My Musllim Girlfriend left me because she is scared her parents won’t accept me.
Assalam Alaikum,
My girlfriend of 2 years has left me because she is worried that her parents wouldn't accept me into their family. I am mixed race Indian and British, was born in britain and raised as a christian, I reverted to Islam a while ago after reading the Quran and studying Islam. My Girlfriend was born in this country but has always been Muslim and was brought up quite strictly with the culture of an Islamic country.
We love each other so much and I had every intention of asking her parents permission and eventually getting married. We recently began thinking about whether her parents would accept me into their family or not, but I assumed it would be ok seeing as I am also a Muslim and try my best to right by Allah in all things that I do. My Girlfriend had several doubts about her families judgment. I have been introduced to a couple of her family members (aunts and uncles) but no one in her immediate family. After speaking to one of her informed family members, my Girlfriend broke up with me saying that her parents would never accept me into their family regardless of the fact that I am a Muslim because I come from a different culture to her and was raised in a different way. My girlfriends parents have no idea about me but she is afraid to risk waiting a few years (when we planned to tell them and get married as we are only 20 at the moment and both at uni) to tell them in case they do not allow us to be together.
We both still love each other so much but my girlfriend doesnt want to risk losing her family, which obviously is understandable and I would never want to tear her away from her family. She also, in her words, "doesnt want to waste another 2 years of my life just to find out that we can't be together". We make each other so happy and everything just feels right about our commitment to each other, everything about this break up just feels so wrong. Please advise us on what to do?
~Tariq
2 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaams,
The best way to try to gain success in our endeavors is to carry out our actions with intentions of following Islam as closely as possible. In your situation, having a girlfriend who you are seeing outside of her parents awareness is haraam. I would start by telling her that you only have intentions of marrying, and that you intend to ask her parents for her hand in marriage.
You don't need to wait for her permission to do this. I would suggest writing them a letter or going to visit them and telling them you want to marry her, but you are willing to wait until after school is over for the nikkah. If they say no, then you will know she was right and it's time to move on. If they agree, then you can begin courting her properly according to the sunnah.
If you think taking this bold step would cause problems between her and her parents and you would rather prevent that, then let the break-up stand. Tell her that until she is ready to discuss marriage with them, Islamically there is no reason for the two of you to be dealing with each other. You are right in that this could end up as having been a total waste of time for both of you, which is why it's so important to get to know those of the opposite sex in the context of Islam from the beginning. When things like this happen, the commitment is misplaced and your feelings are the casualty. The sooner you try to get things back in the order they should be in Islamically, the sooner you will have an answer as to whether marriage is a possibility for the pair of you.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AS Tariq the best advice is to follow al Islam with this girl there or not. If the girl's family rejects you based solely on your being from a different culture, and she doesn't stand up for you, then she is at a lost, NOT you. If you are a good Muslim, will fulfill your duties as a Muslim as a husband and as a father, then there is no reason for them to reject you Islamically.
More importantly you need to cut off haraam relationships and 1-on-1 meetings with this girl. Go through the proper channels. Show her family that you are serious and dedicated and not sneaking behind their backs. Show them you value the commitment and dedication needed in a spouse.
Good luck!