Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother keeps making bad duaa

Angry woman, angry wife, abusive woman

She keeps making bad duaa against me. It used to be, "may suchandusch of you burn" but now since she knows she cannot cross the line, since she also fears allah so she just makes random constant bad duaa when she's displeased with me. for the smallest of issues- i touch her clothes- and she says may allah deal with you.

EVERYTIME. MAY ALLAH DEAL WITH YOU, THATS ALL SHE SAYS WHEN SHE'S DISPLEASED. And then she also added "..IF YOU touch my clothes, may your fingers...." and I ACCIDENTALLY touched her clothes cuz she has a physchological issue with water and washing and her belongings. What am I supposed to do?! I got so angry and fed up, ESP since TODAY may be laylatul qadr and I was  planning and behaving and then she just blows the whole thing out of proportion. I tell her, "my fingers will what???" and she didnt answer, so I said, "what- they will burn? They will fall? What with my fingers and your clothes, and allah dealing with me- GANGARINE?!"

And then she said, "did I say that?! Dont put words in my mouth etc.etc." what can I do? I wish my mother wont make duaa for me at all, if most of them are just "may allah deal with you" and bad duaa bad bad bad. she's never happy with me. im sad.

Make duaa for me, Im losing my mind here I have to deal with this all the time. Allah help me. Ameen, and forgive me.


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5 Responses »

  1. السَلَامُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَ رَحْمَةُ اللهِ وَ بَرَكَاتُهُُ

    It seems like your mother has OCD with her belongings. The only way to keep herself safe from this is to. Currse you in touching anything tht remotely belongs to her.

    Please don't feel upset or disheartened, has a mothers bad dua ever touched her child? Allah knows best her intentions. Don't ever raise your voice to your parents, just be kind. Maybe you could spk to the GP and ask for help on. OCD, how to deal with this in regards to your mother.

    Just make dua for her, and keep her happy. If she says bad duas, just say allah knows best mother.

    Be Calm.
    Be Strong.

    You will get through this, inshallah.

    ND, UK

    • As-salamu Alaykum,

      I agree with ND that your mother may have OCD. If she does, then you should know that it is almost impossible to use logic and reason with people who suffer from this condition. The best thing you can do for her (if possible) would be to get her treatment. Perhaps this is something you could discuss with your father or another close relative. Many people find relief from OCD through medication and cognitive behavior therapy techniques, but the problem is that a lot of people with OCD are not willing to visit the doctor or admit they have a problem, so you have to have help with that.

      As ND explained above, people with OCD often try to "neutralize" whatever bad thoughts they have. For example, if someone touches their clothes, they might think that they can get rid of the supposed harm by counting to ten or knocking on the door. In your mother's case, it may be that she curses you. If this doesn't make sense to you, read about it on-line, and you may start to recognize these giveaway behaviors in your mother.

      Finally, people with OCD are ill, so try not to take these things personally. A good support website is the following:

      Someone close to me has OCD, and he is better after taking there is hope for this condition. The above website helped me a lot when things were bad. Your mother's condition is not your fault, so stay strong and make dua for Allah SWT to show your family the right way. You can get through this, Insha'Allah.

  2. OP: I ACCIDENTALLY touched her clothes cuz she has a physiological issue with water and washing and her belongings. What am I supposed to do?! I got so angry and fed up, ESP since TODAY may be laylatul qadr and I was planning and behaving and then she just blows the whole thing out of proportion

    You mean your mom has a psychological issue and not physiological issue.
    Your mother seems to have a mental problem and you have not accepted that by your heart. Your expectations are how a normal person should behave like.

    Is she constantly washing her hands, worrying about germs?

    You seem to have an anger problem too. Don't let any one make you angry.

    Next time your mother is upset, smile and be nice to her. Do it few days/weeks/months and see how it effects her.

  3. Salaam
    My advice to you would be that when ever you feel let down by your mother's anger then read the quran or just start saying istighfaar that will help you with your anger.
    Dont say bad about your mother no matter what she does as in the quran we are told not to even say uff ...
    If she says to you that "may allah deal with you" then remember that allah is the one who knows everything so if you are right and she is wrong then dont be afraid of her or her curses fear Him not her. He's always all-knowing

    • First Question :
      I wanted to know if the mother is wrong 100% and still she makes bad duaa for her Child when they are in patient, this bad duaa will effect or not.

      Second Question :
      This kids are physically harmed & punished with fire and knife cuts several times & this kids for their safety did something against her for protection, this kids can do thawba or not. (still this mother was doing bad duaa to them till now)

      (Alhamdulillah Kids are in safe place & removed from her custody – except 5 years old young boy)

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