Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents are asking me to choose!

hijabi sister


I am a 20 year old girl who has recently found myself in a very unfortunate situation.

I've been engaged to a Muslim boy ( with no bad background and comes from a good home) for 6 months and I've known him for 2 years , 2 months before my nikkah to him I broke off my engagement due to a fall out which we've had .. Our parents parted on good terms saying that if it meant for us it will still be. After 3 months of parting he contacted my parents saying that he still would like to make nikkah to me , they then said if he is serious he should come through and clarify matters of the past . His family then called to set up a date as to when they would be able to come . My parents refused to see reason when I begged them to give him a chance telling them that people do change. I've begged them as much as I could they then gave me a choice its either them or him and cursed me .

I love my parents I want to make them happy I do not want their curses but at the same time these 3 months without him has never been harder . I could speak to him behind their backs but at the end of the day I want to do the right thing and make nikkah as I would like to spend my life with him which they refuse to accept . I am alone , both my parents refuse to understand how am I feeling all they keep telling me is that they can't forgive it is soon for them and that I should move on with my life .. My sisters treat me differently because my parents are upset with me .. I feel alone , like an outcast .. I have no one who will try to make them understand ..

Please advise me as to what I should do as I'm really desperate and caught between a rock and a hard place .



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4 Responses »

  1. Obey your parent if you want your future kids to obey you

    • Asalaam Walaikum.

      That's not necessarily correct. You obey your parents if they ask for good but not when it's something bad or backward. We don't really know the reasons for their refusal but cursing their daughter or making her choose is childish and very backward to me.

      Back to the sisters question ... It really depends on why they are refusing, if they have a legitimate reason then pursuing it could bring you a lot of heartache. If possible try to speak to an Imam or an elder in your family who is unbias and tell them the whole truth, this way you will get an honest answer and also an answer that doesnt involve emotions.

      May Allah SWT help you find a perfect spouse ... Ameen.

  2. Can you elaborate on what the issue was?

  3. Good that you post it to get a better decision sister.

    I am being a student of islamic knowledge and with the ground of experience people shared with me. would like to say strongly that You stay with your parents. Its not just a better decision but ITS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to stay with them and serve them. Prophet (s.a) said that the Jannah is under the feat of your mom. In another occassion when someone asked Ibn Abbas (r.a) the direct cousin of prophet muhammad (s.a) also a giant sahaba that he assaulted someone for the sake of a women and is there any hope for him. Ibn Abbas (r.a) replies,"Is your mother alive?" The assaulter said No. Ibn Abbas (r.a) suggested him to repent Allah. Later a sahabi seated next to Ibn Abbas (r.a) asked Ibn Abbas (r.a) "Why did ask about his mother?" Ibn Abbas (r.a) relied, "If at all his mom was alive I would have suggested him to serve his mom and thereby he can clear off his sin of murder. I havnt heard a deed which is equal to serving mom"

    No one can encapsulate the call of islam to serve mom. Yet to simplify, Whatever possible you do it to your mom, you still owe responsibility of serving her till your death. Then how can you imagine hurting your mom???? I am sorry that I really cant encapsulate the pain of a mom but least I hope you being a women could possibly understand a small portion of that pain. When I being a man, buy a vehicle, groom and keep it neat and if I loses it I know the pain, how can i translate the pain of a women who undergone half pain of death for our delivery, 9 month of pregnancy and then further pain on nurturing you then sacrificed her sleeps and many more for you and now you going away from her for the sake of boy who loved you for 2-3 years looking at your external beauty.

    Sister, I met a person, last Saturday, who once asked me same question which you asked. Now that person says that "I am happy today and I have everything today just bcs I decided to stay with my parents". And also said that Everything was happened for a good sake. I have many such examples also have contrary examples where the people are crying to go back to their parents.

    Leave that guy for the sake of Allah. Make your parents happy. Pray Allah to give a better alternative. Allah will bless you. You may undergo some pain and depression today but Allah will help in your difficulty hereafter. May Allah guide all of us.

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