Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mom wants me to get an abortion

abortion

May Allah grant us all with the beautiful blessing of parenthood, aameen.

I am a muslim pregnant by a non muslim. My mom wants me to get an abortion but i Don't want to. I love my boyfriend and am willing to have his baby. My mom says she will curse me if i choose to have this baby. I am scared of the curse and the amount of people that looked up to me and will be disappointed of me. HELP!!

SHAJI001

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17 Responses »

  1. Astagfirullah. No that's murder.Go seek women's shelter and help because that's your baby.We all make mistakes but it's never too late to repent.And for the baby is it her fault..Please learn from your experience. Build your faith as a Muslim .understand your purpose in life.

  2. How old are you? Having a baby will change your life completely, and if you're young (say under 21 years), you may not be emotionally ready. You mother is most definielty worried for you and probably said some ill words in the heat of an argument. What you need to do is educate yourself, and so too does your boyfriend. Fully understand everything there is and all that is involved and the sacrifices you will need to make, before making any decision now. A baby is a wonderful and rewarding and challenging. But it won't stay a baby - they grow up and start talking back!

    I had my first child when i was 25, my girlfriend at the time was 21 (now ex for 7 years). I had the same type of talks from my parents and hers too. she left me when the baby was 11months old. but not a day goes past where i live with regret.

    Make sure u have a stable relationship with your boyfriend leading to marriage, either before or after the birth. it doesn't really matter. A lot of people choose after as organising wedding etc can be very stressful which is something you don't want during pregnancy. He must have a job.

    If you really want to become a parent then you must educate yourself. You will be a parent for the rest of your life.

    Luck be with you.

    remember that in 10 years time do you want to be living with regret?

    • Assalam Alykum Brother,

      You have missed to mention the issue she is here for. The issue is more than having a baby and her mother forcing her for abortion. The issue is that she is in a haram relationship with a non muslim. She is doing major sin in Islam.

      Please guide her on how to not sin further.

      And Allah will forgive all her sins if she sincerely repents.

      Also there is not concept of luck in Islam. In Islam there is qadr. And making dua can change qadr.

      May Allah guide you.

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    A baby is a blessing from Allah, and as such you should prioritise your baby and your faith. While we should treat our parents with respect, we should not follow them if they instruct disbelief or haraam acts such as abortion. Don't worry about your mother threatening you with curses - simply by doing what is right Islamically you will inshaAllah be rewarded, and such curses will hold no weight.

    You mention that your boyfriend is a non-Muslim - would he be willing to accept Islam? If so, then you and he could inshaAllah marry and build a life as a family.

    Depending on your home circumstances, if you feel unsafe at home, then it might be an idea to go and stay with a trusted friend or relative until you have a clearer idea of what you're going to do with regards your relationship and your living arrangements going forward. If there's nobody you feel you can turn to, then ask for help at your local mosque (inshaAllah the imams or mosque committee may know of reliable and pious sisters who can help you) or ask your GP/family doctor to help you find a safe women's shelter.

    I'd also advise going to see your GP/family doctor anyway, as it's important to ensure you have access to appropriate healthcare. There are various check-ups that are important for monitoring your health and your baby's health during the pregnancy, as well as important supplements to take (eg. folic acid) and some medications which should be avoided (your doctor can inshaAllah advise you which ones to avoid and if you are prescribed any of these then they can help switch you to an alternative for the duration of the pregnancy).

    An unplanned pregnancy can feel scary and be a big challenge, but remember that Allah does not test us with more than we can bear, and He will provide for us.

    May Allah protect you and your child.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • It seems like its so cool to have sex with boyfriends and accept blessings in the form of pregnancy ?

      • Haha. Best comment here. Nobody has the guts to tell the girl she has done wrong, and to repent. Even now, she doesn't realize the gravity of her sin. And everyone telling her how it is such a blessing to have pregnancy (OUT OF WEDLOCK). SubhanAllah.

      • Assalaamualaikam

        It's not cool, far from it. But every life is a blessing. There are many sisters and brothers around the world who would dearly love to be granted the blessing of parenthood - it should never be taken for granted, even if the circumstances of it coming about are not what you would want.

        InshaAllah, this baby can be the motivation this sister needs to strengthen her deen and follow Islamic values from this time on.

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Must it cause a huge shame towards you and your family. However, abortion is not a right way. Make it up by asking the guy to marry you at least for the sake of the baby. If he refuse, give the baby their best chance by letting anyone to adopt and raise them, cause we have no rights to take lives. This has taught you much but it is not too late to do the right thing.

  5. Do not have the abortion. Your mother cannot put a curse on you for having a baby that has non-muslim father. In my opinion is allaah wanted you to have this baby or you wouldn't be pregnant. Aborting the life of an innocent baby will make you look worse then having the baby.

