you do not know if you or he is going to die tomorrow, ... No body would want to die, and meet his LORD having so much sins on his/her shoulders.

    Yes you need to be strong and think rationally... Remember, you only hated the guy because of his reaction to pregnancy and you r continuous fight about the matter. So he would probably see that running away is the easiest solution if he thinks he is trapped.

    Give him a chance and encourage him, think together how to overcome all the cultural and other problems. Tel him you are both together in this, even though you are in a weak position and you need support, you should invest more on giving him the support to be a man and stand for his family-to-be.

    Worse come to worse, if you find there is no use of him anymore, take good care of yourself, and seek help from good people around you ( older women ).. and continue praying for forgiveness and that Allah open doors for you.

    I pray that you guys stand the test and take a lesson from that and build a happy family that put Allah first, and work together to attain happiness in this DUNYA and the HEREAFTER.

  3. Shame he didnt think of the consequences or his culture differences before being with you some guys change this is where you know he wasnt serious of you or seeing you as a potential wife. Shame on him looks like he was using you for one thing. Keep your child its a gift from god let him go he wont be bothered he will move to the next girl he is making excuses after excuses and you allowing him to treat you this way. You deserve so much more than this. Dump him and put your child first priority not a MAN. He was in the wrong as well you was but whats done is done what did he think would happen if you wasnt using protection honestly some people are stupid? He made falses promises to you. May this be a lesson learnt dont make it easy or cheap for yourself you deserve better.

  4. Aa sister,

    Forget about him. He does not love you and never has. This is your illusion - because accepting anything else is incomprehensible for your emotional rationale. Love is not free sex in hiding. That's the bottom line and definition of your relationship.

    Do continuous asaghfar. This is your only solution. Let him go. Only accept him if he is ready to accept his responsibilities and marry you and take care of your child.

    Real love is respect and care with responsibility. The four go hand in hand. Don't waste your time and child's life - let him come to you and accept all if he is worth it

    May Allah SWT forgive you and guide you.


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