Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mum is not happy, I want to help her!!


"Paradise lies under the Mother's feet"

Hi, I am 16 years old and my parents have been going through problems for as long as I can remember. In my eyes my mum never seemed happy, but she stayed with my dad for us. When I was 7 my dad used to hit my mum in front of us when they argued, me and siblings could do nothing (I am the oldest).
Then it got too much for my mum and then she called her family, (brother, cousin etc) to come and get her. The police was called and we left. But then my dad came to us and he cried and promised he would change. My mum forgave him and they were both willing to start again. They were fine for a couple of years but then he did not let her see her family anymore. She was not even allowed to go to her own brothers wedding. He did not like what they did to him so he said we could not have any contact with them. My dad is a really nice person, but when it comes to this he is heartless. He cannot understand that my mum needs her family. Her family gets angry and frustrated with her because they do not understand why she stays with him. I just want them to be happy, I cry myself to sleep as I see the pain in my mum’s eyes every day. Please help.


Tagged as: , , , ,

2 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I realize what a delicate position you are in. On one hand, you love both your mother and father very much, and see what is good in them, Alhamdulillah. However, you are hurting because your mother and father are not living as peacefully as they could together. You love your father, but at the same time you see he is being unreasonable by preventing your mother from seeing her family.

    I agree with you that he is not doing what is best for her. You are 16 now, have you tried to talk to your father and tell him how you feel when you see this playing out? Does he allow you to visit your mother's family members? What if you told him you wanted to be able to see them too, and that it hurts you when he prevents it?

    I can understand why her family does not want her to keep enduring this, since she has been abused both physically and emotionally by your dad. Any reasonable person would tell someone to get out of an abusive situation, and wonder why that person doesn't. I'm sure there are a lot of factors that keep your mom with your father in spite of the way she's being treated. However I will say that if he is still continuing to harm her physically, or any other family member, the authorities should be involved. I would even say that you should involve them yourself, if this is the case.

    If it's just a matter of him being controlling, then I would suggest you try to talk with him and help him to see things in a more reasonable way. You can only do the best you can- in the end it is your mother's choice what she will put up with or not. You can't force people to change, even if the change would be good for them. I understand how much it must hurt you to see your mom unhappy, so you should try to be there for her as much as you are able and be the type of daughter that would make her proud.

    -Amy Editor

  2. selam
    first think you should be veryy happy you have both parents together
    it was interfering probably in your parents so they have rights for some thinks
    so now you grow up you understand more thinks it is very hard to raise kids wen you have interfering from in laws in this case you have to be hero to help both parents to be hap y and together you have to give credit to youre father to he tried hard for you to have mother to make him feel prude life its short
    no more drama peace and the end let them make the decision whats best for family
    other people wishes never end

Leave a Response