Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents are racist and won’t let me marry who I want. Please help me.

Islam strictly prohibits Racism on any basis

Asalamu Alakum,

I am a 23 year old female. I am a student at a university and I live at home. I graduated high school in 2011, and while I was at school I didn't date anyone there but I paid attention to someone who was a very good person in all aspects, he was on track with religion and he was a very smart person. I can't say that at the time I liked him, I only found him interesting. We graduated and went on to college and every now and then I would see him, we would just exchange basic hellos. Fast forward 3-4 years later, we ended up being in the same class. I'm very ashamed to say this but at the time I was going through a very hard time and I had completely let the idea of god existing go. I was planning on running away and if I did go on with my plan, I am 100% sure that I would've been at a club right now, probably getting drunk, istaghferallah. I have a very strict family, I am an Arab and my parents are culturally religious and they definitely always put their culture before Islam. I got so sick of it, they never let me attend Islamic lectures when I wanted to, they never taught me how to read the Quran and they never and still don't let me join activities or pick up hobbies. Just school and back home is all I was ever allowed to do and still only allowed to do. Well anyway, during class we talked for a little bit throughout the semester, mainly about religion because he was always on the deen, we always had religious arguments because he was always correcting my mistakes and I always got mad because.. I didn't want to hear anything about Islam, it made me angry. That didn't stop him though, it took an entire year but he never quit and it made me realize that I don't actually hate the religion, subhanallah. I only ever hated how my parent made me feel, how they made Islam out to be. I was angry at them not at Allah. Alhamdulilah, I am back, I have repented, I almost never miss prayers and I always try to do dhikr.
Unfortunately.. We fell in love. We're still in love and we would do anything to get married, we refrain from any sinful acts though. If it were so easy, we would get married tomorrow. But it's not.. because I am an Arab and he is an African American. Like I mentioned above, my parents are very strict. They only marry us off to people within the village. But I don't want to marry anyone from my country, I have my mind on him and he has made me a better person in all aspects, and I as well have bettered him. I am stronger and more motivated when I am with him, I love to pray, I love making dua and I love Allah and the prophet. We want to get married as soon as we finish school which is a year from now. Issue is, I don't know how to approach my parents, they will kill me, they will threaten me and tell me I have brought shame to the family. Honestly if they gave him a shot they would love him because his manners are out of the world. He has so much respect, he's Islamically good, and he would treat me really well. If he comes and proposes, more than likely my dad will kick them out for not being Arab and that makes me feel so bad. It's not Islamic but my parents don't care, they only care about what people would say, they only care about their reputation. I have prayed Salat-alistikhara many times and I always felt good, I always felt motivated after and the days after that. I feel like that we are meant, but if I could explain how badly strict they are.. I would (if you guys could see my previous posts, go ahead. That will give you guys an idea how bad it is at home).
Anyway, we are in need of advice and so much dua. We want to marry for the sake of Allah. But we don't know where to begin. I don't have family members I can trust, they are all so cultural. What rights to do I have? What should I do? How do I deal with the constant abuse I will get if I introduce him? I just need advice.. anything really.
please and thank you.

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2 Responses »

  1. Wallaykum Asalam Sarah_94,

    I will make a dua for you tonight. Please stay strong sister.



  2. Salam Alaikum Sarah,

    Reading your story wallahy reminds me of my family and what we went through living in an Arab community..Mashallah it's amazing and sad how the world is..My family is predominately African American..we live and grow up in a Syrian community..we were the only African American Muslim family that attended the Islamic brother wanted to marry one of his Palestinian classmates..Her parents were furious they couldn't get married..You are not going to have any blessings on your marriage..In Islam your father has to be your Walee for you to be able to even get married to him if you have never been married before..( a virgin)..

    You already did Istikhara, make plenty of duaa you never know how Allah might soften their heart..I did have a very good friend of mine that is Syrian. She attended our school too, after graduating college she did marry and African American man..he was a very successful man college graduate, and her whole Syrian family embraced him..So it's really up to Allah...If you had a positive Istikhara go ahead and pursue it.. May Allah be by your side sister..

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