My Palestinian husband wants to move back to the West Bank but he’s horribly abusive
I am an American woman and of no particular religion; I met my husband when I was 19 and married him when I was 22. We have three children; two girls and a boy. We currently live in Ohio. My husband has been saying for years that he wants to go back home but we tried living there back in 2011. His family is lovely but I was expected to adhere to Palestinian culture immediately although I didn't understand it at the time and I still have my questions. I spent the majority of my time trapped in a 3 bedroom apartment with my in-laws while my husband did whatever he wanted. The last month we were there; I was not permitted to leave the house at all and barely left my bedroom. It was sheer misery. I'm not quite sure if moving back there with him is in my best interest.
My marriage is a minefield where if I take one step; my husband blows up on me. He calls me horrible names and speaks to me as if I'm a child or some kind of idiot. The tone of voice he takes with me drips with condescension, disdain and sarcasm. I take the fall for everything that goes wrong in his life; he blames me for his financial problems although I have absolutely no access to money which doesn't make any sense. He is also physically violent as well; pinning me up against a wall and choking me, slapping me in the face, punching me in my throat, he attacked me multiple times when I was pregnant; with our last child he nearly pushed me down the stairs when he grabbed me by the back of my neck and pushed my face into the carpet.
I've had some reproductive health issues throughout the past year resulting in medications and surgery. He has said multiple times that if I couldn't bear him any more children; he would get married again. I actually successfully got pregnant this month but he stressed me out to the point of miscarrying. I miscarried about a week ago from today. It was heartbreaking and he seemed like he was sympathetic about it but then just two nights ago, he exploded on me about how he didn't want anymore kids from me, he said he couldn't go back home with me being fat, ugly and pregnant again like the last time we were over there back in 2011.
He moans and groans if I do anything as much as breathe in this house; he yells at me when I eat, he yells at me when I sleep, he yells at me if I smoke a cigarette, he yells at me about when I do my schoolwork, he yells at our 6 year old daughter every morning about how she's getting fat and needs to stop eating. He tells our 4 year old son that he doesn't love him and that he's retarded. He loses it every time they throw something on the floor or spill something.
I've begged and pleaded with him to stop the abuse but he shushes me up every time I make a plea or if I tell him how I feel. I have even begged him to leave but he won't. He takes to measures to keep me in the house when I am angry with him because he's afraid I will never come back. I have no family that cares and the ones who do are too poor to do anything about it. I am deathly afraid of moving to Palestine with him because I am afraid he is going to get worse. I feel like I am going insane because nothing pacifies him; he will not stop.
Help please.
Halawawda
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Sister,
If you go to the West Bank, who do you think is going to help you there? No one. Please think long and hard before you decide to go. If you think you are alone in Ohio, you don't know alone until you are thousands of miles away in a foreign land. At least in Ohio, you can pick up the phone and dial 911 at any given time.
I know it's easy for me to sit here behind my laptop and tell you what you should or could do however, you and you alone control your next move. Seek out services in Ohio and God willing you will find some help. I'm not saying it's easy because I know it isn't. You need to know that your husband continues his abuse because he has never been accountable for it. He feels he is above the law and doesn't have to answer to anyone. The next time he lays a finger on you, call the police. Make him accountable for his actions. No one deserves to be abused either physically or verbally. May Allah give you the strength to find help and leave your miserable situation. Allah hu alem.
Salam
You do not deserve to be treated this way. Sadly if you do go to Palestine with him, do you think your situation will improve? You will be in a country that will not offer you the same protection that USA does. You need to pray that you get the courage you need to protect yourself and your children. He is a bully .... simple.
Do NOT go to Palestine you will be trapped with no help at all. If you cannot make him leave ... you leave.
Life is too short to allow him to make yours a misery.
Pray you get the courage you need sister x
Well I understand completely as to where you are coming from. Maybe you need to check if he's under some illegal substance for him to act in this manner. It's easy for other people to walk away. Get a divorce .In my opinion he needs time to figure himself out . To get himself back on the right track . He needs time alone. My opinion is you should take your kids to your mothers house or a friends house and stay there a while. Inshallah he'll come to a understanding. It seems he's very resentful of something and taking it out on you .