  6. We are not givers of life; God is the giver. Do not have abortion.
    Sin is already done consequences are inevitable but God has bless you with a baby for your life. Do not accept any curses accept all the blessings God has for you. Do convert & depart from your sin and do things right. Get married, give your child the honor of having a dad to care for him/her, do things right even if you don't have support, YOU be right with God.

    • But in Islam a Muslim woman cannot marry a Non-Muslim man.

      • so then she must abort? Sin is already done, you want her to sin more by not giving child a dad in marriage? Would Allah ask her to abort? Would Allah ask her not to marry? Should she continue sinning? No so allow her to marry be happy she already said loves her boyfriend greatest thing is Love with it they will be able to conquer consequences.

  7. Assalam alykum Sister,

    First of all I think you need a little Islamic perspective on this situation.

    Since you are a Muslim I hope you know what you are doing. You have to realize that having relationships with the opposite gender before marriage is haram in Islam. You are doing a major sin in Islam if you are having a relationship with a man and even more major sin because you had intimacy with him. You are doing zina and it is a major sin in Islam.

    Even if others do it without any problem, without thinking about the right and wrong it doesn't make zina right. What is haram is haram and you are answerable to Allah for your sins. So please try to learn more about Islam and learn about the way of life in Islam. It seems that you have no idea of the seriousness of the sin of zina and the punishments in the akhira because of it.

    Your mother is a Muslim and she wants to stop you from doing a major sin. Surely her way of stopping you is not right but she is your mother and she is handling the situation her way. But you have to understand the reason behind her stopping you from going further into this sin. She wants to save you from hell fire. No mother wants to see her child in hell fire.

    Islamically you have to see a Muslim scholar and ask his opinion about what to do about the baby.

    Please realize your mistake and ask forgiveness from Allah. Allah is most merciful and He will forgive all your sins if you repent sincerely.

    May Allah make your Iman strong.

  8. Seriously sister u are afraid of ur mother's curses then wat abt the wrath of Allah which u are ignoring? Allah was the wittness of ur Sin at that time and you dont Fear HIM?
    Yes u shuldnt go for abortion BUT do you really think that you are prepared enough to bring this mere Flesh on right path when your own traits are not on right path?
    U love ur non muslim bf gud enough so its halaal to have zina wid him?and u love ur non muslim bf so its halaal to marry him?jus bcuz u love ur non muslim bf u want to have his child???
    Where is the LOVE FOR ALLAH?? What are you doing for the sake of Allah's LOVE in this situation???
    Based on ur comment.suppose that ur mother allows the birth of this child then Ur love for your bf will result into so many more future children and that too without any halaal relation(unless ur bf accepts Islam). Is that wat you are seeking in ur future??
    Do you prepare urself to face Allah at the day of judgement, cuz no matter how many dozens of children u will be bearing out of wed lock u will be answerable to Allah almighty(unless u repent)
    Prepare yourself for all such and many more questions from ur child too sister....
    And THIS CHILD is a REMINDER AND A TEST from Allah......

  9. 1.. You formed a relationship with a non muslim person.
    2.. You had sex outside of marriage.
    3.. You had unprotected sex.
    4.. There was no intervention or guidance given or seeked during this relationship.
    5..Even Christians state this type of relationship as "living in sin" and you went on to get pregnant whilst living in sin.
    6.. The pregnancy is progressing each day you seek (belated) advice.
    7.. Now you and your mother are comunicating rather than you confiding in her at the beginning of this relationship.
    8.. There is the whole other issue of how the non muslim and his family feel about your sudden suprise pregnancy and your mothers advise on termination of HIS baby.

    So I strongly suggest you sit with your family and his family and discuss EVERYTHING. Sister I am not judging you I am simply stating the facts to give clarity to this matter. If you consider yourself a Muslim, then you have to Marry a Muslim or a willfully converted muslim (in lament terms he can't convert because he has impregnated a Muslim woman and has a baby on the way, he must believe in the religion)
    Or you could terminate the pregnancy due to following facts:
    The child might end up being unwanted later being given up by you and remember, even if a Muslim family were to receive your child, you will have no control over any aspect of the child's life or wellbeing and again it could lead the child to become a non muslim child itself due to you a Muslim giving it up.
    The child will face a very uncertain future.
    It could be deprived of many things importantly deprived of love and care.
    You can keep the baby and raise it yourself but it would always be a child of a non muslim and I'm sure this gravely affects your Deen your imaan as many other Muslims in this forum would advise you.
    May Allah swt guide you in your difficult time.
    Ameen.

  10. There is some good advice and some bad advice being given here. Sister, you committed a serious sin, but abortion is also a serious sin. Do not compound your sin by taking the life of your unborn child. That is not acceptable in Islam.

    You can have the child and raise it with your family; or you can give it to one of your relatives to raise for you; or you can give it to a childless Muslim family who will raise it with love.

    Your decision should not be based on your feelings for your boyfriend, as that is a haram relationship anyway and has no future. It should be based on your fear of Allah and your desire to do the right thing as a Muslim and as a mother.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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