Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother is going to force me into marriage

Forced Marriage and Islam

Forced Marriage and Islam

Assalamu alaikum,

Dear muslim brothers and sisters, I know there is no love before wedding but still allah has given us the rights to choose our future life partner. I too love a person and he also does and his parents know about me they have spoken to me and accepted to get us married. According to islam shariyat there is no love before wedding but if the boy gets his family to speak with the girls family asking for her hand then it is allowed right? My boyfriend did it, he brought his parents to speak to my mother asking for me (I don't have a father). When my uncles (my mother's brother) got to know this he spoke to his mother and very rudely threatened them that if they didnt return they will complain the police that they have come for girls supply and so on...

Later my uncle returned home, beat me, kicked me, abused me and spoke all sorts of non-sense talks though he is unmarried and is of my fathers age, and after all this domestic violence he said my mother i liked the boy and his family they were very good people best humans but we wont get our girl married to that boy (for the only two reasons that we are from different cities, and he is a hanfee and i am a shafi)..

Till today he and his family are trying to speak to my family and convince them but they seem not to agree and are even searching for me other proposals from out city itself. I tried speaking to my mother too to convince her but she too beat me abused me and him too and told you have to marry whom we choose for you and when i tried to talk about islam the in quran its said about not allowing forceful marriages (without the consent of the girl/boy getting married no one can go ahead with the proposal or must force them) she said she does not want to go according to islam and quran and said that its her final decision that she will not agree for this proposal of my boyfriend and his family and will get me married to whom they wish to.

In hadith its said clearly right that if the boy is a muslim and has good character and you are satisfied then accept the marriage proposal do not see any other silly things like cast, community, locality, etc.. it not considered important. The most and foremost importance thing to be seen is if he is a muslim and there are no restrictions as such that you can't marry a person outside your state who is a muslim right.

please help me out in this tell me a solution that my family agree gets convinced and does not force me to a forceful relation...







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2 Responses »

  1. Just write a letter to them explain how you feel....tell them remind them I am your blood don't torture me .Islam doesn't teach this

  2. Salam sister Salma,
    I am so sorry and devastated at what you're going through right now. I know it must be terrible to receive such behaviour and ignorance from your own MOTHER, the one who is supposed to be your best friend and your protecting Angel on Earth. I know these mere words of mine aren't going to be of much help compared to what you're going through but I'll try my best and pray to Allah to improve your situation.

    But what truly horrified me is the physical torture you're receiving. You're mom's case can be accepted to some extent (which I'll talk about later) since she has certain rights over you but your uncle? What right did Allah give him to lay his hands on you when you haven't committed haraam? He ain't your father. So, he really needs to get his interfering ass off this case,first of all.

    Furthermore, Every mother loves their child and want their best,so you must be probably wondering why is she neglecting what you want. Considering my opinion, she is going a bit too over board. I know she is your mother but that doesn't mean she gets to choose how to design your life. Sure,she can suggest suitors but can't force you into accepting which is clearly HARAAM. I have a feeling she's a teeny bit brainwashed by your uncle's (somehow I think they're awful,no offense ) .

    What I suggest is that talk to your mother....even if you already did,still TALK TO HER AGAIN. Your mom is an alone parent,so she might be in a dilemma,remember not to scream or shout and just calmly make her sit down, offer her a cup of tea maybe and message her head and start your conversation. Ask your mom how would she feel if she stepped onto your shoes. Explain her that the guy you're talking about really loves you and he was a MAN enough to come with his mother to ask for your hand. Tell her that if she is a Muslim, she must OBVIOUSLY follow the Quran,where forced marriage is haraam. Show her the quranic translations. Revise on topics which say there isn't any difference between cities,level,blah blah on the basis of marriage.Narrate her stories which explain how forced marriages usually end up as a fail.And,even after all of these if she decides to remain stubborn....then sister,I guess you have no choice than to take up an action, because I don't think you want to be tied. If I was stuck in your place without hope, I'd probably do nikah with my boy secretly with his parents consent...BECAUSE THERE IS NO OTHER WAY IF MY OWN MOM WAS BEING UNREASONABLE.

    sorry for the outburst, but this was my personal opinion.

    Lastly,keep making lots of dua to Allah and In Sha Allah,all will be well soon. 🙂

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