Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother doesn’t tolerate me at all, I wish to leave.

Girl with hidden face, teenage girl

Salam .
Im a 22 muslim girl and i do observe islamic practices atleast try to please Allah .

As we know parents are more sacred people in our life but my mother is landing me into troubles.
Seems like she hates me and always trying to control my life.

I dont remmber in this year if she has talked to me friendly or shown love . She has issue with me on house work , im quite lazy in doing house work but do complete all the work she give to me. I do cleaning daily and wash dishes but still she shouts at me daily for being lazy and i live in a boring place with no friends so i use interhet a lot , and she seems to have so much problem with that. She always abuses me sometimes slap me . She also tell everyone relatives and gusets that im a bad child and i dont do work. She backbites me a lot , she also always complain to my father about me . She also insults me infront of ither siblings and encourage them when they insult or fight with me and never try to stop my little brother who always beat me rather she encourages him . She also insults me infront of my friends and family relatives that is why some family members have started feeling free to insult and scold me and mother encourages them insulting me .

Ive some anxiety problem so i had no wish to join university but my mother forced me to join and still i suck at it cause im not regular and im having lot of mental problems now cause of sleep disorder and university but mother doesn't cares she always abuse me and shout at me , due to university i cannot do housework as im tired so she again has problem with my studies and calls me a useless fine art student and accuse me of trying to escape from work. Im enduring it a lot i never say anything in answer cause i think Allah will be displeased but she never stops causing troubles for me. And if i defend myself from all accusations, she goes more violent and started slapping and insulting me .

She dont let me live my life , she has orders in every aspect of my life. And i don't like this much interference. She even abuses me for waking up late morning and all day taunting me for smaller things along with my sister. My sister is also very evil to me . I've started hating my family and want to get rid.

I cannot find peace at home at all. Im thinking to leave her and settle somewhere else . I've tried talking to her but no use. What should i do in this situation other than enduring from islamic perspective? .


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4 Responses »

  1. Consider finding another family member you could possibly live with. Maybe an Aunt or cousin. You are living in an abusive household and need to find another place to live. Far away from your mother. It is impossible to figure out why your mother behaves the way she does. You should focus on making plans on leaving where you live. You should not have to put up with abuse from anyone, no matter who they are. Most young people are not going to run an entire household, and if they did, most will not do it the way their mother does. Your mother should know that. Her behavior is atrocious and if you were a few years younger, in the UK or the US, she would be arrested. But you are an adult. Strongly consider finding another place to live. Even speak to someone at your masjid if they know of someone or services that might help you out.

    • - turn off your phone and have a heart to heart talk with your mom. She doesn't like it that you spend so much time on the phone. So stop and spend time with her so you know what she wants and what's on her mind.
      - It seems like your phone and the lack of social interaction may give you this depression and lack of motivation.
      - before touching your phone, do your chores in the morning and be social with your family members.
      - talk to a psychologist
      - lots of duaa and prayers.

  2. One thing i want to say that bad behaviour towards mother and family never go on wrong path for love and effection make lot of dua and complete your study and after that find job i know it is difficult complete study in this situation but it is very important for better future and if does not change your mother,s bahaviour then i say leave your house or say mother you want to marriage ,i have similar problems i completed my study but my brothers do not allow me for job nut they do not fullfil my expenditures and i want to marry but my mother do not except any proposal for marriage and she does not like me neither love me and i am 27 years old my all class fellows and friends got marriage and also my cousions whoes are younger got marriage but my mother does not even engage me and almost 10,11 years ago i decided leave house but i was weak and recently i am thinking now a days to leave hous some time my decision become weak and sometime become strong.

  3. Salam sister, Im 20. I am having the same problem with my mother, I get beaten up over little things for example if I don't do house work or say something back to her she starts hitting on me, I have had sleeping problems and anxiety for so long now. My mom has taken my phone from me and still the situation hasn't changed at all. Don't leave, just do as your mother says and if she does say stuff that upsets you just ignore it and pray to Allah Inshallah he will listen to you and help you out. I'm in the same situation myself and I wanted to leave but that will look bad on my family, I get abused a lot and this is happening a lot these days w young people.. I have told my mom if she keeps abusing me like this and keeps hitting me as if I'm a twelve year old she will get arrested if I make a complaint against her I can't even do that cos at the end of the day I don't want to ruin her reputation. But there's one thing if our parents show us no love and treat us badly that will obviously change our behavior towards them too. I don't have my phone it's been over a month, Im not allowed out I'm not allowed to work my life feels like hell. I totally understand your situation, try moving out at your cousins for a while and your mom will realise soon what she's doing is not right. Your not a child your an adult and you shouldn't get treated this way at the age your at anyways. Whatever decision you make think about it carefully before doing so. Stay strong.

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