Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents dislike my in-laws

Iam 21 years old girl..

i had a relationship in the past.my parents were seeking for husband so i told them about my relationship .but they were not satisfied with his family..and i got confused .i didnt know wht to do ..because my relationship was deep .but i didnt want anything that would hurt my parents (i knw i should have thought about this before but i was 18 and i got in the way of shaithan)..

i told him about this..all of a sudden he changed he blackmailed me and told me that he wont let me live and wherevr am he will find me and destroy my life..my parents got worried and i regretted everything i did and did thawba..

i prayed to Allah.i repented a lot..i cried a lot in my prayer..i was bold but i became soo broken..

he still made many problems..he talked to my parents and told he need money for what he spent on me.after taking money also he came to see me in public and all.he keep on saying he need me and all..but after what he did i couldnt accept him .so i ignored him. he even broke one of my marriage which was going to fix.

i felt soo sad because of me my parents go through many difficulties..i felt like iam not a good daughter and all..i prayed a lot..

my dad was very worried about my future.. after two months he never came..and then my parents got a new proposal for me and got me married..alhamdulillah..

i was happy that my parents are not worrying anymore..but our families were exactly different..they are ordinary people very aged and also big joint family.. mine is a small nuclear family only considers about ourselves.. i didnt pray isthikharah..and everything was so sudden..

one day engagement after one week nikah..so like it is my destiny everything happened. my husband is educated but my in laws are very kind people so he always tells me to be very good to them.. my husband is a good man he cares me and loves me a lot.. he dont smoke he dont drink he is very good mashaallah.i cant thank enough for this to Allah.

we had our nikah but i am not taken to his home..it will be soon inshallah..(its been 7 months since nikah.). after nikah. iam happy about everything..my husband visits me often ..we go outside and he stays in my home..but after nikah i noticed that my family is not happy about my marriage..they always find mistakes in my in laws..they always badmouth them..it hurts me..because i consider them also as my parents..my parents always ignore them like they dont know anything they are uneducatd.. they always see them low.. whatever they bring my family finds mistakes.

it really hurts me because i want everything to be fine..and i asked why did u marry off if u didnt like this relation and they were like u had a relationship which is bad so if we marry u to good people what if your ex boyfriend make an issue..this really hurted me.. i married for their sake.. i had enough in my past and now i am soo sensitive so small things like these effect me a lot..i feel always stress..

i dont know what can i do..i feel this happened because of my past and all..my mother doesnt like my husband visiting..like she considers it as a shame..but he loves me n wants to see me always..so i know i should listen to my husband..but when i hear my mother whispering to others i feel bad..i feel like going away from all this..i dont have anyone to talk..i cant even say my husband because if he knew his family is considered like this it will break him..once when he was visiting..my mother was going on about that. because she need to cook good food and i cant help because i ll be with him..so i told my husband not to come that day..i know it is a mistake..and i regretted it i said sorry..he felt too bad he stopped coming always..

yesterday my mother told me..u and ur husband is too much..there are many girls done nikah..but their husband is not visiting many times..she compares always..can anyone motivate me plss..i just need someone to talk..is all this happening becz of my past?? Or becz i didnt completely tell my husband about my past??

Shahana

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4 Responses »

  1. ASALAMU Alikuim sister if your parents are the problem now you have been married for 7 months take the-next step and move in with your husband it’s Halal that there are no rumors. And make sure you tell your husband about your Ex and how Crazy he is don’t go into detail about anything you done with him. Just so if he comes around he knows . May Allah make your marriage work

    • Walaikumusalaam..thank you for replying..i have told about my ex 90%..my husband dnt ask about it more as it hurts me..my marriage is on 7th january in sha allah ..i hope it goes without any difficulties please pray for us

  2. Dear Shahana

    Please do not ever tell your husband about your past and your ex. No matter how wonderful things are between the two of you. It can only ruin things. I don't know a single woman who has disclosed her past to her husband and has not regretted it. Most men cannot accept it and become obsessed with knowing details and find it difficult to trust the wife.

    The Prophet saws also forbade for one to disclose one's past sins. I have written in more depth about this in the post which is under the heading 'past issues are affecting my relationship with my fiance' which was published the same time as your own post. Please read that post by a woman who chose to reveal her past to her fiance and is now suffering as a result.

    I think you need to advise your parents with kindness that you are married to this man and he is good to you. Ask them to support your marriage and respect your husband and his family. If this fails you may have to be patient with theit behaviour until you move in with your husband. On that note tell him how much you miss him and want to move in with him and ask him to bring the rukhsati forward. When he sees how eager you are to start your married life with him he may work with you to make that happen sooner rather than later.

  3. There is no need to tell your husband about your life before he married you. So many people, especially men, act as if they are pure with absolutely no previous seual contact before marriage. Yet they had lovers or long or short term relationships.

    Your problem right now is your parents, who are acting like immature children with no home training. You might consider telling your husband you would rather live with him than with your parents and the two of you should discuss how you can move to your husband's home. You are his wife and at this time he is your first priority. You have every right to move from your parents home to be with your husband. Exactly why did your parents marry you off if they don't want him visiting and don't like his family.

    You were not specific about the details of your previous relationships. In some cultures, a young woman just holding hands or going on a date with a man is a horrible situation. In others, it is not that serious. But your parents married you off. They are now being very unfair by complaining that your husband wants to spend time with you. None of this makes sense.

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