Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My Muslim fiance has a child

islam nikah

His family dislikes me, and I dislike his family

Salam. I'm very much confused on what I should do. My Fiance and I have been together for a year now. Things are MashAllah really good between us when it's only me and him. When his parents are ever talked about I get angry. I can't stand his parents. They are so rude to me when I haven't done anything wrong! I'm always nice to them.

His parents don't accept me for some odd reason. They lie and tell stories to my fiance to believe them. They always claim that I'm talking to other men or that I'm not at work or school when I am! His parents make me miserable. I'm an intelligent beautiful girl with a great job and graduated from University.

He has a five year old child from his previous relationship with a Hindu girl. The girl is only in the picture for his money. She doesn't care about the son. It's a sad situation. My fiance is an excellent father to his son. Whenever my fiance wants to take me and his son out to arcade places his parents start yelling at my fiance that the son needs to stay at home. His parents are mean. I really dislike them.

His sister is mean too. She has two kids with different fathers. She always text messages my fiance and says mean things about me and he always tells her off but she still does it. Whenever we go out it's always me and him because his parents always watch the son.

I honestly am confused on what I should do? How can I marry this guy if his family talks so much stuff behind my back and really doesnt like me? How am I suppose to deal with the situation of his son? How can I have in-laws like that when my parents being a Pakistani girl have parents that accpect and treat my fiance so nicely and kind...

His parents never invited my family over for dinner or anything. I am so torn. He always tells me that he doesnt need his parents and wants to be with me forever and not do anything with his parents but I can listen to that for so long now. I want a happy life with nice in-laws. I dont want to be like this. I hate it.

Please someone give me advice on what I should do with my situation! I hate not being loved by his parents or cared for. I get treated like garbage when I have never done anything wrong to them. Please help!


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11 Responses »

  1. Sister, please don't marry into this unstable family. Both siblings have committed fornication and I wouldn't trust a rude and immoral family.

  2. Assalam alaikum,

    If you were my daughter/sister, I would not want you to marry into this family


    I would, at the very least, ask you to give it more time and not be in contact with this man. He needs to handle his parents/family in a different way.

    Also, you should not be going out with him before marriage. I realize his son may have been there, but I get the feeling you two may be going out alone. Do not fall into this trap. Marriage is very serious. You think it is bad now, you can't imagine what it is like after marriage.

    I would suggest taking a break from talking and really figure out WHY you want to marry him? Perhaps write a few things here and let us know why you want to marry him, OTHER than you have feelings for him. What are his good characteristics? What are you parents view on this man?

    Be careful how he portrays his ex-gf to you. You say she doesn't care about her son, only the money, how do you know? He is sharing his opinion of another girl in his life prior to you. How would you feel if he shared information about you and him with someone else?

    Be careful.


  3. Assalaamualaikam

    If you are in situations where it is only you and him, without a mahram present, you are placing yourself at risk and not following Islamic guidance. "When a man and woman are alone together, shaitan is the third [person]". One of the problems with longer engagement periods is that they can lead to a blurring of boundaries and overfamiliarity. Until nikah, your fiance is not your mahram, so should not be regarded as such.

    Do you have any idea why his family seem to dislike you? If you could identify what their concerns are, that might help you address them. Sometimes parents have valid concerns that can be resolved with communication - eg if they haven't met your family and saw you out with, say, your brother, they might have come to the wrong conclusion. Sometimes, the issues can be irrational and difficult to resolve, such as ideas about caste, racism, perceived social status, citizenship...

    With regards your fiance's son, I may be misunderstanding, but in my culture, an arcade is a place of gambling games (put in money, try to win a prize or more money). If that is the kind of arcade you mean, then your fiance's parents are right to discourage him from taking his son there. They may also wish to protect the child from forming a strong attachment to you and then having that attachment broken if you and your fiance do not get married.

    This situation does not seem healthy. There is a lot of backbiting, judging and inappropriate behaviour. Your fiance has a child with another woman and criticises her in front of you - regardless of her faith (which prohibited their relationship and raises concerns by itself) and actions, she is the mother of his son and as such should be treated with respect.

    Why do you want to marry him? Are his deen and character admirable?

    Those are the first questions to consider. If you honestly feel that he is the right choice for you, pray istikhara and take things back to Islamic principles - a meeting of two families with a view to marriage. You could arrange a visit for you and your parents with him and his, where concerns can be raised and addressed in a civil manner. It would also be important to establish a timeframe for nikah, if you and your family want this - being engaged indefinitely is not a good idea.

    Midnightmoon editor

  4. I am so confused. You are using fiance saying his sister has two kids and people are assuming this was all out of zina. Then you are saying you have a son? Was this out of wedlock. This is bad English.

  5. Salam,

    I don't mean to sound harsh but I can't say I blame his parents. I mean, you're not even married to this boy, what you're doing is clearly haram and you clearly know that. Do you expect his parents to be okay with this? Also, you're being pretty mean about his parents. As you have stated, you are "a beautiful and intelligent girl", educated too, so may Allah help you find a way to deal with this better.

    • @take heed He's not married to her either!! and I be thinking what you doing hanging out with my daughter she can do much better then him considering he once married a hindu girl.

  6. Asaalamu alaikum,

    this is my personal opinion. Sister, you call yourself PakistaniPrincess and you are expecting royal treatment. I think, just saying, if you get to the same level as your future in-laws, Insha Allah, you will find common grounds and they will treat you like one of them.

    I congratulate you for being a graduate and having a good job. Those are good "assets", but the most important thing is to have a connection with people. You connected with your future husband, try to connect with his family. Learn to be a daughter and a sister in-law. It may not be an easy job for you, but I am confident that you can do it.

    Best wishes and salam Your majesty,


    • salam,
      this sister did not come on the website to have people mock her. it was very out of line for you to finish with "your majesty". it was fine when you said it is your personal opinion... everyone has different opinions and views, but it was another thing to end it off with your majesty. if this girl really thinks highly of herself, we shouldn't be mocking her for it. I would be hurt if it was me.

      anyways sister, speak with your family about what should be done. has your family invited them for dinner? because you said your in-laws haven't invited them for dinner.

      • Assalamu Alaikum,

        Muslim girl, smile, it is sunnah!

        Have a blessed day,


        • @reader lol

          @PakistaniPrincess I don't think you should marry this guy because firstly people lie to set against each other they become bitter this is the danger. Secondly the reason why his parents don't like you is probably because you are better then their son and you are not their choice. I honestly think you will be unhappy with such a guy if you don't resolve the issues why would you want to marry man and his family that don't except YOU. Don't waste your time think carefully what you want marriage cannot be undone.

    • AOA,

      Nothing wrong with what you said Reader, she sounds arrogant and that's what the family don't like. Vulgar style calling self 'princess'.

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