Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother says disturbing things and brings me down

Verbal abuse

Salam,

Normally I don't use social platforms to share my problems but at this point of my life I seriously have no idea what to do.

I have just turned 20. My father with whom I had a very loving relationship died 10 years ago when I was 10. And his death was also very tragic. I couldn't even believe that this could happen to him.

My mother, on the other hand, is always cursing me and saying emotionally disturbing things that hurt. She's the only parent I have left but she treats me badly.

I don't know how to cope. Please help me.

Hamna


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5 Responses »

  1. Ask for professional help . Might be she has some mental issues and she / family does not know about it. You did not mention either you have other siblings or not.

  2. My sister just be patient she is your mother no matter how she treated you,so pray for her so that Allah will soften her heart

    • Yeah but advice like that just make things worse. Just because she is her mother it doesn't give her the right to treat her daughter like that.

      • Indeed. If anything, it gives her the responsibility of treating her child with respect and dignity.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers

  3. Asalamualaykum Sister Hamna,

    Allah has given rights to both parents and children. Unfortunately, many parents ask for their rights from their children but fail to reciprocate. The relationship we have with our mothers is of so much importance, as you realize. We are tied to them so deeply that the relationship with them becomes central during our most impressionable years. This is going to be (and has been) a very difficult test for you but if you remember that Allah has given you rights, you can start setting some boundaries with your mother.

    Tell you mother that you love her but that you will not be spoken to that way. Tell her that the things she is saying to you hurt your feelings and upset you, and that you will not tolerate them. If she continues to verbally attack you, go to a different room and give yourself space to recover. Sometimes this takes just a few minutes...you can get your bearings and think about what is next on YOUR agenda....not hers. You are 20 years old, so you are an adult. If the verbal/psychological abuse ever makes you very fearful of her unpredictability and what she will do next, call the police. If you call the police when your mother is out of control, she will have to think twice about using that language with you in the future. You do NOT have to be physically attacked to seek the police. Anything that hurts your heart and your very core is reason enough to set a limit.

    It will also be very important for you to focus on yourself...your self-care, getting to bed on time, drinking water...I know these things seem simple but when you have a parent like that, you sometimes forget about yourself, and your body takes a hit. Make a point of loving yourself. Read some affirmations online. Go to google images and type in "affirmations." Read these to yourself on a daily basis so that you remember you have worth and value.

    Finally, prayer is key. Try to pray whenever it is possible for you to put full focus and concentration into it, particularly at night when you are in your own room/space. Cry to Allah if you want, or at least share everything with your Allah. They say that "a burden shared is half the burden;" well, Allah is more than willing to share a lot more than that with you, and actually wants you to seek His help. We were not meant to handle these kinds of tests on our own. That is why Allah prescribed prayer for us. When you get to a point of full faith, you will realize that it is infact impossible to go through life without Allah's help. Like you just won't move an inch without it at times!

    I will make a dua for you tonight, Inshallah. Keep your head held high in front of your mother...show her that you are a valid creation of Allah dear, and that you know it!

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

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