Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Muslim boyfriend loves me, but left me

quran bible islam christianity Thank you in advance for any help you can offer. Me and my boyfriend met when I started working for the same company as him. We both live in the UK, and I am a white, British girl and I am a Christian. I would not describe myself as a practising Christian.  My boyfriend is a Muslim, and he is half Pakistani/Indian.

As soon as we met we clicked so well, and started off as very very close friends. We did not mean for it to happen, but we started to develop feelings for one another very quickly. We started to meet up a lot and quickly became inseparable from one another. We both are madly in love with one another, and have been seeing each other for almost a year now.

However we never made it an official relationship, and as soon as I agreed to be his official girlfriend (because this is what he had wanted for ages), he then went really strange with me. He said the next day that he wanted to stop being intimate and close, and just talk like friends for a while.

I was really hurt, but respected his wishes. However, it soon became obvious that we couldn't handle it and couldn't keep away from each other. I soon found out that it was because I agreed to start an official relationship with him. He started thinking about things differently and in a more serious light, and he admitted that his family and his religion may not accept us in the future when we would want to get married.

Consequently, he went to go and see someone at his local mosque to ask them about the situation. The man told my boyfriend that it would not be acceptable and our marriage would not be valid. He asked if I would convert, but that is not an option as I believe in Jesus being the son of God etc.

So now we are both completely hurt and heartbroken. We want to be together forever, but knowing that it won't work in the future has meant that he has ended our relationship.

I am really, really confused and I do not know what to do. I am so hurt, and this is because I love him so much. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I will do anything to be with him. Is there any way we can be together?

Thank you.

-cw8593


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10 Responses »

  1. Muslim men are allowed to marry Christian and Jewish women. But it sounds to me as if he's just messing around with you for fun. Stay away from him if he truly wanted a future with you he would have told his parents by now instead of use silly things as an excuse

    • That's not true any muslim boy or girl can marry as long as the person isnt a bad person and is muslim,read the quran instead of the hadith

      • Assalaamualaikam

        The ahadith are where we can learn information and guidance about the Sunnah of The Prophet (peace be upon him), so it is important for all Muslims, who want to follow his example, to read ahadith as well as study the Quran.

        In order for a hadith to be included in the major collections, its authenticity has to be rigorously checked. Would you be able to explain on your reasoning for your opinion on them, please?

        Midnightmoon
        IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. He's allowed to marry you and your marriage will be completely fine. But to be honest I don't think I trust this guy because if he loves you and care about you, he would have been the one to tell you to take this relationship serious. But he started to act weird and and use religion as an excuse. Plus I bet you he lied to you about what the imam in the mosque said about both of you getting marriage would be bad. Imam should have mentioned to your boyfriend that's it is haram( wrong) to date and if he really loves you he would have asked for your hand regardless of your religion. I mean The prophet muhammed was married to Jewish women, and I believe a Christian ( correct me if I'm wrong). So again if your boyfriend is religious than he should've known that or artlessly should have search it up.

  3. OP: He said the next day that he wanted to stop being intimate and close,

    He just wanted to use you for sex. I am sure he did not go to local mosque to ask some one if he should have sex with a Christian girl. You better find a man who can accept you as you are. This guy may not even marry you if you convert.

  4. Salam,

    Your boyfriend knew full and well when he started this relationship with you that it was not within the boundaries of Islam. He didn't care.

    You state, " He started thinking about things differently and in a more serious light, and he admitted that his family and his religion may not accept us in the future when we would want to get married."

    The truth of the matter is he knew seeing you was not permissible in Islam but he like many men, thinks he can play the field and not give a care in the world. The laws of Islam do not apply to him so he thinks.Typical. Only when he sees that things are becoming serious does he back off. He will play with your heart and take you to bed only to turn around and tell you false information because he is a coward.

    You say, "Consequently, he went to go and see someone at his local mosque to ask them about the situation. The man told my boyfriend that it would not be acceptable and our marriage would not be valid." I . say, "liar, liar, pants on fire." A Muslim man can marry a Christian or a Jewish woman. A woman does not have to convert in order to marry however, the children must be raised Muslim. That is something that is not negotiable.

    Suffice to say, your best friend deceived you from the get go. He knew he was in the wrong and going against the very principles of Islam by going out with you let alone sleeping with you, but it didn't matter to him. Nearly a year into your relationship and he tosses you to the curb like a balled up wrapper of sorts. When people are madly in love, they don't do that to each other do they? If he is so heartbroken, tell him that you have learned that in the religion of Islam, there is no compulsion for you to convert. Whoever he supposedly spoke to does not know what they are talking about (that is if he spoke to anyone at all).

    The reality is, if this man cared as much for you as you do for him...he would not string you along and play with your heart. If he truly, truly cares for you deeply and can't see a life without you...he can and will do something about it. He could go to his mother and talk to her but he won't. He could do a lot of things if he really wants to. But he won't.

    The very best advice I can offer you is to stop seeing him. Stop texting him period. Do not sleep with him. Do not sleep with him. Do not sleep with him. Do you hear me? Do not let him to continue to use you knowing he is only going to break your heart. He is not looking for anything serious and that is crystal clear by his actions. Save yourself for someone who will make you his wife and mother of his children. You deserve better. Respect yourself enough to put a stop to this and look for a future with someone who will not only give you his heart but you can give him yours as well.

    Salam

    • I agree this boy isn't a man he carries himself like a 16 yr old immature idiot to me

    • Najah,

      I don't know who you are, but bless you for this message. I've read it many times already.

      I'm an African-American woman and met my Pakistani American boyfriend in our MBA program. He just broke up with me because I have a young daughter...and is proceeding with an arranged marriage to his first cousin.

      This situation has hurt me deeply as I thought we truly cared for each other.

      Thank you for your words.

      -Tamera

    • Hello how do I post my story’s

      • Asalamualaykum Fakehamza,

        Please see the menu at the top of this page (it is blue). In it, you will find a "Register" tab and a "Submit your Question" tab. Proceed with the instructions and Inshallah you will be able to share your story and receive help.

        Nor
        IslamicAnswers.com

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